The train slowed as it approached the Crystal Empire station, the change in momentum enough to jar Twilight from her thoughts. She was here, and with the help of her sister-in-law, would finally be able to complete her friendship lesson. She darted up the aisle to the door and waited for it to open. As soon as it did, she took off at a gallop towards the castle. Many of the crystal pony residents gave her awkward looks as she passed. When she arrived, a familiar orange-coated guard was posted there. She considered asking him for help, but quickly dismissed the idea. “The human version is much better looking,” she thought as she ran past him. As she did, he felt rather insulted for reasons he couldn’t comprehend, but it soon passed as he refocused on his duty.
Twilight entered the throne room as Cadence performed her royal duties, her throne room occupied with a few straggling petitioners. Her brother was nowhere to be seen, most likely busy with guard business. Cadence waved to Twilight discreetly, so as not to tip off the current petitioner that she had quit listening to him half an hour ago. Since she had taken over the empire, she had learned the hard way exactly why her aunts drank heavily on days entertaining petitioners. Ponies, and triply so for nobles, seemed to think the longer they spoke, the more likely they were to receive approval. And in a way they were right, once a princess stopped listening, they had already decided their answer, so if the pony left all the bad parts till the end, the princess would never know about it.
Twilight waited impatiently as two full grueling hours passed before the first pony, who had been there since before Twilight had arrived, finally finished. During that time, she had quietly moved next to Cadence, careful to not cause any disturbance that might interrupt the speaker. She sat quietly, fidgeting slightly, as the pony droned on into what seemed like eternity. She had sat through lectures on advanced magical influence on quantum mechanics that were shorter than this pony’s petition. Spike had called her the princess of lectures, but she didn’t think she could talk for this long on a subject this contrived. Once it was over, Cadence declined the petition, then called a recess until tomorrow. She turned and left the throne room, Twilight close behind her.
As the mares entered Cadence’s office, Cadence quickly proceeded to a cabinet next to her desk. An entire day of listening to ponies spend hours drone on forever to say what could be relayed in minutes was incredibly stressful. She need a drink or perhaps five to calm down. She wondered for a moment why Shining was always happy when she had her petition days. She opened it and quickly poured herself a large glass of apple brandy. She drained the whole glass in an instant and then immediately refilled it.
She sighed with relief, before she turned to Twilight. “Would you like a drink, Twilight?”
Twilight was shocked to see her former foalsitter drink so much so quickly. When had she even started drinking? “No thank you. I don’t drink.” In fact, she had never drank alcohol in her life.
“Your loss. So to what do I owe this surprise visit?” Cadance was already slurring slightly.
“I need help with the lesson Celestia sent me today, and my friends in Ponyville weren't able to help. But after I gave it some real thought, I realized you were the best pony to come to for advice.”
As Cadance levitated the bottle for a third glass, her unsteady magic caused a bit of it to spill onto the floor. “I’ll help anyway I can. What is the lesson?”
Rather than try to explain, she simply levitated the letter over to Cadance. Cadance took the letter and did her best to focus on it. She read it and suddenly gulped down the rest of her fourth drink.
“Twilight, why did you think I could help with this?”
“Well, you’re older, and much more experienced.”
“More experienced?”
Twilight suddenly noticed the tone Cadance was had used and the look that now stared her down. She quickly started to think of a way to defuse her sister-in-law’s anger, but by then, she was way too late.
Cadance started yelling, “So, just because I’m the alicorn of love, I’m some kind of whore. Is that what you think?” Her slurs had become more pronounced at that point. “Oh, that Cadance, she’ll sleep with anyone.” She took a large gulp of her fifth glass. “Really, I expected more from you, Twilight. You know the only pony I ever even dated was your brother. I didn’t even lose my virginity until my wedding night.” She suddenly got much quieter, and then started to cry. “Really, Twilight, why would you think I was like that? Why do so many ponies think I’m a whore?” She broke down in tears.
Twilight got up and put her hooves around Cadance. They both sat there for several moments before either spoke. “Cadance, I’m sorry. I never thought you were a whore.”
Cadance pushed Twilight away, her tears disappearing, her voice tempered with anger once more. “Oh? Then why do you want advice on how to get laid from me? Get out!” Cadance picked up a miniature version of the Crystal Heart and threw it. It sailed across the room, a good five meters from Twilight, before it smashed into a bookshelf.
Twilight ran from the office, and didn’t stop until she had escaped the castle.
Shining smiled and whistled as he walked down the hall toward his wife’s office. It was petition day, and his wife was always in an amorous mood after court had ended.
As he entered the office, he announced, “Honey, your Knight in Shining Armor has arrived.” It was a credit to his experience as a guard that he ducked in time for the glass to miss him. He looked up to see pure drunken rage in his wife’s eyes. Many thoughts of self-preservation flashed through his mind, but in the end, he knew it was futile. He sucked in a breath and braced himself for a rough night.
Twilight was confused and desperate. She needed a friend to talk to, one who wouldn’t judge her. A friend that could help Twilight explain her failure to Celestia in a way where she wouldn’t be punished as badly. There was only one pony who she knew had committed such an offence against the princess and was forgiven for it. Sunset Shimmer. She rushed home, and each time she thought to look back, a strong sense of fear gripped her heart.
After the long train ride back to Ponyville, she rushed to her castle, and then quickly made her way into the basement. It was early evening when she arrived. She grabbed the book that that was her link to Sunset and then wrote a quick note to inform Sunset of her arrival and to meet her next to the Wondercolt’s statue. Then she replaced the book in its cradle and activated the mirror. As soon as the portal was open, she took a deep breath, and then strode through it.
About five minutes after Twilight emerged, she heard footsteps and then turned to watch Sunset run up to meet her. She panted heavily having ran all the way from her house. She wore a confused expression as she wondered what emergency could possibly make Twilight contact her on such short notice? She saw Twilight next to the statue, who seemed terribly shaken, like she’d just witnessed another Pinkie Pie cupcake eating contest. This had to be something major.
“Twilight! What’s the emergency? Is there a threat we don’t know about yet? Is it a threat to Equestria that needs us to come through the portal to help with?” Sunset blurted out as soon as she caught her breath.
“No, it’s much worse. I got a friendship lesson from Celestia, but no matter what I tried, I just couldn’t finish it!”
Sunset paused to consider the situation. She knew how Twilight was when she felt like she failed at something. She immediately wrapped Twilight in a hug. “What was the lesson? Maybe I can help.”
Twilight hesitated a moment. She had gotten some bad responses after she showed most ponies the letter. However, the honest desire to help she saw in Sunset’s eyes told her that maybe this would be different. She slowly handed Sunset the letter.
As Sunset read the Celestia-damned letter, her worried smile turned into a mischievous smirk. “Twilight, you know I’d never lie to you, right?”
Twilight furrowed her brows as she eyed Sunset, then slowly said, “Yes...”
“Twilight, this isn’t a lesson. This is personal advice. You can be high strung sometimes, and Celestia just wants to help you calm down a bit.”
Twilight was dumbstruck. Everything she went through, all the embarrassment she suffered, wasn’t for an important lesson on friendship?
“Twilight, come with me. I’ll give you all the help you could ever need.” Sunset said as she led Twilight to her house.
Three hours later, Sunset laid back on her bed, chewing on the end of a drinking straw. Twilight lay next to her, her breath heavy and body completely limp.
“Wow, Twilight, the you from this world reacted the same way when I introduced her to the real magic of friendship.” Sunset said smugly.
Twilight tried to react to this unsettling revelation, but in her hyper relaxed state she wasn’t able to do much more than say, “What?”
Sunset grinned, an evil plan now in motion. “Now I have a matching pair. I should get both of you over at the same time, then we could have a Ménage à Twi.” She giggled a bit at her pun, and then a lot at the now scarlet Twilight Sparkle.
Epilogue: 3 days later
As Twilight sat across from Celestia, she carefully sipped her tea. Celestia had been silent for some time, but finally had brought up why she had called her former student to Canterlot. “Twilight, I’ve heard some slightly disturbing reports from some of your friends and your sister-in-law. I wanted to clarify what the letter I sent you meant.”
Twilight calmly interrupted her former teacher. “It’s ok. Sunset explained it.”
“She did?”
“Yes, and I’m feeling much calmer now.” Twilight grinned and set her cup down. “In fact, I’m going back tomorrow night.”
Celestia choked on her tea and gave Twilight a questioning look.
Twilight smirked and nodded, happy to confirm Celestia’s unspoken question.
The End