Thirteenth Chapter
I never thought for one moment, that I’d work as a dragonslayer
This chapter begins during the early morning following the last chapter
Captain Sunshine Eartheart of Her Majesty Princess Celestia’s Royal Guards
Princess Celestia looks groggy, tired, disheveled, but strangely enough, happy as she walks down the stairs of the saloon to greet me. I’ve already been up for hours. With little to do, I took a short walk, and watched the sun rise. “Good morning Sunshine!”
“You look like you’re going to burst into song Your Majesty.”
“I’ve not felt this good in centuries.”
“And why is that?”
“I feel productive, I feel like I’ve had fun, and whatever the outcome of today, it’ll have been an adventure. Feels good.” She smiles, in an authenticity that’s rare. Usually her formal smiles are so forced, but today, she’s authentically happy.
“Excellent. I have informed Gold Dust, we are all good to go.”
“Does he approve?”
“He’s not surprised, I’m not sure if he approves or not. He doesn’t think that you have a chance at making a worthwhile deal though.”
“We shall see.” She says with confidence. “Shall we go then?”
“My ponies are ready. I’d just like to ask, have you seen Sparkling Soda?”
“Not yet.”
“Is she still asleep?”
“I would assume so.”
I sigh. I make my way up to her room, and knock. I hear a groggy “Hello.” from the other end.
“Sparkling Soda?”
“Yes.” The door opens, to reveal an unkempt Sparkling Soda, in a pair of strangely out of place pink pyjamas. “It’s you Captain, please come in.”
“Are you coming on the expedition?”
“No.”
“What will you do then?”
“I thought about it last night. I’ll negotiate the price with Colt.”
I raise an eyebrow at the suggestion.“Very well.” Is all I say. “I hope you are capable of getting a reasonable price, in any case, it’ll be a good test. I give you the authority to draft a contract, not to sign it though”
“I know. I know.” I turn to leave. “Earthheart?”
“Yes.”
“Come back alive.”
“I will.”
******
The moment we leave the small confines of Goldford, we hit the realisation, that we have no idea where to find the Dragon King. I mention it to Her Majesty, and she ignores it, she wants an adventure, and will drag us along with her. We do have enough supplies for three days, though I don’t imagine we’ll need them. The landscape we walk across is the most barren I’ve ever seen; the ground is coarse and red, only the tiniest plants and animals survive here naturally. I do confess, it is rather eerie.
I must make a note to replace these armoured helmets for hot environments. The uniforms are infinitely better than the armour plate, but the helmets are a last reminder of what we once endured. I’m sure Celestia won’t object to pith helmets in hot weather, or maybe even hats.
Celestia herself just strides along without a care in the world. The soldiers make idle conversation, occasionally complaining about the heat. “Isn’t this great!?” Celestia exclaims. “I’d not think I’d visit anywhere so interesting in a long time.”
“Princess, you do realise you are here to make a treaty with the dragons?”
“Call me Celestia! And yes, I know why I’m here. So exciting.”
I sigh. “Celestia, I don’t understand your happy go lucky attitude, even if I admit to envying it.”
Celestia hums something. “Well, isn’t it just great to have the wind on your face, and the long open roa-”
“Wasteland.”
“Wasteland ahead of you.”
“The air smells of sulphur, and heat. It’s the temperature when one can taste how hot it is. Admittedly the wasteland does have an apocalyptic charm to it.”
“Oh just enjoy yourself Sunshine. Nothing bad will happen.”
“Princess, you are an immortal, and while I’m perfectly willing to die for you, it is not on my list of priorities. There is no honour in being wasteful.”
“Such a cynic.”
“As I recall, your cynicism is what brought us here.”
Celestia giggles. “I couldn’t possibly comment.” I scowl, and shake my head. “You really need to learn fun. I command it.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You know Sunshine? I’ve missed out on a lot of fun in my life. We’re going to have to make up for it. C’mon, for your Princess.”
“My dear Celestia, with all due respect, I don’t have the time.”
“Sunshine, Sunshine. You must learn the magic of friendship.”
“I’m fine with levitation Your Majesty. It has far more day to day uses. However, if you want my company, we can always arrange something, I just don’t have much time for it.”
“Alright, we’ll find something to do. I’ll figure something out. We could do something once weekly. And of course the meetings on top of that.”
“Ah yes, speaking of work. Do you object at all to new helmets?”
“Whatever for?”
“Hot weather. It’s terribly hot in this sun, if we had hot weather helmets, it’d be far more convenient.”
“Please, go right ahead. I honestly could not care less.”
“Good. By the way, do you know at all, which direction we should head?”
“Not at all.”
I believe it is safe to say, that this kind of conversation is going to continue for quite a while. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know if something interesting happens, but for the time being, you’d perhaps find something more interesting elsewhere.
Sparkling Soda Personal Assistant to Captain Sunshine Eartheart
Do I look good? I think so. I continue to stare at myself in the mirror. Is my hair good enough? Urgh, I’m quite nervous, what if he tries to rip me off, or give me a bad deal? I sweep back my mane, good enough. I just make an adjustment on my suit. Tie or no tie? Unfeminine of me to wear one, but I like the look. Actually, I think I’ll go for the blue one with the high collar, looks somewhat military. I like it, it looks practical as well as smart. No decoration, no buttons. I like this. Nothing superfluous, shows my job pretty well I think. I wonder, should I wear a hat? No, no, that’s not necessary. I think this is as good as I’m going to get. I breathe in, it’s time to make a deal.
I don’t get half the strange looks as I did yesterday. Ponies will tip their hats to me, and offer me the occasional “mornin’.” Of course I’m polite to oblige them that. Most of the ponies walked towards the mine, each with a look of determination, that they would strike the gold. I wish a few of them good luck, as I make my way towards Colt’s blacksmith.
When I enter the shop, Colt is standing behind the counter tinkering with a gun. He looks up to give me a smile. “Ahh Sparklin’ Soda, nice to see you. How are you doing this fine morning?”
“I’m well, and you?”
“Pretty good, feels nice to be back home.”
“What are you up to there?”
“This thing needs repairs. It’s an older design of mine, not a bad one, but not my best. I told the owner, that he could get a new one for the price of repair. He’s a good customer, and I want him safe. But for some reason he’s likes his gun. ‘Can’t blame him, when something saves your life, you do get attached.”
“Indeed.” I know what he means.
“So, what can I do you for?”
“Firstly, this is by no means a formal meeting. I’m only here-”
“Alright, but what are you here to discuss?”
“I’m here to draft a contract for the purchase of your weapons.” Colt simply nods. “However, this is by no means formal.”
“You’ve already said that. I’m guessing your Captain Eartheart is being as efficient as always. Gettin’ you to draft a deal while he’s away. Well Miss Soda, or do you prefer Sparkling? That’s fine by me.”
“Sparkling please. And yes, you’re correct.”
“Well then I’d be happy to oblige.” He walks towards the door, and flips his sign to signal he’s closed, before locking the door. “Shall we talk in my office?”
“Of course.”
Colt’s shop is really quite simple. There are three rooms, the first is his store, a simple room stacked with any metalwork you could possibly desire on one end, and a rack of guns on the other. Behind that, is the heart of his business, his workshop, by far the biggest building, this includes several workstations, each with either something he’s fixing, or something he’s making. I don’t know I’m no blacksmith, but it’s impressive anyway. Connected to this room is a smaller room, with no decorations other than a window, a desk, two chairs, and a filing cabinet. Colt takes a seat, and gestures me to join him. “Can I get you a drink?”
“A lemonade if you don’t mind?”
“Perfect, now I know you’re a drinks connoisseur, so I apologise if my bottles of lemonade aren’t up to your standards. But I did buy some expensive bottles in Canterlot, for this very eventuality, and of course for my family.”
“I didn’t know you had a family.”
“Yea well, I didn’t want to play the sympathy card.” He walks back into his workshop, returning with two cold bottles of an expensive lemonade. “Regardless, whenever I leave I like to bring back little gifts. My point Sparkling, is that I keep business and family separate. Nobody’s gonna buy my guns because they sympathise with my family. I offer you a product, you then chose if you like it, and if you do, you buy. No tricks, just good honest business practice.” He opens both bottles, and places them on the desk. “Sorry, I don’t have any glasses here, I expected to be doing business in Canterlot. Do you mind drinking from the bottle?”
“Not at all.”
“Why thank you miss. So, let’s get down to it. Would you like to begin, or should I give you my offer?”
“Well if you have something drawn out?”
“Well, I see what Earthheart is trying to do. He’s creating a big army, and I very much appreciate that. It’s good to have some defense around here. Now, there are two costs to bear in mind, the cost of the guns themselves. That’ll amount to on average, two fifty per gun, although some are more expensive, and others are cheaper. I’d also like a small investment in a factory. I’ve calculated this, the price of the guns won’t cover it. I need investment in a new building, in workers, in metal, etcetera.” He turns to his filing cabinet, and takes out a piece of paper. “Of course this depends upon the size of my order.”
“The army will consist of twenty thousand soldiers.”
Colt draws up a few calculations. “Alright, well, I think, if my estimations are correct, the factory will cost three to four million bits. Depending on how quickly you want it. The five mill that you give me for the orders, will be enough to cover the materials, plus profit margins. I think six million, including the gun costs is reasonable enough.”
“That’s remarkably cheap actually.”
“Sparkling, I do not rip off anypony. You didn’t have to come to me for some long drawn out negotiation. I’ll be making plenty of profit on this, don’t you worry.”
“Oh? What are you going to do when you finish arming the army?”
“I’ll have a fully running factory, that has the capacity for advanced metal manufacturing. That’s an opportunity if ever I’ve seen one.”
“Good point.”
“Just one question.” He asks.
“Yes?”
“What should I call it?”
“What?”
“Yea, well my company’s called Colt’s Blacksmith now, but if it’s a factory then what should I call it? Now, I’m not the artistic type, I was just wonderin’ on the off chance you had an idea.”
“Colt’s guns?”
“No, no, I’d not be selling weapons to the public.”
“General Tool Company? The Colt General Tool Company? Actually, no just have it say Colt!”
“Yea, but that says nothin’. What’s the point of just sayin’ my name?”
“Everything! It’ll become recognisable. With a company like yours, Colt will be the brand ponies go for quality.”
“Huh, I suppose there is logic to that argument. Thank you kindly.”
“Not a problem. Now I’ll draw up the official paperwork, do you mind if I use this office? Like I said previously this is by no means a final contract, and is subject to renegotiation, even if we do agree to buy your weapons. For example we might not to give everyone a gun, etc etc.”
“Of course. A first draft, I understand.”
“Excellent, I’ll get right to it.”
“Fantastic.” He beams at me. “You know, if I wasn’t married, I’d kiss you right now.” He nods. “Finally my dream is becoming a reality. Forgive me.” He wipes his eyes.
“Hey, don’t start thanking me yet. I’m just drawing up the paperwork.”
“Hey, I can feel this one’s gonna work. Anyhow, I’m going to work my shop. You don’t need me breathing down your back. Again, thank you.”
“Like I said, don’t thank me yet.”
“Thank you.” He says as he walks out the door. Idiot. He really doesn’t know Princess Celestia.
*****
Fuck me! What was that? Oh no, oh no, oh no! There’s an impossibly loud roar. Shit. This can’t be good. I can hear shouting in the distance. Colt runs into the office. “Follow me!” He commands simply. “Dragon!” I follow him, and we run out into the town. Ponies come from all direction brandishing their guns, rushing towards the wall. I hear a whistle, sounds like it’s from a tannoy.
“ATTENTION! This is Gold Dust! We’ve got a class B Dragon, all ponies to action stations. Looks to be young, looks to be a scare job.” The ponies really don’t need to be told, they’re all running towards the wall.
“Phew.” Says Colt, standing still. “We’re safe. Probably. C’mon, you’ve got to see this.” We canter towards the wall. There’s this thing, a staircase, that leads us up to the top, although there are plenty of floors in between, with small slits where militia ponies point their guns through.
“NOW LISTEN HERE DRAGON! WE DON’T WANT NO TROUBLE! BACK OFF OR WE OPEN FIRE!” Colt and I reach the top of the wall.
There are no words for what I see! Fuck! Fuck! I thought Celestia was incompetent, not weak. Fuck! Oh now I am scared. Celestia is on the ground, barely holding that horrible creature off with some kind of magical shield. That dragon must be at least ten times her size. Colt’s telling me something, but I can hardly hear what it is. Looks like Celestia has a broken wing. “LAST CHANCE ASSHOLE!”
The dragon turns at the wall. It looks cheated. It roars at us, in defiance, but then it turns round and flies away, it barely looks injured. What I see now is perhaps the most pitiful sight I’ve ever seen. Princess Celestia spits blood, gets up, and limps towards the wall. One of the ring thingys around her leg is gone. The same leg looks broken. Bloody hell. I’d never thought I’d say this, but I pity her.
Oh shit… My blood runs cold. Oh shit… If that’s Princess Celestia. Where are the soldiers? Where is Earthheart?