//------------------------------// // Chapter VIII: Interviews // Story: Nocturnal Mayhem // by Silvak //------------------------------// "Wow, this is... surprising." "What do you mean, your highness? Not enough applicants?" "More like way more applicants than I expected," I answered as I stared at about forty or so ponies standing outside the lobby. Shortly after Luna dropped the idea of me getting a retainer, I quickly thought over what I would want, but quickly started to run out ideas due to the presence of a guard and a serving staff the castle possessed. So in the end, I just came up an ad for either a flying instructor or somepony that could keep me amused. Luna was surprised that I wanted a flying instructor when I could get one of the guards to teach me, but I'm never one for discipline, so I wanted someone a bit more loose that might suit my style of physical training, which is winging it on the fly. Heh, pun. After getting Luna to accept my ad, I was surprised to discover that the ad would be ready and posted by the morning, along with the fact that transportation would be handled by the crown and that it would only involve a few hours of the night for a few days of the week, along with generous pay of course. This led me to think that she had an ulterior motive of having more ponies looking over me so I don't get into too much mischief. "Well, you're going to need to give them interviews... you do know what you're doing, right your highness?" Shade asked, causing me to give him a flat look. "Do I look like a pony with a plan?" I countered, causing Shade and Grace to let out a sigh of frustration. "Just get a couple guards and have them form a line and I'll start rejecting most if not all of them." Looking at each other for a moment before letting out a sigh as Grace commented, "This is going to be a long night." "So, Mr. Thunderlane, what makes you think you would be a good flight instructor for me?" "Well, your highness, I went to flight school when I was a colt, so I could teach you how I..." Thunderlane started to say before I lean my head past the edge of the desk I was at to stare at him intensely, with the desk barely below my head level as I sat in the oversized chair. I imagine that this would be hilarious if I wasn't an alicorn princess. "What are you doing?" "Trying to stare into your soul." "You can do that?" Thunderlane asked as he started to fidget a bit. "No, but it can't hurt to try." "...I'm just going to go now, your highness." "So you think taking care of flower garden will be entertaining for me, Ms. Roseluck?" Bearing a forced grin as sweat dripped down her face, Roseluck answered, "Yes, it would be a great hobby for you. Just imagine going out onto your private garden, taking in the scents of the flowers you painstakingly grew over time, admiring the beauty of your garden." "You do realize that I'm awake during the night time hours, and the castle has its own garden that is maintained by hired help?" I replied with a raised eyebrow. "I... well... I..." Roseluck started to say before her eyes rolled up as she faint, toppling off her chair. "...Seriously?" I could only say before turning my head to Shade, who was standing guard by the door to the office I taken over, looking dumbstrucked. "Augh, just drag her out of here and send the next one in." "So your name is Derpy Hooves," I stated as I looked at the cross-eyed gray pegasus, who only nodded at me with a smile on her muzzle. "And you're applying for both positions?" "Yes, I'm very good with foals and I'm great flier! That's why I'm Ponyville's own mailmare!" Derpy said as she took off from her chair, doing a loop in the air in some kind of demonstration, only to crash onto the desk, flipping it over to where it landed on top of me, sending both me and my chair crashing to the ground. "Oopsie." "I think this is enough, don't call us, we'll call you," I muttered from beneath the desk as I spotted a panicked Shade coming to my aid. "What does that mean?" "...Just go, please." "You know, your highness, that if you didn't try to weird out your candidates, you may have gotten yourself the retainers you wanted," Grace commented, having traded shifts with Shade as she eyed me while I shuffled some papers before me. "And what just are those papers you're hanging onto for?" "For intimidation of course," I answered, causing Grace to facehoof. "Send in the next victim." "I'm starting to wonder if this is some over glorified prank," Grace muttered to herself as she reached to open the doorknob. "I heard that," I shot back, causing Grace to give me a flat stare before opening the door to call out for the next pony, only for a pink blur to rush past her, taking a seat at the desk as I blinked in surprise. "Hi there, Neby! Long time no see! Though it was only one day, but that must be a long time for a foal like you. But you're an alicorn, and since Princess Celestia and Princess Luna has been around for a thousand years, does that mean it is actually just a short time for you?" Pinkie jabbered on as I just blinked in confusion before gathering my wits back together. "Pinkie? What are you doing here?" I could only utter out, causing her to laugh at me. "Ain't it obvious? I'm here for the position of your fun time adviser!" Pinkie exclaimed as she threw her hooves into the air, as confetti came out of them, even though I could swear that she didn't have any in her hooves when she arrived. "Uh... fun time advisor?" I stupidly asked as I tilted my head. "Remember you wanted a retainer that would entertain, like how you put it in the ad, you silly filly," Pinkie answered as she put the ad down on the desk in front of me. Blinking like a moron for a bit, I responded, "Okay... so what do you have to bring to the table? Besides what you have shown me last night." "Well, I got some rubber duckies, a unicycle, a box of deflated balloons," Pinkie started to answer as she took out said items out her mane, putting them on the table before I flash stepped past the growing pile to put a hoof in Pinkie's mouth. "I meant what talents, skills you have for the position," I muttered before flash stepping back to my seat, before noting the saliva on my hoof, rubbing it off the side of the table. "Oh, well I'm Ponyville's premiere party pony! I throw the best parties Ponyville has ever seen! I'm also a baker at the Sugarcube Corner, and you tastes one of my cupcakes already," Pinkie exclaimed with a smile, as I wonder if there was a volume switch underneath that mane of hers. "Okay... so why do you want this position?" I asked as I made a show of looking over my papers. "Oh, to make you a happy happy pony!" Pinkie answered as I raised an eyebrow at her, due to that statement having two separate meanings, depending on who you talk to. "What do you mean by that?" "Well, last night I did saw you smile, but I know it wasn't a happy smile. Looking at you, you sometimes look like you're having fun, but you're not really all that happy, which makes me sad. But when I saw your ad, I knew this was my chance to make you a happy pony!" Pinkie replied as I tapped a hoof against my chin in thought. "Hmm... well, considering that I'm grounded for the time being, how about you do a favor for me, as a test of sorts?" I asked as a plot started to form in my mind. "Oh? What is it? Is it a super secret mission?" Pinkie asked. "You could say that, do you have any mane or coat dyes on you?" "Yes I do, I have one for all the colors of the rainbow!" Pinkie answered as she started taking out various dyes. Spotting a green and even a black dye, I responded, "Hmm...good, then mind doing a wee little prank for me? It's harmless, I swear." Eyeing me, Pinkie said, "Sure, as long as you promise that no pony is going to be hurt." "Honest, all you have to do is dye my 'cousin's' coat black and his mane green. Just a harmless prank that a few baths or a spell won't take care of," I said with a forced smile, hoping to placate Pinkie's suspicions. Pinkie narrowed her eyes at me for a moment, before resuming her cheerful look, saying "Okey dokey lokey!" She then grabbed her dyes before heading off in a rush, zipping past the door as she also said, "Hi Rainbow!" "Rainbow?" I muttered in confusion, only to hear some shouting as a cyan coated mare with a prismatic mane flew into the room. "Oh... Rainbow..." "Yup, Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in all of Equestria!" Rainbow declared as she took a seat in the chair in front of me, pumping her chest out in pride as she beat a hoof against it. "Heard you needed a flight instructor, so why not give the newest alicorn princess the best flyer to teach her how to fly like a pro!" "You're... confident about your skills," I said slowly, frowning at Rainbow's bragging. "Of course, since I'm the only pony to ever do the Sonic Rainboom, and I'm the winner of the Best Young Flyer competition, not to mention that I'm the bearer of the Element of Loyalty!" Rainbow exclaimed, looking all smug as one of my eyebrows just raised itself, due to having read about the Elements of Harmony two days ago. "I see, well, that really gives you an edge over the average pony, but why do you want to be my retainer in that department? And please be honest, I'm not one for liars," I replied. Looking at me for a moment, Rainbow shrugged as she answered, "Well, besides it being awesome to train an alicorn, there's also all the bits I could make on the side. But mostly to see what an alicorn can do with their wings." "Okay..." I mumbled out, surprised by her brutal honesty. "Though, you do realize that this could take quite a few hours of your night from now on. This might take a bit out of your day life as a result." Instead of seeing an expression of doubt, I just see the confusion on Rainbow's face as she said, "What are you talking about? The ad said that whoever takes those positions will be given a special kind of sleep that makes them feel like they had a full night's of rest." Blinking in confusion, I looked down at the ad that Pinkie left behind, scanning it to spot the part that Rainbow mentioned. Guess Luna decided to add in a little extra to widen the pool of potential recruits, which explained the number of ponies that showed up. "Okay... then one simple test, to see if you have what it takes to be my flight instructor." Rainbow then jumped into the air, hovering as she punched the air with a hoof. "What is it, I'll take on anything test you can come up with! Is it fighting a dragon? Capture a manticore? Du—" "Punch me in the face." "—eling a—what did you say?" Rainbow asked as she stopped her mock fighting to look at me in utter bewilderment, which is matched by Grace as well. "Just punch me in the face, and you'll get the position," I calmly said, placing my hoofs on the desk before me. Narrowing her eyes, Rainbow stared at me for a moment before stating, "Is this some kind of trick? Cause I'm not going to punch you only to be thrown in prison." Shaking my head, I replied, "No no no, there is no tricks nor strings attached. The guard won't even do a thing to you, nor will you get in any sort of trouble for it. Just simply pu—" before a cyan hoof connected to my face suddenly, pushing my head back as I blinked in confusion. "Well, do I get the job?" Rainbow asked as she hovered back in the air, a self-satisfied smile on her face as Grace just gaped at the scene before her, only to jump back as a pink blur rushed back into the room. "All done, do I get the job?" Pinkie asked as she bounced on top of the chair, as Rainbow just cocked an eyebrow at her as I rubbed the tip of my nose with a hoof as my eyes shifted between the two. "Well, you two did as I requested... so I guess you two can be my retainers," I answered, causing the two to cheer and share a... high hoof? As Grace just looked at what transpired in terror for some reason, I just watched the two celebrate in front of me, amused by the scene. It looked like things are going to be interesting for a while.