It all started, when I simply decided to get up from my chair. I looked back at my bed, which still had my butt-print in it. I smiled and then bent over to pick up the newspaper and looked at the headline. The book read five bold words, "THIS IS NOT A BOOK," I looked up from the milk carton and scratched my head.
Now, you may be wondering 'what the fucking fuck, just happened?!' Well. You're not very far off from the question I'm asking myself. 'What in Celestia's Moon just fucking happened?!'. You see, it doesn't stray off from Discord taking me to a tea party and said, "Dearest George, would you like a little chaos in your life?" I, of course, agreed. And now I'm standing in front of a garage, staring at the lake. Man, the view of this ocean is nice.
I then walked back to my chair and stared at it, wondering to myself how much this doughnut would cost me. With a quick glance up, I looked at Twilight Sparkle, ruler of all the sports equipment. I held up a bottle and asked Applejack if I could borrow it for a quick moment. Lyra nodded, saying "Sure! I'll let you borrow my notebook!"
What?
"What do you mean I can't borrow a pencil! You have like, a million of them!" I said in a pleasing manner. With a quick drag of my nails across my face, I began to scratch out my eyes. I giggled as I tickled myself with a feather and then sat down in front of a group of business ponies who smiled and waited for me to put on a horse mask and become a pretentious prick.
Wait, back up.
"Aww, but Anon!" I frowned and poked Pinkie. "My name is Neon Lights, Pinkie." She stood far taller above me, her digitigrade stance making me a bit wary. I chuckled and patted Fluttershy, her four-legged stance making it easier for me to do so.
But-
"Tim, what am I gonna do with you," Rainbow Dash said to me, sighing as she looked at my mess on the floor.
"I'm sorry, Mama Applejack!" I squeaked out. Celestia frowned at me deeply and picked me up by my leg.
"What. Are you?" She said before I blinked. Luna was now caressing my cheek, looking at me lovingly.
OH GOD WH-
I sat back down on my chair, panting. My body trembled, only doing so because... well, if I'm right. I just went through like three different identities. Gods, was that last one of Luna and me being shipped?! Oh please... just kill me now.
I grit my teeth and then stood up from the bar stool, I rubbed my eyes and looked over at the form in the bed next to me. I pulled back the curtain and found a simple rock. That was weird I thought as I picked up the glass of orange juice from the couch.
I walked over to a particular dog and crouched down in front of it, petting the dog. I chuckled quietly as the cat licked my nose as I petted it. The bird I was gently petting made a slightly cooing noise. I smirked and then swung my bat.
...and placed the laundry hamper down in my basement before making a quick dash to my chair before another--! I flopped onto Rainbow Dash's bed, exhausted. I felt like I could run a marathon! I then sat down into my chair and panted quietly before letting out a small sob. "Why can't I just be in one place without sitting in this damn chair! I don't want to be everywhere!"
So another thing you must be wondering is... how did this all happen? ...wait, didn't I already explain this? See, this is what being forced into random situations does to a guy! The worst thing is that I can't even get to that shitbag, Discord. Unless you know, shitbag decides to visit me!
Oh gods above, so help me if he DOES appear! I might just wring his fucking neck! Okay, okay. George, calm down. You'll be fine... I hope. No. NO! I will not be okay! I screamed in my head, standing up in protest before staring at the large crab in front of me. I let out a pleasant moan as the tuna-fish casserole massaged my back. Wait, what?
I chuckled mindlessly to myself as I flicked through the pages of my notebook. It was nice to read the dictionary once and a while.
"Now that's weird." I said to myself, poking at the holographic screen on the dashboard.
"What's weird, Jacky?" said the Irish sounding pony next to me.
"There's some odd plasmatic signals down on this planet called Yui," I replied, staring at the CRT. Suddenly, without warning, a message flew up onto the flat screen monitor I was looking at. There you go, George. I toned it down juuust a little.
"Wow, that really IS weird," replied the British sounding pony. I scratched my head and looked back at my crew. A singular pony, my life-long friend.
I crossed my arms and frowned, "...so... how'd I manage to get paired with you anyway?" I asked my life-long nemesis.
She merely shrugged and stuck out her tongue. "Dunno. Maybe it's jus' our captain!" She said back in a thick piratey accent. The boat rocked marvelously.
"Perhaps, laddy. Perhaps." I said to the janitor pony, who was now cleaning up the bar. I sat down onto my chair and rubbed my forehead.
"Right, Discord. Toned down? I'm still fuckin' teleporting!"
He appeared in front of me and chuckled, "What? Don't you like a little chaos?"
"No! Discord! I don't! I don't want anymore chaos! Please, remove this damn curse!"
He rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers. "Oh fie, fine. There. Enjoy your pathetic chaos-less life," he then quickly vanished as he came. I sighed in relief and stood up. I looked back at my bed, which still had my butt-print in it. I smiled and then bent over to pick up the newspaper and looked at the headline. The book read five bold words, "THIS IS NOT A BOOK," I looked up from the milk carton and scratched my head.