Big Macintosh felt his forelegs involuntarily squeeze around the stallion whose back was pressed firmly to his belly. The bed was small, but big enough for two if they squeezed. It was probably lucky that Caramel and Big Macintosh already squeezed in bed even if they had the option of sleeping in a king. The bunk above them in which Big Macintosh had gotten in case Caramel wanted space was filed with what belongings the two had taken with them. It wasn’t much. Mac hadn’t taken much time to think about packing and just took what he thought necessary. Caramel wasn’t very talkative of what he wanted to bring either, so Mac brought a bit of everything when he helped pack.
A squirm. Mac stirred slightly from his light sleep when he felt the body in his forelegs squirm. It was dark, but the moon was full enough for it to drape in from the window down onto their bed. Mac’s muzzle was buried into Caramel’s neck, thankful for the scent of his lover so close to him to make him feel at home. Though he hadn’t exactly found time to sleep soundly, it did take him a few moments to remember that the rumbling train cart was not his home.
Caramel squirmed out of bed and away from the covers. Big Mac cracked open his eyes for a moment to see his boyfriend’s shadowy figure slink off without looking back. He laid in bed for a while longer, the temptation to fall right back asleep strong. He waited five minutes, then ten. He had assumed Caramel was just using the bathroom, but after fifteen minutes the workhorse groaned and sat up.
Big Macintosh yawned and touched his hooves to the vibrating floor of their train cart. It was small and tight fitting for a pony of Mac’s size. He squirmed out towards the door where Caramel had gone and saw rows of other rooms all around. He glanced around wearily as he rubbed his heavy eyelids and finally saw the sight of a pony at a window straight ahead. Their cart was at the back of the train, and Caramel had gone to the back at the railing to sit and stare at the passing landscapes.
When Big Macintosh approached the door and slid it open he saw Caramel jump and look over his shoulder. His eyes still had dark circles under them and his mane was still slightly messy, but it was world’s better than he had looked the previous day.
“M-Mac,” Caramel stuttered. “Did I wake you up? I’m sorry.”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh mumbled when he took his first step off the carpeted interior of the train and onto the cold metal of the balcony. It was windy out here, and with Winter being so fresh it was icy on Mac’s body. The sight of trees and grassy fields passed them somewhere in the time they had gone to bed and were now replaced by mountains and sandy looking hills with grass a rare sight. Caramel stared out with wide eyes.
“I couldn’t sleep,” Caramel mumbled.
Big Macintosh touched Caramel’s shoulder. He was cold. His eyes widened and he approached Caramel, draping his own body over the smaller and wrapping his hooves under Caramel’s forelegs with his own hind legs on either side of the other. To his relief, Caramel didn’t squirm or whine, but giggled. It felt like forever since he had heard Caramel laugh.
“It’s cold out here,” Big Macintosh said.
Caramel shrugged.
“I don’t mind it.”
Big Macintosh buried his muzzle into Caramel’s mane. He was tempted to close his eyes and allow sleep to catch back up to him. Despite the wind and vibration under his backside it was comforting just to have Caramel against him. He fought these urges and stared out at the landscapes with Caramel and moved his lips to his lover’s ear and playfully nibbled with his teeth. Not rough, but enough to make Caramel squirm slightly.
“I don’t think I’ve ever met your family,” Caramel said. He said it in a way that Big Mac wasn’t entirely sure it was meant for him or just a thought spoken out loud. “I mean, aside from the ones back in Ponyville.”
Big Macintosh thought for a moment.
“Nope,” He said, releasing Caramel’s captive ear from his lips and shaking his head. The bottom side of his chin was tickled by Caramel’s ruffled mane hair.
“Do…” Caramel started, but then stopped. He reached down his hoof and touched it over Big Macintosh’s own which was currently residing on his round, soft belly. “Do they know about me? Or… you, I mean.”
“Nope,” Big Macintosh said, a little quieter this time.
“Mmm,” Caramel made a noise. “I was just thinking… about what you said, I mean. How you’d cut them out of your life if they couldn’t get used to me.”
“I mean it,” Big Macintosh said with a positive voice. He kissed the top of Caramel’s head. “I love you, Caramel.”
Caramel squirmed slightly. It was one of the things Big Macintosh loved about his boyfriend. Caramel never got entirely used to that little tingle in his belly whenever he was told he was loved, or cute, or attractive. He still blushed over the smallest things like an unexpected kiss and giggled whenever Mac flirted with him. Every reaction Caramel gave was as though it was still the first time he was being told these things, and it made Mac feel just as tingly as he assumed Caramel felt.
“I love you too,” Caramel said under his breath in a whisper as though it were some secret. Mac didn’t need to see his cheeks to know he was blushing.
The workhorse went back to nibbling gently at Caramel’s ear for a few moments. He enjoyed the sensation of his lover occasionally squirming against his chest and belly. He laid his muzzle on Caramel’s head and took in his scent. It really was calling him back to sleep.
“Mac?” Caramel asked.
Big Macintosh’s eyes opened.
“Eeyup?” He questioned.
“Did… Did you want me here?”
It was a strange question, but a kind that chased off any sensation of sleep that Mac might have been hearing the call of. He sat up, pushing back from Caramel’s body in hopes that his boyfriend would turn and meet his eye, but he didn’t. Instead, Mac stood up and went to the railing beside Caramel. He was staring down at the tracks that raced under them, his eyes not really focused as if he were looking at something beyond the speeding ground.
“What do you mean, Sugar?”
“I mean… None of your family knows about me,” Caramel said. “I remember how Applejack and Granny Smith reacted. Did you really want me here as your date to complicate things?”
Big Macintosh frowned. The last thing he wanted Caramel to worry about right now was how his family would react to the two of them. As much as he wanted to he couldn’t force himself to say that Caramel shouldn’t worry about it. Big Macintosh, as much as he tried, knew that he couldn’t ignore the elephant in the room that would be the involuntary reaction to ponies of seeing him dating another stallion. He accepted this as part of his life when him and Caramel decided to be a couple. The process of coming out wasn’t a onetime thing as he had been led to believe. It was a never-ending routine to come out again and again to family and friends and even strangers. Always there was that need and question in his mind when interacting with somebody he didn’t know if they had to know. Correcting them that he was talking about a boyfriend and not a girlfriend, being hit on when with Caramel at a bar because mares thought they were friends, and now even with his own extended family. Mac had learned that rarely if ever a pony would ask about his lover and think it was a stallion without clarification. He had lost count of how many times he had come out to ponies he would never see again.
Big Macintosh was quiet for maybe too long, because Caramel spoke again before the workhorse had the chance to respond.
“I mean, this isn’t just because you thought I needed to get away and it was a good reason, right? I don’t want your family to… hate you.”
“Sugar,” Big Macintosh made sure not to be silent this time. “I promise you, this is what I wanted.”
“Mmm,” Caramel made another noise. He still sounded unconvinced and wouldn’t meet Mac’s eye.
“Sugar,” Big Macintosh repeated, more stern this time. Caramel looked up to him finally and their eyes met. “On the date that you missed…”
Caramel looked guilty suddenly. Big Macintosh bit his cheek and wanted to say something about how he shouldn’t look sad, but pushed the thought aside.
“I asked you to meet on the bench where…”
“We first kissed,” Caramel finished. A bit of emotion betrayed his melancholy expression when Caramel smiled at the memory. “I was talking to Sage about what you wanted to talk about. He thought you wanted to talk about us and what we were gonna do in the future.”
“I was,” Big Macintosh said.
“I think he meant more like… Where we were headed,” Caramel shrugged.
“Oh,” Big Macintosh blinked and looked down.
A memory cropped up in the workhorse’s head. He was suddenly reminded of when he was young and riding in the back of the cart his father was dragging around the farm. He was being told about how their mother was starting to talk about grandkids and wondering when one of her kids would bring a wife or husband home. Big Macintosh didn’t really get it then, but he remembered his father telling him that when that day came he better make sure it was somepony he loved and would care about like he did to his own wife. It didn’t really make sense back then. Big Macintosh didn’t know what romantic love was like outside of stories childish descriptions. He used to look at mares older than him and ask if he could love them, but never stallions. The fairy tales his mother used to read to him were never about two stallions, always a mare and a stallion. It didn’t seem like a possibility until he was older, but he never questioned it.
“Do you wanna talk about that?” Big Macintosh asked.
“I dunno,” Caramel shrugged and avoided Mac’s eyes.
That was a yes. Big Macintosh could read inbetween the lines on Caramel like nopony else. He always looked away when he wasn’t being entirely truthful.
“Er…” Big Macintosh sat back down, this time next to Caramel. Truth be told he had never thought about something as serious as marriage with Caramel, much less anypony. It always felt distant and far off. “Where do we start, exactly?”
“H-How should I know?” Caramel asked. He was hooking both his hooves up at the bar near his chin when he spoke and squeezing.
This was perhaps a bad conversation to have at near three in the morning outside a train where the two were currently already on the road to what seemed like such a big event for Big Macintosh. This was supposed to be his problem to worry about, not Caramel’s. His family, and his coming out. Caramel was just going to get caught in the crossfire if things went poorly, and that was the last thing Mac wanted.
“Well… I really did want you with me at this reunion,” Big Macintosh said. “We’re just going a little early.”
“Really?” Caramel looked to Mac.
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh said with a small grin. “I was gonna take you out to lunch at your favorite place, then we’d go to the park and talk where nopony else was. I wanted to surprise you, and make sure you wanted it too.”
“I do,” Caramel admitted, albeit quietly.
Big Macintosh grinned wider.
“Okay, now you go,” Big Macintosh said.
“H-Huh?” Caramel snapped back.
“I said something.” Big Macintosh shrugged. “Now it’s your turn.”
“Ugh,” Caramel looked like he might get sick again and looked down. He didn’t look scared, more just panicked about what he should bring up. He bit his lip and Big Macintosh waited patiently.
“Maybe… Do you ever think about moving in with me?” Caramel looked to be blushing, but it was hard to tell in only the glow of the moonlight and stars. “I mean like, away from your family and me without Sage. A place together.”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh said instantly.
Caramel gave a yelp like he had been shocked.
“T-That fast?” Caramel asked.
Big Macintosh shrugged again.
“I dunno when,” Big Macintosh said. “I wanna be close to my family, but I like it when I fall asleep near you. I still wanna go to dinner with them and pick up Apple Bloom from school and all that, but I wanna live in a place with you.”
“How long have you been thinking about this?” Caramel asked.
“A while,” Big Macintosh answered.
“I… I want that too,” Caramel nodded slowly. “You again, okay?”
“Hmm.” Big Macintosh put his hoof on his chin. “What about marriage?”
“I…” That was the first thing that left Caramel speechless.
“I ain’t sayin’ I’ve been thinking about it for next month,” Big Macintosh said.
“I don’t know,” Caramel shook his head. This topic seemed to make him visibly uncomfortable. It was as if this had been something he had never even considered seriously and now it was being thrown in his face. “I dunno if I’m ready for that… I don’t see any reason why we’d break up, either.”
“Me neither,” Big Macintosh grinned.
“O-Okay,” Caramel nodded his head and shut his eyes. “I think that’s all I wanted to talk about… D-Did I do okay?”
“How should I know?” Big Macintosh threw back what Caramel said before with a bit of a grin. He was glad to see Caramel’s anxiety seemed to lessen as he rolled his eyes. He glanced away. “You wanna go back in, Sugarcu-”
Big Macintosh was surprised by the sudden weight thrown against him. He had looked away for maybe half a second before Caramel’s lips seemed to magnetize themselves against him and he was suddenly forced to embrace the other. His eyes were wide but Caramel’s were shut. It was forceful and nervous at first, but when Caramel relaxed so did Big Macintosh. The initial surprise wore off and Big Macintosh found himself embracing Caramel. It was a familiar kiss. A safe kiss. It reaffirmed every word the two had said and more and sealed it. When they broke Big Macintosh didn’t realize how long he had been holding his breath when Caramel buried his muzzle against his neck and squeezed back.
“I think I’m wide awake now,” Caramel mumbled. “How about you?”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh replied.
“Y’know that bed wasn’t all that noisy when I got off of it,” Caramel mumbled, his words even quieter than usual under the blow of wind. “It’s still a long way to Appleloosa. When we get there if your cousin is nosy like you said he is we might not have a lot of alone time. It’s pretty loud on the train. I don’t think anypony sleeping would hear us.”
Big Macintosh had to resist the urge to laugh. This was about as forward as Caramel had ever been. He bit Caramel’s ear playfully and moved his hooves down lower.
“W-Wait, I didn’t bring any…”
“I grabbed it,” Big Macintosh whispered, his hot breath running down Caramel’s ear making the other tremble. “You keep it in your side table.”
“D-Did you really assume you’d get lucky on this trip?” Caramel asked bashfully.
“I assumed you were the same stallion who wouldn’t let me leave the bed and said I looked real good underneath you last time my family was out of town,” Big Macintosh replied.
“C-C’mon,” Caramel made a noise and pushed gently at Mac’s chest.
“You c’mon,” Big Macintosh said when he pushed Caramel back. “I know you’re rougher than that when you get on to-“
“J-Just shut up and go back to the room before I change my mind,” Caramel said. Big Macintosh giggled and kissed Caramel on his nose.
Things were returning to normal quickly. The talk hadn’t made things weird between them, in fact it seemed to only spark back to life the normal routine the two had but add a bit of confidence in themselves.
Mac realized he wasn’t as nervous about his family knowing as he had been before. He knew deep in his chest he couldn’t see him and Caramel breaking up anytime soon for any reason. He knew that this was serious for possibly the first time in his life.
He wanted to turn back and tell Caramel he loved him, though he had a feeling those words would be exchanged a few dozen times throughout the rest of their night. He wondered if Caramel was even going to let him sleep, and giggled to himself in anticipation.