Celestia sighed as she flipped through a few more of her official papers for the day. Between five hours of court and the visiting griffin emperor, the day wasn't shaping up to be a very good one. Perhaps she'd sneak a second piece of cake later. Or a whole bottle of bourbon.
"Ms. Inkwell, if you would send these over to the records room, I would appreciate that," Celestia said, floating a stack of papers over to her loyal consigliere.
"Yes, Princess Celestia," Raven said, tilting her head in a bow. "I also wish to inform you that the griffin emperor has arrived for your trade meeting, as well as Mr. and Mrs. Powell."
"Ah, good," Celestia said with a smile. "See to it that they are put in the finest room in the castle."
"The griffins or the Powells?"
"The Powells," Celestia said with a wry smile. "I highly doubt that..." Celestia's eyes went wide as a thought struck her. "Ms. Inkwell, if you could gather a few of my guards to make sure that TD and Emperor Fawkes do not interact, that would be lovely. Given that the last time TD was in the presence of griffin royalty he was mixed up in their assassination plots and whatnot, I feel that it would be a poor choice for them to meet up here. I'm sure you understand."
"Of course, Princess Celestia. I will have the guards escort Mr. and Mrs. Powell to a separate wing of the palace."
"Excellent." Celestia looked back down at her remaining papers and flipped through them. "Once we have the--"
Celestia let out an audible gasp and shot to her hooves, her papers scattering all over the floor. Floating in her aura was a single comic book with a completely blank title page, save for the title in bold black letters.
Man Comics
"Well, that isn't ideal, is it?" Raven said dryly.
Celestia took a deep breath to steady herself before speaking. "You always did have a talent for sarcastic understatement. Regardless, yes. I think it would be best if this were destroyed. I'm certain you remember what happened the last..." Celestia grimaced and flattened her ears. "Three times TD came into contact with one."
"Mrs. Powell found the experience positive, though I suppose your face did not."
"Yes, he..." Celestia sighed and closed her eyes. "Every Faust-damned time he punches me. It doesn't hurt, of course, but it is irritating, I must admit." Celestia shook her head. "No matter. I have it this time."
"I think you mean you did have it, Princess Celestia."
Celestia's eyes snapped open and, sure enough, the comic had disappeared from her magical aura. Celestia wheeled around to Raven, her wings flaring out. "Where did it go?!"
"I am unsure, Princess Celestia," Raven said, adjusting her glasses. "It merely vanished in a burst of white light."
"I..." Celestia facehooved. "Ms. Inkwell, please put all guards on full alert. I would also like TD confined to his quarters until the comic is found. If he comes into contact with Emperor Fawkes that could be disastrous for all of Equestria!"
"Of course, your majesty," Raven said with another bow. "I will inform them at once."
Before Celestia could say anything else, the doors to her throne room opened, and a single guard walked in. He went up to Celestia's throne and bowed low. "Princess Celestia, I have been sent to inform you that Emperor Fawkes and his guards have arrived. Shall I bring them to the throne room?"
"Y-yes, I think that would be wise." Celestia took another deep breath. There wasn't any need to panic. This was all happening in a controlled environment. Lock TD in his room, find the comic, destroy it, then it would all be over. No fuss, no worries, and no punches to the face.
"Also, Mr. and Mrs. Powell arrived a few minutes ago. I moved them to a room in the west wing."
Celestia sighed in relief. "Good. If you could have a few guards keep TD in his room, that would be most helpful."
The guard saluted. "Very well, we shall locate Mr. Powell and return him to his room."
"I..." Celestia tilted her head. "You don't know where he is?"
"No, Princess Celestia. He decided to take a small walk around the castle before dinner while his wife is taking a nap."
Celestia somehow went pale. Her wings fluttered as she tried to keep calm. Tearing the palace apart looking for him wouldn't do anypony any good. Yes, calm, rational thought was required here.
"Sergeant, inform all guards that TD is to be found and sent to his room until further notice immediately! Unless the palace catches on fire, he is not to leave that room! If it does catch on fire, he is to be escorted by me personally to a safe location." Her ear twitched. "He will not punch me in the face if that happens."
"Yes, Princess Celestia," the guard said, bowing low once more. "I will put all guards on full alert."
"Excellent." Celestia took a deep breath and sat back down on her throne. Calm, collected, contained.
The doors to the throne room opened again, and another guard rushed in, his eyes wide. "Princess Celestia! It's the human! He's--"
"Punching again?" Celestia said, suddenly feeling as old as she was. "Of course." She got back to her hooves and ran out of the room, the guards in tow. "Where is he?"
"I'm not sure, Your Highness," the second guard admitted. "I'm fairly positive that he's still in the palace. He--"
Punch!
"Punchmaster!" The Punchmaster said awesomely. Celestia squeaked in surprise, but lit her horn. She had a chance to contain the situation before it got out of control. Fortunately, The Punchmaster is awesome. He punched her spell away like a badass.
"TD, that is enough!" Celestia cried. "Today is not the best day for this!"
Punch!
"Nobody tells The Punchmaster what day it is!"
The force of the blow made Celestia's eyes close for a mere moment. When she opened them again, The Punchmaster had left to find other things to punch. Celestia looked down at her dazed guard who was muttering something. She only managed to pick up the word "awesome." She sighed and walked down the hallway in the direction she prayed The Punchmaster had gone.
"Fuck me," she muttered to herself.
* * * *
"And when shall Celestia arrive?" Emperor Fawkes said, peering down his beak at the poor overwhelmed servant.
"Sh-she will arrive shortly, I'm sure," the servant muttered, backing away from the griffin emperor. "A rather urgent matter has captured her attention."
Emperor Fawkes snorted and shared a glance with his two guards. "Indeed. Something more urgent than the leader of the most powerful country in the world?"
"Third most," the servant said, almost unheard.
Almost.
"You dare insult me when I am a guest in your country!" Emperor Fawkes roared. "If you do not get Celestia's sunny white plot in here this instant there shall be an international incident, is that clear?!"
The servant yipped and rushed out of the room, his tail between his legs. Fawkes allowed himself a smirk. Was this truly the standard for Celestia's servants? The thing had nearly wet himself in his glorious presence.
"I think today is going to be a good day," Emperor Fawkes said, walking up to Celestia's throne. He scoffed and shook his head. "I find this throne rather plain, don't you? Certainly not one befitting a ruler. Yes, I think Equestria is far weaker than their outward appearance would suggest."
"I agree, Emperor Fawkes," one of his guards said.
"I do not pay you to agree, but your observational skills are on point." Fawkes chuckled and placed his claw on the throne. "I wonder what the 'oh-so important' issue is. Perhaps she ran out of cake in the kitchens? Perhaps--"
Emperor Fawkes was cut off when the door to the throne room opened. He turned around, prepared to see Celestia running in to see him. She'd shoot off apologies and he'd gracefully accept them.
"So, Celestia, you've..." Emperor Fawkes raised an eyebrow in interest. "Indeed? Truly?" He let out an uproarious laugh. "Oh this is simply too rich! Instead of coming her herself, Celestia has sent her pet human to deal with me?"
The Punchmaster's eyes narrowed. Ooh, it was gonna go down now!
"I must thank you, really," Emperor Fawkes said idly as he examined his talons. "Without you I wouldn't have the throne. Aepnet chose a rather poor chess piece, didn't he?"
"The Punchmaster is not a chess piece," The Punchmaster growled.
Emperor Fawkes scoffed and rolled his eyes. "'The Punchmaster'? That's what you're calling yourself now? How remarkably droll."
"The Punchmaster doesn't need to listen to a bird whose guards have concussions."
The three griffins frowned and exchanged confused looks. "Concussions?" Emperor Fawkes said questioningly. "M-my guards don't have concussions."
Punch! Punch!
"The hell they don't!"
Emperor Fawkes gasped as he stared down at his now unconscious guards. He sputtered like an idiot for a few moments before turning back to The Punchmaster. "I see what this is now! Celestia has sent her own personal assassin!" He raised a shaky talon an pointed to The Punchmaster. "Admit it! She's trying to take over my lands! You've been sent her to destroy me! Well it won't work, I tell you! You are going to be destroyed!"
At that moment, a beam of light entered the throne room, perfectly illuminating Emperor Fawkes. He proudly spread his wings to their full extent, his posture perfect for one of his station. The gems on his crown shone like the morning sun itself. It was a sight that would bring any griffin to their knees, and any pony would gape in awe at the marvelous sight that would rival, nay, surpass Celestia at her most radiant.
"The proud people of Griffo--"
Punch!
* * * *
"So let me get this straight, Princess Celestia. You want me to act as bait and lure my husband back to our room?"
"Yes, dear Cheerilee. I know it is a strange request, but this is a matter most important. He may..." Celestia groaned and facehooved. "He may have just caused an international incident as I was foolish enough to not leave any guards in the throne room in case he went in there. Oh dear."
"That's not good," Cheerilee said, flattening her ears. "I might have to have a talk with him about that."
"If you could," Celestia grumbled. "Although I question how much control he truly has when he is in his 'Punchmaster' form."
"Enough for me," Cheerilee said happily. "You may not be happy about this, but I a--!"
Before Celestia could ask what had happened, she turned to see TD carrying Cheerilee over his shoulder towards their room.
"Punchmaster," he crooned, rubbing Cheerilee's back.
"Yes yes yes yes yes!" Cheerilee said tapping her hooves excitedly on The Punchmaster's back. "I brought the bracelet! It's in my bag that--"
"The Punchmaster already knows."
"Oh good." Cheerilee nuzzled his neck. "Potential international incidents aside, this is going to be so awesome!"
"I'm so thrilled that you think so," Celestia grumbled, turning away from the happy couple. She motioned to a nearby guard and pointed in the direction the two of them had gone. "Follow them and make sure they make it to their room, then lock the door and keep five guards posted until Emperor Fawkes leaves."
"Yes, Your Highness. We also have guards en route to the throne room."
"Very well. I am heading there myself."
The guard saluted and walked in the direction that The Punchmaster had gone. Celestia merely stood there, a serene smile on her face. When she was certain that she was alone, she bolted in the direction of the throne room as fast as she could. She quickly turned a corner at unhealthy speeds. Unfortunately, the palace staff had done an exceptional job of waxing the floor, and she slid right into the opposite wall, leaving a Celestia shaped dent. She couldn't focus on that. She had to keep going.
Celestia made it to the throne room in record time. Almost faster than a teleport. Almost but not quite. If the ditzy sun horse had just teleported, she'd be there quicker and without a dent in the wall. Maybe The Punchmaster had given her a concussion, too.
But whatever.
The sight that greeted her in the throne room was not optimal. Three of her guards stood awkwardly around the sprawled out bodies of Emperor Fawkes and two of his guards. A quick scan revealed that all three of them were still alive, merely unconscious. She bit her lip and fluttered her wings. She couldn't let them get injured... more than they already were. Being unconscious like that could be severely damaging.
On the other hoof, they'd be rather irate when she woke them up. Possibly "declare war" irate.
On the other, hoof, Griffonia would definitely declare war if their emperor died in her throne room. SO she had to wake them up. No matter, she was one of the greatest statesponies and negotiators in the world. She could fix this.
She had to fix this.
Despite a small part of her brain telling her not to, she lit her horn and cast a healing spell on Emperor Fawkes and his two guards. They instantly began stirring and groaning as they pushed themselves to a standing position.
"Whu- what happened?" Emperor Fawkes muttered thickly.
"Do you not remember?" Celestia said gently. If they truly didn't...
"I'm... not sure," Emperor Fawkes said, rubbing his head. "Perhaps I simply fell asleep from the flight over. They are rather draining."
"I completely understand," Celestia said, laughing lightly.
"That doesn't sound right," one of the guards muttered. "I remember something more awesome happening."
"Yes, yes, me too," Fawkes said. "But perhaps that was merely a dream I had."
"That would make sense. If you are still tired, you are welcome to my guest rooms until you are more refreshed."
"I think I might do that," Emperor Fawkes said, walking in the direction of the throne room doors. "We'll talk about that thing... later, I suppose."
"I am in no rush. Rest and regenerate, Emperor Fawkes. You have the rooms for as long as you need."
Celestia only got an unintelligible mumble in reply. Her guards opened the door to the throne room, then followed the emperor and his guards out, shutting the door behind them when they'd left. Celestia stared at the door. Had she really been that lucky?
"Well, all's well that ends well, I suppose," one of her guards said.
"Lieutenant? Shut up."
"Er... yes, Princess Celestia."