//------------------------------// // Sunset Vs. The Yule Log // Story: Sunset Vs. // by MythrilMoth //------------------------------// Hearth's Warming Eve dinner with the Sparkle family had been a lavish affair, with all manner of traditional dishes including, to Sunset Shimmer's delight—and later lament—six-layer bean dip. Delight because it had been absolutely delicious. The lament came much, much later, once Sunset had said her goodbyes, thanked Mrs. Velvet for the wonderful meal, and gone home. A sound not unlike two swamps eating a third, bigger swamp echoed off the tile walls of Sunset's bathroom, impressively unimpeded by the barrier of orange ass firmly pressed against cheap plastic toilet seat. Sunset's face twisted in a pained grimace, grunting as she strained to birth a continent of crap. She understood, only now, why Twilight's weird uncle jokingly referred to the bean dip as "The Pipe Cleaner". Fifteen grueling minutes later, during which Sunset gazed long into the vast infinity of the cosmos and found the answer to everything, the final convulsion of her sphincter heralded the end of the battle. Letting out a heavy, weary sigh, she wiped and flushed. She grabbed her panties and pajama bottoms and stood, pulling them up, then turned to spray some air freshener and close the lid. She froze, staring into the porcelain basin in dismay, confusion, and horror. A massive pile of fresh brown crap sat staunchly above the water line, stuck fast to the inside curve of the bowl. Frowning, Sunset waited for the tank to finish filling, then flushed again. The water in the bowl swirled down the drain and the bowl refilled. The shit stayed, like a brown island on a white sea. Sunset pulled a face. "Geh." She hovered over the bowl hesitantly, uncertain as to how to proceed. She lifted the seat, took a step back, and contemplated things. She started to reach for the toilet brush, then shook her head, dismissing that notion. That brush was for cleaning the toilet. Getting it all smeared with...with crap would make it unsuited for that purpose. She then considered using the plunger to dislodge the mudslide of turds. She frowned at the notion of putting the plunger back out on the bathroom floor, smeared in nasty brown crap, forever smelling up the place. Tentatively, she tried flushing the toilet a third time. Once again, the bowl emptied but left behind a nice, thick patina of her finest work. "Wughaa." With a heavy sigh and a shake of her head, Sunset put down the seat, closed the lid, sprayed air freshener, washed her hands, turned on the bathroom vent fan, and closed the door. "I'll deal with it in the morning," she decided, shuffling off to her loft bed. * * * * * Hearth's Warming Day dawned cold and bright. Sunset yawned and padded to the bathroom, frowning in confusion at her vent fan running. Then she lifted the lid, and her first, most unwelcome present of the day appeared before her. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Ugh, that's right," she muttered. Grimacing, she sat down on the toilet, squirming as she peed, then wiped and stood, flushing. She hoped against hope that the turdmass would finally clear. It didn't. Shoulders sagging, Sunset put the lid down again and washed her hands. It being the holiday of the year, there was nobody she could turn to for help and no shops open for her to buy anything she needed. Sunset resigned herself to spending the day being confronted with her own leavings anytime she needed to use the bathroom. She spent the bulk of the day studiously ignoring the problem, texting back and forth with various friends about presents and things, chuckling at selfies they posted, and watching a couple of good movies on television. Late in the afternoon, she got a call from Twilight Sparkle. "Hey, I'm bringing over a care package from my mom and a couple of little presents," Twilight said. Sunset beamed. "Thanks! You don't have to go to all that trouble." "It's no trouble. Besides, I've been hanging out with boring old people all day and I need facetime with a friend." Sunset laughed. "Alright. See you in a bit." Just as she was about to hang up, a sudden flash of inspiration hit. "Hey, Twilight? Bring your geode. I've actually got a little problem over here I could use your magic to help with." This was going to be utterly humiliating, but if it meant getting rid of that mess in the toilet, Sunset could suffer a little humiliation. * * * * * Once Twilight arrived, she and Sunset spent a minute putting away foodstuffs in the fridge and opening little presents, as well as generally chatting. Then, Twilight fingered her geode. "So, what is it you wanted my help with." Sunset grimaced. "Well...come on, follow me." Sunset led Twilight over to the bathroom and opened the door. "I've got a little...problem," Sunset said, her cheeks red as she gestured to the toilet. Twilight blinked, then narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "Sunset," she said testily, "my name is Twilight Sparkle, not Toilet Sparkle." "I know that!" Sunset snapped. "It's just..." She shook her head. "Watch." She lifted the lid. The smell wafted up, and Twilight gagged. "Gah! What—" Twilight's eyes bugged out as her gaze landed on the brown mass clinging to the inside of the bowl. "Oh my GOD, Sunset, what the HELL?!" "It won't flush down!" Sunset cried, reaching out to flush the handle. Twilight watched the water swirl down and the bowl refill, the turd clump remaining resolutely fixed. "Huh," Twilight grunted. "It's been stuck there since last night," Sunset said. "I can't get rid of it." "That's...gross," Twilight said, pulling a face. Her hands glowed, and the heavy ceramic lid lifted off the tank. She peered inside, frowning as she studied the pressure mechanism and all the bone-dry guts of the toilet. "Well the problem is you're not getting enough flush pressure," she said with a grimace as she replaced the tank cover and stepped back. "Uh doi," Sunset snarked. "You're gonna have to call the landlord," Twilight said, shaking her head. "Their contracted plumber obviously screwed up installing this thing." "I'm not about to call the landlord with this huge turd splattered all over the inside of the toilet!" Sunset cried, throwing up her arms. "Sunset, that's not a turd. That's a turdslide. It's an assalanche. It's a buttcanic eruption!" "Hahaha," Sunset deadpanned. "Seriously, how'd something like that even come out of you?!" Twilight wondered. "Last time I saw a mess like that, it came out of the back end of, well...a horse!" Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Really." "...you know what I mean!" Twilight cried, flushing and throwing up her hands. "I'm sorry, I just...I've never gone over to another person's house and witnessed, first-hand, a bowel movement this nasty still sitting in their toilet!" She shook her head. "Why'd you even show me this? What am I supposed to do?" "Well, I had hoped you'd use your magic to kind of, y'know, shove that shit down into the bottom of the bowl so it'll flush," Sunset said, making a shoving motion with her hands. Twilight froze, contemplating that. "Ewwwww." "It's not like I'm asking you to put your hands in it!" Sunset cried. "Just, y'know...force-push it with your magic!" "That...still sounds like something really gross I don't particularly want to do," Twilight said, sticking her tongue out and crossing her eyes. "I mean, you're my best friend and I love you like a sister, but I don't know if I can wrap my sparkly Equestrian magic around your turds." Sunset stared at Twilight, eyes tiny green coals of 'I've-had-just-about-enough'. "That...that doesn't make any sense!" she snapped, throwing out a hand to her side. "If I had my unicorn magic, I'd do it without a second thought!" Twilight crossed her arms. "Then put on some latex gloves and shove it down with your hands," she challenged. That brought Sunset up short. "What the—" She shuddered. "EWW!" "Exactly," Twilight said, nodding once, firmly. The girls stood there for a long moment, completely at an impasse. Finally, Twilight sighed. "I'll call my dad," she said. "He'll have exactly the right tool for this." "GAH!" Sunset yelped, panicking. "Twilight! It's bad enough you saw this, I don't want your dad seeing—" "Hey Dad? I'm over at Sunset's place and she's got a toilet problem. Big nasty pile of, ahem, poop that's stuck inside the bowl, won't go down, bad flush pressure. Uh huh. Uh huh. Yeah. You do? Cool, thanks!" She hung up. "He'll be here in ten minutes," she announced. Sunset facepalmed, dragging her hand down her face. "And there goes my dignity," she muttered. "Which would you rather have, your dignity or Turd Island?" Sunset groaned. "I hate you so much right now," she said, blowing a raspberry. * * * * * Night Light looked around Sunset's apartment with interest. "Hey, nice place you got here," he said. "Do I even wanna know how a teenage girl living on her own can afford a place like this?" "Long story," Sunset said. "Sorry to drag you all the way over here on Hearth's Warming," she added. She ducked her head and blushed. "Umm. It's kind of nasty in that bathroom..." "I've seen all kinds of household disasters," Night Light said placatingly. He had a medium-sized indoor pressure washer with him. "Based on what Twiley told me, this should just about do the trick." He headed for the bathroom, the two girls trailing behind him. He stared down into the bowl, then turned back and raised an eyebrow. "Six-layer bean dip?" he asked. Sunset blushed furiously. "Y-yeah," she said. Night Light chuckled. "Yeah, Vel's dip'll do it to ya," he said chipperly. "Alright, let's see here..." He set up his equipment and went to work. The girls covered their ears as, with a loud, piercing whine, a thin stream of high-pressure water cut through the congealed crap like a laser beam, slowly pushing the shitty sludge down into the waiting waters of the bowl trap. After almost three solid minutes of intense water pressure, the entire turd mass lay at the bottom of the bowl. Night Light shut off the washer, reached over to the handle, and flushed it. With a strained gurgle and a blurping, wheezing sound, the toilet cleared, refilling with water that had a faint brown tinge. Night Light watched it fill, then frowned. "Yeah, someone really messed up the installation on this toilet. How long have you had it?" "Not long," Sunset said. "They put it in about two weeks ago." Night Light nodded. "Call your landlord as soon as he's back in, this has to be redone." Sunset sagged in relief. "Thanks, Mr. Night Light," she said. "Always happy to help," Night Light said, hefting his pressure washer. "Any excuse to use the old water laser!" he added happily, a manic gleam in his eye. "C'mon, Twiley, I'll drive you home." "Later, Sunset!" Twilight said. "Bye, Twilight! Remember, not a word of this to anyone!" "Scout's honor!" Twilight replied, making a two-fingered salute. * * * * * The next day... "Hey Rainbow, what's up?" Raspy snickering came from the other end. "H-hey there, Sunset Shitter! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaa!" Sunset facepalmed.