Halo man in Equestria: Humping is Magic

by Good Christian Ethesto


Swag swag

So I finally made a proper picture for this! Of course I had to use paint so it looks terrible... Oh well... Yeah, I got on bungie.net for the first time ever to get a sex-tastic picture of my halo man. I love you guys THAT much. Yes, that's what he looks like, I know it's stupid, that's the point. At least he doesn't have a lemon head helmet or something...
------------

After lunch Rarity basically dragged me off down the hall to her room in the castle. Apparently she was excited to 'work' on my armor. I was excited too, all the other halos are gonna' be soooo jelly! Not literally, if they were jelly, they wouldn't be halos.

Once we got there she forced me into a chair and started examining every inch of my armor. It was pretty awkward for me... After a few minutes of her raping me with her eyes she finally spoke up.

"Bend over!" Wait what?! I turned my head and looked at her, trying to portray how much 'what the fuck' I was feeling at that moment. It's hard to show emotions when you don't have a face... I think she understood though and she quickly blushed and looked away from me. "Sorry darling, old habit... What I meant was, I'm going to make you fabulous!"

Ok, I guess that's a bit better. "So, what are you planning on doing?" I really wasn't sure what she was going to try.

She simply responded by grabbing a box in her magic and opening it to reveal a bunch of jewelry and gems. "Gems make everything better. Since I can't really change your armor, I'll just have to add things to make it more beautiful." I suppose that's sound logic, and I wasn't about to argue with getting a bunch of gems. I don't even have to feel too badly about getting the free gems because apparently they aren't worth very much here.

"But first, we have to do something about that tacky hat!" I reached up and noticed that I was still wearing the chef hat from my cooking extravaganza earlier. I nearly forgot about that. She simply grabbed it in her magic and tossed it in a nearby trash can.

"But I need a hat, the fans demand it!"

She looked at me like I was crazy for a second before doing one of those pony shrugs. "I'll see what I can do." No more time was wasted with talk as she began levitating large purple amethysts out of her box and attaching them to my armor. She put two rectangular ones about two inches long on my shoulder pads and a slightly larger diamond shaped one on my chest. Fuck yeah, I'm now the most expensive halo in the world.

Once those were on, she pulled out some smaller sapphires and put them in various places. Now that I think about it, I really don't know how she managed to attach them to my armor. I'm not even gonna' ask questions. After she was done with that she took a step back and admired the way my now gem-embedded armor sparkled in the sunlight that came through a nearby window.

Of course, she wasn't done yet. No, she hadn't even gotten to the jewelry. She pulled out a few golden chains and slipped those over my head while simultaneously attaching a pair or golden rings onto the fingers of my left hand. One had a small square ruby in the middle while the other had a similar sapphire.

Hehe, now when I punch people, my rings will put imprints into their skulls! This is the best christmas ever!

"There, darling. Now you look absolutely fabulous! I'll have to make you a hat to match your outfit." Rarity walked around admiring my suit while I looked at myself in a big mirror on the far side of the room. I look pretty good if I do say so myself, I'll get all the girl halos now! Of course there's one thing I've always wanted.

"Ummmm, Rarity, do you think it would be possible to make my visor rainbow colored?" Yeah I know, it's kinda' weird. But having a rainbow colored visor would be the coolest shit ever (come on Bungie, rainbow colored visors in Halop 4 kthnx).

She looked at my visor for a few seconds then shook her head. "Sorry darling, but I don't think I can change its color. Maybe I could paint it, but then you wouldn't be able to see." Sound logic. Oh well, it was worth a try. "Besides, your gold visor matches your gold jewelry." Once again, she has a point.

Now it was my turn to shrug. "Heh, I guess you're right. Now about that hat..." I wasn't able to finish that thought as the rest of the elements of harmonics walked in. I'll have to ask them to play me a song sometimes, assuming that they are actually a band like I suspected they were.

"Wow, Halo man, now you're soooooo sparkly!"

"Hooey, that there armor sure looks fancy now."

"Ohmygosh you look super awesome now! Not quite as cool as me, though."

Of course, I was ignorant of their statements because at that moment I saw the most beautiful hat I've ever seen in my life. I knew at that moment, that if I didn't wear that hat, my life would lose all meaning. I simply stepped over to the ponies, picked up Fluttershy, and put her on my head. "Best. Hat. Ever!" I squealed in delight.

The other ponies stared at me for a second before Twilight said something really obvious. "Umm, Halo man. That's Fluttershy, not a hat." I was practically heartbroken that she would mock my hat so. She may be a pony, but she was trying her hardest to be the best hat she could be. In actuality, she was just gripping onto my head with her hooves, clearly confused as to why I put her on my head.

"Now Twilight." I put a hand onto my chest and stuck my chin up to emphasize my point. "I'm insulted that you would speak so poorly of Fluttershy's 'being a hat' abilities. In fact, I'd say she's the greatest at being a hat that I've ever seen." This wasn't saying much since I haven't seen very many hats other than the different helmets that halos usually wear.

The other ponies continued to stare at me, clearly trying to figure out if I was serious or not. If only they could see the serious look on my nonexistent face, then they would understand. "Ugh partner... I don't think Fluttershy wants to be a hat." Said Applejack.

"Actually, I don't mind being a hat..." She quieted down as all the other ponies focused on her. "I-if that's alright."

"See, she likes being a hat!"

The other ponies all face hoofed, except Pinkie Pie who was suddenly gone. "Fine, but I'm going to make you a proper hat. You can't wear Fluttershy forever!" Said Rarity.

They didn't even know how happy I was right now. I'm pretty sure I even squeed like a little girl. "Thanks Rarity! Also thanks for all this." I gestured at my armor. "It looks fantastic."

"Oh, don't mention it. I'm not the element of generosity for nothing, you know. Besides, it's the least I could do for you volunteering to help us." Element of generosity? What the hell is that even supposed to mean? Now that I think about it, I'm pretty generous too. I give other halos a generous humping once I'm done giving them generosity in death.

"Woot, this is the best day ever!" I then turned and walked out of the room with as much swagger as two cheetahs tied together. It stands to reason that if you tie two cheetahs of equal swag to each other, they become twice as swagtastic. Of course, all the ponies followed, except Rarity. She was too busy designing a new hat for me.

Swag swag swag. I'm pretty sure that from that day forth, every dictionary in this pony world would have a picture of me next to the word 'swagger'. I was so swagalicious that I was covered in bitches. Of course, those bitches are ponies, but it makes little difference. We walked for a little ways and all the ponies we passed looked extremely confused as to why I was wearing a pony on my head. We even passed the fancy ponies I saw earlier. The one who I stole the monocle from gave me an angry scowl when he noticed us. He mad.

After walking for a while Twilight trotted up next to me. "Where exactly are we going?"

I stopped at that point and looked around. "I have no idea..." Then I noticed that only four of the ponies were with me. "Where's Pinkie Pie?"

The second I asked the question I felt a sudden weight on my head as Pinkie yelled out, "Pony hat tower!" I have no idea how she got onto my head without me noticing, or even where she has been this whole time, but now I have two ponies on my head... What more could a halo man want?