Horse of Cards

by Midnight Ice Cream

Fifteenth Chapter

Sparkling Soda walks into my office with a report. “Ah, yes, just leave that on my desk. Is there any news regarding the missing soldiers?”

“Sadly no, they’ve vanished without a trace.” I punch my table. “It’s looking less hopeful by the day.”

“Alright, thank you.”

“Earthheart?”

“Yes.”

“There was nothing you could do.”

I breathe in. “I know.”

“You achieved all you set out to. Who knows, we might find them yet.”

“Thank you Sparkling. Your support is always appreciated, but I must return to my work.”

“Of course. Just if you want to vent or anything, or just need somepony to talk it through.”

“What’s there to talk about? We’ve already discussed this. I believe it is better to continue with work, we can’t change the past now can we?”

“Very well.” She sighs, “I’ll get back to work.”

I suppose it is my duty to fill you in. The day after I returned, we swiftly negotiated the contract with Colt. I think it’s fair to say Celestia didn’t mind. Although she’d be fool not to. Colt will be setting up his factory in Manehattan I believe, although he’s currently reviewing potential sites in Fillydelphia. Currently he’s taking quite a tour of Equestria to decide the right spot. Needless to say he’s incredibly grateful. The whole town was in celebration for his success. Even Gold Dust seemed proud.

Overall I’ve mixed feelings. Ultimately I am happy, we achieved everything we set out to achieve. However, next time I will require more planning. Going somewhere, and expecting an opportunity to arise is probably not very wise. Even if one did arise, depending on luck is simply silly. The benefit does outweigh the cost however, even if that cost could have been avoided. Anyway, what do you think? Did I do well? Ultimately, I wish those soldiers did not have to die in vain, that is assuming they died. Fate only knows what happened to them. I do not mind casualties. A soldier goes into duty expecting to die, either that or they are a fool. However, I hate wastefulness, and there is no other way of putting that calamity.

So what have I been doing in the past few days since arriving back in Canterlot. It certainly hasn’t been moping about. Idleness is akin to treason in my position. Naturally, I have been giving poor old Wellbridge and Skywatch a bit of a well deserved rest. Both ponies were so exhausted, that they slept eighteen hours in one sitting. Since, they have returned to work. At this rate, we’ll be ready within the end of the year, extending that date slightly for gun training. I’d go so far to say Equestria will be safe.

So, what now? Well forgive me. I have some paperwork to do. After which I have a physical training session to supervise. So if you’d kindly forgive me, I’ll be doing my work. Cheerio, and welcome back to Canterlot.

Urgh. I stare at the ceiling. I really should be asleep, but I’m too restless. I tried reading, but nope. I tried going for a fly, a gallop. No, no. Urgh, damn this confounded heat. I use a fan with my magic. I wish I was in court. Not just that night court crap either. I truly am the most useless of all The Princesses. Even Twilight has a more important job than me.

You know, I really liked being Princess when Celestia was away. Why can’t she just accept me as a valid help. She used to, or is that me just getting all nostalgic over nothing?

Last night I was browsing dreams, and sorting out nightmares. I couldn’t quite see, but some of the things in Equestria really are awful. Some of the nightmares are simple, easy to solve. But others are truly horrible. Ponies without any wellbeing, towns that are constantly raided by other ponies, or worse. One even had a dragon problem. That’s where Celestia went I think. Except these ponies were from around here. At such a distance, and in such a place it’s hard to really see what their dreams were. Didn’t seem good. I’m only really able to intervene in dreams that can be solved. It’s just sometimes I can feel the pain of others, these ponies really had it bad.

All I want to do is help! Why can’t Celestia see that? I suppose she’s just become cold over the centuries. She never used to be like this. But now, she’s not even telling me what happened in Goldford. I know they’ve got guns, but that’s all. I wish she’d talk to me. She’s going into court, but that’s it, after that she just locks herself up.

As annoyed as I am with her, I really want to help. I love her, I tried knocking on her door yesterday, no response. Not even an angry dismissal, just silence. She must have really been through something rough.

Enough moping, I’m sure Twilight will have something to do in Ponyville. They always end up doing things right? What is Ponyville if not fun, or at least an adventure. I need something to occupy my time.

“Sparkling.” I’m filing reports when Earthheart taps me on the back. “You are dismissed.”

“Thank you, I just need to finish these.”

“As you wish. Don’t take too long though. In order to thank you for saving my life, Wellbridge and I have prepared a few drinks for you. Not being an expert in your field, we just bought some excellent ingredients, and a few of the most expensive bottles we could find.”

“You’re not good at surprises are you?”

“Believe me, I am. I just didn’t think surprise was appropriate. Please put notice, that anypony wishing to see me will find me on the South West Tower’s balcony.”

“Thank you very much. As sarcastic as I was, I really appreciate this.”

“Not at all. This is to thank you. You saved my life. For that I am truly grateful, as is Wellbridge.”

I beam at him. “I was only doing my job.”

“You’ve shown your worth beyond what could possibly be expected. There will be a medal for you soon, I guarantee it. I will be with Wellbridge.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

*****

Earthheart and Wellbridge seem to be discussing the events of Goldford when I join them. “‘Evenin’.” Says Wellbridge. “I don’t think I’ve got a chance to thank you yet love. But thank you, you’ve done us all a great service. And in congratulations, I got you a bottle of posh plonk. Don’t ask me what it is, it sounded exotic, and it had a big price tag.” He gestures towards a chair. “Sit down love. I’ll go and get the drinks.”

Earthheart seems to be in a world of his own. He’s staring at the moonlit valley. There are little spots of light here and there, small settlements, a few isolated farm houses and whatnot. “Are you okay?” I ask.

“Fine.” He jolts back into position. “Forgive me, I was deep in thought.”

“What is it?”

He sighs, and seems as if he’s about to say something when Wellbridge comes in. He’s got one of those table things, where you hold drinks under them. I forget the name. “We’ve got a bottle of hard to pronounce for you. I’ve got a barrel of red barrel for me. And for you Sunshine, bottle of your favourite whisky.”

“Very good Wellbridge. Thank you.” Earthheart levitates himself a glass, and continues to stare.

“What do you think?” Asks Wellbridge showing me the bottle. It’s an exotic spirit with foreign calligraphy on it. Instead of a cork it’s got a little figure of a tiger brandishing his curved sword. “This is what tiger warriors drink before battle. It’s there to help give them extra balls for the fight. I’ve got no idea what it tastes like. Bloke at the shop gave some explanation about it, really interesting. Thought it’d suit you, not that you need this for courage.”

“Thank you. It’s an excellent choice.”

“Do you mind if I have a sip? I know I like my cheap bitter, but something that exotic is something you’ve got to try once.”

“Be my guest.”

“Nice one love.”

“If neither of you mind, I’d like a glass.” Earthheart requests before turning to his view.

“Of course.”

I pour everypony out a drink. “To Sparkling Soda!” Wellbridge raises his glass.

“Sparkling Soda! Thank you! Cheers everypony.” We all clink our glasses, and take a shot of that stuff.

Woah! That is some seriously strong booze. “Bloody hell. I’ll stick with my red barrel if you don’t mind love. Bit strong for me.”

“I like this. Not on its own, it’s ridiculously hot by itself. But, I’ve got a few ideas on what to do with it. I’m going to experiment a bit by myself sometime. Maybe try it then.”

“That’d be great love. But it’s wasted on me.”

Wellbridge and I chatter on for about half an hour before Earthheart breaks his silence. He doesn’t seem to be listening at all, he’s just stoically sitting there looking over the valley. “Sparkling Soda,” he turns to me, and looks me straight in the eyes. “You, are one of the reasons I do this. When your father died, I understood something had to change. It took me a long time, but I was able to change it.” He takes in a long breath “Therefore I think it is appropriate that I apologise to you. What I did in Goldford was a disgrace. I went there, believing that an opportunity would arise. It did, but I nearly died, those soldiers probably did. That was a disgrace.” He sounds more angry than apologetic now. “If I had died, I’d be completely unable to make the changes I needed to make. I was so close to complete failure. Out in the desert I wanted to resign. I believed that I had lost Princess Celestia. I hadn’t. I am so sorry my dear Sparkling. I have wronged you. I shan’t do it again.”

I just look at him perplexed. “You did your duty, I did mine. Nothing to apologise for. There are risks, you are a soldier. You took a worthwhile risk. It paid off. Regardless, you’ve done a good job. No need to dwell on it.”

“Thank you Sparkling.”

Before I can elaborate any further a blue unicorn approaches. “Excuse me Captain Earthheart. Her Majesty wants to see you.”

“Very well. We shall discuss this later. Good evening both of you.” With that, he’s off. “I wonder why Celestia could want him at this time of night.”

“I’ve done my guard duty in Court to know well enough she’s lonely. It’s patently bloody obvious. What do you expect with an immortal creature like that though? Makes you feel sorry for her. I hear from Skywatch, she’s been locking herself up in that tower of hers. She only comes out for official purposes. From what I can gather, she’s not even talking to Luna.” Wellbridge remarks.

“Huh.”

“Seems like she’s got an understanding with Earthheart.”

“They both seem to be in strange moods.”

“Earthheart gets like this. Should have seen him after your old man passed it. To oversimplify, The Academy was brutal.” Wellbridge takes a moment to think. “Especially since his old man ran the place. Anyway, without going into too much detail, his old man was a right nasty bastard if Earthheard didn’t do his duties. Basically what that means for us, is that he’ll take any slight hint at a failure terribly. I’ve seen it tons, he normally goes through this phase, then he just gets more determined than ever. I’ve been in your place too. He won’t accept your support, but I think he values it. He’s got a great deal of respect for you love. What you said there, it’s going to sink in. He’s never going agree, but it never did any harm to be there for him. Just don’t be too intrusive. You really can’t tell him anything at this point. He’ll reflect on it, and then move on. That’s the way it is.”

I knock on Celestia’s door. “You’d best just walk in Sir. She’s not herself lately.”

However, as soon as he says that Celestia responds with a quiet “Enter.” When I open the door I discover how black her quarters are. Any windows she has are completely covered. Inside there is no light, of any sort. The Door closes, and everything goes black. I use my horn to create some kind of light. “Celestia, might I ask why it’s so dark?” Suddenly all of the lights turn on.

“Better?”

“Indeed.”

“Forgive me, please sit next to me.” She is sat on a sofa. I sit beside her.

“Why am I here?” I intently stare at one of the gas lamps. “I’ve heard you have isolated yourself. So why do you wish to speak?”

Celestia leans back on the sofa, and sighs. “Can I get you a drink?” She brings a glass of what seems to be whisky to her lips.

“No thank you. I was drinking earlier with Sparkling Soda.” She looks distraught as she takes another sip.

“What was the occasion?”

“Wellbridge and I wanted to thank her for saving my life.” Celestia nods and sinks further into the sofa. “Are you alright? Is there anything I can get you?”

“No, and no.” She breathes in. “I invited you here because lately I’ve not really been myself, I thought you’d be the best person to talk to.”

“Celestia, I mean well, I’m just not sure if I can help.”

“Could you answer a simple question, and please be honest?”

“Of course.”

“Am I a good Princess?”

I do not hesitate. “No. Not currently. Your performance has been abysmal.”

“Do you know why I’m in this mood?” She turns towards me.

“Please, tell me.”

“Three- four hundred years ago I started letting things slip. I always vowed to get back on track, some things just seemed less important. Gradually that evolved into me wanting to get somepony else to do the work.

Recently though I came to a revelation. The whole reason I went to Goldford was adventure. It had naught to do with morality. Sunshine, I simply don’t care anymore, and I hate myself for it. I try to, muster the drive that I once had. But right now, I just loathe myself for not giving a damn. Everything I’ve ever stood for, friendship, Equestria, all of that, I simply do not care anymore.”

“Then why are you angry at yourself?”

“I should care. I care enough to know that I should. I just don’t. I feel as if I am a terrible pony. Right now, all I care about is myself. I’m a terrible Princess.” She starts sobbing. “I’m a terrible awful pony, and you are a hero.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“You have been doing your job for millennia Celestia. What you are experiencing is natural. And while you haven’t been doing a poor job, things have still been running more or less effectively.”

“I just wish I didn’t have to do it anymore. For the last few centuries I’ve hated this line of work. I’ve hated every minute of it. It’s only now that I admit it to myself. I wish I never had to be a Princess again.”

“Oh my dear Celestia. You needn’t have to.”

“The ponies of Equestira wouldn’t accept anypony else as their Princess. That’s why I’ve been teaching Twilight, but she’s terrible. All I’ve done there is create somepony who’s whole job revolves around having fun. Give her the reigns of power, all she’d do is make life better for her own friends. All I did there was teach her cronyism. Besides, I don’t think she’d shit in Canterlot without my permission.” She rubs her eyes. “It was the same thing I tried to do with Cadence. But no, she had to take over the Crystal Empire. She’s basically a power plant now. She’s too important to move here to do my job. I know somepony had to do it, but why somepony so competent?”

“What about Luna?”

“Do you think the ponies would accept her? They’re terrified of her. Besides, she’s basically a child, she’d mess things up with good intention, while I’d keep things running with indifference.” Celestia weeps for a moment. “Oh, I am a disgrace!” I attempt to hug her, but she pushes me away. “ You are everything I wish I could be, and that’s why I hate myself so much. You’re competent, I’m not, and I hate myself for it. All of these ponies think I am their saviour, but I don’t even care about them.” Tears roll down her eyes and she continues to cry.

She calms down slightly, but continues to breathe heavily. “That fight with the dragon. I almost wanted to lose. Equestria doesn’t deserve me. Even somepony like you could do better.” She starts weeping again, before embracing me.

She continues crying, as she rests her head on my shoulders. I return the embrace. I am not used to such things, yet I am compelled to comfort “That can be arranged. We can create a system where Equestria runs itself. We can work together to create a better system.”

“How?” She pulls away slightly looking me straight in the eyes. She’s not crying anymore. She just looks hopeful.

“If you give me your support, I’ll show you. I may not be an Alicorn, but I will fix this.”

She squeezes me tightly, pushing me back. “You don’t know how grateful I am.”

“It will take some time.” I try to say. “You’re squeezing me too tightly.”

“Oh sorry.” She pulls back. At this point I can see a creeping smile come across her lips. She puts a hoof on one of my back thighs, caressing it up and down.

“NO!” I yell! “NO!” She pulls away instantly. I breathe in and out very quickly. I stand up, and begin to pace the room. “No! Never again.” I walk towards one of the windows, and pull the blinds away, to look over Canterlot. I can see Celestia walk behind me in the reflection.

“What is it?”

I calm myself down. “This wasn’t about me. This was all about you. We are going to solve Equestria’s problems, and you are going to hand the reigns of power to me.”

“No, no. I apologise for what I did.”

“Accepted.”

“But I can’t just ignore what I saw there. You were terrified.”

“You might very well think that, I couldn’t possibly comment.”

“I’ve never seen terror in you. You have to understand I meant no harm.”

“Oh shut up!” I begin shuddering. “Your Majesty, if I were you, I’d leave well alone.”

“You can talk about this stuff if you’d like. I only want to help you.”

“Wasn’t this entire meeting about how I could help you?”

“Sunshine, I care about you, you’ve said it yourself. You can already help solve my problem. I just want to do the same for you.” I stare at her reflection.

I take a heavy breath.“There was a reason they shut down The Academy. I have resolved my issues. Any attempt to help will only bring back unnecessary memories. Now I’d appreciate you never mention this again.”

“Okay.” She says pathetically, returning to the sofa. “Could you keep me company please? I think we both need a drink.” I turn around.