“Your former student and friend forever, Twilight Sparkle. Ok, Spike, sent it to Princess Celestia.” Twilight said as she completed her dictation of her latest letter on friendship to her former mentor. She felt proud that even after completing her studies, she still sent letters when she learned new lessons on the magic of friendship. Spike on the other hoof, seemed more annoyed that she was than anything. As his annoyance built, he came closer and closer to telling her exactly what he thought. As he reread the current letter, he decided he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Twilight, you know I love you like a sister, so don’t get too upset at what I’m about to tell you. You do realize that Celestia doesn’t need to know every time you learn something new? And you realize you’ve learned this same lesson like six times. I swear this letter is word for word the same as the one you sent a year ago.”
Twilight blinked, flabbergasted as she stared at her little brother. “Spike, firstly Celestia would never be upset to get a letter from me. And secondly, I know this is a new lesson. I think I’d remember a lesson if I had already learned it.”
Spike dug his claws into his temples. He had written almost all of her correspondence and knew for a fact that this lesson was as repetitive as watching Applejack buck trees. His thoughts drifted as he imagined her toned muscles tensed, then released, her powerful legs thrusting out to impact...e took a moment to focus. Spike was sure Twilight let her desire to impress Celestia cloud her judgment.
“Twilight, why are you even bothering to send these letters. You’re the princess of friendship. You don’t need to send friendship letters. You haven’t had to for years. I’m sure Celestia doesn’t need to hear about what you’ve learned.” Spike let out an exasperated huff. Would his older sister ever grow up and learn to stand on her own?
“Spike, it’s important that she knows I'm still learning and progressing in my studies. Now send the letter.” Twilight had gotten frustrated herself at the resistance her little brother was showing over a simple friendship report. It wasn’t like it hurt him to send them.
“Mark my words, one day Celestia will get tired of getting these letters.” Spike said as he projected mail flames over the scroll and sent it on its way.
As she presided over her day court, Celestia sighed a bit. It could get so boring listening to the incredibly pedantic reasons ponies had for requesting an audience with her and her sister. At the moment, there was a group of ponies petitioning for an exemption in rules for reporters for newspapers. She had quit listening to specifics after they mentioned her nephew and his escapades. At that moment, a burst of green flame appeared in front of her. She suppressed her relief at the distraction. She stood suddenly and announced, “Court is temporarily recessed for important royal business. We will return as soon as the current situation is dealt with.” She looked over to Luna, seeing her relief mirrored in her sister’s face. “We will adjourn until tomorrow.” She silently prayed to her mother and father that this letter would be important enough to extend that further. As she and her sister rose, some ponies seemed about to object, but the impressive presence of the royal guard quelled them.
As the two alicorns entered Celestia’s private chambers, Luna breathed out a deep sigh of relief. “Please tell me Princess Twilight has something important and hopefully vigorous for us. We are far out of practice and some hard fighting against a worthy foe would be most welcome.” She reared up and threw a few forehoof kicks out, almost knocking Celestia’s tea set off the table.
“I’m sure she wouldn’t waste Spike’s talents on something small. Maybe we should send for the royal smith to prepare our battle armor.” Celestia unrolled the scroll, and once she skimmed the letter, firmly slammed her head into the table. The force knocked the tea set completely off, which fell to the floor and shattered. Another one? Another bucking friendship letter? She knew Twilight had mother issues aimed at her, but seriously. As Luna looked on concerned, she moaned out in pain “It’s another friendship letter.”
“Another one?” Luna asked. She had seen the exasperation her sister has had over the continued letters, mostly with repeats of lessons learned already. On the occasion that a new lesson came up, her sister had been mildly happy about them, but the repeats were killing her. Why did Twilight keep sending them. She was the princess of friendship, she had no reason to send these letters anymore.
“I wish I could just send some kind of letter to her to convince her to stop sending these letters.” Celestia’s horn lit up without her conscious guide. “I mean seriously, just a letter telling her she needs to get laid. That would calm her down.” As she spoke, her magic picked up a quill and parchment, beginning to write. “Seriously, that young mare needs it, she is so tightly wound she just have another mental breakdown if she doesn't.” Her magic wrote a short note on the parchment and it burst into green flame, disappearing into smoke and traveling out the window. Luna witnessed this yet said nothing, knowing her sister needed this relief from the letters. She smirked slightly, wondering what the letter said. When Celestia noticed the smirk, she asked “Luna, what’s so funny?”
“It seems dear sister, you already have solved your problem.” Luna couldn’t suppress a giggle.
“What do you...” She suddenly noticed the smell of ozone in the air with horror. “Did... did I just send a letter without realizing it?”
“Yes, and it's most likely for the best. You know we alicorns can go much longer than most mares, but I do remember that you get very cranky if you don’t get some every decade.” Luna said between giggles. “Maybe you should give her some personal attention.”
“Luna! That would be highly inappropriate. She sees me more as a mother figure, and I gave up on virgins over six hundred years ago. It might be incredible for them, and they are enthusiastic enough, but they never have enough stamina to make it worth it.” Celestia stated firmly.
“Well, the results of your letter should solve your letter problem—and will be comical regardless of the results,” Luna patted her sister with a wing as they left the room. Celestia relaxed slightly, looking off into the distance as she conceded to her sister’s point.
“Though I didn’t want it to be this way, I have little doubt you are right. What’s the worst that could happen?”
On a chaotic plane, a being perked his ears up. Someone had invoked a chaos even stronger than him. As he continued to unwash his dishes, he chuckled a bit and wondered what chaos would result.