“Bored,” Rainbow Dash grumbled as the group slogged past room after room, checking each one for their final foe. “If we all fought, this would be over by now.”
“But then there wouldn’t be character development,” Purple Heart pointed out. “If we all had fought, we would’ve just overpowered Holdfast and Just Duty with superior numbers.”
“Why does character development matter?” Twilight asked. “Aren’t we here against our will, participating in a game?”
The three colts jerked in surprise and looked scandalized at the Twilight’s words.
“You...dare?!” Wits breathed. “You, reader of hundreds upon hundreds of innocent books, would merely skip the dialogue and backstory to get to the interesting stuff?!”
Twilight blinked and looked at the other mares in confusion. The same confusion was reflected in their expressions. Turning back to the colts, Twilight quirked a skeptical eyebrow.
“Of course not,” she defended. “But this ga- story is getting a little long.”
“So is a Song of Ice and Fire, and that’s not even close to finishing,” Purple Heart commented, peeking into another inevitably empty room. “Besides, we’re close to being done.”
“We just have to find grey guy, let you beat him, then we can go home, right?” Pinkie asked. The group blinked at her. One of Pinkie’s eyes started twitching.
“Since when do you want the party to break up?” Purple Heart asked.
“Hasn’t that already happened?” Applejack said.
“...Why must you remind us of our failings?”
“Not our failings,” Applejack amended, gesturing to herself and the other mares. “Your failings.” She waved a hoof at the three colts.
“I...I am deeply and unhealably wounded,” Light Patch cried with a flourish. “To think that you think so little of us to as not be able to overcome our minor faults and rise above who we once were as stronger, less flawed beings!” Any further dramatic comments were cut off when Pinkie’s hoof was crammed into his mouth.
“That’s enough from you, cake heathen,” Pinkie whispered, somehow still bouncing along in front of the pegasus.
“Oh, thank you, darling. I was afraid I’d have to kick him again and then we’d all have to listen to him whine about it,” Rarity quipped.
“I think the more important question,” Wits hummed, “is why you’re taking issue with it now instead of back when we were walking across the country to go say ‘hi’ to a couple of villages. We’ve pretty much won at this point, so why complain now?”
Twilight frowned. “It’s because we’re almost done that I’m ready to be finished already. Do you realize how long we’ve been here?”
“Over a year, it feels like,” Rainbow Dash muttered.
Light Patch finally managed to pull Pinkie’s hoof from his mouth and wiped a cloth on his tongue for a second before replying. “Knowing Discord, it’s probably only been a few minutes to maybe an hour or so back at our homes. Because of wibbily wobbily timey wimey shenaniganry.”
“Oh, quit whining,” Amber grumbled. “I’m starting to question coming along with you.”
“You can always go back to the throne room,” Purple Heart offered.
One of Amber’s eyes twitched and she cast a blank stare at the purple earth pony. “After you get your butt handed to you, you and I are going to have a talk,” she stated firmly. Purple Heart winced and inclined his head.
“Yes ma’am,” he muttered. “Any time now, Bael, would be wonderful...”
“Hey, the corridor ends here,” Rainbow Dash called. “If this door doesn’t lead to Bael, I’m going to kick somepony.”
Light Patch cringed and ducked behind Rarity. Rarity glared at Rainbow Dash. “Excuse me, but this is my punching bag,” she sniffed, tugging on Light Patch. “Get your own.” The doors opened suddenly, preventing any response. Beyond the door was a wide room with marble columns lining the circular walls. The floor reflected the mosaic covered ceiling above and a gentle breeze blew in from the balcony. Standing in the ballroom’s center was Bael, his back to the group as he faced the open air. The group cautiously made its way into the room, wary of any repercussions to their entry. Purple Heart stepped forward alone when the group stopped, moving closer to his adversary.
“So,” he said. “It is down to you and it is down to me.”
“Oh please, not this,” Bael sighed, turning to face Purple Heart.
“I can’t help it!” Purple Heart cried. “My inherent desire to be snippy demands it!”
“What has the Battle of Wits got to do with being snippy?” Bael asked, folding his arms over his chest.
The mares looked at Wits End in confusion.
“What have you got to do with this?” Twilight asked.
“Don’t look at me,” Wits said, holding his forehooves up. “I left my iocane powder in my other robe.”
“You know, you’re killing her,” Bael said, nodding at Amber while interrupting any more questions the mares had.
“Huh?” Amber grunted eloquently.
“How?!” Purple Heart squawked.
“You left.”
“Because she ordered me to!”
“Now you’re back.”
“So?!”
“Aren’t you supposed to embrace her and pledge yourself to her all the while rav-”
“KEEP IT PG!” Purple Heart bellowed. “And no, I’m not supposed to do all that!”
“Why, pray tell?” Bael prompted. When the purple earth pony didn’t respond, Bael chuckled. “Can’t say while she’s here, can you?”
“She has nothing to do with it!” Purple Heart snapped.
“I thought she had everything to do with it,” Bael mused. “You have to admit, that little charade you had going looked pretty real.”
“I trained as an actor,” Purple Heart retorted. “I made it look real!”
“Ho? Is that why you’re so adamant about leaving? You have a sweetheart at home?”
“No!”
“Then why leave?”
“GAAAH~!” Purple Heart lunged forward and struck Bael on the jaw. The grey being stumbled back and smirked.
“About time,” he said, dodging to avoid Purple Heart’s leg.
As the two darted back and forth across the room, trading blows, Twilight looked at the colts.
“You know, after seeing your fights, I expected something a little more...epic,” she muttered.
“Yeh,” Applejack agreed. “You both talk about life and psychology and stuff, questioning the existence of the world.” She looked at Bael and Purple Heart as the latter left a crater in the far corner of the room. “They start because of an argument.”
Wits shrugged, tilting his head to one side to avoid a piece of flying rubble. “To be fair, PH has been in contact with his Bae longer. This is more of a culmination.”
Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. “Bae?”
“I’ll tell you when you’re older.”
“How old are you, exactly?”
Purple Heart dove to one side, falling into a combat roll to avoid a slab of rubble flung at him by Bael’s strings. He popped out of his roll and skidded under a roundhouse punch, kicking Bael’s legs from beneath him. Toppling to the floor, Bael flung out an arm to break his fall. Upon preventing his collapse, Bael was immediately jerked to backwards. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Purple Heart yanking at his foot in an attempt to throw him.
“I have a question,” Bael pondered.
“Seriously?” Purple Heart gasped. “You’re going to ask a question now of all times in the midst of our life or death deathmatch?”
“Yeh,” Bael said. “Wanna hear it?”
“No,” the purple earth pony grunted, using a dribble of magic to enhance his strength to throw Bael across the room and into the wall. When he saw his handiwork, Purple Heart’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Huh,” he hummed, looking at his hooves. “Looks like I have been skating by.”
“Ow.”
Purple Heart’s attention was pulled from his hooves with Bael’s grunt of pain. “Happy now? I finally achieved my potential.”
“Not yet,” Bael coughed. “Gotta beat me first.”
“And how do I do that?”
Bael shrugged. “Mash quarter circle back plus two punch?”
Purple Heart cocked his head to one side. A devilish grin crossed the purple earth pony’s face.
“Hooo?” he hummed. “Let’s see if Wits can mimic this.”
“Why are you smiling at me like that?” Bael asked, feeling a trickle of fear go down his spine. Purple Heart’s grin widened as he slid on his gauntlet.
“Tell me,” the Purple Barbarian hummed, “what does ‘Gauntlet’ plus ‘Inherent Strength’ plus ‘Physical Magic’ equal?”
Bael gulped and charged forward, hoping to defeat Purple Heart before he was able to charge his attack. Fear bubbled in his stomach as the purple earth pony dodged and blocked each of his strikes, never going on the offensive.
“Now I have another question,” Purple Heart mused. “How long does it take for a non-Anime attack to charge?” Bael’s already grey face blanched into a light grey and he intensified his efforts to knock the purple earth pony out.
“Five episodes?”
“Nope.”
“How long?” Bael asked.
“Seven seconds,” Purple Heart answered. “Six.”
“Remember my question back when you had me in a grapple?” Bael asked.
“Five.Yeh?”
“Can I say it please?”
Purple Heart sighed. “Four. If you must.”
“Thank you.”
“Three. Well? What is it?”
“Are you satisfied with your care?”
“...Two. Huh?”
“Are you satisfied with your care?”
“...One. I guess.”
“Yes or no.”
“...Zero. Jan Ken Hufu: Single Overpowered Punch.”
A golden light tinged with swirls of purple enveloped Purple Heart’s gauntleted hoof as his power combined with that of the gauntlet. He dodged one last time and followed with a quick hoof to Bael’s chest. A cataclysmic shudder rocked the castle, knocking the other members of his party to the floor. Rubble fell from the ceiling as the room shook itself to pieces in the wake of Purple Heart’s attack. Bael soared across the ballroom and skidded along the floor, heading straight for the edge of the balcony.
“Nonononononononono!” Bael scrabbled at the smooth floor, searching for purchase to keep himself from falling over the edge. With the speed he was skidding, coming to a stop would be very difficult. Fortunately, the railing of the balcony slowed him just enough for him to latch on to the edge of the balcony to prevent plummeting to the city streets below.
“He finally reached it,” Bael murmured, briefly forgetting the 500 foot drop below him. “About damn time.” His proud thoughts were interrupted by Purple Heart appearing above him, gauntlet smoking from the powerful attack. The purple earth pony was panting after all the exertion and was ignorant to the glow his blue tattoos gave off as they sparked with unleashed magical power.
“Yes,” Purple Heart gasped. “I’m satisfied with my care. Did I win?”
Bael grinned and nodded as best he could while hanging by his fingertips from a precipice. “You have,” he declared.
“So that’s it?” Purple Heart asked, still panting. “One hit and you’re done?”
“I was created with the sole purpose of antagonizing you and giving you reason to grow, both as a person and as a warrior,” Bael explained. “You successfully achieved both. Thus, my task is done. I bid you good luck.”
Purple Heart frowned. “Why?”
“You’ve yet to face your final challenge,” Bael said. “Facing Amber Glitter.”
“But you didn’t hand my butt to me,” Purple Heart evaded. “Thanks to ‘If’ statements, I’m safe.”
“You forgot the ‘Else’ part,” Bael pointed out. “She’s a queen. And has feelings for you. And you return said feelings, if only slightly, but they’re still there. So, bully for you. Ciao.” To Purple Heart’s awe and surprise, Bael let go of the precipice and plummeted to the ground. When he met the ground, he disappeared in a poof of green smoke and strings, leaving Purple Heart gaping, bug-eyed at what occurred. Then realization hit him.
“Shi-”