//------------------------------// // Program Thirteen // Story: My Little Killing Machine // by Tatsurou //------------------------------// Program Thirteen Resistance I'm not one to take having my facility stolen from me lying down. Once we had our resources gathered, we made our way back up to the active testing levels. We fully expected that moron to have pulled out all the stops to try and kill us before we got to him, and were ready for anything. We were disappointed. Video below... Between Gilda's flying, Glados rocket boosted flight, and Cave's anti-grav, the trio were able to make their way directly back up to the higher levels of Aperture where the test chambers were active. However, they made sure to arrive first where there weren't any cameras so they could scout out what Wheatley was up to. When they got a clear view, Gilda clutched both talons to her beak to hold it shut and Glados disabled her voice synthesizer to hide their uproarious laughter. Turrets badly modified to be construction drones were assembling components into some sort of tower. However, every time they tried, the tower collapsed in on itself, often breaking the components. Each time, Wheatley roared in frustration. "What is wrong with you morons?" he demanded angrily through the cameras. "You are construction drones! You have construction tools all over you! It is literally your reason for existing! How are you so bad at this?" "Whoopsie!" one of the construction drones said in the voice of Different. "My bad!" another one offered helpfully. One popped up from under the pile of parts. "I just don't know what went wrong!" it admitted sorrowfully. For some reason, this turret had a slightly different voice and a gold optic that was slightly off center. "Looks like a defective slipped through somehow," Cave observed idly. "...I think I like that one, though. Wanna turn it into a cat to sit in my lap. ...note to self, give Cores laps." Gilda shook her head as she got ahold of herself. "Come on. As entertaining as this is, eventually he'll find the fabrication systems. Those are entirely automated-" "I mean, it's bad enough that malfunctioning turret jammed the automated fabrication systems so I have to use you lot!" Wheatley barked out. "What was it even doing, using a rocket to take out a monkey? I didn't even see a monkey in the works there, but I don't think I'd be able to see one now! Work you morons, damn you! I'm on a strict time table, and you'd be surprised how fast...carry the 2...5 anime minutes pass! No idea what that means, but that's what they said they were giving me, and I'm not risking disappointing those guys!" "Okay, our rush is because his benefactors might trace him," Glados concluded. "Even so, we should move." Nodding, Gilda led the way out into the test chambers...only to find a bare room. "Well, this sucks." "Oh, you're back!" Wheatley observed brightly. "Well, at least I'm going to get some entertainment! Nice look for you, Glados. It'll be your last." He chuckled wickedly. "Was that thing made here?" Cave asked curiously. "What were they thinking making that? Were they trying to design a moron?" "I am not a-" "Yes, actually," Glados spoke up. "They were trying to slow me down, so they made a Core specifically designed to give me an endless stream of terrible ideas. The greatest minds this company had left got together to design the ultimate moron." "Had left?" Cave inquired. "We had the greatest minds working for us! What happened to them?" "I was feeling put out about being ripped out of my body and stuffed in a machine, so I decided to Test if a person's IQ affected how quickly they succumb to deadly neurotoxin. Turns out it doesn't." "Fair enough," Cave concluded. "If they didn't want to be gassed, they would have turned off the deadly neurotoxin production facility before plugging you in." "Stop ignoring me!" Wheatley roared out. "I am a competent, deadly threat, and you will pay me the respect I am due!" "Does that mean I should be making fart noises?" Gilda asked curiously. "Those are kinda hard to do with beak or talons. Even the armpit thing doesn't work well." "I can do it!" Cave spoke up eagerly. His synthesizer promptly began making an endless string of fart noises. "You think bonding with Gilda is going to earn you any favors from me?" Glados demanded coldly. "Maybe, maybe not," Cave admitted. "Either way, it's fun." He then produced a very loud and long Bronx cheer. "Eat my mantis men!" Wheatley roared out, doors in the walls popping open as swarms of human/mantis chimeras charged out, lunging for the trio. "Hey, I remember that experiment!" Cave called out eagerly. "Those are my-" With a hunter's shriek, Gilda lunged forward, digging into the mantis men with talons, claws, and beak, tearing her way through them and eating any bit she thought was particularly choice. Glados quickly followed suit. "...I didn't mean literally..." Wheatley complained. "Gilda is two halves deadly predator fused together into a legendary hunter from myth," Cave pointed out. "Glados current body is based off her. What did you expect them to do?" Wheatley growled angrily. "Well, Glados, it looks like you've finally become what you hate most of all...a bird." "You're mistaken," Glados responded readily. "What I've truly become is something I have always held in highest regard..." Holding up one talon, she flexed it, watching the synthetic musculature shift. "A killing machine." "Well, you've successfully killed all the mantis men," a recording of Cave's voice sang out. "That means you've cleared this test. It also means you're a horrible person who doesn't hesitate at committing genocide. Caroline, give them something shiny and make them go away." Leaning forward with a chuckle, Glados licked her talons clean. She then blinked. "Hmm...so that's why insects are considered a delicacy in some countries..." Oh don't give me that look.