I look down at my speech for what must've been the seventeenth time by now. The said speech being for what I hoped I would never have to experience, my father's funeral.
A few months ago, I'd call you insane, cruel even, if you told me that this was where I'd be today. Standing directly beside the open casket containing the lifeless body of my dad.
I look at him, and go over his features... since I know I won't ever get the chance to do so again after today.
I start with his hair, nearly half of his once brown head had gone gray over the years, even though he wasn't very old.
His shut eyelids were next. I wish I could see his beautiful blue eyes one last time, but I feel like it's better to let him enjoy his rest.
His mouth was closed, shut tight by magic... to slow down the decomposing process.
I sniffle as I move further down. He's wearing a tuxedo, which only makes him seem all the more elegant.
Lastly, there are his feet. He had made the request that he be buried shoeless when his time came. A bit of an odd ask at first glance, but I understood why at least. With walking being such a big part of his life and such. They were worn out from years of walking back and forth from work, as well as our many trips to the old park.
At this point, there's no denying that he did wonders to shape me into who I am today. If it weren't for him, I probably would've died of starvation, hypothermia, or something worse. The government could've found me and done some twisted experiments.
I owe Dad my life. From this point on, I will make this life that's been set out for me the best it can possibly be. I will not, and can not let my life be tarnished in the pit of despair that nearly ruined my own father.
Talking about anything that has to do with my father makes me cringe. I'm not disgusted, just shocked by the reality of all of this happening right now. My heart is trying so hard to fool me into thinking that this is all imaginary, but the realness of it all is just too much to ignore. It shouldn't be ignored. My dad deserves my utmost attention, and I'm going to see to it that I deliver on that.
I snap out of my thoughts, as I hear the royal hoof steps of Princess Celestia. She was put in charge of this... "gathering". I refrain from telling myself what this really is. I don't think I can take much more of this, and I need to keep my emotions in check for the speech.
Princess Celestia walks closer to the podium and closer to me standing by the casket as she eventually reaches the top step. The world goes silent for a moment before she begins to speak.
"Citizens of Ponyville, we are all gathered here today to celebrate the life of somepony who was not a pony at all, but rather, a human. He was a dear friend to all of us and meant something special to everypony who is attending today." What she said warms my heart, but only hardly.
In my head, I question her at first. She doesn't seem the slightest bit sad, but then again, she is immortal. She goes through this sort of thing a lot, so I guess it isn't surprising that she's acting like this.
In a weird way, I sort of feel bad for her. Going through so many sad times, and probably wanting to cry, but she literally can't. Not only does being royal mean that she's expected to act a certain way, but it also means that she can't cry away the mournful times because she's experienced them too often to have it affect her like that.
As a filly, crying always made me feel better. I think Dad once told me that crying made us feel better due to some kind of chemical reaction in the brain.
I remember his exact words while explaining it to me. "Do you remember our first fight? After we cried for a bit, we felt better, and then we made up. That's a good example."
Did I remember our first fight? Yes, yes I did, and I still do. I remember it as if it happened yesterday.
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I'd been in Daddy's care for maybe two months, or so. Yeah, that's right, two months exactly. It was November 17th, 2012. It was a Saturday, so he was supposed to be home. But, he got called in to cover a shift, and no one else could do it. So, I played around the house by myself as if it were a weekday.
Everything was fine, mostly... sort of... not really...
I made quite a big mess, there was pizza sauce on the floor as well as the furniture and my toys were scattered across the room. At the time I didn't really see it as a mess. Then again, I guess that was no different from any child back on Earth.
I think it was nearly five in the evening by the time I heard footsteps approach the door. I was a bit occupied in trying to figure out how to use crayons and was finishing up a "drawing" if you could call it that.
I heard each of the locks opened, and finally, the door opened and closed with a swift motion. I was nearly done at that point, all I had to do was put in a few more squiggly lines.
I quickly did so and exited the living room. Upon seeing Dad at the fridge, I trotted over to him with the drawing clenched in my right wing.
"Hi, Daddy!" I squealed excitedly as I hopped over the toys towards the kitchen. I still couldn't say too much at the time, but at that point, I had mastered those two words.
"Hey, Dashie. Looks like you've had some fun today," he says as he surveys the mess I made. We can clean it up after I get some dinner." He opened the fridge, probably looking for the pizza that I ate earlier that day. Uh oh... He'd understand... right?
I wasn't entirely sure why he said the words that came out of his mouth after that. Looking back on it, the stress of work along with the big mess that I made, and the fact that there was almost nothing for him to eat probably contributed to it. I guess his mouth just took control. His words were ingrained into my head the moment he said them.
"Rainbow Dash! You know, sometimes I wish you weren't even around! At least then I wouldn't have to deal with this stuff all the time!" His words were enough to make my eyes fill up with tears and I ran back into the living room, dropping the picture while doing so.
I ran into the room and immediately sprawled out onto the couch, covering up my head with a pillow and sobbing into the fabric.
His words echoed in my mind over and over. 'Rainbow Dash!' The only time he ever called me that was when I did something that I wasn't supposed to, so he definitely wasn't happy with me.
'Sometimes, I wish you weren't even around!' He didn't want me around anymore? Should I run away? I pondered it for a while, but at that point, I was too emotionally drained to act upon it.
After crying for what seemed like an hour, I heard footsteps approach the room and I quickly covered my entire head with the pillow to try and hide from him. He seemed to tip-toe his way to the couch and sat down next to me.
"I really like your drawing, Dashie. It's beautiful." His words went in one ear and came out of the other. I tried to ignore him at first, but something about him just reeled me in slowly. For the next few minutes, there was nothing but silence, all except my occasional sniffle.
Then I heard the strangest thing, crying.
I slowly took my head out from underneath the pillow and all I saw was his weeping face, with his hands covering most of it.
"Why you cry?" It was my best attempt at a sentence. And to be honest, I wasn't too sad at that point, more confused, really. The sound of his tears only made me sad again, though, and I started to tear up myself.
"I had a terrible day at work, everyone was mean to me, I haven't eaten anything since this morning, there's a big mess in the living room and now you hate me!" He said that, sobbing in between each reason. This made me feel guilty. I just couldn't help but feel bad for him. All the thoughts of what he told me earlier faded away as quickly as they were engraved.
"Daddy, I don't..." I said, and dang it that must've been the truest thing I've ever said.
"I don't either, Dashie." He pulled me into an embrace, and I embraced him back with all the strength I could muster.
How could I have been so stupid? Of course, he didn't hate me. If I ever see him again- No, when I see him again I'll be sure to apologize for that.
For the rest of the night, we cuddled in the living room. He kept on telling me just how much he adored my drawing and I felt so happy knowing that he did. We eventually fell asleep while telling each other made up stories, and peace in the family was restored.
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The drawing... I think I still have that drawing. A few years back, Dad managed to get my shoebox filled with all of my special belongings, the one that I tried to take with me to Equestria. Along with the drawing, was my Indy 500 ticket, and a few pictures of us. How did he get that anyway? That's certainly something worth looking into sometime.
I fade out of my thoughts as I hear my name.
"I would like to introduce the pony who meant the most to our dear Brain Dash. The pony who considers him to be her father, as he raised her as if she were his own from a filly: Miss Rainbow Dash."
I take a deep breath before beginning the short walk to the podium. Time seems to slow down as I get closer, however. I look over at my father's body, but quickly look away in fear I'll lose focus.
Okay, here we go. Focus, do not cry. I climb the steps up to the stage and continue my internal preparation. One funeral, forty-two in attendance. The attendees don't matter. I finish climbing the steps and I'm now a mere three hooves from the podium. The attendees... maybe I should worry about the attendees, do I want them to cry? No no no no no, stay focused, no crying. I reach the podium, and can't help but smile a bit, as I laugh on the inside from making a Cars reference.
‘I'm faster than fast, I'm quicker than quick, I am Lightning.' That was always my favorite movie growing up. Thinking about it also helped keep me distracted from Pops. But all joking aside, I need to focus now. I look out at the small crowd and take a deep breath before I begin.
"Dad, for twenty-four years you took care of me. For twenty-four years you loved me, played with me, and made sure I enjoyed my life in both a world not meant to house me as well as one not meant to house you. I'm not a mare of many words, but even though I've told you this in person, I felt that you needed to hear it again, just so you know that it was all real.
I love you, Daddy. You helped shape me into the mare I am now. I'm not sure what's going to happen. If life will ever be the same without you or not, but I want you to know that you did a darn good job of raising me, even if I was a bit stubborn at times and short with you during others.
With Celestia's permission, I hope to allow you to have our photos, our memories, with you up there so that you will never forget. Again, I love you, and thank you.
Your little daughter always,
Your little Dashie forever,
Rainbow Dash."
Saying that speech out loud pushes me over the edge. I start tearing up once I finish, and it's only getting worse as each second passes. In the crowd I can hear some sniffles, as well as Pinkie, balling towards the back.
As I trot off of the stage, I can only imagine her crying much like she did when Princess Luna was reformed so many years ago, but I don't want anypony to see me like this.
I stop at Dad's casket and look at him one last time. I give him a kiss on the cheek one last time before I look away. This is the final time in my life that I'll ever see my dad. Physically, at least.
I want to look back at him, I really do. I want to do nothing but latch onto his body in hopes of some miracle that he comes back to life, I really do, but I don't. It's time to move on, now. I have to remember what Daddy wrote in his death note.
"Always remember, don't cry because it's over. Smile, because it happened." and smile I do.
I look at up at the bright, beautiful skies of Equestria. The weather ponies made sure to make today as clear of a day as possible. My dad deserved that, at the very least. He wouldn't be able to see us all celebrating his amazing life if the skies were shrouded in clouds. I can only imagine his smile, as I look up at the rainbow that is my pops.
With a sudden burst of energy, I fly up towards the rainbow, breaking the sound barrier and performing the sonic rainboom as I pass him. I feel an energy that I haven't felt in months, and I want to use all of that energy to remind him that I know he's there, and more importantly, that I've moved on from my loss. I smile at him, and it almost looks as if he smiles back at me!
I cry once again, but these aren't tears of sadness, these are tears of joy. I can now move on to the next stage of my life, knowing very well that my dad will be guiding me all the way.