//------------------------------// // Probably Something You Really Only Want a Unicorn to Do… // Story: Totally Random! // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS PROCTOLOGISTS, YAY!” Button Mash sat belly down on a small table as a trio of fillies wearing rubber ‘socks’ stood behind him, eyes fixed on his hind-quarters. He had assumed that with today’s activity not seemingly being outright dangerous, there was no harm in assisting the girls in their ongoing quest to get their cutie mark, but as cold hooves began to encroach upon his backside with an eagerness he would not have entertained as possible before this exact moment, he realized he was wrong. “Button, dear?” Rarity’s voice called from a little bit away. “Now would be a good time to utilize the safety word I told you and the girls to use for your little cutie mark escapades.” “Broccoli! Broccoli!” Button shouted frantically. “Aw, man…” Scootaloo uttered as she and the other girls reluctantly dropped their hooves. “We put on our old medical waste handling gloves for nothing!” “Well, now what are we supposed ta try and get our cutie marks in?” Apple Bloom bemoaned. “Maybe it’s for the best,” Sweetie Belle said as Button got off the table and trotted up next to her. She gave Button a quick nuzzle as Button smiled warmly at her. “I mean… what would a butt-doctor cutie mark look like anyway?” “Erm… I guess another, smaller flank on our flank?” Scootaloo suggested. Button’s face tightened. “Wait… so what cutie mark would be on that flank?” Apple Bloom piped up, “Do y’all think it’d be the same cutie mark, so it’d be sorta like when you stand in between two mirrors?” “Yeah, but it’d be of butts!” Sweetie Belle pointed out. “This was a horrible idea!” The three foals all turned towards Sweetie Belle. “It was your idea!” Scootaloo pointed out. Apple Bloom nodded. “Ah mean, I’ll admit it was kinda a strange idea, but at least it wasn’t something we’d already tried.” Sweetie Belle threw her hooves up in the air. “What I said was, ‘I wouldn’t mind getting a closer look at Button’s butt!’” She looked at Scootaloo and Apple Bloom accusingly. “You two were the ones who thought I meant we should try to get proctology cutie marks!” “… Wait, what?” Button said. Sweetie Belle’s off-white cheeks suddenly turned read as she turned towards Button Mash. “Aaaaand… I just said that out loud… right in front of you… I…” Sweetie Belle leaned past Button. “Rarity? Would using a safe word work in this situation?” Rarity, who was sitting at her dining room table reading a newspaper shook her head. “I’m afraid not, darling.” “… dang it…” Sweetie Belle muttered. Rarity suddenly turned and looked straight ahead, much as if she was looking directly into a camera. “You all may be wondering why I allowed that little scene to transpire right in front of me or why I let Sweetie Belle do pretty much any of the things she does with her friends. Well, the answer is quite simple really.” Rarity rose her newspaper directly in front of her. “I’m not Sweetie Belle’s bucking mother,” she answered curtly. “No, our mom is out getting drunk on margaritas somewhere in Las Pegasus with our father and it’s not my damn responsibility to make sure Sweetie Belle doesn’t hurt herself or end up traumatized, and yet everypony expects that of me!” Rarity flipped the page on her newspaper. “A better question would be where Applejack is when Apple Bloom is participating in these cockamamie schemes.”