One Thousand One Ways to Thwart a King

by enigmaMystere


The Hard Part Was Getting the Shark to Pose.

Before either of them can do or say anything else, the ground beneath their hooves begins to rumble. Twilight stumbles from the sheer amount of force coming from her right, while Dainn plants his staff for balance.
Before their eyes, something grows out of the ground beside the mare. While not too out-of-place in the Crystal Empire, the wide plinth that appears has the sort of rigid and uniform look not present in the naturally grown kingdom.
Blinking in confusion, Twilight spares the still-reeling caribou a glance before squatting down carefully. She gently pokes the new formation, then pulls her hand back, expecting a shock of electricity or something equally painful.
"Congrats. You made another crystal." The king scoffs. "As if this place didn't have enough of those."
Suddenly this new platform glows and a light blue beam shoots into sky from it, only to cease a moment later, leaving a new being standing on it. As they look around, this new arrival is revealed to have cerise skin and an outfit consisting of various shades of purple with a few patches of pink on a star shape on her chest. When she turns to the two beings next to her, they see she has pointed mirror shades and a large head of hair that forms a cube.
"I did not expect this to be on the other end of the warp interference I saw would happen today." She says simply.
"...warp interface?" Twilight's eyes have stars in them from her excitement. "You made a warp interface for use by all? This is phenome-"
A blast to the face shuts her up and knocks her down.
"Damn it, don't you ever shut up?" Dainn growls angrily. "This miserable excuse of a being is just… wait, is it another bitch?" He narrows his eyes, body tense as he remembers what happened last time. "You stay back or I'll break you."
"No you won't," she says matter-of-factly as she picks Twilight gently up by the back of her shirt with one hand and puts her back on her hooves. Once she lets go, she looks between the two of them with a thoughtful expression before she speaks to the unicorn. "I'm Garnet. Did you bring me here?"
"Y-yes." The mare stumbles a bit, trying to get her bearings. "M-my name is Twilight. Twilight Sparkle."
"Nice to meet you." She gives her a small smile before going back to her neutral expression, looking intently at the caribou before frowning.
The ruler crosses his arms, frowning deeply in return. "What? You going to get in my way, too?"
"I sure hope so." Twilight rubs her cheek, a little sore about being interrupted.
"The future you'll bring about if I don't is too horrible to let come to pass." She adopts a fighting stance, clenching her fists. "Surrender! This is your only chance!"
"Like I'm about to be ordered around by a slut!" His horns glow as he strides towards her. "Listen and listen good. I'm a king, and it is my right to rule. Not like those whores that call themselves princesses."
"What a mouth." She suddenly darts forward with enough speed that she's only a blur before she slams her palm into his chest, tossing him back against the wall of a nearby building. "I don't care if you're a king or not. I've seen empires rise and fall. The fact that you're a leader does not change the fact you are a monster."
A blast comes from his horns as he pries himself out of the wall, his body having a new glow about it. "You know nothing of my rule. Of my culture, my citizens." His staff flies back into his hands, the end pulling back to reveal a blade. "Of what I can do."
"I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of a tyrannical leader." She stares him down as her hands glow, the light around them ballooning until they form large knuckled gauntlets with a clunk. "I know what it's like to have their will control how you live." She clenches her fists, crouching down slightly before gesturing a hand at Twilight. "I know that there will be small groups of rebels that will eventually take you down. Since I've already done that for my world, I think I'll save them some time and take you down here and now!"
Dainn's legs flash briefly before he closes the distance, halberd extended to stab the being in the chest. His lunge is halted by the magic wall the alicorn conjures up, which diverts the blade down towards the ground before vanishing.
Garnet jumps to the side, looking to Twilight. "Thanks." With her part said, she bounces off her foot when she lands and launches towards Dainn, grabbing his staff in one gauntlet.
He raises a fist, glowing amber, and socks her right in the face, sending her now-cracked shades flying and knocking her head back. He wrenches his staff out of her hand and places the sharp blade against her throat.
Her three different colored eyes all glare at him now that they are revealed. One of her legs swings around, sweeping his legs out from under him. As he reals, she takes the staff from him, tossing it away and driving a gauntlet into his stomach just as he impacts the ground.
Though winded, he looks up at her, grimacing a little bit. "...so you're a freak as well as a bitch, huh?" He huffs, his horns lighting up as his eyes narrow. "You're nothing great."
His halberd flies into her back, blade first, as the caribou grins sadistically at her. When it doesn't come all the way through, however, his elation turns to confusion. His eyes move to the purple pony behind the hero, who was holding back the weapon with both hands and magic. Grunting, he just punches Garnet in the chest with an empowered fist once more, getting her off him and pushing her onto his weapon in one move, much to Twilight's horror.
The warrior only grunts as the blade pokes out from her front. Reaching behind her, she pulls the weapon out of her, the blade leaving no markings on her body. She squeezes with the gauntlet holding the weapon, splintering the staff and letting its pieces fall to the ground. A final smash with her other fist onto the flat of the blade makes it fall to pieces as well. "That's enough of that."
The others stare at her in surprise, though the king is more startled than anything. "No… how did you do that? That was the strongest metal my mages and blacksmiths could make!"
With a wave of her hand, she summons a new pair of shades over her eyes. "Nothing is invincible, even the hardest diamond can shatter." Her piece said, she levels her fists at him before they suddenly launch off her body and impact his.
He grunts as he's pushed backwards, his chest glowing like before as he grabs the gauntlets. He wrenches them off to the sides, sending them crashing into two buildings behind him.
Twilight grimaces at this, shaking her head. "Thank goodness we evacuated…"
Dainn didn't hear this, too far away to do so. Garnet did.
As she casually reforms her hands and gauntlets, the purple woman looks back at Twilight. "Did you know this would happen?"
"Well, not exactly." She sheepishly smiles at her. "It's just… last time I faced down someone, I think we may have reshaped the landscape. And destroyed a mountain."
"You get used to that." Garnet says with a smile.
Having taken the moment the two were talking to charge his magic, the king is now glowing with energy as he approaches them, the ground cracking with his last hooffall. "As if you have that kind of power." He suddenly closes the distance, slamming his fist into her chest and kicking Twilight, who was barely able to put up a shield in time to dampen the impact.
Garnet grunts, grabbing his fist with both hands as she looks at him. "Not alone." Suddenly, her gauntlets crackle with energy and ashe pushes the electricity created into him.
His body starts to lock up, but he manages to kick her in the face, pulling himself free only to fall to his knees from the shock.
Twilight, having just gotten herself back up, pants quietly as she holds her arm, the force of his punch having nearly broken it. "Not… alone?"
Taking advantage much like he had with them, Garnet grows one of her Gauntlets to roughly four times its original size before sending him flying with a gut punch. Taking a slow breath afterward, she dismisses her gauntlets and looks down at the palms of her hands. "I'm never alone." She gives Twilight and encouraging look. "Family and friends can make you more powerful than you ever dreamed." With that said, her palms glow and two shapes float out of them. After a moment, the light around them fades to reveal two golden spiked knuckles. Holding them in her hands, she reforms her gauntlets, now with large and destructive additions.
"Family?" Dainn speaks from the hole he made in the tower-like structure in the middle of the city, addressing the two of them below it. "Friends? Those only slow you down!" He pushes himself free, now completely golden, as he glares at the two of them. "If you want to rule, you have to care about yourself first, and others last!" He reaches out his hand, the shards from the staff that Garnet broke now flying to his palm to reform the weapon, its blade pointed at the warrior. "Pray to whatever deity you have that this ends swiftly for you."
Twilight is positively seething with anger at this point, at the words that fly in the face of all that she stands for. Her horn charges up with magic, ready to just blast another hole through his chest and be done with it, forgetting their current situation.
"Twilight, a question: does his power also come from his horns?" Garnet asks calmly.
Blinking, brought out of her thoughts and rage by her query, she turns to look at her, confused. "Well… it should? I mean, that's the conduit for magic for unicorns and alicorns. And his horns were definitely glowing earlier."
"Thank you." She turns her head just slightly to look at her while keeping an eye on the caribou. "Try to be a little more careful in the next few battles you'll have against him, alright?"
She stares at her in awe, having not expected that. "Wait, h-how did…"
Her words are cut off by the king almost appearing to teleport right in front of them, causing her to squeak in surprise before he grabs her and throws her into the castle above. He then turns his blade against Garnet, aiming right for where her third eye would be.
A now spiked fist comes up, crushing and piercing his hands from below. Done with words, the warrior ignores his cry of pain and delivers a blow to his chest at an angle to force him onto his back to the ground. He focuses through the pain and turns his attention to her, blasting her with a narrow, powerful beam of magic. She gives out a cry of pain,, her body showing scarring as she glares down at him. One gauntlet roughly, pins him to the ground while the other raises up and increases size. Her mouth curls into a grim smile. "Enjoy your defeats." With that said, she aims just a bit higher than she had been during the fight, bringing her crushing blow down so that her pointed knuckles impact directly at the base of his horns.
He cries out, blinded by the sheer agony of losing his horns and his magic. As his body turns back to brown, he quietly huffs, forcing an eye open so he can look up at her. "...at least I won't have to look at your face again… bitch."
"I don't know about that." She points a thumb back to Twilight. "There's a future where she makes contact with us because she was able to recreate the warp pad, and even without that, the ones where you succeed are getting fainter and fainter."
The mare's eyes light up in hope and excitement. Even so, the fallen king just chuckles, eye narrowing as he feels himself slip away.
"Then I just… search for the ones where I win…"


"Zero."
He gasps, grateful to have air in his lungs once more. "D-damn it, how did I get beaten by that bitch?"
"Because you fight for yourself."
He growls, his whole body tensing as he glares at her in anger. She does nothing but smile in return.
"Hero!"