//------------------------------//
// Entry #14 
// Story: Mamihlapinatapai 
// by WritingSpirit 
//------------------------------//

I remembered walking through the mist one morning.

It was a morning lost in the crack of time I had unconsciously opened in my head. A morning somewhere in between now and then; a morning among one hundred and fifty-one uneventful mornings between an excruciating winter and an uncertain spring. I don't remember when it was, but I remembered it rained the night before, draping the world around me in ribbons of fog, pungent in humidity. I remembered the mountains of mud that I had to scale around, freshly molded by the gentle flicks of a spring shower. I remembered sunlight's fine rays barely slipping through the seams, bringing into view what little there is to be seen.

I remembered walking alone, silence my only companion.

Through the barren fields of gray; of stagnant grass and fleeced trees.

Reading name after passing name; mere echoes in a breeze.

The careful craftsmanship of the letters before me, carved intricately into stone, was as astounding as it should be. It was all that remained of those who had left us, as well as all that would soon remain of us. It's chilling to be reminded of how fragile we were, how fleeting our years would be, how... how intangible we shall become, like flickers after a bonfire. I wondered how many that rested here had their years stolen away, their unfulfilled promises forever lost in a moment long ago? I wondered if I would one day be like that? Will all my remaining promises fade away, never to be realized?

All that remained would be just a name, engraved lest we forget.

Yet among the aisles of this memory lane, only one word stood out among the rest.

Perhaps it stood out because it was the name I was looking for, or perhaps it stood out because I couldn't readily ignore the wild tufts of reeds beginning to creep up its sides, embracing it in a disgraceful cusp. It was a sight that welcomed from me only disgust and disdain. Withholding that thought if only for the moment, I knelt down into the dirt and donned my softest smile, supple and fragile underneath the pressing gravity of regret that was left on my shoulders, though not enough to weigh my voice down.

"Mr. Atelier," I greeted the first, before turning to the next. "Cardinal."

We didn't talk much. There wasn't much for me to talk about, much less share with anyone. Some things were best kept to oneself, as they should be. All I could disclose was that they were dainty as commonplace conversations go, no more quaint than at most the everyday fable. With what little I knew about them both, I could only draw out questions that may never be answered. The rest had long skittered down the whirlpool, gracelessly swirling and twirling until it becomes a diluted matter that does not. I have no fond memories to attach them to, unfortunately. Instead, all I could do was talk. Shameful, perhaps, but my pride had long been battered down into dust long ago. So, yes, I can only talk.

That was how the four of us conversed.

Gallant Sentry, Tabard Atelier, and their respective sons.

My father would've loved to come along, though he could only send his best regards through a crackling phone behind a mirror riddled in black spots of moisture. He'd never admit it, though I could see clearly the sadness in his eyes, the longing to be on the other side. Two years in prison wasn't something that I'd expect Gallant Sentry to toil through, though I'd expect him to toil through them without so much as a whimper. However hard Melody had fought and fought for our family's sake, the judiciary remained an astringent bunch. I couldn't blame them, for they were doing their job; Dad clearly knew that, and so he capitulated.

Mother's case was almost a tragedy.

Six years.

There's nothing more to be said about that.

In the few days that I would stop by here, I was the role of a messenger, diligently delivering all that my father believed needs to be said. I'm inclined to think that it could make a change, that somehow those words would reach to them and they would find a way to preserve the legacy that could've been. Instead, I was once again kneeling before their tombstones, clutching onto burnt straws that would never grow back, desperately searching for peace. It's with certainty that I'll keep coming back again and again in the days to come. In time, my father would join me, as will my mother. All three of us would be here one day in a reunion of the ages, striving for the better. Perhaps if we could muster enough courage, we'd ask the remaining Ateliers to come as well. They were rarely seen here, strangely enough, albeit with good reason. Perhaps when that day comes, when two families join together to be whole again, we'd find it within each of us to forgive ourselves and each other. Perhaps then, we all could find peace.

"Young master."

Mrs. June sighed in a hissy fit at the sight of my besmirched knees, already pulling out a kerchief to wipe it all away. She was all that was left of my past, stubbornly clinging onto me without fail. With my parents' incarceration and my own unwillingness to lead the household onward, I had to come to terms with the decision of relieving the staff. So one by one, the servants marched out of the house, leaving behind their well wishes and honest prayers until it was only us left. I had tried talking her into finding somewhere else to stay, yet she remained adamant on standing by me throughout my way. However, with all the time we both know how this was all supposed to end.

"So... nursery, huh?" I began, grinning.

"It's where I believe my skills would come in handy," she retorted warmly. "I have taken care of the young master for most of his life, and though he may never be as rowdy as the children there tend to be, it does serve as worthwhile experience, don't you think so?"

"I would've traveled the world if I were you. You know, enjoy the rest of my life."

"Ah... well, this old mare is just content in doing what she does best," came her soft rebuttal. "Now, as for you, young master... you continue traveling yourself in place of me. You continue wandering and wondering as a pony your age should. You do that until you find what you're looking for, understand? You do that, Flash Sentry, and don't you ever come back until the day you realize what it is you're missing, what it is that you need to move forward."

My nod was enough for the largest smile I've ever seen from her to grace her lips. "You seem really certain that I might find it," I chirped.

"Because I've raised you ever since the day your mother brought you home from the hospital, and I've seen this pony at his best and worst. I've seen this colt grow up to be a fine stallion, even after everything he was put through, and from what I've seen, from all I've seen... I'm sure he'll find it."

"And what would it be?"

"Who knows? Well, who really knows?" she chuckled. "I am a pony thrice your age, yet all my life, I never knew what this world had ever reserved for me. All I've known to do was that I could only hope, for in the direst of times, that really is all I need. For you, perhaps hope isn't enough anymore. Perhaps what you're searching for goes beyond something as whimsical as hope, and... well, I can only hope you'll find it."

It was her last advice from her to me, from the last pony holding my hoof before setting me free. With all of it said and done, I drew her into one last hug, my shoulder gathering the few tears she was beginning to shed. The sight of it alone was enough to give my heart a stir and before I knew it, I was crying softly alongside her. Don't get me wrong, despite standing among tombstones, we weren't mourning. Quite the contrary, in fact: we were celebrating all the times we had, all the moments we shared, and there were a lot of those moments. She was the one pony that never seemed to bring herself into my matters, yet she mattered as much as everyone else. My gratitude to her was limitless, justifiably so. There'll come a time where I'll settle down to weave the threads of memory into a lattice of sentences, to commemorate all that the mare known as Marmalade June had ever done for me. Perhaps I'll write it out one day; a chapter chronicling how this mare had raised the one they call Flash Sentry to become the pony he was today.

Not in this story, however.

There's too much sadness. Too much fear and abhorrence. Too much malice and rage and hatred churning and broiling and bubbling in this cauldron. 

Her story does not deserve to be here.

Not among all of this.

"I'll miss you, Mrs. June."

"And I, you," she replied with a most bittersweet tinge. "Take care now, Flash."

She never looked back when we finally parted ways, and I didn't only mean it in a literal sense. I had once pestered her to learn which nursery she was working in, though at every attempt, she remained stubbornly silent. The one time she did respond, she gave a wry remark on how she didn't want me stumbling into her changing some diapers, as if such an act was taboo. In truth, I knew all along she was encouraging me to move on, to forget about this old mare named Marmalade June. Thinking about it, she was always forceful like that, striking a fine balance between lenient and stringent that so many could never achieve. I can't recall how many times she kept on pushing me when I stumbled and fell, with some times even resorting to just shoving me over. From this moment on, however, she wouldn't be there for me anymore, which meant I had to do all the pushing and shoving by myself.

Honestly speaking, I wouldn't want it any other way.









Five months.

Five wordless, soundless, thoughtless months.

Staying away from Ponyville after so long was enough for attention to broil and bubble on its own, particularly when many of my fellow guests started to arrive. Most were surprised at my abrupt appearance, though they knew better than to head out their way and ruin a perfectly good wedding, fortunately. Still, I tried my best not to draw any attention to myself, often shying away when the opportunity arrives. This was Thunderlane's day, after all; it'd be wrong for me to steal the spotlight away from him.

Of course, that didn't mean that curiosity died there and then.

There were some ponies who came up to me the moment the ceremony was over or veered to my side during the reception. They mainly asked the same questions: where have you been this whole time, how are you feeling right now, would you ever come back to town and such. As you would expect, I mainly shrug off the questions or provide them with halfhearted answers, hoping to avert their curiosity instead of quelling it. It wasn't long before the ponies realized they wouldn't get anything out of me, much to their utter disappointment and, for some, their annoyance. Honestly speaking, I'm indifferent either way.

"Word of advice: don't bum everybody out, Flash Sentry."

I merely scoffed at that, a quick glance showing Pierce proudly flashing his insufferable, lopsided smirk towards me. "Last I checked, ponies were here for a wedding," I retorted, setting my gaze adrift into the sea of chattering guests across the town hall.

"You know they can't help it, seeing you here and whatnot."

"Well, I'm here for a wedding, not a whimsical Q and A session."

"Right, Flash," he chortled. "You and I both know you're here for more than just the wedding."

Those words, coupled with his snark attitude, made me turn. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you know me longer than anypony else in this room. What do you think it means?"

I didn't bother providing an answer; he took it in his stride as he usually would, though he threw the lever up a notch by plopping a chair and sitting right next to me instead of simply trotting off like I intended him to. Patience isn't Pierce's strongest suit; I would know, having known him longer than anypony else in the room as he had previously declared. I could even see traces of his fervent side struggling to tear through his creasing cheeks already, though that was quickly displaced when he tossed up a grin.

"You can skip out if you want to."

A blank stare.

"What?"

"You know! Skip out the reception. Probably the dinner as well. Go and have dinner someplace else— b-but not alone, I mean... you know, just make sure that by the time night falls, you manage to, um... damn, how do I put it without beating around the bush?"

"Just get to the point."

"Pay a surprise visit, that's what I'm suggesting," he said, much to my chagrin. "Look, I know the last time you tried to do that, the both of you almost got... well... um... too soon?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Okay... what I'm saying is that between then and now... things have changed, Flash. Who knows, maybe she's seeing everything in a different light now. Maybe this was what you two needed this whole time: a moment alone with each of your selves. A moment of recuperation. Maybe that's it."

"For a detective, you seem to use a lot of 'maybes' in your deductions."

"Hah!" he scoffed. "Harsh as ever, aren't you?"

Two old friends chuckled, though I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread. It took me a little longer than I hoped to notice the crestfallen expression Pierce was wearing on his face, though he was quick to sew it up into a smile. His patchwork, of course, was never that great to begin with, even back when he was still a fellow royal guard, for it slowly began to unravel itself shortly after he stood up and strode outside, the notion of it beckoning me to follow along.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, nothing.... just that what you said hit a little closer to home than I thought."

"Really? How?"

"Well, you do the deducing then. If anything, you're being more of a detective than I am right now."

Even before he said that, I was already racking my head. Admittedly, I'm not as much of a sleuth extraordinaire as I hope to be, though in all honestly, it didn't take long even for a lump like me to figure it out with his response, especially once I spotted what can only be described as melancholy already unveiling itself with a lackluster shimmer in his eyes. My shade of disbelief must've been palpable to Pierce, who acknowledged it with grace and finesse in the form of a sincere smile.

"You're not..."

"Before you start, yes, I've thought long and hard about it," he said. "I knew Beryl felt the same way about it, especially with the foal coming along. Figured it was just a matter of time anyway. I'm pretty sure Beryl wouldn't mind an extra hoof in the kitchen as well."

"But retiring? Just like that?" I gaped. "What about your detective work? What about those ponies who might need you? What if they needed your help?"

"I'm not the only detective in Equestria, aren't I?" he chuckled heartily. "Don't get me wrong, Flash, I would want to help every other pony I can come across. Beryl would like that too, in fact. It's just... it's just that when you've helped enough ponies caught in a bind, you tend to draw the attention and ire of some rather unsatisfactory figures. I've made enough enemies in my days of detective work, Flash. Granted, none of them would go as far as Cardinal went with you, but I'm not oblivious to the fact that they have a sickening willingness to try."

"Pierce—"

"I don't want to lose them," came his sternest proclamation, one at odds with his smile. "I'm not gonna let that happen. I'm not gonna give them a chance to even think about it. I don't want to lose them. Ever."

That's when that smile — that insipid, unrelenting smile — finally broke away.

"I want you to respect that decision, Flash. I know it's tough, but it's for the best, really. I don't wanna elaborate on how we're old friends and such with that 'beating around the bush' rigmarole. All you have to know is that you're the one pony I can count on to affirm that. I just want to hear you say it."

"You know I don't exactly have a good track record when I'm being counted upon."

"A disappointing one, yes," he teased, giving me a playful nudge. "But you haven't disappointed me yet, Flash Sentry. Not one bit, and that's a given."

He may still staunchly wear that grin of his. In fact, he could even go off onto his pompous tangent with nary a care for what others might think. It would be just like him to make a proud statement verbose enough to educate the illiterate, all just to hide how terrified he really was. With what he had witnessed this past year, such a fear was certainly legitimate, especially so when you're about have a foal. I'm inclined to believe deep down inside that Beryl also talked him into it somehow, even though I trust the idea of him giving up his career for the safety of his family. As much as I like to ask what hid behind this glorious view before me, fate had decided that I shall only be a spectator for now.

"Alright, Pierce. If that's what you want, then I'm fine with it."

For fate itself already had other plans.

"Flash Sentry? Is that... you really came!"

It's hard for me to pinpoint how I felt about seeing Rainbow Dash after all this time. For one, she had grown out her mane, which was something I would've admired were it not for the fact that it was still as frazzled as before. She was wearing her sleek Wonderbolts suit, the flight goggles dangling around her neck bouncing with every excited step she makes. Before I could react, she quickly planted her hooves onto both of my shoulders, her magenta gaze deadly firm in a brash display of intent that lit up in a flurry the moment she laid her eye on me. All I could do was gulp, particularly so when she spoke.

"There's something I need you to do for me."









"Had a good rest?"

I could only groan, trying to rub away the stickiness gathering underneath my eyes. Drawing my tired glance up, I was immediately faced with a face that I'd reckoned could only be seen in my dreams, particularly when it wears such a warm, mesmerized smile like the one I'm seeing right now. It looked a little more somber than I remembered, yet I'd be damned if I said I did not miss seeing such a lovely sight again.

"How... how long was I here?" I murmured.

"Just barely past fifteen minutes since you... well... stopped."

"Ah... I... I really shouldn't be here... I'm sorr—"

"You don't have to apologize, Flash. It's fine."

Dead drop silence. Her lips strained, especially once my gaze returned to her back.

"It really doesn't... hurt anymore?" I spurred myself to ask.

"It comes back sometimes..." she began somberly, though that slate was quickly polished anew with a quick gasp. "Not all the time though! I had a few sleepless nights because of it... but nothing major. Nothing to actually worry about."

A spiritless nod was all I could muster.

"Flash, I... well... does it hurt?"

"What?" I managed to gasp.

"The stares. The words. The things they said, the things they did, everything..."

"I... I'm not so sure anymore, really," I professed. "But they're doing it to cope, I guess."

"Cope? You think Rainbow Dash almost breaking your hoof into two was coping?'

"They think it's me, you know that. I don't even know if it was me, or if it was someone else. All I know is then until everything is done, I'm the one they would throw under the bus."

"But you can't just take this quietly! What Rainbow Dash did—"

"What Rainbow Dash did was what I asked for. Thunderlane tried to stop me, but I went ahead with it anyway."

The faint soreness in my hooves returned, serving to pummel that reminder deeper into my skull. Was there anything more regrettable than my actions that night? I wondered about that sometimes: of all the fuck-ups that happened underneath my watch, which one was the biggest? It's pretty hard to tell them apart by myself, though in time, I'm sure I'd find the answer. If only time should spare me so.

"Even so, everypony else... they just... they went ahead and..."

"It's okay. Really, it's okay."

She wanted to protest, I could tell, though she knew as much as myself that no change shall come from this conversation, as well-versed as we might be in the intricacies of change. She looked outside, to the town that laid before her eyes, where the ponies she had greeted everyday — the same ponies that scorned me — soundly slept. Slowly, the night went on, with her hauntingly watchful gaze drifting among the night sky and mine drunk in mesmerism on her beauty, thriving despite sown on the fields of solemnity.

"You know, I... I was thinking lately," she mumbled again, biting her lip. "About... well... things..."

I remained silent in attention.

"I was wondering if... well... if somehow, when this is all over... when everything's said and done... if you would perhaps, well..."

"Yeah?"

"If you don't mind joining me for a picnic."

I'm sure if I laughed right there, she'd pull out my mane.

"You have something in mind?" I asked.

With ever growing reluctance, she shook her head, momentarily glancing back to me before teetering to the floor. "It's been a while since I... since we had one of those..." she continued. "Maybe... maybe it's because I have a lot of things on my mind right now that I want to talk to you about and... I just wanted to let it out somehow, so I thought... well... if my brother would let you..."

"Well, if there's anything you wanna say, you can do it now, can't you?"

"I know... but it's more than that. I don't know the right words for it. I just know that if it's a picnic, there's a lot more I could be open about when it comes to us..."

"Us..."

Silence.

"Haven't heard you say that word in a while," I breathed.

"Us..." she murmured again, before chuckling solemnly. "It's strange... it sounded so distant, as if... as if..."

She didn't dare say it aloud, as would I. We spent the next few minutes simply smiling at each other before I took my leave with an awkward pain in my chest. I couldn't tell whether it manifested from all the energy she was expending to look a little more cheerful or whether it was from me doing the very same thing. Instead, I began to focus on that one word she uttered during our midnight conversation; a singular incantation wrapped around my head, cursing me to stay awake in the nights to come.

Us.

It's strange.

"It sounded so distant..."

As if...

"As if..."

"As if we don't know each other anymore."









Why me?

I should've asked it then. I should've just asked that question and watch her stumble and fumble through her words, but no, I just had to follow the notion of being dragged around by spontaneity on a leash. With how fast she took off the moment I nodded, however, I don't think Rainbow Dash would even bother, what with her 'super important Wonderbolts show to get to' and all. Pierce didn't do much to help, instead eagerly kicking back his hooves and wishing me good luck with that punching bag of a grin. I'm pretty sure Beryl wouldn't mind me stamping a bruise on her husband's face anyway. I really shouldn't be angry at him though; if anything, my reluctance and indecision was what ultimately staged my downfall.

"Quills and Sofas..."

Melody would've castigated me if I said no, that I'm certain. Thunderlane may not be as stern, but he'd still be able to talk one of my ears off if he has to, perhaps for good reason. To them, this was a chance. To them, this was an opportunity to mend things with her, to start everything anew. This was an opportunity to bring a long-awaited, woefully-needed close to the gap that had been widening between us. This was the love story of the princess and her royal guard, finally resuming after months of delay.

If only it was so simple.

"Carousel Boutique..."

I almost traipsed in there to ask its owner about her. After all, among her closest friends, she seems to be the one I'd turn towards to look for some relationship advice. The princess was pretty adamant about her friend having a collector's fever dream of romance novels hidden somewhere in the building, though I'm sure Rarity would simply dismiss that claim and whine about the princess's overactive imagination instead. Personally, I believed she would have at least one or two of those stashed somewhere in her dresser. At this point though, I'm up for advice from anyone in town.

"Sugarcube Corner..."

Well, almost anyone.

The trip to the hospital was long, if only because I was making it so. I have carefully avoided every shortcut along the way so far, even purposefully making a few wrong turns. It didn't help that there were ponies all around, their inconsiderate stares driving me into the ground. I tried my best to pay no attention, instead drawing my gaze towards my destination looming at the edge of town and just pacing back and forth; as stoked my flame was, there's nothing good to come out from snapping someone's loose jaw to silence their innocuous gossiping. Still, I could hear them whispering among themselves, with a few of them quietly gasping and snickering after sussing out what I was doing.

"Ponyville General Hospital."

By the time I was cantering down that dirt road, a thick curd of amber was beginning to spread from between the hills, radiating as far as the gem nestled there would allow it. I held my head high as I made my way, enveloping myself in the slanting shadow of the building welcoming me with a glare. I looked up, hoping to spot an inkling of violet in the windows only to stop and remind myself that she had long since been discharged from here. After all, she can't wait here forever, can she? It would be a new low for me to think that she would do that. She was a princess first and foremost, and she was well aware of that. In that regard, I'm merely just a passing pony willing to help a friend out.

From what little Rainbow Dash disclosed to me however, she might need all the help she can get.

The instructions were clear: escort her home. They were horrendously simple, to the point where I was terrified I might get it wrong. It didn't help that Rainbow had to mention that she did it a couple hundred times before; I'm pretty sure the last thing she would want was an abrupt change of scenery, so to speak. I couldn't help but wonder if something happened between them in all these months, though all of that was quickly brushed it off when I stepped through those double doors.

It felt like I was heading home.

The familiar landscape of the hospital lobby bombarded me with a cannonade of emotions that I thought I had outgrown. I softly shivered, slowly striding in. For a moment, I almost forgot why I came here in the first place. Ponies all around me, be it patient, nurse or doctor, lit up at the sight of me, as if they had missed my presence. They should've outgrown me as well, I thought to myself with a soft chuckle as I waved to some of the nurses who had once treated me. It was only after nearing the counter that I froze in place, the breath I was clutching tightly onto finally drifting away when I spotted a familiar face.

"I know it was a little too much to ask."

There she was.

"I really have to find a way to thank you guys for doing this for me."

"Oh, b-but Your Highness, you really don't have to—"

"I insist, Miss Redheart. Even before this, you guys did so much to help me out, I just... I need to do this."

Standing there in all her majesty.

"Ah, I'll figure something out eventually," she sighed, beginning to turn around. "Never mind that, where's Rainbow Dash? She's really taking a while this time. Seriously, sometimes I really don't know what's so important with her stuff that she just has to..."

Her Majesty.

"Has to... has to..."

"Hey, Twilight," I breathed.

The smile she wore was still as bright as I remembered. It was a neat smile, cleanly curved with nary a dimple or crease in her lips. It goes well with the quaint glimmer of her indomitable, invigorating temperament in her eyes, like amethysts basking in eternal sunshine. Those were the eyes of a leader, brimful of confidence unwavering and compassion unsparing. Those were the eyes that inspired and inspirited many of this world, their respect flocking to her no matter their feathers. Those were the eyes, precious as they are, that I came to recognize, to familiarize and to slowly fall in love with.

Those were her eyes.

The eyes of Twilight Sparkle.

The lovely violet eyes that I viewed with bated breath when her gaze met mine.

That's when her smile faded.

Her lips fell apart, her cheeks rumpled. Her breathing quickened, her hoof searched for support. Her eyes glimmered again, though this time they dilated, flitting alongside her somatic tremors. They stared into me, those precious eyes, churning with disbelief unsavory and disdain unshapely, shaking within its cage so much so that she stumbled backwards, back pressing against the counter. Those eyes trained on me, searching for a nightmare in this reality, or rather hoping for it. One could only imagine her heart-wrenching disappointment when those eyes found nothing.

"Flash..."

Those were the eyes of Twilight Sparkle, rife with only one thing left to regard me when her gaze met mine.

Horror.

"W-Wh... why are you..."

"Rainbow Dash sent me," I managed.

Silence.

I tried again.

"One of the Wonderbolts had an injury before the show, so Rainbow Dash was suddenly called in to replace them."

Dreadful, painful silence.

Her glance fell.

Nothing.

Her voice lost amid grinding teeth.

Nothing.

The eyes of everyone were watching.

Nothing.

Still.

"Twilight?"

They watched closely.

Carefully.

Warily.

Finally, her eyes met mine.

A glower.

"I need to use the restroom."

"W-What?"

"I said I need to use the restroom," she rasped bitterly, turning away from me. "Just... just wait here..."

I remembered wanting to reach out to her.

To hurry down the hallway and grab her by the hoof.

Were it not for Nurse Redheart stopping me, I'm certain I would've done just that. A grim sternness adorned the nurse's features as she shackled my wringing hoof with hers, before she forcibly pulled me aside to the counter like a spoiled foal. Whispers fluttered about the room, the words indiscernible and the telltale tones reeking of disgruntlement. I turned back just in time to catch sight of Twilight turning a corner, my tangled hoof instinctively rattling in protest.

"Don't do it, Flash. Give her some time to process this," she reprimanded, sighing when she let me go. "What are you doing here? Where's Rainbow Dash?"

"I... I'm supposed to pick her up," I answered breathlessly. "Look, I was at Thunderlane's wedding and Rainbow Dash had something up with the Wonderbolts and... look, it's all true, what I said just now."

Again, a sigh from her. "I'll just have to take your word for it. Just know that you really came at a bad time."

"I know, I know... I wasn't thinking... I just thought maybe..."

"It's fine. You wouldn't have known anyway." Nurse Redheart's frown finally broke into a sincere grin. "Still, it's good to see you again, Flash," she said. "You seem to be doing well, even with the goatee and all."

"Hoping the goatee's not a bad thing."

"Oh, it's the least of your worries right now, I can assure you."

From behind the counter, Nurse Redheart held up a packet containing a small, metallic hoop, its surface marked with a burnt fissure zigzagging down the circumference with bits of some blue crystal pouring out from within. She opened her mouth to speak, pausing if only because she noticed the shimmer in my eye.

"You know what this is, don't you?"

"Magic inhibitor," I exhaled. "I've seen these being used by some of the unicorn war veterans with PTSD we visited when I was still in the guard. They used it to repress the magic surges they would sometimes get during their sleep."

"Well, well, you sure know the works."

"So... she really is—"

"Having surges? Unfortunately so."

That's when I had to frown.

"Thunderlane said she was doing fine."

"Well, he wouldn't have known. Almost all of Ponyville wouldn't. You see, she was keeping it a secret. Only a number of ponies knew about it. The hospital staff, her family, some of her closest friends and the rest of the princesses, and now you."

I should've known she would do such a thing.

No news is good news, so the saying goes. I was never keen of life lessons being compacted into silly, witty one-liners, if only because the world I had seen wasn't as simple as it seems. Life isn't a one way street where you can slowly stroll along; a lesson I found out the hard way, having toiled through the bends myself. It's a perspective not many ponies would get the chance to have or even should, for that matter. To Twilight, such a liability was one she was willing to use to retain the image of a headstrong, determined leader, much to my dread and fascination. 

Nurse Redheart's smile faded as she placed it on the counter, my eyes never leaving it even as she continued.  "This is, or was, an experimental prototype," she explained. "The usual inhibitors we gave out weren't powerful enough to contain her surges. She was an alicorn, after all, not to mention being the Element of Magic and everything. We had to get some of the most proficient unicorns from around Equestria to help out with this. Fortunately, many of them were Twilight's friends to begin with, so it wasn't that hard for them to agree on doing it."

I could think of a few names off my head.

"This one was broken just last night, so we'll have to wait at least a week until they come up with a new one."

"A week?"

"That's how long they would usually take."

"Usually take? You mean this wasn't the first prototype?"

"This was their... well... fourteenth try," she reluctantly admitted. "We'll have to see how this next one might do. Usually, Twilight would have Rainbow Dash over to look after her and keep her in check, just in case she loses control of her magic, but with her suddenly gone and you taking her place... you're absolutely sure about this?"

Every nerve and fiber of me screamed a desperate, harrowing no. If her reaction upon seeing me were of any indication, she wasn't exactly comfortable with me being around, to put it in a most redundant way. It shouldn't be too hard of a decision to make, should one think logically as she would. Fitting, provided that I was in Ponyville after all, a town that Twilight mused as a town of endings. A town where everything that is will cease to be. A town that, for better or worse, stories must come to an end. This was how it's supposed to be. This was the way things were meant to be.

This was how our story must end.

"I can't..."

"Okay... alright... I'll have to ask her other friends to see if they—"

"No! Not that... not that..." I gasped a little too loudly, drawing some gazes from around the room. "I'm not going to... I can't... I just can't leave it like this..."

To be frank, I was never a royal bodyguard from the very beginning.

At best, it was just a fanciful pseudonym. At worst, it was a small lie perpetuated about until it had snowballed into a disproportionate idea that had firmly entrenched itself in my head. It was easy to give in to that temptation, being the bodyguard of a princess, feeling important and needed by a figure of great power such as Twilight Sparkle, to be able to guard her as much as I did with her heart. In fact, it was something akin to a fairy tale, except all of it was conjured by a magic of clauses and signatures, lasting if only a short while before the parchment was shredded by the very claws of reality itself. To say the least, it was rude, as awakenings tend to be, though I had by now realized that it was more than that.

What we had wasn't a mere fairy tale.

What we had together may have started out as a lie, but all that emerged from that lie was genuine. All those emotions weren't just pathetic— they were truly pathetic. They were as true as they were disgusting and divine. As much as we are tossed and turned in the currents of life, those emotions remained as raw and true as they were the moment we found them. In a world where silence was seen as a lie, it was the greatest gift Twilight and I were beheld by, for it was the truth. It was the whole truth, the absolute truth, nothing but the truth.

The truth that I care deeply for Twilight Sparkle.

And that she cares deeply for me in turn.

That sounded excessively sappy, coming from one in the royal guard.

Sappy enough to know that leaving it all behind would be the worst fucking decision I would ever make in my life.

"Miss Redheart, I know you don't have to do this. In fact, you've done too much for me to ask, but I'm doing it anyway."

"Flash... to be honest, as much as I would like to help you—"

"Please, just this once," I interjected. "Just one chance. One chance. If that fails, it'll be the last she will hear from me."

A brief hesitation, before a mixed sigh.

"Fine," she said, much to my relief. "Just remember to take it slowly with her. Filly steps, Flash. Remember that."

"I'll try my best."

A parting grin from Nurse Redheart. "I know you will. Good luck."

The sky wore bands in the many different shades of violet by the time Twilight and I left the hospital. She begrudgingly refused to look at me the moment she emerged from the restroom, to which I could only reluctantly do the same for our sake. All she could do was look ahead, hopefully into the uncertain near future as I would. Stealing a glimpse, there was nothing left of that smile I saw earlier, not even a crumple. I could only shiver when all I saw, the one moment she turned to me, what I could only comprehend as pure disgust.

"Well? Let's go then."

The distance between us was disconcerting, appropriately so. With the venom packed up in her voice, you'd think she'd be beyond a hoof's reach away from me. Instead, I was stuck with her being uncomfortably close, enough that I could wrap a hoof around her if I wanted to. Her brows furrowed, I guess from noticing me glimpsing the sadness in her eyes, yet she remained silent. It's scary, seeing her being so quiet. The mare that I can trust with pouring her heart out was now speaking in voiceless words in her head, leaving it all up to my imagination and knowing that with my lackadaisical judgement, I'd never figure it out.

Not that I minded.

"Princess Twilight!" came the first of many.

She smiled.

It was frightening, really.

How genuine it looked.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cake!" she reciprocated their excitement to a terrifying degree. "Good to see you back in town! How did the contest go?"

"First place once again, as usual," Mr. Cake chuckled with a sheepish pride, before noticing me. "Now isn't that... Flash Sentry! Haven't seen you in a while!"

"Oh, are you two..." Mrs. Cake started.

"We're thinking about it," I immediately cut in before I could shut myself up. "We're... gonna talk about it a little, just to see... well... to see how it goes."

"Oh, we understand. Do get well soon, Twilight! We hope you two would come by Sugarcube Corner again!"

All she could manage by then was a nod.

It went on like that for the rest of the journey, where stares and whispers and gasps were abound. What few ponies that dared came up to us, their curiosity will always spur them to ask the one thing that will be on everyone's mind, and each time I would try my best to leave them wistful with hope. Twilight's facade was commendable, notwithstanding the cracks grew larger and larger with each pony that came up to us; for a moment, I was afraid it might actually collapse from all the emotions storming through her head. You could almost hear her sigh in relief when the unmistakable sight of her castle became visible over the many thatched hay roofs around and the last of the conversations were had, until it was just us standing before the doors.

"So... this is it for me..."

And so the doors parted.

She took her first step in, never turning back, never bothering so much as to give me a stare.

As if I was never there.

As if I didn't matter.

"Just go."

You know, I can't imagine Twilight uttering those words.

"Leave."

She probably can't imagine herself saying those words either.

"I don't want to see you again."

She might think it best to keep quiet, yet we both knew it all too well. Here was this stallion, being left at the doorstep by the mare whom once showed him affection, by the mare who had guided him down this very road in the first place. Here was this fool, seeking for something lost a long time ago, desperately searching for something he had once held dear. Here was Flash Sentry, being left there with only an inkling of hope where, once lost, would render him aimless once again.

Little did she know he wasn't there to hope.

And he expressed it in the only way he knew how.

"Pancakes!"

Twilight immediately stopped in her tracks.

"W-What?"

"Pancakes," I repeated, scratching my head. "Making pancakes. I mean, I can pan... I mean, I can make pancakes. Mrs. June... she taught me how to make pancakes one time and I thought maybe... pancakes might be something you'd like to have right now... and... and... they're delicious. The pancakes, I mean."

She turned around, presenting to me a most rancorous frown.

"You don't have to."

I flinched when the venom sank in.

"Don't you fucking dare."

Two can play at that game.

"You're skipping dinner, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Rainbow Dash told me," I stated sharply. "She mentioned you would skip dinner when you don't have any company around to join you."

A meager silence, then she crossed her hooves.

"So what if I am?" she swiftly retaliated.

"How long have you been doing that?"

"Why do you care?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I rebutted, much to her ire. "Look, Twilight, I want to do something to help you out, alright?"

"You can do that by leaving."

"And leave you to starve? No fucking way."

"Right. Now, if you have nothing else better to say, then just leave."

"One night, Twilight Sparkle."

The door stopped, leaving only a niche.

"You can give me that, I know you can."

Yet a niche was enough to see the storm of shimmers clashing in her eyes.

"Just one night. Please."

Finally, relief washed over me in the form of her sigh.

"One night," she grumbled, more at herself than at me. "Just one night. That's all I'm going to give. By tomorrow, I want you out of town, got that?"

A reluctant nod from yours truly as I held back a smile and stepped into her castle once more.

One night was all I got, so you could be sure I was willing to make this one night count. Nothing could've prepared me for it, yet I had stumbled through worse things in my life. She was well aware of that, I'm sure of it. If anything, I was afraid she might find a way to use it against me, as she had done with so many of those she shared a town with. You could say she was unprepared herself, what with my unceremonious arrival at the hospital, which means that the coin shall be left spinning in the air, dangling onto a single thread as it laid in wait for the palm of fate.

One last night was all that's left.

One last night.

Together.









"I'm sorry."

The frequent apology is a pointless apology. Though it was a lesson that shall soon worm its way into my head, it was a lesson I didn't even had an inkling of back then. Instead, I used to think that an apology was enough; that a mere verbal gesture would be the most viable solution to even the hardest problems. Naive, isn't it? Even after all the drills, exercises and having your eardrums pummeled by the shouts of your supervisor, the royal bodyguard still believes an apology was all that was needed. Reality, however, did not play its terrifying hand of cards that time around; I don't know whether to feel fortunate or not at this chance inoccurrence.

"For?"

"For everything I said."

She neither smiled nor frown, content instead with staring out the window.

"Is that so?"

To be honest, there was never a more inadequate place she had to choose than Sugarcube Corner for something like this. Perhaps she chose it knowing how uncomfortable it would make me feel, to which I can say was definitely effective. It was an assault on the senses, to the point that I could call it harassment. For me to face the technicolor, audaciously decorated treats on display at the counter; the vibrant, vivid wallpaper; the omnipresent smell of pastries wafting in from the kitchen alongside cheery humming and giggling; the laughter of a pair of playing foals that ring out over our heads. For me to face all that whilst formulating an apology, to endure this saccharine crucifixion... I could only imagine what she was thinking, wanting to put me through this.

"Say something nice."

I flinched.

"Pardon?"

"Say something nice," she repeated.

A cough.

"Um... about what?"

"Anything."

"Anything?"

"Anything," she asserted, leaning in. "Say something nice."

The lump in my throat must be visible to the world. I glanced around, hoping to find something that might strike her fancy, yet with everything in this very shop setting my senses alight, the most I could do was gag. Sticking to the sights beyond the window, all I saw was banality after languid banality, so much so that I'd fall asleep just thinking about it. I returned my gaze, hoping to formulate the right words to explain my incompetence, only to stop short at the sight that laid before me.

Of course.

Of course.

"You have beautiful eyes."

Her gaze fixed upon me. "Go on," she urged.

"I... I could get lost in those eyes if I wanted to. They're an ocean, still and tranquil, with a beauty unmatched, but when needed, it will toss and turn the world over and over and over until it loses its head."

For a moment, she hummed in thought.

"Go on," she urged again.

"Um... the ponies that get lost in the eyes... they're like sailors. The sailor admires oceans to a greater degree than other ponies do. Whereas other ponies admire its tranquility, they feared an ocean being tossed up in a hurricane. Not the sailor, though. The sailor revels being wreaked havoc by those waves. The sailor revels feeling its wrath as much as its serenity. To that, the sailor keeps going back to it, earnestly yearning for more and wanting the best the oceans could offer."

Another hum.

"Go on," she urged yet again.

"R-Right now..." I breathed, my voice mellowing. "Right now, I'm a sailor, a novice if you will... and these are waters that I've yet to tread. These are uncharted waters and I'm an inexperienced sailor who had already wrecked his ship in his first voyage above these waves. The ocean, however, decided to still itself against even the strongest gales, hoping that the sailor would dip his first hoof into the water, hoping that he might find a place in its vastness. The sailor complies, perhaps with hope that these waters would treat him well, that they would rock him back and forth in the right direction. The sailor hopes, with its permission, that he could build a ship to try its waters once more."

One more curious hum.

Then, she finally, finally, smiled, providing to me a trio of words that I never thought I'd want to hear her say.

"I forgive you."









"How was it?"

Silence.

"Twilight?"

"Wha... oh, it's good, it's good..."

Twilight Sparkle had been lost in thought. It was always something that she does frequently, sometimes to a frightening degree. Her mind was a castle, befitting of the princess reigning from it, and if it was anything like the labyrinth of her home in reality, it should be an easy place to get lost in. However, there were doors that remained locked, assuring that some rooms shall never be brought to light, perhaps for the good of everyone. Being the stern gatekeeper she was, she yielded the key to only a few, myself included, though I had fallen out of her favor at some point, having carelessly unleashed something from within the depths of the castle's dungeons upon the world myself.

Wrath remained more ubiquitous and fickle than I liked it to be.

Filly steps, the echoes warned me.

"Glad you liked it."

I assumed she liked it, if only because she seemed to enjoy it a little more than most. With how slowly she had been chewing and the frown cemented on her veneer though, there's no question that something was bothering her greatly. Likewise, there's no question on what that something actually was. Still, I donned my best smile, some part of myself pleased that she was, at the very least, content with this little meal I've cooked up.

That's not to say that she wasn't tense. Perhaps more than myself, she was a proper depiction of that word. Her chews were stiff, her handling of the fork even more so. Her right wing would bristle against her throne every so often, made more conspicuous by the cold presence of her gleaming prosthetic left, no matter how complicated and lifelike its creators intended it to be. I'm pretty sure it was a custom model, having seen a fair share of pegasi in the guard don the same. It was a little larger than the average, as are alicorn wings to us pegasi, painted to match with the rest of her form. I do have to commend them for producing a wonderful replica from scratch, and a working one at that. Nevertheless, it remains a scar in memoriam of the times she endured, my unwanted presence only serving to reopen them once more.

"Why?"

I tensed, yet I did not falter.

"Hmm?"

"Pancakes," she uttered. "Why those?"

"Oh... that," I said, chuckling at the meal I had laid out neatly. "Mrs. June insisted that I learn to cook at least one dish from her before she left. I know it's a pretty bad choice, but all things considered, it's the simplest thing I could find her to do, for her sake."

"That's rather... thoughtful of you."

"In a way, yeah."

Silence.

Dreadful silence.

Not on my watch.

"What would Rainbow Dash usually do at times like this?" I asked.

"Well... not much really..." she answered, albeit hesitantly. "She never actually... does anything, as far as I know. She just keeps watch and does whatever I tell her to do."

"You're okay with that? With her not doing much and just listening?"

"I... yeah, I guess..."

Silence.

Painful, aggravating silence.

"So... you and Rainbow Dash..." I breathed out before even becoming painfully aware of what I just said.

Immediately she tensed up again.

"What about it?" she questioned.

"You two seem close."

"Y-Yeah... we're friends. Of course we're close."

"Okay... b-but there's nothing more than that, right?"

"Not that I know of."

Silence.

I was about to open my mouth again before Twilight beat me to it.

"Why did you ask that?"

"About?"

"Me and Rainbow Dash?" she inquired, brows furrowing. "About how close we were being?"

"Oh, I just thought... well... you could have Rarity or Fluttershy or Pinkie... okay, maybe not Pinkie Pie, no offense. Point is, you could have somepony else, yet you kept sticking with Rainbow Dash."

Silence.

Our glances fell back to our respective pancakes.

"Look, I knew."

"About?" she uttered almost immediately.

"You and Rainbow Dash. That you two used to be together."

Silence.

"Who told you that?"

I gulped, clutching onto my seat. "Rainbow Dash did," I answered.

There was an unsightly twist in her features. It trembled with her form, her hooves clenching tight with her eyes clamping shut. A disquieting sigh left her lips, before her gaze drifted from the plate to somewhere over my right shoulder. Her throat forced out a sardonic laugh, her head shaking in blithe disapproval— at me, at herself, at her absent friend, who knows? In the end, the words speak louder than ever.

"Well, Rainbow Dash should learn to keep her mouth shut."

"She said it because she was worried about you," I repudiated sharply.

"Is she?" Twilight scoffed. "Tell me, Flash, is she actually worried? Because if she really was worried, she would be here right now instead of you. If she was, she'd knew not to go to that Wonderbolts show and be right here. No, instead, I get to spend the night with you, so yes, I'm pretty fucking sure I'm the least of her worries right now."

Silence.

"She's not the only one who's worried about you."

A calm before the eye of the hurricane.

"Really? Do enlighten me."

"Why do you think I'm here, Twilight?"

A gut-wrenching laugh burst from her chest, to the point where she almost fell off her seat. I didn't know if I should've gaped or frown at malice cackling in my face in utter disregard for my words. She watched, seemingly amused at how much my frown had skewered, before sighing with a shake of her head. I opened my mouth in retaliation, though a glower from her was enough to silence me, even as she smiled. They bore a bitterness I had not seen before, encapsulating every moment I've seen her in her darkest: the Twilight that argued with me every night since the first, the Twilight that screamed at me upon learning of our unborn child, the Twilight that shot Cardinal Atelier dead without any hesitation— it was a amalgamation of all of these moments, of rage and grievance and terror, and now, it was staring right into my soul.

"You really want me to answer that, Flash?"

"Maybe I want you to."

"Why?"

I held my breath. "To know how much it hurt you."

Twilight scoffed. "You've lost that privilege a long time ago, Flash Sentry."

"You wouldn't tell anyone else about it anyway," I snarled. "You didn't want to make anyone worry, but that's the irony of it. You know how many came up to me just to talk about you? Rainbow Dash did, Spike did, even your parents did! And they told me everything!"

"Yeah, sure, of course they did."

"Fine... fine... if it had to be this way..."

"Now, if you have nothing else to say, you can finish up those pancakes and leave—"

"Your parents told me about your heart attack."

There was a visible flinch. Once more, her glance strayed back to her meal.

"What heart attack?" she merely muttered.

"You're really gonna do this to me, Twilight?" I hissed. "You know what I'm talking about, don't you? The heart attack that you got from trying to conjure up some memory spell. You're trying to tell me you don't remember that?"

Her shivers revealed themselves. From her lips came another laugh, albeit this one sounded more painful, as if the fork in her hoof was beginning to twist into her gut. She craned her neck to the sky and beyond, cursing whatever demons living at the edge of the stratosphere for bestowing this damned fate. By the time she got back from her blaspheming high, there were already tears threatening to spill from her eyes. I watched with a trembling sigh as she tried her best to at least steady her breathing or quell her shivers, only for it all to shatter into pieces.

"Why can't anyone just keep their fucking mouths shut?"

"Twilight, you can't be serious," I gasped. "They're your parents, for Celestia's sake—"

"Then they should know better!" she howled with a slam of the table. "I don't even know why we're talking about this! Yes, Rainbow Dash and I were together once! Yes, I went into cardiac arrest after using a memory spell! So what? What does it all have to do with anything?! I don't know why you'd bother listening to Rainbow Dash in the first place! Hell, I don't even know why you're still here!"

"Because I'm worried about you, Twilight!"

Another moment of suffering silence.

"I'm worried, and you know I am..." I whimpered, sighing. "I was... the whole time, I was just... hoping you'd get better somehow, but every single time I asked around, every time... we promised to each other, didn't we? About not keeping anymore secrets? What happened to that promise? What did you think, that I'm dumb enough to never learn about them eventually? That just because it didn't really matter anymore makes it all the more better?"

Twilight said nothing.

"I trusted you, Twilight Sparkle," my voice shivered with those words. "Just like you trusted Rainbow Dash and your parents. For you to say all of that..."

With those words came the coldest laugh I've ever heard from the princess to my ears.

"You said it yourself, didn't you? It doesn't really matter anymore."

I opened my mouth to speak, only to find silence swallowing me once more.

"Figures," she scoffed amid her sardonic chuckles, even as a tear ran down her cheek. "Coming in here, acting as if you know everything, as if this came anything close to what you did, to what you're trying to do..."

The air began to simmer before her cracking bout of laughter. The shadow skewed as it grew underneath the moonlight, filling the room in its maw with the aid of a shroud of rumbling clouds. Rage upon rage, grievance upon grievance, terror upon terror, all clashing in a dissonant display before me, its sole viewer. Gripped was my throat by the talons of fear, sinking beneath my flesh and squeezing out every sliver of air that it could find, though I quickly grappled it and twisted it in my grip.

"What I did..."

"You could've told me."

"Twilight, what I did—"

"You could've said something. You could've said anything."

"What I did, I was doing it—"

"The memory spell, the fight with Rainbow Dash, Cardinal— all of that..."

"I did it to protect you."

"I didn't ask for your fucking protection!" she shrieked. "I never wanted you to protect me, Flash, I never did! I just wanted you to be honest with me! That was it! Be honest! You couldn't even do that! Instead, you went ahead and got yourself captured by Cardinal! You went ahead and almost got yourself killed! Tell me, how the fuck is that supposed to protect me?! Tell me, Flash Sentry!"

I couldn't look at her anymore.

Not with the tears in my eyes.

"And when everything else happened, then what did you do?! Tell me, what did you do?!"

I didn't want to say it.

"Tell me, Flash Sentry, what did you do?!"

But I didn't have much of a choice.

"Say it!"

"I ran away."

"Louder!"

A feverish gasp.

"I ran a-away..."

"For fuck's sake, look me in the eye and say it! What did you do?!"

"I RAN AWAY, ALRIGHT?!"

Thunder slammed itself against the crystal walls; my voice thrashed against the walls of my throat. We were both panting messes, glaring at the other pony for being the incomprehensible mess that they are. We were irresponsible, irredeemable, that much was indisputable. No amount of sorrys could save us. No amount of smiles could ease the suffering, for we had become insufferable to each other. After all, who could love a monster like her? Who could love a monster like me? Who in this fucking world would love us murderers seated across each other, who couldn't even look at each other in the eye?

"Five months."

My silent sobs filled the air.

"Five months of nothing. Not even a word, not even a sound, and yet you come in here, acting so high and mighty and righteous as if you can fix this— you can fix all of this when you... when you're the one who ran away in the first place."

A gasp scurried out my mouth.

"And to that, I say this: how dare you, Flash Sentry... how fucking dare you..."

Silence, our enemy.

To which I strangled it without a second thought.

"Go to hell."

Another scornful laugh.

"I'm pretty sure I'm there already," she snarled. "Get the fuck out of my house."

At this point, I was ready to wipe my tears away, stand up and leave. With how the night was turning out, even a lump like me could tell this will not end well. However, something shifted in my head and snapped the notion of it into pieces. Something within me persuaded me to stay. Perhaps it was a sense of duty and responsibility, for I was tasked with taking care of Twilight Sparkle for one night. Or perhaps it was my sense of pride yearning to retaliate, battered as it were by all the screaming and shouting she had drilled into me. Or perhaps it was something else entirely.

"Well?"

Perhaps it was because there were some things we still haven't said to each other.

"What the fuck are you waiting for, Flash?"

Things that we both needed to hear from each other.

"Leave now, or else I'll call the guard."

Things that we both wanted from each other.

"Didn't you hear me, Flash? I want you to leave, or else—"

"I'm a coward."

Twilight froze.

"W-What?" her bewilderment voiced.

"You heard me. I'm a coward," I declared a little too proudly. "You never knew why I ran away that night, didn't you? Yes, it was because I was afraid, but it's more than that. I was afraid at what you were becoming, Twilight. Even more so, I was afraid that I was changing you for the worse. Twilight, I ran away... I ran away because I didn't know how to deal with it. I ran away because I thought that if I gave you a little space, you'd find some way to patch everything back together, like you always did."

"For fuck's sake, this doesn't matter anymore—"

"Yes it fucking does!" I yelled inexplicably. "Five months! I was gone for five months! That's too long, I know that now, but in all that time, I thought you got better! In fact, I thought you had move on with Rainbow Dash or some colt from Celestia knows fucking where! No, instead, you're falling apart! Instead, you're starving yourself just because you can't find anyone to talk to at night! Celestia forbid I leave right now and you do something I wouldn't even dream of doing!"

"Oh, don't you fucking start, Flash! This whole thing happened because you were being the fucking coward that you are! Don't act as if none of this was your fault!"

"I'll admit it then! I failed! I failed! I failed and failed and failed, over and over again! This was my fault! All of it! Every single fucking thing!" With a sniffle, I whipped the fresh batch of tears off my eyes and faced her once more. "But don't get me wrong, Twilight," I asserted grimly. "I'm not here to ask for your forgiveness! Never! No, I'm here because I'm really, really worried about you, Twilight Sparkle, and Celestia be-damned, they're as different as night and day, no matter what you fucking say! I'm here because I care, and I'm not going to walk away until you finally return to being the Twilight Sparkle I remembered to be!"

"You think I'd just—"

"I don't care!" I screamed. "I didn't ask to be stolen away from you! I didn't ask to spend all my days with you! I didn't want any of that! You forced me into this, Twilight! You pushed me into this! You think this was my fault?! From the very fucking beginning, I had to deal with all the shit in the world because you were stuck in a coma!! I had to be there every single time to defend myself because you couldn't do it for me!! Even when you woke up, I still had to go visit you as if my life depended on it when it really fucking shouldn't! I suffered just as much as you did, Twilight! I should've left then!! I should've just leave you there to die in the fire! But I— no, I had a responsibility, Twilight! I was your royal bodyguard! I went through hell and back doing everything for you, and you couldn't even see that!! The Twilight I knew wouldn't do that! The Twilight I knew and served would take notice of it immediately! The Twilight I knew wouldn't be screaming and ranting and raving at the table for something she had started in the first place!!

Silence hung long and low. The words sank in and sawed at her spirit, leaving Twilight exasperated and agape throughout it all. Her horn was crackling dangerously, streaks of violet lightning threatening to burst from the tip. As the first tinkles of rain fell outside, her glare rose to meet my defiant voice. One last laugh was all she could muster. One last broken, tumultuous, miserable wreck of a laugh, until all those years of maintaining her composure finally came crashing down in flames.


"You think... you think it's that easy?!"


And the flames burned brighter and brighter.


"You think I wanted this?! You think I wanted to put on a fake smile and run around town?!


And they roared against the crashing thunder and the howling winds.


"Every single time I closed my eyes! Every single time I stopped to think! Every! Single! Fucking! Time!"


And they scrambled underneath my hooves, before they finally seized me in their jaws.


"If you want to leave, then just leave already! No, instead you're still fucking here!!"


All because I had an epiphany.


"What more do you want from me?! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"


One which every fiber of my judgement, what little of it I have left, revolted against.


"Do I have to say it?! Do I really have to say it?! Then I'll fucking say it!!"


But this wasn't about me, after all.


"I HATE YOU, FLASH SENTRY! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!"


This was about Twilight Sparkle.

This had always been about Twilight Sparkle.


"I WISH YOU'D JUST DIE!!"


A loud crash was all I heard before I was thrown to the other side of the room.

Pain slammed into my back, a howl rupturing my throat when my weakened hoof snapped underneath my weight when I fell to the ground. Lightning seared through me, my back jerking upwards with each powerful jolt across my veins as I was showered by pummeling rain, shattered glass, crystal shards and ceramic chips. Blood trickled from the wounds in my skin, soaking in red swirls across the growing puddle underneath me as I reached out into the flaring darkness encroaching upon my vision. My mind scrambling with heave after heave, my head tossing and turning, my glance swiveling with flickers dancing in its wake.

"Twi..."

All I heard was ringing. Beyond that, there was the hum of the rain and the distant boom of thunder. The world shook suddenly, though it was only later that I realized I was the one trembling in agony. With a hiss, I reached out one more time, hoping to grab onto something— anything! Anything that I could find, anything material in this world I could stubbornly cling on to, just to prove to myself that I can survive this, not that I needed it. In the end, my scorched muscles tired out, my jolted nerves ached in protest, before I allowed myself to relax, setting my limp hoof loose to the jaws of gravity.

Only for it to be grabbed mid-air in an onslaught of warmth.

"Flash?! Flash! Say something, Flash! Don't do this to me, say something—"

I coughed out a laugh.

Oh, how I missed that voice.

"Y-You know it... gah... it'll take a lot more than a surge to kill me, Twi... Twilight."

"Oh... oh, C-Celestia..." Twilight gasped, shaking. "Thank Celestia, thank Celestia... th-thank Celestia...!"

A sigh left my mouth when she finally burst into sobs. It was hard not to tear up, hearing that voice, regal and powerful as I remembered and revered, struggling to regain control. Her screams drove through the ground, her grip on my hoof tightening as the tears joined the puddle of rainwater that had gathered from the shattered windows. I gazed up to the mare before me, the Twilight Sparkle crying brazenly underneath the pouring rain, and could finally find a reason to smile.

"Feeling better now?" I asked.

Silence, soft and tender amid the patter.

"You... you idiot..." she finally mewled softly. "You fucking idiot..."

"I know."

"You could've died!"

"I know."

"You could've died... you could've died..."

"I know..."

"Y-You could've... you could've..."

My smile faded as her tears dripped onto my cheek.

"I could've lost you... I could've killed you... I don't want to lose anything anymore, I don't... I can't lose anything anymore... I can't lose you too... I can't lose you too... I can't lose you too..."

"I'm sorry."

Silence soon seized my voice, its grip hard and heavy. Throughout it all, Twilight Sparkle cried for the longest time, pouring out emotions so familiar yet so refreshing at the same time; emotions that she had been holding in for five months, perhaps even more. How long had it pained her? How many days had she suffered just from smiling? How many nights had she woke up sweating and panting? If I could count them in my head, I would, though that would be travesty. Instead, I watched her cry and cry, letting it last as long as she wills it, until she finally wipes her tears away, sniffling as her hooves began to carry her.

"C-Can you stand?"

"I can try, but my hoof..." came my withered response.

"I'll carry you."

"You don't have to—"

"I'll carry you," she cut in sharply. "Come on. Try to stand. Easy now..."

A graceless bout of wobbling later, Twilight Sparkle was helping me hold up my limping form. Slowly but surely, we hobbled out of the broken mess of the room and into the hallways, leaving behind a snaking trail of dampness. As we left, I glanced back from over my shoulder, trying my best not to gape at the broken glass windows, the black blotches on the crystal walls and the conspicuous remains of a chandelier sprawled on the table, still flickering and sparking faintly nevertheless. Rain was spilling in from all sides, with the occasional tree branch and leaf being blown in from the strong gales assaulting the castle. To think I absorbed some of that momentum was staggering, though the cuts and bruises on my body told me as such.

"Nurse Redheart told you, didn't she? About the surges?"

I turned back at that question. "A little, yeah..." I muttered softly, noticing her growing frown. "How long were you having them?"

"A while. I don't really remember."

I stole a glance back at the trail of water snaking behind us. "You'll have to clean all of that up later, don't you?"

"I'll have someone take care of it tomorrow."

"But your secret—"

"I don't care. Not anymore," Twilight rasped. "It was going to happen eventually and it did. Plus, it's about time everyone knew about it anyway. Sooner or later, somepony was bound to get hurt. Somepony... anypony... it's just I never thought..."

"I deserved it."

"Don't, please just— just don't..."

"No no, I... I-I mean this in the nicest way..." I muttered. "I deserved it. I shouldn't have ran away. I shouldn't have left you alone to handle all of this by yourself. If I was there, maybe this whole thing wouldn't have happened, maybe we could've found a way to fix it together. You wouldn't have to go through it alone and I knew that. I... I needed this to happen to me, I guess. To understand how painful it was. To understand how... lonely and lost and frustrated you were. Who better than me to take the brunt of that?"

Twilight remained sullen. "Don't say that... I-I didn't mean to..."

"But you did, that's how it was. You know it'll happen eventually, to me, to Rainbow Dash, to some random pony, who knows? In the end, I can take comfort in the fact that if it happened to me, I knew that it would bring the Twilight Sparkle I remembered back."

You could almost hear her groan from that. Given any other circumstance, she probably would, or perhaps even laugh at the insanity at it all. Instead of that, however, she bore a most serious yet kindest frown, her voice adopting a tone remotely soft and stern, like that of a mother reprimanding an obstinate child.

"Don't ever do that again."

The smile I had returned to me.

A smile I had lost long, long ago.

"I won't."

The hallways seemed to stretch forever. With my crumpled hoof in tow, I suppose it should feel that way. Glancing into my reflection, I almost laughed at the disheveled, disoriented stallion staring back at me, the royal bodyguard, being carried by the princess he was supposed to protect. At this point, I wouldn't mind being mocked anymore, seeing how useless I was being this whole time. How pathetic must it be for me to realize it long after the fact. I pitied the fool I was, even as the journey dragged on and on, until I couldn't ignore the rust of discomfort settling in my mind any further.

"Twilight, we've passed the main hall."

"I know."

"But shouldn't we go to the hospital—"

"I'm not letting you leave here looking like a mess."

Her declaration was proud. Arrogant even, to a degree. It was, without a doubt, selfish, perhaps cold and uncaring as much as my hoof ached and stung. Underneath the apathy, however, there was this singular shred of hope, battered and bruised by the winds of time, waiting for the right hoof to come by and pluck it from the soil. For that honor to be bestowed to me was wasted, though I readily did it nonetheless. Twilight seemed perfectly content with that, though I wouldn't know; with how blurry my vision was getting then, it's hard to tell if I was imagining the smile she was wearing. I'd imagine she would wear one nevertheless.

"Well... if that's what you wish..."

I soon found myself in her bedroom, which had been, until now, one of the doors she had closed off to me and most of the world. Gently, she helped me down onto her bed, ruffling the wrinkle-free sheets with my weight. She strode to her vanity, where, in place of perfume bottles and brushes, there were a set of neatly arranged books, bundled-up rolls of parchment and an inkwell in which lounged a feather. I watched, once again lost in mesmerism as she reached back and fumbled with her prosthetic wing, its metallic blades fanning out and glinting in the moonlight. For five minutes, I watched, before I finally found it in me to speak up.

"Need some help with that?"

Hesitation was poignant in her face, though the sigh of resignation that followed won over in the end. She trotted over to me, her grimace only darkening further, before settling onto the floor and faced away from me. Slowly, my hooves traced the blades, before reaching underneath to where metal meets burnt flesh. Nestled between makeshift coracoid and scapula was a small, glowing gem of crystallized magic powering it, a hole for inserting a crank to retract the wings when not in use and the focus of my hunt, a small knob. With a little twist, the gem's glow faded out, followed by a hiss, before the wing was unseated from its nest. I held my breath, slowly pulling it away, though a gasp quickly escaped my lips when I was met with the sight of a grayed-out stump of dried flesh revealing itself again to me, still garish as I distinctly remembered it to be.

"Flash?"

"Sorry, I just..." I swallowed. "I forgot how it... how it must've hurt..."

"It's alright, it's fine."

"I know, I know, I just... I can't, I shouldn't, I... I shouldn't have forgotten... I shouldn't have..."

Silence, save for my feverish, feeble breaths yearning for balance.

I don't really remember what happened after that. Most certainly, Twilight cranked her prosthetic wing and placed it on the vanity, that was clear. After that... after that, it was pretty much a blur. I remembered glimpsing her as she strode into the bathroom and the sizzles of a warm shower filled my ears. I remembered rising onto my three good hooves and limping after her. I remembered steam clouding my vision as I ambled about, wincing from the needles hot water stinging my wounds. I remembered the flustered expression of annoyance she wore when I finally found her amid the thick haze of warmth.

"You could've knocked."

My mind snapped back into clarity.

"Sorry, I... I wasn't thinking, I just... wandered in... after..."

Only to be cast away again.

"After..."

Hopelessly lost.

"You... you know..."

Hopelessly seeking.

"You..."

Hopeless.

I reached out to her cheek, feeling her tense from my touch. I stared into those eyes, hopelessly lost, hopelessly seeking, hopelessly drowning underneath the vapors. I found myself drifting in an ocean, vast and endless, with turmoil and terror riding its waves. However, slowly but surely, I stared those tides down, until they finally came to a lull. Looking down, I saw myself in the water, gazing back at me with the tenderness I was displaying to her. I reached forward, sinking my hoof into her mane and forming the smallest of ripples, taking one long, deep breath before I finally let the rest of my body be swallowed by its majesty.

Her majesty.

"You're as beautiful as I remember."

I couldn't tell which of us needed it more. Our breaths collided, our gazes locked for we were swallowed by the sea. For a moment, it felt like a dream, though the hot water scalding my cuts constantly reminded me otherwise. Slowly but surely, our lips met, the last of our bodies submerging into desire amid steam and vapor. By the time our tongues wrested, we were thrashing each other into the shower walls, as if trying to retrieve all the time we had lost without each other. My hoof tried its best to remember her form, running down her neck and below her wing, as if reminding her nerves of my gentle touch. All those moments of sadness; of fear and abhorrence; of malice and rage and hatred, churning and broiling and bubbling between us— all of it was spilled out into our mouths without a wasted drop. With it, came memories of bitterness. With it, came our tears.

"Flash..." she broke away first, shivering and stumbling. "I can't... I can't..."

"Okay..." I gulped, beginning to back away. "I'm sorry, I just thought... I... just..."

For a moment, we stared at each other. At the uneasy pony before us, fidgeting after everything that happened. We would glance away, forbidding our eyes to meet, only for them to meet once more. We would open our mouths to speak, only to close them to allow the other to go first, only to open them again. In the end, silence played its damning part, hanging by a thread as we stared into each other, searching for any trace of distress or denial, before we succumbed to each other again.

Once more, our lips met.

Then we cried. Then we kissed and cried, and kissed again. It was a vicious cycle of euphoria and dysphoria, of love and hate, of joy and suffering, clashing together in dissonant harmony. It drove us over and over, right onto the brink of madness, until finally, we grappled our emotions with our bare hooves and, in all that furor, forced ourselves over the cliff. We fell far and fast, never letting go of each other, never letting our lips break as if our lives depended on it. We were monsters, screaming obscenities as we asphyxiated each other with our tongues, all because we knew nothing would be better than this. In this spur of the moment, nothing would be better than this maelstrom tearing into our minds, leaving nothing left for the imagination to scavenge.

A few familiar words quickly came to mind.

Love is disgusting.

With how we writhed in agony and ecstacy in the shower room, there was no question how disgusting it was. We were leashed to desire and chained by time, sweeping against the currents of change. No amount of fear, of selfishness, of shame and pride could stop the rampage of these two monsters. No amount of courage, of kindness, of joy and laughter could stop their raging emotions. If the curtains parted and we were set on the world stage, no amount of gasps and jeers would stop us from this desecration. We were too far gone to listen, too lost to care, too senseless to give a fuck anymore, because for once, we decided in unison that this Celestia-damned planet spinning and humming as it pleases should, for once, give more than just a fuck about us. That we weren't going to let ourselves spiral down the causeway to hell just because it decides to. That, for once, we were getting what we wanted, no matter how disgusting we'd have to be. As our worlds converged and our inhibitions swirled down the drain; as our emotions soared through the clouds and our spirits trampled upon each other; as our lips tossed and turned and twisted and scrambled in a shameless, revolting display, I could finally say it with utmost confidence.

This is the way things were meant to be.









"It's not all bad..."

He kept telling myself that, yet honestly he wasn't actually sure. You'd think the guard wouldn't ask such mundane questions, though in the end, he was as mundane as they come. A guard should expect the worst to be handed to them at any time, as his supervisors had drilled into his head, and that moment was the very instance in which he believed that it was being forced down his throat. He actually believed that! How wrong was he, the guard from the Crystal Empire! How wrong was he, the colt as naive as the day he was born! I would laugh at him now if I was there!

If only he knew.

"Next stop, Ponyville. Ladies and gentlecolts, this will be the last stop on this train..."

All roads lead to Ponyville, so the saying goes. As he hauled his saddlebags off the train, he remembered wondering if his road leads here as well? If, guided by the deft hooves of time instead of the interventions of royalty, he would find his way into this town nevertheless? As much as he would wonder, even at that point, it doesn't really matter. With how much he would face soon, it was to be the last of his worries. Filly steps was all it took for his journey to spiral out of his grasp, until all he had were echoes to remember them by. Echoes lost in the breeze.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm... just nervous..."

"You'll be fine. She's not one to judge based on appearances. I should know that, seeing as she saved my flank before it could be married off to some bug queen."

The journey was long, if only because his head was too busy trying to make sense of it. He would never make sense of it in the end, but in time, he decided soon enough that it didn't matter either way. The stares he got from ponies around town were discomforting, and though the colt would rather reciprocate it with the frostiness of a Windigo, he decided it best to leave them be. He had appearances to keep up, after all, not to mention the overwhelming presence of the stallion marching before in that wouldn't hesitate to chew him up and toss him away had he gave so much as a sneer.

"Captain, can I ask you something?"

"Well, that depends." he stopped in his tracks. "What do you wish to know?"

"Do you trust her? On making this decision, I mean?"

How defiant one must be, to question to his captain a princess's very authority, the one he was about to serve no less! Were he any other unscrupulous guard, he'd had his titles stripped and his flank sent flying home with a punt of the hoof! Instead, the captain choked on his laugh — a first throughout their entire journey together — before shaking his head at the ground.

"Between you and me, Private, I'd say she must be out of her mind," he snorted. "As much as I don't like it, it's her decision in the end, after all. It's what she wants for herself. You're an only child, Private?"

A dubious nod.

"Well, when you have a younger sister like her, you'll come to realize that they would want a little space to make their own decisions. You know, a little bit of privacy when they request it, however much you care about them. Nevertheless, there are times where they might need you to be there for them. Twilight's a little more... reserved about mentioning that notion, and I'm saying this as her brother. She doesn't really like to speak her mind on many things. Equestrian law, certainly; arcane sciences, definitely. When it comes to her personal choices? You can be sure she wouldn't be willing to elaborate on that."

"Okay... okay..." the guard mumbled. "Pardon me for asking this, but how do you, for lack of a better word, gauge these moments? How do you know when she needs time for herself and when she needs you there?"

"You don't. You can't. It's something that you'll have to trust your gut with. All I could say is that Twilight spends a lot of time with herself. You know, reading books, paperwork and such. She rarely opens up about everything, even to our own family at times. Still, there are times that she would, and when she does, my advice is just stay close and pay attention. Who knows, you might learn a thing or two about her that I don't. I'm just her brother, after all. Even she has secrets she'd like to keep from me."

"Alright... I just wanted to be sure..."

"That's the thing: we can never be sure. All we can be sure of is that it takes time. With Twilight, it might take a little longer than most ponies, but with you, I think she might take a few liberties for herself. Just remember to trust your gut. Stay calm and do your best."

He tried his best, though with the double doors looming before him and his reflection within them harshly staring him down, it's hard to even imagine the concept of calmness itself. With a cough, the captain gave it a knock, his frown quickly wiped away for a smile when those doors finally parted. From within, she emerged with glee, greeting the captain with a tight, loving embrace and sisterly teasing, before the colt finally found the courage to step up. As he did so, he had a good look into those pair of eyes, one that he'll treat at first with disdain. Surely though, he would find himself caught within those churning waves and he would struggle to keep himself afloat. However, those waves would still with time, and when that time comes, he'd find it in himself to admire them for what they are and how much it would really mean to him. Until then, he can only do what he does best.

"Flash Sentry," he introduced himself with a salute. "It's an honor to serve you, Your Majesty."

She could only giggle at that, before playfully saluting alongside him. "It's an honor to have you in my service, Flash Sentry," she said with a grin. "First things first, I don't really do well with formalities as such, so..."

"How should I refer you as, Your Majesty?"

A feigned moment of thought, before her answer came bursting upon him with a smile as bright as the first rays of sunlight.

"Twilight Sparkle."









I remembered walking through the mist that morning.

Thick and velvety were those scarves of vapor, draping the land in a humid tranquility. It was all that remained of last night's rain, though I have to admit, the thunderstorms last night were particularly ferocious, made more ghastly by the resonant walls that make up the castle. With every snare of lightning, those crystalline hallways funneled it into a grandiose boom, loud enough to shake the very foundations of her home. I couldn't get enough sleep because of them, for every time I closed my eyes and find myself drifting away, I would always wake up with a sweat. Anyone would do the same if they closed their eyes and bear witness to the flames and the explosions I saw coming my way.

"F-Flash..."

Twilight fared better in her endeavors for slumber than I did, though by only a small margin. She whimpered and shivered, jerking in her sleep with the occasional clap as she laid next to me. I don't remember enough about what happened that lead me to sharing a bed with her, to be honest. In fact, I didn't even remember when my limp hoof was bandaged up. As much as I liked her clinging onto me, however, it was hard to see her like that. The Twilight Sparkle that laid before me had everything stolen from her in life, was thrown into the corner of a pit and left to fend for herself. All I could do was hold her closer and help her brave the storm, especially when the first of her tears leaked out of her eyes.

"Cardinal... Cardinal..."

Another boom, another jolt.

"Cardinal, please... Flash... Flash, save... save him..."

I should've done that: I should've braved the storm.

"I killed him... I killed him, Flash... I killed him..."

That's what I should've done instead of running away.

I should've done that.

If only time would help me so.

"Murderer..."

As much as I'd like to stay in bed further and mourn for those five months, she had already left by the time I woke up, leaving behind a small note in her place. It was the contents of said note that led me here, wandering amid the darkness before the coming dawn. The stars still glinted over my head, leering from behind the clouds and right at me. Of course, I tried my best to ignore them; as much as I'd like to admire their beauty, there was nothing beyond the glorious view for me. I can't say what lies beyond it to be sure, though I knew it wasn't something for me to behold at the moment. Perhaps one day, my wanderlust would drive me there, to the place beyond the stars. There would be fear, as chronicled in contemporary Yakyakistani literature, though with the numbness irradiating me these past few months, fear would be a welcome friend.

My mind returned at the note Twilight left me, the words drifting off the paper and whispering in her voice. I surveyed the blinding darkness before me, hoping to glimpse her silhouette as a slight breeze dove from the clouds. Celestia knows what she was doing this early in the morning, though I can trust with all my heart that it wouldn't be something beyond my imagination, what with everything that had transpired last night. Once again, I recalled her note, her voice reminiscent of a distant memory; an echo in the breeze.

"You know where to find me."

To be frank, I knew only after giving myself a moment of contemplation. All I needed to do after that was to trace back the steps as I did countless of times before. With how dark and misty it was around me however, coupled with the aching in the back of my head, the soreness of my injured hoof and the swelling weight of lethargy over my eyes, it became more of a struggle than the leisurely canter I had hoped it was. Luna's graceful light was kind enough to seep through the clouds to aid me in the last steps of my journey, before finally, I found her, once again epitomizing a well-known fact that many had come to realize about her.

She was really fond of hillside picnics.

"How's your hoof?"

"Fine, I... I think it's fine..." I stammered, glancing down at said limb. "I... don't really remember bandaging it last night though."

"Oh, that was me. I did that about a couple of minutes before coming out here."

"Okay... thanks, I guess..."

A distrait nod.

Carefully, I carried myself down onto the picnic blanket, settling beside her. Twilight had already laid out a platter of hay sandwiches, though it was left untouched, mostly because she was busy indulging herself in one of the many books she brought along. All I could do then was quietly help myself with the food, my gaze drifting up to the intricate lattice of constellations over our heads and making out their names interwoven in my memory. For the longest time, we bathed in the serene moonlight without a word, letting the earth spin underneath our hooves as we lost ourselves in our separate worlds. In time, the silence between us soon overstayed its welcome; it didn't take long then for the bubble to burst.

"Madrugada."

My glance towards her had no shortage of bewilderment.

"What?"

Twilight raised her book to me, her hoof underlining the word. "Madrugada," she repeated. "It's the time of day occurring between late at night and early morning. We've just past that time."

"Huh," I mumbled, looking at the pages before me, scrolling through the volley of words. "That's a pretty unique list you have there."

"It's a little quaint, don't you think? Want me to read them out for you?"

"If you don't mind reading them, sure."

And so, here we are again.

"Forelsket."

"That one sounds neat. What does it mean?"

"The feeling of euphoria when you're falling in love with someone for the first time."

We've spent the better part of an hour scouring through the list.

"Nunchi."

"Definition?"

"The art of gauging another's mood. You're not really good with that."

Some of them were a little more on the nose than I had hoped. Of course, I was only there to accompany her. To make sure she was safe and sound and content, the latter of the trio stealing the spotlight in this particular instance. You could say I had the experience, being the lump of a royal bodyguard that I am frequently called. It's not easy, being the butt of her teasing; this time was no different from the rest. Don't be mistaken though, for I do like to retaliate when I have the chance.

"Maybe, but I can make up for it."

"Sure you can."

Of course, Twilight Sparkle being Twilight Sparkle, it usually wouldn't work out for me in the end anyway.

"Pochemuchka."

"Huh. What does that mean?"

Mischief danced before my eyes. "It means you," she slyly hummed.

"Me? What about me? What does that mean for me?"

"Pochemuchka means a pony who asks too many questions."

"That's pretty unfair, don't you think?" I pouted, taking a bite off my first sandwich.

You could hear her laughing from a mile away. How I missed it, that laugh that wasn't too brusque and yet wasn't too delicate either, balancing just nicely on the scale. Beneath it, the innocence I thought she had lost long ago had found its way back, which was enough to almost crack a smile upon my face. I didn't want to look overenthusiastic though, not when she's really having her fun right now. All I could do was, at the very least, pretend.

"Hyggelig."

Silence from me.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt your feelings?"

I feigned a loud, airy sigh. "What does it mean?"

"It's how I'm feeling right now," came her amicable answer. "Comfy and content, especially with you here."

A faint blush tingled my cheeks; I tried my best to ignore it.

"Mamihlapinatapai."

"Mami— what?"

Another giggle.

"Mamihlapinatapai," she repeated.

"O...kay..." I muttered, perplexed as ever.
"What does that one mean?"

The answer remained as mystifying as the first time I heard it.

"A look shared by two ponies, wishing that the other would initiate something that they both desire but that neither one of them wants to begin."

Silence.

For a moment, we just stared into each other, losing ourselves into the currents sweeping us away as we did before. Her smile had since faded, as did mine. She opened her mouth, wanting to speak, as did I, before we both faltered. There was a shimmer in her eyes, beautiful and bountiful. It twinkled like the stars, though one couldn't ignore the gloom that resided with it. Slowly but surely, our gazes parted once again, with Twilight returning hers to the pages and mine to the heavens up above. Every so often, I would steal a glimpse of her, hoping we'd share a mutual stare once more, to no avail. No doubt the events of last night were still flitting across her mind. Being a pony who wasn't accustomed to taking the initiative, to say that she would begin talking about what might be bothering her was a fanciful, whimsical notion. Then again, it wasn't an impossible one either.

All she needed was for me to take the first step.

"I remembered you mentioning something like this."

Twilight glanced up from her book.

"Something about joining you in a picnic when it was all over."

Her gaze wavered, before falling to the side. "I remember saying something like that, yeah," she muttered. "I guess I was trying to... I just wanted to talk about things back then. You know, talk about us, about where we're going to go from there, all the stuff we'd talk about last time."

"Last time... how long ago was it? Last time?"

"Forever and a day? Just a morning ago? Who knows anymore?"

"Yeah..." I chuckled, sighing. "Who knows... still, I was thinking that since we're here already—"

"You want to talk?"

Silence.

"There's a lot to talk about, isn't there?" I asked.

All to make way for the things that we had to say to each other.

"There is, there is..."

For the things that we needed to hear from each other.

"What do you wanna know from me first?"

"Just one thing."

"That is?"

"Your parents."

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tense every single time that question found its way back. I'm pretty certain that Shining had told her about their involvement in everything that happened at some point in those five wordless months. She deserved to know that as much as anyone else, though that didn't make it any less apprehensive to talk about them.

"What about them?"

"You're fine with that? With your parents in prison?"

"Well... I don't know... should I be fine with that?" I brought up the question looping in my head every day. "Dad has almost two years to go, Mom has six, all because they knew a little too much... I mean, it's not like they did anything, but that's their crime, supposedly. That they didn't do anything. They could've said something about it, yet..."

"I could pardon them if you want," she suggested, crossing her hooves. "If it came from me, I think everypony would agree that it's fine, wouldn't they?"

"Yeah... we could do that..."

Deep down, however, there was a pain we easily recognized. You could tell from the reluctance in her eyes that the bitterness was still there, just beneath her melancholic sheen. To pardon my parents might be a good thing for them and, to an extent, for me, though I'd figure she would do it more as an obligatory gesture than anything else. Deep down, the pain struck deep, and my parents helped with hammering that nail. She would never pardon them out of the kindness of her heart, that bit was clear to me, so much so that I knew not to broach that topic any further. It must be cruel of me, to subject my parents to that despite everything I said. In the end, it would become one of the many things I would never forgive myself for.

"My turn, I guess..." Twilight hummed, waiting for my first question.

Filly steps, I told myself.

"Your nightmares."

Almost immediately, her expression shattered, though she quickly salvaged what's left of it to patch into a broken smile.

"I was talking in my sleep again, aren't I?" she sighed.

All I could do was nod with a pained grin, to which she began after a shiver.

"They're all the same. Each and every one of them. I close my eyes, I'd see... faces. Faces. All the faces would look at me, but Cardinal's... his face... his one would look into me. He looked so cold and angry and... and it'll always bring me back... to that night... to the night I—"

Her voice faltered into a gasp, prompting me to hold her hoof.

"Sorry, I'm— I can't..."

"No, it's fine, it's fine," I assured. "You don't have to talk about it, if it helps you."

Twilight could only whimper something I believed was akin to a 'thank you'.

"What about the memory spell? Why did you do it?"

"I... don't know really," she admitted. "There's a lot of reasons for it, but in the end, I just wanted to know who it was. I just wanted to know who did it. I just wanted the whole world to stop blaming you for everything and... and just... tell the truth... instead all I got was pain. Extreme pain."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know... I know..."

Another shiver. Another question answered.

"The interview," came my last question, along with a warm smile glistening in the last rays of moonlight. "You listened in with your parents, didn't you?"

"Mm."

"Well? Did I do alright?"

Twilight let out an airy hum of thought, before breaking into a slight giggle. "I don't know, really. Did you actually mean everything you said?" she asked.

"I'm not so sure either," I admitted sheepishly, the both of us laughing. "But I guess when it comes to you, with the things I say just... coming as they are, then yes, to an extent, I do mean them. I was thinking about them when I said it, after all. Is... is that a bad thing?"

"You remember what I said I liked about you?"

"About me being true?"

"Yes, that. You were doing that in the interview. You're just saying everything that came to your mind, didn't you? Sure, some of it was a little off the rails, like that part where you said you would marry me, but you didn't like sound like you were reading off some paper or something like that. You were as true as you could be, Flash. That's far from being a bad thing, at least to me."

"But I did lie about my resignation and everything..."

"You lied, yes," she attested, before breaking into a smile. "But you weren't lying to me. You didn't try to hide it from anyone either. At the very least, I could appreciate that."

Somehow, her saying that made me feel all the more guilty about it.

"That's it from me, I guess," I sighed, glancing back at the stars. "I don't know if there's anything else I should know about."

Silence beholds us both, if only for a brief moment.

"It's a filly."

I turned to her with a blank stare.

"What?" I murmured.

"It... it was a filly..."

It took a lot longer than I had hoped for me to realize what she was saying.

"You mean..."

"Yeah..."

"You... you mean our..."

A muted nod.

"Okay... I... okay..."

Silence, tenser than most. My throat lurched, my eyes clenching shut. You could almost hear the cries it would make, as if trying to claw its way out of the nightmare we were living in and into the fabric of reality. By the time I could gaze back at her and speak, Twilight was trying her best to hold her sniffles. Slowly, she leaned against me, snuggling against my chest. Slowly, I complied, wrapping my left wing around her shaking form. It didn't take long before her quiet sobs filled the air, tempting me to join the fray. All we could do was mourn the times that could've been, even as I struggled to find words of comfort to soothe us both.

"She would've been something, wouldn't she?"

Twilight laughed amid her cries, wiping her tears. "She... she would've been a sweet bundle of joy. The sweetest one Equestria would ever see. You'd spoil her, wouldn't you, Flash?"

"I'd spoil her silly. As would you."

"Yeah... we would be the worst parents ever. We'd be the worst of the worst."

"Scum of the earth," I reciprocated.

"Disasters in the making."

"Failures."

Twilight paused, before nodding glumly. "Failures..." she murmured. "Heh... failures... as if we aren't failures already."

Silence.

"We couldn't do anything about it even if we wanted to."

"How could you be so sure?" she cried out. "If I knew... if I knew earlier that I was... then things wouldn't turn out like this! Things wouldn't be like this!"

"But it's like this now... it's like this..." I gasped feverishly, clutching onto her hoof. "There's nothing we can do about that anymore, Twilight. Nothing... and that's okay. At least know that I'll be right here with you, every step of the way. It hurts me as much as it would hurt you, okay? You're not alone in this."

Her whimpers were cold and barren, her eyes a swirling storm of emotions staring into mine. "I can't... I can't..." she sighed, shaking her head. "When I look at you... I don't want to, but I remember everything that happened. All the things we said to each other, all the pain we made each other feel... I can't go through that again, Flash. I don't want you to go through that again..."

"Twilight, I made a promise that when all is said and done, I must consider if I would want to return to your side. I'm intending to keep that promise, alright?"

"But just now, my surge! It almost... it almost—"

"I almost lost you in a fire as well, Twilight!" I yelled sharply. "And every single time. Every. Single. Fucking. Time... it'll come back and remind me of what I've done, of everything I've done after that... I could've lost you too, Twilight. I could've lost you to the fire, to Cardinal, to Celestia knows what else. I could've lost you too. I could've lost you many times over... and I'm willing to make it up for that. I'm willing to do what it takes to earn my title of royal bodyguard back and I don't care how I'm gonna do it. If it means keeping you safe, then I'd do it."

"Even if it would kill you?" she snarled.

"Even if it would kill me," I stood my ground. "Twilight, I know we've been through a lot. I know it's been hard for us, but I still care about you, and I know you care about me too. I'm not willing to throw that away because what we had... what we've been through... they can't be replaced. They can't be shouldered by anypony else and you know that. I can do that— no, I want to do that. I'm not asking for forgiveness, remember? I'm asking you to become the Twilight Sparkle I remember you to be despite everything. I'm asking you to be brave, to be smart, to be the beautiful mare that I fell in love with. Celestia knows she still in there somewhere and by the Goddesses, I'm going to bring her back, no matter what."

All she could do was stare into my eyes, trying to search for any inkling of hesitation, any show of reluctance, any form of trepidation, to no avail. With furrowing brows, she clutched tightly onto my hoof, hissing me when I made any attempts of raising a question. Despite the tears brimming in her eyes, she sported a newfound glare, entwining my hoof with hers before the horizon where the first rays of sunlight had already begun creeping out from the edge.

"Fine then, just... fine. If you want to stay with me so badly, then you'll have to promise me a few things," she scowled. "First things first, promise me that you'll never, ever, ever, run away again."

I gulped, though remained firm.

"I... I promise."

"Second, promise me that you'll never do anything in my name ever again."

My gaze steadied itself, as did my breathing.

"I promise."

"Lastly... promise me..." her voice faltered into whimpers once again. "Promise me... please promise me, Flash Sentry... don't go ahead and die before I do... promise me..."

My lips curved into a small grin, my mind knowing just the right words to say.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

It didn't take long after that for her to quickly wrap her hooves around me.

The first rays of sunlight tore through the night sky, the glorious view burning brighter and brighter. Even as Twilight cried the last of her tears into my chest, I could only smile and look ahead to the rising sun and to the foreseeable future. Hugging her a little tighter, a single tear leaked from my eye and dripped onto the blades of grass, whether in celebration or in mourning, one can never be sure. Nothing was ever sure in this town of beginnings and ends at the edge of the Everfree. Nothing can ever be certain, yet as I mentioned before in the interview of the century: when it comes to being with Twilight Sparkle, I know with all my heart that it would turn out great, no matter what.

Breaking from our embrace, it wasn't long before we succumbed to the other's gaze once more. The ocean was as tranquil as it had always been, welcoming me into its waters. I could only stare into its beauty and magnificence, the smile I was wearing only widening at the prospect. Even with everything we had toiled through, even with the nightmares keeping us tossing and turning at night, there's no question that we both wanted this to happen. There's no question that this was how things were meant to be. We shared that same look of desire— that same, hopeful gaze of yearning as we stared into each other. Throughout all the time in the hospital, the gaze persisted, with silence happily taking the center stage. It was a desire that started the moment she woke up from her coma and shall finally find a fitting end here on a hillside picnic. It was desire that the two of us wanted from each other, yet never had the courage to swallow our pride and say the words we needed to say. However, in the end, it was a desire that needed no words at all, for all of it was easily summed up and sealed with a single, gentle kiss.

It was the desire to breathe anew.

The desire to begin again.

And whatever what anyone would say, you can be certain I'll be indifferent either way.