//------------------------------// // Who Needs to Watch the Film When the Audience is Way More Entertaining? // Story: Totally Random! // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// As the large screen in front of her cast flickering light from the two colorful ponies speaking in front of it. “Who wants some beef jerky?!” Sonata Dusk exclaimed excitedly as she held up with a forehoof a small, silver bag with a zip-lock on the top. Sitting next in the seat next to the energetic pegasus mare was a tan earth pony mare, with soft, motherly features and her brown mane and tale both tied with two red bows. Love Tap glanced at the bag quizzically with turquoise eyes that showed a deepness in them as if they had seen far too much in a relatively short period of time and knew that no good was going to come from this conversation. Her husband Chip, a dark brown coated stallion, spiked black mane, and bushy black mustache, leaned forward to cast a glance that still shone with curiosity as if the there was no telling what mysteries the bag held, as opposed to the ‘brace for impact’ look that his wife had begun to take on. “Uh, Sonata, dear?” Love Tap said gently. “Yes, mommy?” Sonata replied sweetly. “We don’t know what ‘beef jerky’ is,” she said as she looked over at her husband, who nodded his head in agreement. From the other side of Sonata, Aria Blaze, an earth pony, snorted mirthfully, her dangerously spiked metal star hair clips and twin ponytails bouncing up and down slightly as she tried to quietly laughed to herself. The worry on Love Tap’s face deepened as she glanced at Aria. The chances that she would get out of this without yet another scar on her psyche just took a nose dive into the ground followed by a fiery crash. “It’s like steak, but with all the water taken out!” Sonata informed happily. “Uh-huh…” Love Tap replied in an unsure tone. “Well, thanks for offering, but no tha—” “What’s steak?” Chip asked. Love Tap closed her eyes and pursed her lips. She had almost saved her and her husband from certain mental trauma, but once again, her husband’s inquisitive nature got the better of him. Sonata grinned. “It’s meat from a cow!” she informed as she reached a hoof in, brought back a wad of dried meat, and shoved it into her face. “Wvwant sowme?” she asked with a mouth full of dried meat as she held out the open bag. Despite his dark brown fur, Chip’s face turned green as he quickly brought up a forehoof to his mouth, puffed out his cheek, and hobbled on three legs as rapidly as he could to get outside the darkened theater. Love Tap simply stared at the cheery pegasus in front of her. “Sonata, don’t talk with your mouth full. Also, where the heck did you get that?” Sonata chewed then swallowed. “Uh… D’uuuh, there’s this place called stores!” “Yeah! You tell her, Sonata!” Aria cheered. Love Tap leaned forward to toss Aria a glare that seemed to say ‘I will deal with you later’. She turned back towards Sonata. “Sonata, there’s absolutely nowhere in Equestria where cows are murdered so their remains could be desiccated and sold in small, pre-packaged bags!” Sonata blinked and looked down at the bag that her forehoof was stuck down. “Then where did I get this beef jerky?” Sonata pulled out her hoof with a generous heap of beef jerky on the end of it. “Also… how am I doing this?!” Sonata turned back to Love Tap. “Mommy? How do hooves work?” Love Tap let out an exasperated sigh. “Magic,” She replied. “The answer is magic.” Sonata responded with a beaming smile. “Works for me!” she said as she thrust more of the beef jerky into her face. Love Tap just shook her head and looked around the theater. “Wait… Where’s Adagio…” Love Tao’s shoulders slumped. “and Gibson…” she said, finishing the sentence with a tone that suggested she had just answered her own question. Aria chuckled and pointed down with a forehoof. “Where do you think?” Love Tap’s features fell deep into an unamused ocean. “Please don’t tell me you two are having sex on the sticky, popcorn-covered floor of the theater!” she exclaimed in an incensed tone. A slightly muffled reply from Adagio Dazzle came back at first, then was followed up by actual speech that lilted up from below. “Does oral count as sex?” Adagio asked. Love Tap grit her teeth. “YES!” “Alright… I can fulfill your request, but it won’t be the truth!” Adagio replied. “Does that matter?” Love Tap just let out a groan in response. “Gibson, really?! I mean… I expect this behavior from Adagio, but I’d hope you’d at least have some sensibilities when it comes to her throwing herself at you.” Gibson rose from the theater and held his forehooves in front of him. “I’m seventeen!” he cried as if that was sufficient enough for an answer. Which, in this case, it was. Love Tap just sighed. “Fair enough…” Adagio’s voice called out. “Look, if it bothers you that much, we can take this somewhere else!” “… Yes, please…” Love Tapped replied in a somewhat deflated tone. “Okay,” Adagio said as the silhouette of her horn and head topped with frazzled popcorn and candy-covered mane popped up. This was followed by the silhouette of Gibson as the two shuffled out of the aisle. “But I want a full report on what we missed when we get back!” Love Tap groaned. “I can’t take you three anywhere…” Aria nodded. “Yes… I also agree that this is your fault for taking us all to the movies.” Love Tap once again leaned forward to fire a scowl off of Sonata’s bow. “Young lady, I’m not usually one for corporal punishment when it comes to disciplining my children, but for you, I might make an exception.” “Hah! Young lady?!” Aria snorted. “Anyway, do you think if maybe you hit Gibson and Button a little more when they were younger they wouldn’t have grown up to be such weirdos?” As Aria watched the suddenly shifting features on Love Tap’s face change from ‘irritated’ to ‘blood-thirsty’, a thought occurred to her that she had probably just made a terrible mistake. This thought would be confirmed as Love Tap let out a feral roar and leaped over her seat, over Sonata, and onto Aria. Although a seasoned fighter in her own right, the first few blows struck home on Aria’s face and her world quickly became a spinning, swirling maelstrom of pain as Aria considered the wisdom in not poking bears with sticks, especially mama-bears. “Spike, this is a horribly convoluted plan to get popcorn!” Love Tap’s ears perked up and she quickly scrambled back to her seat as she heard her local princess and quasi-next door neighbor’s voice. Aria groggily pulled herself back up into her seat. A large bucket of popcorn held by a rather small dragon entered the theater followed by Twilight Sparkle, who continued to complain about the current situation. “I can’t believe you dragged us here just so you could have a huge bucket of popcorn! We could have just gotten popcorn at the store!” “Yeah, but movie popcorn just tastes better!” Spike exclaimed as he and Twilight took up seats behind Love Tap, Sonata, and Aria. “Plus we get to catch a movie at the same time!” “But the film’s already started!” gripped Twilight. “Couldn’t you have at least picked—aaaaaand you’ve already buried your head completely in the bucket… right…” Twilight let out a sigh that quickly got caught in her throat as she looked around. “Oops… Sorry for all the noise, everypony.” “It’s, uh, quite alright, princess,” Love Tap said. Twilight blinked a few times then leaned forward. “Oh, hey Love Tap!” she said with a smile. “Nice to see you out with, er… part of your new family!” Love Tap turned along with Sonata and Aria whose battered head wobbled from side to side. “Oh, most of the rest of my family is here… somewhere,” Love Tap reported. Twilight nodded and looked over the other two present, her smile dropping. “Oh my gosh, Aria! What the heck happened to your face?!” Love Tap clamped down on her teeth hard as a wicked grin momentarily flashed across Aria’s bruised features. “Our evil adopted mom here beat me in the face for talking out of turn!” A mortified expression suddenly marched on Love Tap’s face and began erecting various structures as if it was setting up for a lengthy and lucrative round of business. Love Tap was sure it was impossible to be more embarrassed that she felt at that exact moment… Twilight turned to Sonata. “Sonata, is this true?” “I’d use the word ‘pummel’ over ‘beat’, but other than that… Yeah, that’s pretty much what happened.” … she was wrong. Twilight simply leaned back in her chair. “Then she’s a better choice of a guardian than I even imagined.” Against all odds, Love Tap felt herself being lifted out of the darkness of complete and total embarrassment and despair. “Uuuugh!” Aria groaned out. “You’re all the worst!” she proclaimed as Sonata giggled. Love Tap let out a small sigh of relief before a small, silver bag with a zip-lock was floated in front of her with a magenta glow. She looked up into the smiling face of Twilight Sparkle who replied with a cheery, “Beef jerky?” Love Tap suddenly realized she’d be trapped in the box of despair for quite a while. “I really hope Button is faring better with Sweetie Belle…”