//------------------------------//
// 6 - Concerned Citizen's Brigading 
// Story: Stories From Beyond the Grave 
// by Gravekeeper 
//------------------------------//



Concerned Citizen's Brigading



"Princess Twilight! PRINCESS TWILIGHT!"

Twilight groaned and fidgeted her wings. Why wasn't she allowed to make a break for it out the windows again? "Yes, Rabble Rouser?"

"Princess, I need to inform you of horrible, unspeakable, dastardly deeds being performed right under your very nose! Your! VERY! NOOOOOOOSE!" She jabbed a hoof at the proclaimed body part, ending in a very unroyal boop of the regal nostrils. Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"It's 8 AM."

"This cannot wait! Princess, one of the most horrible fiends to ever visit our town has returned! Trixie is in Ponyville!"

Trixie raised an eyebrow from the breakfast table, quietly chewing on her scone. She looked around curiously for a moment. She swallowed. "Is... is this news?"

"Is this ne—" Rabble worked her jaw, momentarily stunned at the sight of the magician. "She's... Princess!" she hissed, grabbing Twilight's hoof and dragging her to the other side of the room. "Princess!" she started again, whispering loudly. "That is Trixie sitting at the royal table!"

Twilight blinked slowly, rubbing her temple with her free hoof. "Yes, Rabble Rouser, that's a very astute observation; that is indeed Trixie, and she is indeed sitting at the table." Twilight stamped her hoof, doing her best to sound chipper despite her uncaffeinated state. "Well, that solves that mystery!" she said, using her magic to gently glide Rabble Rouser across the room and towards the castle's doors. "You have a nice day n—"

Rabble Rouser dug her hooves into the carpet. "Princess, do you not recall the last time Trixie came to Ponyville? What she did to everypony?!"

The Great and Powerful Trixie cleared her throat. "Trixie can hear you, you know."

Twilight sighed and put her hoof on Rabble's withers. "Yes, Rabble Rouser, I do recall the last time Trixie was here. It was just last week, and she was a perfect gentlemare; I was with her the entire time."

Rabble Rouser scowled, pulling herself up. "Please allow the public records to show that no official funds from the State of Friendship have been wasted on that mare!"

"Protectorate." Twilight sighed, even as Rabble's expression blanked for a moment. "We're not an individual state, we're a protectorate of the Equestrian Empire."

"Do we have government allocated funding?" Twilight nodded. "Then I would ensure that those funds are not spent on some—" Twilight's magical aura yanked on Rabble's vividly red mane, pulling her nose to booped regal nostril with the princess.

"Rabble. I understand the necessity of separating my personal and professional life. Please don't say something that I'll regret having responded to when I'm awake." She released the mare, who took a few steps back, huffing.

"V-very well then! Fine! How about this: Fluttershy still has fangs!"

Fluttershy blinked from where she had just managed to impale a piece of apple from the fruit salad bowl on said fangs. She struggled to remove it. "I.. uh... itth not that odd." Pinkie giggled happily before reaching over to help yank the offending piece of fruit loose.

Twilight wasn't sure if it was the universe or just Rabble Rouser that was giving her the headache."Really, Rabble?" Twilight's wings fluttered involuntary, ruffling her feathers. "You're seriously taking issue... With that?" she asked, pointing at Fluttershy.

At the mention of her name, Fluttershy's ears shot up and she quickly turned to face the pair, her eyes clueless and wide, breakfast forgotten. She tinged a charming shade of red as she tried to lick the excess apple juice from her lips before snapping her mouth shut. Unnoticed by her, one of her fangs jutted out cutely from the side of her mouth.

The entire effect was heart-stoppingly adorable.

Rabble's heart lurched at the sight; she staggered forward, clutching her chest. Twilight looked down at her with a knowing smirk. "Thought as much."

"I—" Rabble swallowed loudly, trying to regain some semblance of high ground. "Y-you still haven't informed the other ponies in town!"

Twilight shook her head. "Do you want to see what happens when ponies intentionally try to see her fangs? She just did this by accident!"

Fluttershy tilted her head in confusion. "Did what?"

Trixie calmly patted the Element of Cuteness on the head. "Nothing, have a waffle."

Rabble took a few steadying breaths, pulling herself up with a scowl. "I won't be laid low this easily! The Public has a right to know!"

Twilight applied a hoof just below her horn and started gently pressuring. "The Public should be completely aware of these situations."

"To be fair, Twi', ya have on occasion lamented that we're all a bunch of silly ponies."

Rabble pulled in a deep breath. "Lyra and Bon Bon are living in sin!"

"No they're not, silly willy!" Pinkie Pie tittered gleefully. "They got married last week."

"Rarity made an outfit out of things in a trash can!"

"I honestly don't even know how I managed to sell over twenty of those. I suppose my April Foals jokes aren't terribly obvious."

"Rainbow Dash dresses fashionably once a month!"

"Who– Wha– I..." Rainbow sank low in her seat, pulling her wide brimmed sun hat down over her eyes, cheeks coloring. "I'm allowed to have a little girly-mare streak. Tiny one."

Rabble let out a wordless growl.

Rabble's face reddened as steam blew from her ears. The rest of the girls all blinked at this. "C'mon, Rabble-Rabble," Pinkie said, popping out from behind her, steaming tea kettle in mouth.

"Ooohh," the rest of the girls chorused in understanding.

"Have some nice, calming tea with honey and join us for breakfast!" Pinkie continued, twisting her head and pouring some tea on the cup Rabble was holding on her hoof. The rest of the girls made wild, desperate negatory signs at Pinkie's suggestion.

Rabble blinked; how'd that cup even get there? "Do you think you can silence the vox populi with tea?" she said, taking an angry sip. A small, contented hum followed, as she raised her eyebrows at the cup. "Truly, you are as corrupt as the Foal Free Press has always reported you to be, Princess Twilight Sparkle!" she exclaimed, emptying her cup before poking at Pinkie with it, silently demanding seconds.

Pinkie smiled cheerfully, pouring another cup full. Twilight sighed as Rabble sipped peacefully on the most delicious beverage for waking up. "Define corruption?"

Trixie cleared her throat. "Well, if we want to be technical, you are about to fill your body with dark broth filled with the wrath of untold secrets."

"...So I like my coffee extra dark."

"Trixie thinks if it were any darker, you'd see green and purple contrails forming off it."

"A dark magic joke Trixie? Really?"

"Trixie was corrupted by dark magic, she can joke about it," the showmare shrugged; meanwhile, Rabble licked her lips contentedly as she finished her second cup.

"I am loath to agree with Trixie, but she does have a point, Darling," Rarity said, stirring some lemon into her tea, "Even in my darkest moments, corrupted by an all-consuming greed that gave me the power to shape our very existence into my own twisted image... I don't think I possessed neither the cruel creativity nor the deviant darkness in my heart to concoct the vile, spiteful pitch you drink every morning."

Twilight paused drinking mid-gulp. With some reluctance, she finished downing her coffee. "It's not that bad!"

"Hun, that big-city instant coffee stuff will kill ya. Dunno why you don't wanna give cousin Peaberry's coffee beans a try; that's what we drink back home ev'ry morn."

"AH-HA!" Rabble Rouser shouted, taking another sip of her tea. "So, Princess Twilight Sparkle would rather invest in foreign crops instead of supporting the local farmers! Wait til I tell the head of the Association of Farmers of Ponyville about this!"

The room was silent for a minute. "Uh," Applejack broke the silence, "Y'all mean me?"

Rabble frowned. "Nnnnooo, you can't be the head of the AFP. You're the local land owner, leader of the Ponyville Planting Platoon, member of the Ponyville Fair Market Fillies, you're in charge of the local Farmers Market association, and you're in charge of Ponyville's City Planning commission for outlying areas." She sipped her tea thoughtfully. "That's like 5 conflicts of interest."

Trixie tilted her head. "Local Landowner? Doesn't that apply to all the local ponies?"

Rabble waved a hoof dismissively. "No, no, I mean her family owns all the lands in and around Ponyville. She's still considered the landowner for the entire township, even though Twilight is considered her superior."

A few puzzled blinks made their way around the table. Rabble sipped her tea happily. Applejack finished an apple tart.

"Wait, Twilight Darling, I thought you owned the land now?"

"It's messy, as most government dealings are. I've basically got princess training wheels on, since I was granted a stable local government with only one town to oversee. Applejack's family still owns the land, then she checks in with me, and then I check in with Celestia." She took another swallow of her pitch coffee, enjoying the disgusting bitterness in ways her friends just couldn't comprehend.

Rabble licked her lips, considering the still half-full teacup. "Could I have a scone please?" Pinkie smiled happily as she retrieved a baked good for the Concerned Citizen.

Applejack patted her belly and waved Pinkie away when the party mare presented the farmer with the plate of baked goods. "And I'd rather let the Mayor deal with most of the city stuff, since the farm and the AFP, PPP, PFMF, FM, PCP, PBaCA, PFSS, and the YMCA keep me plenty busy most o'the time. Twi and I usually only meet for business when some new law needs to be approved or when we gotta meet with the council to talk 'bout tax allocatin' and all that hogwash."

Rabble Rouser nibbled on her scone. "Hogwash? Is that how a civil servant should refer to her civic duty?!"

"Land sakes, girl! Ain't nuthin' civil about havin' to listen to politicians yammer on an' on for ten hours 'bout whether we should be raising the taxes on cherries and cherry accessories by point-oh-wun percent or point-oh-two! I got actual work to do on my farm! Honestly, if I could, I would've already gotten somepony else to talk money and business in my stead on these meetins'."

Twilight peeked around her 30-tall stack of pancakes. "Applejack, you're Tenant-in-Chief of the greater Ponyville Demesne... You can appoint vassals, you know."

"Hoo-ee! Ya serious, girl?" Applejack slapped her knee with her hat. "Hey, Rares, how'd you li—"

"—YES!" Rarity squealed, loudly slamming her hooves on the table. Noticing the startled looks coming her way, she blushed crimson. "I mean, I would be honored to serve my town and my country, Lord Applejack."

Rabble Rouser's eye twitched; the bold, flagrant display of political favors and undue process overwhelmed her brain.