Ok, so I feel a little bit guilty about the misleading nature of that title. I didn't choose it, someone somepony else did (Rarity). She said that it gave the journal a better "flare for the dramatic". I don't know how accurate that is, but I'll roll with it.
To explain what I mean, I need to clarify that the title is only two-thirds correct.
Let's get one thing clear right now: this will not be a very easy-to-understand story. This is me just rambling, not me writing down my memoirs. Although, my... friends (can I even still call them my friends?) have helped me a great deal to make this thing a little clearer for you, and I guess it can be a story if you squint hard enough.
More on that later.
The second thing the title got right is that I am totally, one hundred percent, completely insane! Off my rocker! Round the bend! Lock me in the looney bin and throw away the key! Now, that too comes with a clarification. Do you know the definition of insanity? If you do, welcome. If not, then I'll just tell you. Crazy, by medical terms, is doing the same exact thing over and over again, and expecting it to change.
And that is what I do. I try to build myself a life! It falls apart. I try to make friends! They end up dead. I try to eat a normal breakfast! My toast is burnt, the stove is on fire, and at least one window has been broken. And do I learn anything? No. No I do not. Because no matter how many times I fuck up, no matter how many times I fail utterly, I can't get it through my stupid, thick skull that I will never succeed. I will never, ever get what I want. What I truly want.
It will forever elude me.
But I still try.
And thus, I am crazy.
One last thing, though, and here's where the title is wrong. I am not a god. I have only every been God once, and that only lasted for about eight seconds. I have met all kinds of creatures, deities, and cosmic entities that could all claim to be gods, and universally I have seen them suffer, crumble, fail, fall, and die. They trip over themselves trying to ensure their standing as the "greatest of all", never bothering to notice that one plucky hero or that one little artifact that will blow them completely out of the water.
I don’t have that problem. I’m intelligent. I know how to read the signs and avoid them. But, more importantly, I’m nearly invisible. I hide in plain sight, and no one ever sees me.
But, most importantly, I’m not that arrogant. Granted, I have my moments, but ultimately I know when to keep my head down. Because I am mortal, just like you.
I am not a God. I’m just the closest thing you’ll ever meet in this lifetime.
But that’s not what we’re here to discuss. You probably clicked on that link thinking, “what the hell is this joker of an author writing now, and why should I waste my time reading this?” Well, I’m going to tell you! I’m going to tell you the story of how I lost all my power, and fell to earth to live like one of you mortals. It was the greatest years of my life, and ultimately led to my departure from this world, but I will never regret it for even a second.
I am a fool. An idiot. A psychopath. A Peasant. A Madman. A Monster. A King. A Muse. I am selfish. I am terrifying. I am self preservation incarnate. I am all of this... and much, much more.
But I am not a God.
Because Gods don’t cry. Gods don’t bleed. And Gods certainly don’t die.
I hope you will come to appreciate that as you read the contents of this journal. And no matter how revolting they may be, I pray that you see it through to the end. Because, really, this is all I have left. And I'd like at least more than just a few people to have read it before I'm gone. To remember me, if nothing else.
Please. That is all I ask.
That being said, I believe it's time I moved on to the explanation of the actual Journal.
Like Talshain said in the description, this will not be a story in the strictest of senses, so much as my recounting of events in a somewhat chronological order. I tried to make it coherent for you dumb little shits, but upon reading my journal, an… associate of mine told me, quite frankly, that it was an incomprehensible mess of ramblings, technical jargon, and ludicrous rants interspersed among vague descriptions of what was happening around me. In an attempt to shed better light upon the events and topics covered in these pages, I have asked several of my friends to insert their own opinions and recollection of events in order to augment the narrative. Hopefully that will get you all to stop nagging me about it!
But, as I’m prone to many flights of fancy, I hope you will forgive me if I occasionally go off topic.
So, with that in mind, I think I should start it off. But before we begin, I have one last thing to say: coming to Equestria was the greatest experience I have ever had in my long long long long life, and I would gladly trade all six of my limbs if it meant being able to go back!
The air there was… soothing. Calming. The very land seemed to cradle me with every step I took, and the sky… where do I even begin? It’s amazing! So bright and blue, and with none of the nasty layers of pollution and spirit junk that seems to pervade every corner of reality. But then again I think I have Faust to thank for that. She made it after all.
She made it to be paradise.
She tried to remake our home….
And… well… she succeeded. In many aspects! She made Utopia. War was nearly unheard of! The vast, vast majority of the population lived in harmony and health! There was just enough danger to keep it exciting, but not enough to make it actually dangerous. Sure the random pony might get eaten by a Tatzlworm, or mauled by Timberwolves, or fall off a cliff or something. But so what?! That just makes it more fun!
I’m getting way ahead of myself. See, I told you it would happen. Let me back up a bit and relate to you my first introduction to Equestria. And, like most of my adventures, it starts with me falling from a ridiculous height to the ground at terminal velocity.
FUN!!