//------------------------------// // Part 6: Flurry Heart // Story: Which Pony Shall I Be Today? // by deadpansnarker //------------------------------// The perception of warmth. Tenderness. Security. Love. Those are the feelings that greeted me, as I began to stir from my long nap. Could the last few hours have been nought but a terrible, horrific dream? Did Arsenal football club win their last match, my last rent cheque actually clear in time and my continuous body-swapping be but a deluded figment of my overactive, drug-saturated imagination? 'Fraid not. "...Wow, I've never known her to feed this well before!" Wait, who said that? A woman's voice... "I know! She slept all the way back on the train last night too, and even let me change her in peace! All that traveling must have really taken it out of her." A man speaking now... why can't I open my eyes?! "We should accept far less public engagements from now on my love, these are the best years of our angel's life, after all. It seems so selfish to drag her around Equestria with us, especially the way things are now." There's that lady again... DAMN IT! I need daylight. Now. This is not a request. "Who'd have thought thing'll deteriorate so quickly in just one day... Starlight Glimmer summoning an ancient army with her time travel spell to terrorise ponies because her personal items were destroyed... Spike taking refuge in the Dragon Kingdom over his implausible destruction of the Castle Of Friendship... Princess Twilight flying off in shame because she feels that she let everypony down... The hospitals being full-to-bursting of ponies suffering from burns, smoke inhalation and endemic madness... what is the world coming to!?" The poor chap sounds a bit sad, although it was nice to get an update on current events. But even so, EYELIDS! Obey my command, and move. This is not a drill! "I don't know, darling. I heard from Celestia that things haven't looked this bleak since Discord's heyday. She's giving a speech later on alongside Luna, to reassure the populace. But one thing I can tell you is, whatever happens I'll stand by your side until the very end. Me Princess Cadance and you, Shining Armour, together forever... not forgetting our precious daughter too..." At this point I finally got my peepers open. I quickly wished I hadn't. "...Flurry Heart! Well, hi there sweetie!" A beguiling pink image in bright, serene light almost blinded me, and I felt oddly comforted. "Sorry that yesterday didn't exactly go as intended, but welcome back to the land of the living my love! As soon as I've finished nursing you, we'll run you a nice, hot bath... then take you to see uncle Sunburst! Won't that be nice?!" Oh great, now it's all coming back to me. I somehow conspired against myself to inhabit the puny form of this ugly infant, and now I was God-knows-where listening to my 'parents' babble on while I had a tit in my mouth, and... Wait a second! What did I just... My eyes quickly focused on my surroundings, and although my vision was still slightly bleary due to my extended sleep, one thing that was readily apparent was that I was swaddled in a tight blanket that precluded all but the slightest of movements, and my small personage held real close to this pink mare's belly, where... Free drinks were on offer. Also, I was sucking on a nipple. Usually, both of these statements taken in isolation would be thoroughly welcome. Together though, in the current context, they were utterly mortifying. Not to mention disgusting. Reader, I swear on my erotic playing card collection. I did my utmost to tear myself away from my 'mother's' nurturing, I truly did. But, whether it was something primeval or natural or whatever, I just didn't have the willpower... and the warm milk continued to cascade into my bloated tummy unabated, and I had no choice to settle into the rhythm. After what seemed like a lifetime, when my stomach was teeming with her lactation and I thought I'd never get the taste of cream out from my mouth again, I was finally released from my confinement. My new female 'parent' unwrapped me, gave me the most adorable maternal smile ever, and then proceeded to place me on her shoulder while patting my back gently. I knew what she wanted me to do, but it ain't gonna happen. I'm better mannered than that, honest. Except for on a Sunday morning, around 1 A.M. Be there. Bring money for kebabs. Nevertheless, that moment of tranquility finally gave me a chance to look around my new digs. Ignoring my idiot 'father' simpering away in the background, the whole place seemed constructed from the same crystal material that Twilight's castle (RIP) was designed from, albeit much more shiny. There was a massive four-poster bed in the centre, and a plush cot nearby, so at least I knew where I was gonna kip from now on. Hopefully, I won't be stuck in this repugnant form for more than a few hours, but if push comes to shove I will be giving my new 'parents' a few sleepless nights, you can bet on that. The entire chamber also seemed packed to the rafters with sparkly purple stallion guards, which also unwittingly exposed the inherent sexism of this society. Apparently, the men where only good for jobs involving manual labour and soldier duty, whereas the females got all the interesting, intellectually rigorous stuff. If I was in my normal body, I would certainly circulate a petition with thousands of signatures protesting at the blatant unfairness of this arrangement, as well as organise a jam-packed march to Celestia's castle to draw attention to our cause. The suffragettes would have nothing on my 'movement'! Sadly, as of right now, I was a little too young to stay up past my bedtime attending such an event. I was also completely the wrong gender. Let's put a rain check on it, shall we? "BBUURRPP!" Went the coarse noise from my throat. For some peculiar reason, Cadence and Shining Armour found the ill-mannered flatulence really cute, and congratulated me on my unforeseen discharge of gas. I dread to think of the kind of accolades I'll earn if I wet myself later on. Perhaps they'll reward me with the Nobel Piss Prize. Unfortunately, my rampant humiliations were only just beginning. After I was juggled between both cloying parents for at least half an hour while being hugged and kissed to submission (my gurgled protests just increased their sickening veracity, so I soon stopped) it was time for a wash. Oh, man. That is not an experience I particularly want to relive, so I'll keep it brief. Needless to say, as my 'pretty' mane was shampooed and rinsed thoroughly, my too-big-by-half wings were preened and cleaned and the insistent sponge scrubbing my groin area reminded me what I'd lost, I began to wish I'd dumped that stupid baby in the castle to incinerate while I made good my escape. Now however, I was that stupid baby, with embarrassment upon degradation just stacking up. Apparently, some people fantasise about experiencing this kind of age regression... well, you can count me off that list straightaway. Particularly in the form of a four-legged animal. Each to their own, but I prefer to be treated with a bit of dignity, thanks. No disrespect intended. Then, it was time for a nappy change (totally unfair, I hadn't even soiled myself yet) and I had to shut my eyes and think of England as talcum powder was rubbed everywhere onto my furry butt, while cold cream was quite liberally spread around my new 'special area'. If I have to go through this type of tortuous procedure three times a day, I may well look into impaling myself on my own horn at some point. Lastly, there was the meet-up with good ol' Uncie Sunburst, a pleasant sort of guy if a little nerdy. I recognised him from Starlight's picture, and he was every bit as geeky as his bespectacled appearance might suggest. He was also very dull, chuntering on about various boring magical-related junk. He told me he was glad I was around to listen to him, because everypony else just made their excuses and left. Brilliant, so it's a hostage situation now. Hidden amongst all the tedious bluster, there also seemed to be a distinct undercurrent of sadness, possibly because his old friend Starlight had betrayed the nation and one day the two of them may have to face off in battle. Little does he know that the main instigator behind her treachery was right under his muzzle. The innocence of children, eh? After my excruciating ordeals were over, and despite my extended slumber earlier, I was beginning to feel a teensy bit drowsy once more. My 'parents' obviously knew this, and went to deposit my half-conscious form in the cradle, all the while singing an out-of-tune lullaby the cat's choir would've been proud of. After yet another hugging and kissing session (seriously guys, get a room) they tucked me in, said their saccharine goodbyes and turned on the nightlight. Not that I have anything in particular to be afraid of, since all of my worst fears are coming true right now. I did briefly entertain the notion of busting the joint there and then, while experimenting with these new implements of mine. With my powerful horn, I could quite simply blast a hole through the wall, and these wings look like they could easily carry my minuscule weight if I flew away. Surely worth a try... But again, my young body's requirement for rest deceived me, and soon dreamland came a-calling once more. The last thing on my mind as I closed my eyes was that in my dishonourable list of 'worst transformations', we can proclaim a new winner. ............................................................... "Hey guys, big rave at my place tonight! It's going to be a total riot!" Freddie said, as we all sat 'round the pub table drinking our sorry lives away. "Great! You bring the booze... I'll bring the babes!" Eddie always was a bit of a ladies man. Mainly because he happened to be the only one of us losers with a paying job. As a professional u-bend scrubber, natch. "Can't wait! Maybe one of these days I'll find a bird who'll want to sleep with me..." Bennie pondered optimistically, which made the rest of us laugh our socks off. We don't know too many blind, deaf, dumb and smell-impaired girlies, after all. Sorry, Benster. We love you anyway. "Yeah, I'll be there dead on time!" I stated, waving my arms in the air out of sheer excitement. " Go, party boys!!" Upon hearing me speak, the rest of my mates turned around to regard me with bemused sneers. "What are you talking about..." Freddie said derisively. "You can't come..." Eddie also shared his unwanted opinion, which seemed to be in the same ballpark as his friend with the rhyming name. "Yeah, when I said I was bringing 'babes', I was thinking just a little older. Stay at home and suck your dummy, or something." Even that deadbeat Bennie was starting to score points against me now. " Yeah, having an ankle-biter there would totally cramp my style. Besides..." At this point, all three of my so-called buddies shouted in unison: "No animals allowed"! I wasn't sure what they were referring to until I glanced down, and what I saw led me to give out the biggest wail. My wee four-legged equine self was sat up in a high chair with a big horn sticking out and fluffy pink mane running free, as I 'enjoyed' some juice from a sippy cup. Not forgetting the bib tied securely around my neck, on which were printed in big, bold letters 'MOMMA'S LICKLE PWINCESS'. I really began turn on the waterworks at that juncture... What had happened to me... I was just learning to drive, now I couldn't even reach the pedals... and those big, scary men were so mean... I wanted my blankie!! "Aww, is the cutesy-wootsy baby gonna cry?" Freddie mocked me by rubbing his hands over his eyes. "Here's some loose change, go and call a WAHmbulance." Eddie clearly found my suffering hilarious. "Come on guys, let's leave Miss Poops-A-Lot to flood the place in peace..." Bennie said, clearly making the most of not being the butt of the gang's jokes for a change."We'll go and find a drinking hole that isn't becoming more like a creche." After all the times I defended him from the bullying of the others. Dickwad. After their scornful departure, I continued to bawl relentlessly to such an extent that other patrons began to empty their pint glasses and leave in disgust. Eventually, this loss of business attracted the attention of the less-than-happy owner, who stormed over to my seat, untied me from the straps and said in an unremittingly harsh way "Cost me my regular customers, eh? Well, there's only one place for you now... " It's as he was about to unceremoniously fling me over the fence, into the middle of a sprung-up overnight nursery where lots of other whining tots and condescending adults were ready to persecute me, that it happened. Suddenly, a bright dark light (if such a thing is possible) shone over everything, causing all life-forms present to shield their eyes, as a resounding voice boomed out: "BEGONE!!" Instantly, it was if everything in the immediate area was made of sand and a gale-force wind was sweeping the vicinity, as the whole enchilada, from people down to nearby buildings, was swept away by it. The only things that remained were a solid white background, me thrashing around feebly on the ground where I'd been dropped, and a giant black pony that now descended from on high glaring at me. (For you UK readers, it kind of looked like the nag on the Lloyds TSB logo.) I was absolutely spellbound at this magnificent creature's appearance, and vowed to thank her fervently for saving me from a fate worse than a thousand nappy changes and some clueless tosspot jangling some keys in my face for years to come. But of course, I was still in my helpless infantile state, so my expressions of gratitude were nothing more than a few incoherent gurgles. "I sensed thou was in great pain, so I came to see thou..." The creature landed gently next to me, and it's bombastic tones revealed that it was indeed a 'she'. "Sad that one so young would be dreaming of such strange, disturbed images. May I ask thou where you came across these wicked creatures, so I can best help thou?" Boy, she sure does like to talk the old-timey language. Hopefully though, she'd make a lot more sense to me than Shakespeare. That essay I wrote as a graduate was a solid 'A', I tell ya. The exam adjudicator was just jealous because I came up with a much better ending for 'Romeo And Juliet' than the bard ever did. I mean, ritualistic suicide? Seriously, this isn't Jonestown. Everyone knows... it should have concluded on a wedding. You'd think the guy was trying to write a tragedy, or something. Once more I tried to speak, express my view on how messed up everything was, and how I planned to dump my false friends as soon as I got back after this glimpse into their true natures, but yet again I could produce nothing but baby babble... the occasional coo notwithstanding. "Oh I forgot, thou has not learned to talk yet..." The magnificent mare grinned cordially at me, revealing that her teeth were as pale as she was dark. "Alas, that is something thou is going to have to grow into themselves. Anyway, let me introduce myself properly. My name is Auntie Luna, and I am the princess of the moon. I am here to help thou with thy problems, such as they are. I know thou to be Flurry Heart, future heiress to the Crystal Empire. Please let me see thou up close, so I may help thou better..." Auntie Luna took it upon herself to stride casually forward and lift me up, while holding me firmly in her strong hooves. Staring in her deep pools of black, I couldn't help but be awed by the sheer power emanating forth from this supernatural entity. Heck, even her own mane seemed to be blow-drying itself. In this world, she must be what they call a 'God'. On Earth, more like a potential front cover for a Meatloaf album sleeve. "Thou must not be afraid of me..." She stated serenely, as if sensing my intimidation. "It is a long time since I hath committed evil acts, indeed I used to torture myself over my past conduct every single day. But I soon discovered that helping others was the true way to wipe thy's slate clean, and assisting my niece in getting a good night's sleep will be part of that healing process. Now, let me see what causes those two-legged demons to appear in thy's head..." Auntie Luna gripped me tightly and concentrated. I could feel a tinge of light-headedness wash over me, as her magic began to take effect. One thing I wasn't expecting in my life was so be given a psyche evaluation by a pony, but considering all the other.crazy stuff that's gone down recently, I just decided to roll with it. After all, I've been turned from a strapping, highly desirable (stop laughing at the back) young lad to a snot-nosed, incontinent baby... what's the worst that could happen? "Hmm... I sense thou is experiencing a great deal of turmoil..." She announced, while analysing my thoughts. "Thou feel trapped where thou are right now, and that there's nay chance of escape. I can relate, as I hath spend a millennia on the moon, due to her past misdeeds..." No shit, Sherlock, of course I'm 'trapped'. In a whole different universe, to boot. Still... pretty impressive deductions so far. Madame Zorro has nothing on this broad when it come to fortune-telling. But, now that she mentions it, I do wonder what unpleasantness she concocted to receive such a heavy sentence up on a distant planetoid. Murder? Robbery? Oat embezzlment? Foal abus... wait. I feel very nervous all of a sudden. The holding, squeezing, touching, words of comfort... it all makes sense now. Next, she'll be offering me candy, not to mention a ride home to see her new doggy-woggy. I've watched enough public information films to suss out the signs by now. And while this body may not be mine for much longer (at least, I hope not), as sure as eggs are best scrambled I have a duty to protect it while I'm in charge. I try and pull away from the suspected sex offender, but she refuses to budge. "Hold on a minute..." Auntie Luna chastises me, while still receiving raw data from my brain. "Thou must not struggle, as I mean you no harm..." Yeah, lady? Tell that to the thousands of other colts and fillies you probably diddled over the years who didn't receive a penny in compensation because they were too ashamed to come forward. I've seen your game before... you wait until your victim is at their lowest ebb to offer your services, and then you strike. Well, I won't be victim no.1001. You can bet your filthy, molesting hooves on that. Unfortunately, the pervert had me so ensnared in her filthy grasp I could do nothing else but feel her mind probing away at mine, before the next stage would inevitably commence with the removal of my sole undergarment. "Hmm..." Auntie Luna paused momentarily, as if taking stock of the situation. "I'm beginning to get something... but this cannot be. I see images of barbaric hairless male creatures, drinking a strange liquid that makes them off-balance and jolly, before they do depraved things to a female creature, though this one is lifeless, full of naught but plastic and air..." Yeah, luv. It's called 'getting pissed'. Maybe you should try it sometime, instead of trespassing in other pony's dreams, talking ye olde bollocks. And that thing with the blow-up doll was just the ONE occasion. Also, it was a dare. Come on, who can refuse the call to pour battery acid over your head or swallow a live goldfish, when you have dozens of drunken nitwits egging you on, filming your moment of glory for Facebook Live? At least it's better than rogering living, breathing foals under the pretense of 'helping' them. Shame lady, shame. "I see something else..." She informs me solemnly, really digging down deep under my inner crust. Yeah so do I, pet. Your name on the sexual offender's register, unless you release me pronto. "It is the unconscious form of another one of the strange creatures, and it is prostrate on the floor. It is clad in a black shirt covered in regurgitated food, and hath a blonde mane atop it's head. For some reason, I feel as if thou has a close connection with this being, which is unusual as I am sure thou two have never met..." I immediately go from struggling against the forces that be, to hanging on the mare's every word. Hey, that sounds just like... me at the party! Does that mean time stood still, when I left Earth to join up with this mystical safari tour? I have no idea, all I do know is this extra-large equine better put me down right now and return me to my original form, and maybe, just maybe I won't report her to the authorities for this seedy little arrangement she's running here. "B-But wait..." she suddenly shouts, her meditation now fully broken and her wings spread out wide in a complete state of panic. "I-I feel a great power emanating from thou, and I cannot resist it. T-This cannot be... who are you? Thou is not Flurry Heart. Thou is not of this world. Thou can only be..." BAM! Without much fanfare at all this time, I suddenly found myself outside the tiny prison of the baby I've been bound to for far too long, and inside the sleek, dynamic form of this 'Auntie Luna'. Usually I would be celebrating such a startling upturn in fortune, but at the cost of being an equine pedophile? I'm not sure if that's a price worth paying. Fortunately, I'd managed to save Flurry Heart from having to deal with a lifetime of therapy bills, but of course the imbecilic drooler was far too young to understand the massive favour I'd just done for her. Shooing the tiny nuisance away with a single "Get lost, ya brat." I could only hope her detached spirit found it's way back to her real body in peace. If it didn't? Not my problem. I can't say I really enjoyed the experience of being a baby again. How I managed to survive two years of that crap as a newborn when I barely lasted two hours of it today is anyone's guess. Worst than solitary confinement, I'd wager... even though I hadn't done anything wrong. Well, apart from causing absolute carnage down below in the world in which I now inhabited... but if it was all accidental, it doesn't count... right? ................................................................................................................ Oops, now I feel myself being shaken out of this dream realm into reality. What's this... that weirdo Celestia is standing over my bed, in yet another palace I've never been to before (can't my tour of all the stately homes wait after until I retire), trying to rouse me. "Are you awake, dear sister?" She says, an obvious look of concern apparent on her regal visage. It seems that she talks a lot more normally than me, her sibling. Well, the one thing you can't pick is family, so I'll have to grin and bear it. "No, I'm still fast asleep. Whatever does it look like, you moronic mare?" I answered, frowning. Seriously, why does anyone even ask that question? The answer is always going to be 'yes'. Although, it is good to regain the ability to speak once more. I almost scream 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' at the top of my lungs out of pure elation, but I quickly decide that would be too random an act for a stoic mare like Auntie Luna. Copy & paste continues to be a wonderful thing, though. Rather than be offended by my snippy answer, Celestia seems positively amused. "It's nice to see dear sister, that in these time of hardship, you've discovered the wonders of sarcasm. Whomever you are helping right now, will have to wait. Unless it's an emergency... it isn't an emergency, is it?" "...Absolutely not." I answered firmly. No way am I returning to pre-school ever again. In fact, I intend to steer clear of any other foal. Until I'm free of this damned soul-exchanging hex, I ain't taking no more chances. "Good then..." Celestia nods her head in approval. "I need you by my side this evening during our speech, and then together we must pick a new champion..." "What?" I said, my ears perking up. "You mean... like a battle royale?" As fake as it is, I love a bit of wrestling. "One-hundred quid on the guy using the steroids." "What?" Celestia looked at me in bewilderment for a moment, before she burst out laughing. "Oh dear sister, while it's nice of you to inject some levity into proceedings, I do hope you're going to be more serious tonight. I need your level-head in helping select our new champion from the other Elements of Harmony, now that Twilight Sparkle has sadly vanished into thin air. Think you're up to the challenge?" Seeing as I had little else on, I simply shrugged my hooves. "Sure, Celestia. Let's put them to the testia, and see which one is bestia. I do hope we're impressedia..." My new 'sister' raised a suspicious brow at me, and began to stare deeply into my eyes. "Are you sure you're fine, Luna? A joke is a joke, but it's not like you to carry things this far. I can't help but feel there's something off about you..." I anxiously racked my brains for some way of throwing off her understandable suspicions, finding only one answer. "Yes, I'm fine. I'll see... thou later." In an instant, it was like all of Celestia's doubts and fears were systematically eliminated, and she turned to leave the dark bedroom with much more confidence. "That's better. It was like you were somepony else for a minute there. If that were the case, I'd have had to take certain more... extreme measures, which I didn't want to do after all I've subjected you to in the past. I'll be back to collect you later, for the big announcement. Get some rest until then, dear sister... I have a feeling you need it." As I watched Celestia's ever-flowing mane leave (it must be a family trait) I attempted to accentuate the positive. I was no longer a thumbsucker. I now possessed powers that any other mortal could only dream about. And hey, I've always looked good in black. But overshadowing all of this, was a sinking feeling that just wouldn't go away, and it can be summed up in just four little words: She's gonna kill me.