“English, more tea please.” Princess Celestia stoically lorded over the scene, an oasis of calm in the miasma of a terrible family reunion. The palace walls creaked and crumbled. Pillars lay shattered and the regal carpet laid smothered in hundreds of thousands of shards of shattered stained glass masterpieces. In the center of the carnage lay a smoldering ball of fuzz, feathers, and bad breath.
The butler's tail twitched and his ears darted about as he looked this way and that, and unexpectedly took in the cool breeze from the Canterlot mountain. He practically threw the fine china at the nearest mostly-intact flat surface. It chattered to a stop on an upright section of broken marble column. Celestia gave a slight nod, but his servitude was already out the door, quiet and invisible like a servant ought to be—also quiet and invisible like somepony who'd run away, but, eh, who's counting?
Royal guards shuffled along the back, non-destroyed wall. They were perhaps wondering if they should do something, but the Princess was drinking tea. Whenever tea was present, it was never a good idea to get involved. So they remained, stoic and guard-like.
The black bundle gradually uncurled itself, stretching out its hooves and cricking its neck. Once enough limbs were in their proper locations, it could be identified as a small alicorn, about half the diameter of Celestia. It shook itself, throwing off plaster bits, shattered architecture, and fine, red, dust. In fact, red streaks permeated the pony's body, and granular red dust clung to its oily mane in an ever-wavy pattern.
Celestia took a deep sigh, glaring over the top of her steaming cup of tea at this newcomer. “Mars, why are you here?”
“The planets were in alignment. I'd thought I'd hop over and visit for a while.” Like a cat, Mars hopped atop the broken pillar, toppling the entire tea set in one foul swoop.
Only the single cup in Celestia's magical grip remained unshattered. She responded by snorting, and pointedly stirring the tea with a spoon.
“Why do you have to be such a boringpuss grumpyfrown? Do you not like your little cousin?”
“Mars, you're a nice pony, but you've been a bit... careless. It always makes me a nervous when you're around.”
“Nervous, schmervous.” Leaning back against the stone slab, Mars arced and stretched like a kitty cat who wanted nothing more than belly rubs. “I'm bored, gal. Do you have any idea how boring and lonesome it is out there?”
Another set of royal hoofsteps marred the hall. Flanked by her own escort of royal guards, Princess Luna glaciated her motions as soon as she spotted the wayward alicorn “You.”
Mars twisted her her neck and let out a little squee. “Your moon is back! Oh, wow!” Bounding over in tiny leaps, she pressed her hooves up against Luna's face, squashing her cheeks and leaving rust-colored hoofprints in the process. “Your moon is huge! She's gotten so big!”
Despite herself, Celestia chuckled and covered her mouth with a golden-clad hoof. The teacup wavered and sloshed. “Indeed. It must have been the cake.”
Luna simply snorted after extricating herself from the overly-enthusiastic assailant. “Like you're one to talk about cake, sister.” She sighed and looked down at the dirty alicorn before her. “And you. I'd say it was good to see you again too, but you're here. Why are you here? Shouldn't you be elsewhere? Like back on that dry, dusty dirtball you call a home?”
“Well, yeah, obviously, but we're all lined up now, and while we're close I can stop by to visit if I want. That's how it works.” Pausing, Mars rolled up her eyes and scratched at her chin. “And now that I think about it, aren't we supposed to line up like once every two years? We haven't had a good alignment in, well, five hundred. It's like the planets want to line up, but they keep skipping the alignment phase, if that makes any sense.”
Celestia leveled her tea and kept her stare at an equal angle. “Yes. It's funny how that keeps happening.”
“Indeed.” Luna nodded and walked over to join her sister. “And if you're done visiting here—”
“Whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! You can't kick me off now. I just got here! It's been five hundred years! Can't I at least go for a walk to see what you've done with the place?”
Luna glanced at her sister and raised an eyebrow. Celestia, however, remained perfectly still, silent and inscrutable in her contemplation. The faintly wafting tea showed more movement than the elder alicorn.
“Well?” Mars asked.
Celestia hesitated only a moment longer. “I suppose—”
“YES!” Pumping a hoof in the air, Mars did a little dance.
“—But, you can only stay for one day, and you have to abide by our ground rules.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Mars rolled her eyes. “I know—no telling ponies who I am.”
“And...?” Celestia prompted.
“And no talking about our extended family.”
“And...?”
“No hogging all the blankets.”
“And...?” Celestia glared and started tapping on the floor.
“No leaving the toilet seat up.”
“And...?” The teacup started to crack in Celestia's tightening magical grip.
Mars sighed so deeply that her ears appeared to deflate. “No venting the atmosphere into space,” she mumbled.
“No venting the atmosphere into space,” Celestia firmly repeated.
Humming a sweet nothing to herself, Mars trotted happily down a sweet, dusty road. This planet was a gorgeous place to visit, so vibrant, loud, and full of life. But... it was all so much. Smothering. Dense. Ponies trotted past, living in their own little self-absorbed bubbles. Perhaps they might have noticed the oddity of a little, red and black alicorn if they'd bothered to look. Perhaps they had noses, and an invisible cloud left a pungent first impression on any who might otherwise take that second glance. She smelled like she hadn't taken a bath in centuries, because, well, she hadn't.
Flopping over, she rolled around in the dirt. It was funny, in a way. This little, barren strip was perhaps the only spot on this world that reminded her of the home that she so desperately wanted to escape, if even for a little while—and here she was—reveling in it.
Stiffly, she bolted upright, snorted, and rubbed the dirt out of her nose. Scuffling off to the side, she made a pointed effort to walk in the grass. It's funny how a new outlook on something can so suddenly change one's opinion of it. The dirt road was a now a pariah to her mind.
Up above, chirping, uh, she forgot what they were called. They were like pegasai, but without the pony. Wing-things, whatevers. Back home, things only flew as far as she threw them. Hmm? Was there like a slingshot somewhere? How did the wing things get in the air?
Pah! There were too many questions, and she wasn't about to waste her few precious moments here on trivial things like research. If only she had somepony to stand at her side that she could badger with questions whenever she wanted. Or, or, wait a minute...!
Mars gasped. That was it! If her big, stuffy cousin could could have a moon, then she could too! Then she wouldn't be lonely and This place was just full of ponies. All she had to do is pick one to be her moon. Um... That is how that worked, right?
She shrugged. Whatever—she'd figure that part out later.
The dirt road wasn't exactly bustling, but to Mars' eyes it was a firestorm of activity. She pointed a hoof at random ponies hauling carts or just walking by. “Eeny, meenie, miny... moe!” Grinning exuberantly, she pranced over to a cream-coated stallion with a slick black mane and an equally slick black tie. “Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey you!”
The stallion in question furtively glanced to his sides, in the vain hope that she might have been pointing at somepony next to him. Alas, he had no such luck. He scrunched up his muzzle and tried to avoid breathing. “Um, miss, can I help you?”
“Yeah! Out of all the ponies in this world, I've picked you to be my moon!”
“Errrr, what?” He backpedaled and blinked several times.
“My number two! To sit by my side and share the universe with for all of eternity!” Mars clapped her hooves together. “We'll be together forever and ever and ever and—”
He gently pushed her away. “Sorry, miss. I'm already married. Gotta go!” With that, he turned tail and galloped away down the road.
Mars scowled, but didn't try to stop him. “Well that didn't work.” Rolling her eyes, she squinted and peered down the road after him. “Eh, he was kinda greasy, anyway. If I'm going to pick a moon, I'll want one that looks nice. Now where can I find more ponies?”
There were still other travelers on the road, but her eye was drawn towards a sign next to the highway. “Ponyville, dead ahead. Population, over a thousand potential moons.” Past the sign, a glint of light reflected from the top of Twilight's castle far in the distance. “Score!”
Ponyville's town square was bustling with activity. Words melded together with the sounds of clomping hooves, dinging bells, creaking wagons, and clinking coins to spill out and flood the streets with the ambiance of townhood. Scents of freshly picked produce and freshly baked goods and freshly grown flowers all added to the freshness of the scene. The market was its own little bubble—a world unto itself.
Barreling into the scene not unlike a battering ram, Mars squeed and squealed. She trampled the fresh flowers and her own aura of personal funk bullied its way onto the scene. Freshness keeled over and died.
With their little reality breached, the residents of Ponyville responded in paranoia. Words became whispers that faded away. Doors shut. Windows shuttered. Soon, there were more shadows than ponies in the streets.
“Okay, all you wonderful ponies! Who want to be my... moon?” Mars blinked. A tumbleweed rolled by. “What? Are they invisible or something? They were all here just like five seconds ago.”
Humming lightly to herself, Fluttershy walked backwards, staring down at a family of ducks. They quacked a waddled, staying in her shadow. Poinies around her shouted something about a crazy visitor in town before stomping about loudly.
Leaning down, she shielded the ducklings with a wing. “It's okay. They won't hurt you.”
The activity died down quickly, but the stomping of hooves didn't stop. In fact, it grew louder and louder and rapidly approached her direction. “Um.”
Something barreled into her side and she was unceremoniously flipped over and lifted into the air like some kind of prize. “Aha! I finally caught one! You're gonna be the bestest moon ever!”
The ducklings cheeped and scattered.
“Eep.” Fluttershy blinked. “What are you doing? Put me down.”
“I am carrying off the spoils of conquest. You will make a fine addition to my home.”
Frowning, Fluttershy twisted around and pushed herself off of the other pony's grip. She hovered in the air just out of reach. “Um. T-that's nice and all, but I have to go gather my ducks first.” She gulped when the other pony started hopping and swinging at her. “B-bye.” She flew off.
“Grrr.” Mars grumbled and gritted her teeth. “Why is is so hard? And that one was perfect too!”
She'd wandered in circles around town, but everypony else was avoiding her. “She was all the right colors. She'd have looked perfect in the sky.”
Sighing, she plopped down in front of a dress shop. Lying on her back, she waved her legs and made snow angels in the floral arrangements, tearing up dirt, grass, and soil. “This place is so soft and spongy. Weird.”
A bell chimed and the door creaked open. A white unicorn with a curled mane and comically large clothespin over her nose hesitantly poked her head out. “Um, miss, can I help you? You're scaring away the customers.”
Mars twisted around and seemed about to pounce, but thought better of it and relaxed. “How long does it take to gather ducks, anyway?”
“What?”
“Cause once those ducks are in a row, I'm a getting' a new moon.”
“Ah. Why is it that all the mangy, filthy ones are completely insane?”
“What! I'm not mangy! And what do you mean filthy? I'm always like this.”
The discerning unicorn shook her head. “Darling, I hate to break it to you but wallowing in the mud is hardly endearing.” She bit her lip and frowned. “And those were my best tulips too.”
“Endearing? Why would I want to be endearing?”
“So other ponies don't scurry off and make themselves scarce when you're around, for one.”
Mars shook herself, flinging clods of earth and sorry, squashed plant bits off of herself. “Is that better?”
“Ick, no. I'm sorry but you'll have to leave.”
“Bah! How is it this place has hundreds of ponies but they're all so mean? I just want one to call my own, ya'know? So I won't be so crushingly alone for all of eternity.” Drooping her head, Mars' eyes watered.
“Errrm.” The pony in the doorway hesitated. Then, she abruptly marched out. “Well, you'll never find love looking like that! Against my better judgement, I have decided to help you out (and get you off my lawn),” she muttered that last part. Sliding over, she tapped Mars' shoulder and pointed off in the distance. “Come, let us make haste.”
Mars nodded and followed the other pony down the path leading out of town. “Sure, mystery pony. It's not like I've got anything better to do.”
“I'm Rarity. May I ask who you are?”
“I'm, um...” Mars stopped. She wiped the dirt off her flank, revealing a perfect representation of the planet Mars. “...a perfectly ordinary unicorn. Red Ball.”
“Oh. Well, it's nice to meet you, Red.”
They continued in silence for a while. The rows of houses came to an end and they turned off the path, heading towards a lake. “What is that stuff?” Mars asked, pointing at the glittering, shimmering surface.
“That? It's water.” Rarity looked Red up and down. “You've never seen water before?”
“No!” The dark pony poked it with her hoof. “It's wet.”
“Yes. Water is indeed wet.”
“Fascinating!”
“Hmm, well, I can see that you're a bit new at this, so...” With a helpful shove from her magic, Rarity pushed the other pony into the lake.
With a splash, Mars thrashed about. Layers of dirt and grime rippled away, turning the water into a muddy soup.
Rarity grabbed a scrub brush and helped out where she could. “Oh stop being so dramatic. You can just stand up. It's not very deep.”
“Ack. Pfft.” Mars blinked and shook her head. “Huh. So it isn't. Um... why am here again?”
“So you can look nice for your date, of course! A good bath will clean you right off. Now hold still.” Pulling out a shampoo bottle, Rarity added soap and lathered the mane. Even while soggy, damp, and soapy, bits of dirt still seemed to waver within on an invisible breeze. A good bath could only go so far, but for the rest, there was condemning the universe and rebuilding it from scratch.
It wasn't much longer before she was climbing out and getting dried off. “So, uh, ponies like this, what you call it? Bath? And it good for... love?”
“Yes. Everypony enjoys someone who—” Rarity paused. She poked Mars' flank. “You have wings. I can't believe I missed that before. They must have been buried underneath all that dirt and grime.”
“Yeah. So?”
“Unicorn's don't have wings.” Rarity examined her towel and pulled out a dark red feather. “Why do you have wings?”
“Isn't it obvious?” Mars pointed at her cutie mark. “Red ball gives you wings.”
A while later, one freshly scented and glittery clean pony was off on her quest to find a moon. Without all the centuries of filth obscuring her hide, the red hues of her mane and wing tips were plain as day. Sure enough, other ponies weren't so quick to scamper off when she was around, though many of them did eye her warily.
She could have had her pick of ponies to be her moon, but the mind kept coming back to that first butterscotch pony with the silky, pink mane. After a few questions, she learned that this pony was called Fluttershy and lived in a small cottage outside of town.
Being bathed was probably the best thing that had ever happened to her.
Fluttershy hummed a tune as she lifted a rock so that little bugs could scurry under it. Despite the strange encounter earlier in the day, she was still in a cheerful mood. “Okay, little fellows. There's plenty of rock for every buggy. Don't push.”
They scampered off as thundering of hooves grew louder behind her. “Um.” Once again, Flutteshy was broadsided and hoisted into the air. “Not again! Hey! Put me down!”
Mars ran off on three legs, holding Fluttershy up with the fourth. “Sure!” Reaching the lake, she gave the pegasus a good toss.
Fluttershy yelped as she slapped against the water and sank out of sight in giant splash. Waters rippled against the bank and bubbles blorped to the surface. Moments later, she came up gasping for breath. “Hey! What was that for?”
“That was for your love.”
“What!?”
“I have it on a good source that ponies love baths.” Mars did a little hop. “This is going so well!”
Fluttershy spat out a stream and paddled to shore. “I didn't want a bath!”
“You didn't?”
“No!” She got out and shook herself. Her wet mane clung to her fur and dragged in the dirt.
“Why not?”
“Because I didn't! And I would have told you that if you'd bothered to ask.” She spread her wings and shook them, sending drops of water everywhere.
“But that would have ruined the surprise.” Mars rubbed her chin. “Isn't that how baths work?”
“No, it's...” Fluttershy winced and curled her wings back up. “Couldn't you at least have been gentle?”
“I was gentle. You only skipped twice.”
Groaning, Fluttershy shook her head. “I'm going to have to leave now.”
A while later, Mars was frowning. She twirled her hoof in the dirt. “Argh! Why is this so difficult? It isn't like I have forever here.”
A yellow pony with a curly orange mane sat up on her park bench. “What are you trying to do?”
“I'm trying to get this pony to like me, but it isn't going so well. At this rate, I'm going to be alone forever!”
“Romance troubles, huh? If you ask me, it's more trouble than it's worth.”
“Ergh! Trouble is right. But I can't go back empty-hoofed! Not after all the effort I've put in.” Mars growled and stomped her hoof. “I don't suppose you have any ideas to help out a fellow perfectly ordinary unicorn in need?”
“I'm an earth pony.”
“Well, yeah. All you ponies are earth ponies, technically being on the Earth and all.”
“Erm... right. Have you tried cake? Everypony likes cake.”
“Cake?” It was like a little light dawned in Mars' head. She squeed and did a little dance. “I'm going to have the biggest moon ever! Now where can I find this cake?”
One raiding of Sugarcube Corner later, Mars returned to Fluttershy's cottage bearing huge mounds of confectionery delights. She was overburdened with chocolate cake, carrot cake, lemon cake, cupcakes, and urinal cake... whatever that was.
She knocked on the door. “Open up! It's cake time!”
A short while later, Fluttershy poked her head out. “Oh. It's you. And, um...” She sniffed the air and salivated at the sight of goodies.
“Yep! It's me! And I came bearing cake! Feel free to make yourself enormous!”
“Enormous...?” Fluttershy's ears wilted. “I. Um. I can't possibly... I'm suddenly on a diet.”
“Aw, why not? Everypony loves cake.”
“Um, usually yes, but...” Fluttershy shuffled in the door. “What is this for?”
“It's for our...” Mars paused and pressed her lips together. “What was the word? Romance?”
“W-what!? Romance? But you're a mare!”
“Yeah, so?”
“I don't swing that way!”
Mars chuckled. She dropped the cakes and pointed a hoof out in the distance, then swept it across the sky. “When you're my moon, baby, you can swing all the ways.”
The door closed.
Once again, Mars found herself grumbling and wandering through town. “Useless freaking cake.”
It wasn’t long before somepony else bumped into her. Intentionally, even. Another winged perfectly ordinary unicorn swooped down and started shaking Mars’ hoof. “Oh, hi there, miss! My name’s Twilight Sparkle. When I heard the rumor that another alicorn was in town, I just had to stop by to see you for myself. Who are you? Where are you from? What are you doing here? How long are you staying? How long have you been an alicorn? Do you want something to eat? What books do you like? Does Celestia know you’re here?”
“Me? I’m Red Ball. And... that is an awful lot of questions.”
Twilight grinned and waved. “Oh, sorry. I guess I get carried away sometimes. It’s not very often that see another alicorn around. Red Ball, huh? I’ve never heard of you before. Where are you from?”
“Um. I am a perfectly ordinary unicorn, and I am from… the desert.”
“Er, right. The desert? Which desert?” Twilight cocked her head and raised an eyebrow.
“The, um—” Mars glanced at her flank “—red desert. It’s all red, and, um, deserty.”
“Is that Mars?” Twilight leaned over and squinted at the dark alicorn’s cutie mark. “It is! Did you know that your cutie mark is an exact replica of the red planet?”
“I, um, might have noticed that at some point,” Mars weakly replied. She tried stretching her wings to cover up her cutie mark. “I’m sure it’s a coincidence.”
“That is so cool! You know, I’ve been reading about Mars. I can tell you all about it!”
“Er…”
“Did you know that Mars has two moons: Phobos and Demos?”
“Those don’t count!” Mars reared up in a flash of anger. “I was bored one day and started tossing rocks to see how many times I could get them to skip and I got a bit carried away and some of them got stuck in orbit and all of a sudden everypony is like, ‘Lol, derp! Mars has moons,’ and I’m like, ‘Argh, no! They’re just rocks!’ They don’t count, okay? What I want is a real moon!”
“Um…” Twilight took a few steps back.
Mars blinked, then grinned and tried to put on a disarming face. “Heh-heh. N-not that anything like that actually happened, of course, but it could have, if something like that was possible, but it’s not, because I’m a perfectly ordinary unicorn who lives in the desert, and not somepony else entirely, from Mars.”
“Miss, that’s… rather fanciful. If somepony did live on Mars, I’m sure I’d have read about it somewhere.”
“It’s fanciful because it’s pure fancy. And, hey, can I ask you a question now? You seem like a pony who knows a few things.”
“Sure, I guess.”
“See, there’s pony I’m after, but nothing works out. Do you have any idea of how I can get somepony to like me?”
Twilight’s eyes widened. “Oh! You’re here on a mission of love. That is so romantic!”
“Yeah, I guess, or something.” Mars tapped her hoof. “Well?”
“I might not be the best pony to ask, but if you want my advice, love is a lot like friendship, just different.”
“And?”
Twilight shrugged. “Just be friendly, I guess. Compliment them, do something nice, that sort of thing. You’d be surprised at what that can accomplish.”
“That can’t hurt, I guess.” Mars also shrugged. “Thanks for the advice.” She turned to leave.
“Wait. Before you go, can I ask who the lucky stallion is?”
“Her name’s Fluttershy,” Mars said before running off.
Twilight’s left eye twitched. “…very surprised.”
“You are the radiant glow against the starry sky. Your mane is the breeze of a thousand breathless sunsets. Your eyes are the sapphires to complement the ruby landscape. You are a spark of hope in my heart. Your voice is the ambrosia of a golden… dust devil, or something.”
“Stop. You’re embarrassing me,” Fluttershy squeaked. She set down the watering pail that she’d been using on her garden. “Why are you still here? I keep telling you that this isn’t going to work out.”
“I’m here for the bundle of joy and happiness that lies wrapped within your being. If you’d let me touch you, I could open that up and we’d share in that pleasure.”
“Eep.” Fluttershy turned beet red. “You, um, shouldn’t talk like that.”
“What? Like trying to be poetic and stuff?” Mars raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with that?”
“N-never mind.” Fluttershy flew up and starting doling out wriggling worms to various bird nests. Mars followed on the ground beneath her.
“So is this complementing thing working or not?” Mars asked.
“Let’s just say it did, and never mention it again.”
“That bad, huh?” The dark alicorn let out a deep sigh. “I guess the next step is to do something nice. Now what can I do…?” She rubbed her chin. “Say, have you ever felt like the atmosphere is smothering you?”
“What?”
“You know—closing in, feeling pressure from all sides, being altogether too stifling.”
“No. I can’t say that I have.” The birds cheeped appreciably at her efforts.
“Not even a little?”
“Not even a little.”
“Well, I’m stumped.” She took a deep breath and sat down. “It probably wasn’t a good idea anyway. I’m not even allowed to do that here.”
“Do what?” Fluttershy finished up with the last nest and flew back to her cottage.
“Nevermind.” Grumbling, Mars got back up and followed her. She craned her neck to watch the pegasus move through the sky. “How are doing that, anyway?”
“Doing what?”
“That thing where you levitate yourself in the air without using magic.”
“You mean flying?”
“Well, yeah, but like, flying without being tossed. And not on a ballistic trajectory that may or may not include orbit.”
“I, um, use my wings. Don’t you ever use yours?” She landed at her door and spread them out.
“You mean these things are good for something other than holding quills? Who knew?” Mars also spread hers out. They moved stiffly and there was a perfectly clean after-image of them on the dark flanks that they’d vacated. She waved them a few times, stirring up a breeze. “Waaait a minute.” A deep frown wormed its way down Mars’ face. “This is another one of those things that requires a non-vented-into-space atmosphere, isn’t it? Why are there so many of those?”
Fluttershy gulped, and the door creaked as she scurried inside. “That, um, nice thing you mentioned? It would be, um, nice, if you left me alone with my animals.”
“Oh, sweet! I can do that easy! And here I thought it might be something difficult.” Mars snapped to attention and backpedaled to the edge of the property. “One alone with animals coming right up!”
Several hours later, Mars was still standing in the exact same spot. The sun dipped beneath the horizon. “Wait a minute…”
The night was neither cold, nor could it considered lonely with the company of crickets and owls. When one’s habitat consists of empty voids of rocks and dust devils, pretty much anything else is a wonder. The moon, though—that ate at her heart. All she wanted was a moon of her own. Was that too much to ask? She didn’t have much time left. In fact, she only had about half the next day before her welcome expired, if that.
But no, she couldn’t force somepony to be her moon. Having bad company for eternity was probably worse than having no company. Probably.
When the rooster crowed, Fluttershy flew out with the dawn. She hummed a cheery tune to herself to welcome the day—a tune that came to a screeching halt when she spotted the dark alicorn sleeping next to her mailbox. “She’s still here?”
Fluttershy bit her lip. “You don’t give up, do you?” Frowning, she rubbed her mane. “I-I can’t be with you; it wouldn’t work. I know how much it means to you, and, and, I hate being rude, and, um, hmm…”
“I think I know what to do. Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
The pony in question remained snoozing. Fluttershy had spoken far too softly to wake her up.
When Mars rose, she smacked her lips and stretched her limbs. “Ergh. Why must the days here be so short? Yeah, it’s only a few hours difference, but still…”
The sun was already shining brightly, looming over her judgmentally. “Yeah, yeah. Just give me a few more minutes and I’ll be on my way to an eternity of moon-free solitude, you big prick.”
Hoofsteps behind her caused her ears to perk up. She twisted around to see Fluttershy walking down the road, accompanied by two other ponies, both stallions. One had a cream coat, but the other was huge. He had a darker brown coat with a white streak on his face and a straw hat atop his head.
“Fluttershy, you came back! Does this mean you want to be my moon after all?”
“Um, not exactly.” She rubbed her mane.
“Darn.” Mars deflated.
“But I do have something better.” Fluttershy nodded. “After all, you did something nice for me, so I’m doing something nice back.”
“Better? What could be better?”
“I set you up with a blind date.” Grinning madly, Fluttershy pointed at the giant hunk of pony flesh. “This is Trouble Shoes. Trouble Shoes, meet Red Ball.”
“It’s a pleasure, ma’am.” He nodded.
“Wow! He’s enormous!” Mars hopped up and squeed. “And you want to be my moon?”
“Um…” He hesitated.
“I think that’s her way of saying ‘date,’ ” Fluttershy whispered up to him.
“Yep! I’m your moon.”
“Eeeeee! This is amazing! It’s perfect! It’s the best thing ever! You have got to come home with me right now!”
The other stallion nudged him in the flank. “You two just met and she already wants you bad. You lucky guy, you.”
He blushed in response.
While doing a little happy dance, Mars suddenly froze. “Wait a minute. I just thought of something that could be bad. Do you happen to breathe air?”
“Um, yes?” Trouble Shoes blinked.
“Darn it all!” She scowled and gnashed her teeth. The other ponies looked at each other. “Wait! It got it! The perfect solution!” Instantly bright as day, she hopped over, ducked under and picked him up. She wrapped them both in her orange magic glow. “All you have to do is hold your breath for five hundred years.”
“WHAT!? Lady, can you—”
With that, she took a giant leap, carrying them both into the air, through the sky, and off the planet.
“Just my luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!”
Fluttershy kept staring long after they were no longer visible. “Or maybe when she said ‘moon’ she just meant moon. Whoops.”