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// Bug Spray, Bad Amulets, And Dumb Dictators Who Don't Know When To Quit 
// Story: I'm Not A God! 
// by jwizard 
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Oh, you’re back again.

Probably want more of my story; well, there’s really not much to tell about those first few weeks.

Well, that’s not entirely accurate-- I did have an issue with bugs and a dark sorcerer.

Which one first; the bugs or the sorcerer?


Both??

Well, they are pretty short, but the second one’s got a couple of steps I have to go through before, so you’ll be getting three stories.

First things first.





So, how much of the show have you watched?

Ah.

Well, as I said before, the Muses played fast and loose with the details.

For the most part, it’s minor details.

For one in particular, it simply never happened.

But since you did watch Magic Duel, I can say that in all honesty, that one was completely true.

You’re probably wondering why Celestia would let something like the Alicorn Amulet be made.

Well, the short and long answer is the fact that no pony from Equestria made it.

I did.





You remember that one of the first things I got was a set of heavy metal horseshoes that I took off of Clover?

Well, they weren’t bronze or brass or steel or iron, but were actually an heavy gold alloy mixed with orichalcum.

I know what you’re thinking; one doesn’t exist, and the other is too rare for something like that.

Not in Equestria. Orichalcum literally grows on trees, as there’s a tree that has it as its sap.

Ponies can make- and do make -gold. Plus, both the minotaur and centaur mine it and trade for grains.

In any case, that alloy is often used for suppressors, being that copper is magically inert. What that means is that the other two metals act as a siphon, causing their mana to spill out of their founts into the air around them.

That, by the way, is why Star Swirl could still use magic, as that book I gave him had meditation techniques that allowed one to hold a spell outside of your body.

Or in Star Swirl’s case, in the bells on his hat, and in gems he carried in his beard.

However, if you add zinc and a focusing crystal shaped into a form symbolizing power, the alloy pulls ambient mana to the pony, amplifying their magic.

That’s what I did.

But not on a whim.





The third week introduced me to the violent creatures that ponies had to deal with. Early one day, I woke up as a pony and knew that I was really needed.

This time, the house didn’t even bother with a portal; it pulled me right through my open window.

I came to in a Stonehedge-looking glade with three unicorns and an earth pony surrounding me.

They had already gathered payment for their need; the caveat was that I had to use said payment to make it.

The unicorns provided a focusing crystal, bars of pure zinc, and a book on enchanting runes.

The earth pony- not a servant, but actually part of the group -provided a forge, as well as an extra set of hooves.

What followed was a chance to exercise my craftsman's talents as a crafts-pony.

I already had the shoes and rings with me, they provided the base for the necklace. Melting them down and adding the zinc changed the alloy.

However, in order to properly enchant it, it needed a magical catalyst. This was often something like moonflowers or dried sunflowers, but there was one more magical than that.

Hoof shavings and molted primaries from my own body, and a wood sliver from my living room floor.

Hammering out the basic shape was easy. While the earth stallion cooled it in chilled mountain spring water, I used the runic book and began to shape the focus crystal.

Shaping it to look like an alicorn was deliberate; not only was it supposed to be a symbol of power, but it was a symbol of my power.

Hey, I’m far from stupid; even if I had never watched the show, I would have known an object of such power carried great potential for misuse.

Once all the parts were joined, I laid a few safety spells on the necklace; if ever used for evil, it would change the pony, amplifying their aggression along with their magic.

Not being able to take it off unless you chose to do so wasn’t anything I did.

You can thank the satyr they needed it for that.

As I watched the four ponies leave, I couldn’t help but wonder when this little bit of aid would bite me in the plot.

Fortunately for me, it was another that got the raw end of the deal.

What can I say; my house protects me.





So, you’re probably wondering about either the bug problems, or the dark sorcerer.

Well, the first is an actually fairly simple solution to a vexing problem.

Remember I’ve told you- and you’ve seen -that sometimes ponies come to me for solutions instead of me going to them?

Well, about a month after I forged the Alicorn Amulet, a pair of ponies from what would later become Baltimare came looking for aid with a vexing problem.

It seems as though they were having a problem with bugs. Not really thinking much about it, I gave them a book on etymyology and five cans of Raid.

What did I get in return?

*points to a grove of Golden, Silver, and Zap Apple trees*

That’s right; I got my first magical tree from them.

The Silver one anyway; the Golden one is from Gilda, and the Zap Apple is from Apple Bloom.

Nope, not telling that one right now.

Anyway, while both the Raid and the book helped them, their neighbors refused to believe them about shape-shifting bug ponies.

At the same time though, the all natural bug spray they made kept the Changelings out of Equestria for a long time. That’s why their numbers were always so low.

Yes, they used Raid on Metamorphosis.

Who is she?

Chrysalis’ mother; or rather, the Queen that laid her egg.

*glares at the interviewer*

In my defense, I wasn’t aware- until after the fact -that the bugs they were having problems with were changelings.

If I knew that, I’d have given them- and shown them how to make -an enchanted horseshoe that would have worked much better.

Let’s go for a walk.





So, you probably wanna hear about the sorcerer now.

Well, he’s part of my collection.

*stands before a life-like statue of Sombra*

You’re looking at the resting place of King Sombra.

Did I do this to him?

Certainly not; I prefer marble, not stone.

No, it was a combination of abject stupidity and the anger of my house that did this.

Take a seat; this one is going to take some explaining.





After his defeat at the hands of Spike and Cadance, all but Sombra’s horn was destroyed. Even a bit of him left over was too much; he was quickly able to reform himself and headed south to find the one thing he thought could help him win.

The Alicorn Amulet.

Remember I said that the satyr cursed it? Well, that particular curse was wearing thin; being that the amulet had manipulated a pony with untapped potential, most of its magic was gone.

All it was now was just an ornate amplifier.

So, Sombra used an old spell to look into the past and see its forging.

Once he realized that the God of Need was the one that forged it, he demanded my assistance.

He should have stopped there, as all he got instead was being tied up by Plunder Vines.

After he got free, he used his Umbral powers to pass the Divide and forced his way into my home.

She struck him down before I was even aware anything had happened.

Like I said; she protects me.

*sighs heavily*

It’s times like this that I wish I’d gone with that cabin in Brazil…