I'm Not A God!

by jwizard


Pony Friends And Pony Lovers

Oh, hey, back again I see.

More stories?

Well, I can give you more; Heaven knows there’s plenty to choose from.

Something different though; how about a couple that involves more intangible aid.

*grins a sly grin*

Oh, you’ll see.


Not everypony that comes to me- or I go to -asks for physical aid. Sometimes it’s advice; that’s actually what I give to Celestia and the other princesses most of the time.

Sometimes it’s aid that’s hard for humans to swallow.

Sometimes though, what I’m to give them is what I get in return.

A friend.

I think I’ve mentioned before that whenever something serious is about to happen, I usually wake up as a pony.

Well, one day- about two months after I first moved into the mansion -I suddenly woke up and galloped to the open back patio.

Just off the side of the cliff was a shimmering portal. I spread my wings and dove off, flying through it to the other side.

I could see a female pegasus foal falling. Without much of a thought, I grabbed her with my forehooves. She went limp with relief as I flew to the bottom of the cliff.

Once I sat her down, I conjured a hoofkerchief so she could blow her nose. I placed a wing around her. “What’s your name little one?” I asked softly.

“H-Hurricane,” she stuttered.

I started, but hid it well. “What happened?”

“M-my family was attacked by gryphons,” she said. Her little face screwed up once more.

I did my best to keep my temper. “Do you know what they were after?” She nodded.

“T-They like to make slaves of us. M-mom called for help and shoved me off the cloud.” Hurricane then looked up at me with teary eyes. “Please save them! I’ll give you anything, just save them!”

I hugged her. “Don’t you worry none; saving you and your family is payment enough.” I lifted her up and placed her between my wings. “Hold on little one; I know a place nearby that should take you in.” She wrapped her little hooves around my neck.

After making sure she was secure, I flew off in the direction of where I sensed the Temple was. After finding it, I left little Hurricane in charge of the priests.

I then went on a gryphon hunt.

It took me two days to find them; by this time, my anger was almost unbearable.


I looked in at the camp of gryphons as they loaded cages with their most recent catch; a family of unicorns.

The largest- a burly tiercel -was forcing a set of suppressor shoes onto the unicorn foal.

My eyes narrowed. “Not on my watch,” I muttered.

Focusing my magic, I cast a Brittle Metal spell.

The unicorn male suddenly realized that his magic was free. He wasted no time in lighting the burly gryphon on fire.

The rest of the gryphons dropped their now-useless weapons on the ground as they were surrounded by the ponies. I watched as the unicorns used their magic to pluck and then burn their wings.

Once I was certain that the gryphons no longer posed a threat, I made my way into the center of the camp.


Three days later, I- laden with a pair of saddlebags full of my share of the gryphon’s gold -escorted Hurricane’s family back to the Temple.

Little Hurricane galloped up to me and glomped me. I hugged the little foal, realizing that I had made a friend.

I decided then and there that that was the best payment I could have received.


How long was I there?

Two decades.

I didn’t leave until the pegasi settlement would later become the first pegasi city. By that time, little Hurricane had already married and had foals of her own on the way.

*shakes his head*

Wrong Hurricane. The one that I was friends with had no problems with the other tribes. All that shit that went on around the First Hearth’s Warming was Nyx’s doing.

That’s another tale though.

I realize that if I hadn’t saved little Hurricane, then her great-great granddaughter wouldn’t have gone on to lead the pegasi.

If you ever go to Cloudsdale, you’ll see a statue of me alongside one of Epona. The pegasi at least know that I’m no god.

Can’t say the same about the other tribes…


This next story is one that’s often hard for humans to swallow.

Not bronies; that’s a secret fantasy for a lot of them. Never was mine.

Anyway, there have been times when I’d end up spending an extended time in Equestria. Around three months after I first moved into my mansion, I found myself in a glade with no memory of how I got there.

All I can recall is that I fell asleep on the patio.

I looked around me; lying right next to me was a white unicorn mare with a ring on her horn. The mare opened her eyes and looked at me.
“Oh!” she exclaimed softly. “I wasn’t sure you’d come, Keeper!”

I looked her over. My sense that this one was pretty was reinforced. She was every bit as lovely as Rarity- my favorite of the Mane Six -and held herself with poise.

She moved closer to me. “Ah, what exactly did you need from me?”

She blushed. “Well, my name is Platinum Belle, and I need something that I don’t know if you’d be willing to give.”

“Oh? What is that, I might ask?” I asked her. She just blushed even further.

“A foal,” she squeaked out in a tiny voice.

I blinked, then started to blush heavily. This was turning out to be awkward as all hell.

Platinum turned her head. “Oh, I guess that’s not something I should ask for; I’m sorry I wasted your time Keeper.”

I turned my head in order to get control of my blushing. “Oh, not at all! It’s just a bit unexpected is all!” I moved closer to her. “You’re quite attractive.” She blushed at that.

We stared into each other’s eyes before moving on to kiss.

Things went as expected from there.

After that, Platinum led me back to the unicorn city.

What followed was a lot of arguing and posturing by her father; he’d chosen a different mate for her.

At least that stallion had enough balls to realize he was no challenge to me.

Confirmation that Platinum was with foal halted any arguments. We were wedded several days later.

And that is how I became the husband of Queen Platinum the First; we went on to rule unicorn
kingdom for many years. I didn’t leave that time until after Platinum’s death.

*sighs in loss*

I still miss her, as well as our daughters.