Dear Diary,
I don't like change. You usually end up worse for it.
Since coming home from Ponyville, I've changed. And it sure hasn't altered my opinion on the subject.
I found out about it today, a day I would happily blot from my memory. It all started just fine – normally I avoid parties, but I made an exception for Fancy Pants' birthday. I gave him a set of silver cufflinks that go just dazzlingly with his hair. A few of the other nobles muttered that it was too small a gift, but I know he appreciated it. He knows I actually put thought into his presents. Too many others just wrap the most expensive thing they can find, regardless of his tastes.
I stayed in the corner and let Fancy Pants have his fun. He rarely has difficulty becoming the center of attention, and he enjoys it immensely. Even if I wanted a private word, Fleur De Lis and him were inseparable the whole evening. The two have certainly grown…'closer' since the last time I saw her.
I don't think much of Fleur. I think she's just another hanger-on who managed to attract Fancy's attention. I've engaged her in conversation for politeness' sake, but she only seems knowledgeable in two subjects: Fashion and Fancy Pants. But he's happy around her, so I guess I don't have a problem.
She is INCREDIBLY attractive, I'll give her that. Funny how I never really thought about it until now.
Speaking of attractiveness, I got an annoying hanger-on myself this evening. She combined so many qualities of the absurdly-entitled nobility that her very presence felt like a bad joke.
First off, her name is Golden Gem. I guess no one ever told her parents that gold isn't a gem, it's a metal. Or maybe they just liked the stupid alliteration.
Secondly, this is the third time she's tried to become my pretty, pretty princess. The first two I shot her down with the Badblood routine so fast it'd make your head spin. Maybe she thinks the third time's the charm? I don't know how mares' heads work.
Golden Gem tried to be discreet as she approached me. She would hop from conversation to conversation, watching me from the corner of her eye. Once she turned away, giving me a nice view of her flank.
That's when it hit me.
She has a really, REALLY nice flank.
Why didn't I notice it before?
The realization brought a noticeable flush to my face and I was knocked completely off my game. Rather than the pinnacle of arrogance, I acted like a love struck idiot.
She said 'hello.' I stammered and mumbled something. She asked my how I was enjoying the party. I stammered something else.
I was bright red and fanning myself with my hoof. Golden Gem thankfully backed off after barely a few words exchanged. Any longer and I think I would've passed out.
"I'll see you later, Bluey," she cooed.
She had her nose in the air as she departed, a look of triumph on her face. She was putting in a lot of flank motion, and as she cast a coy glance back, she saw me watching.
That was bad enough, but it seemed like everypony else saw it too.
"The little prick finally discovered fillies."
"Hope he's ready to shell out – she's got expensive tastes."
"She's got him wrapped around her hoof."
Do these idiots think I can't hear them? I could see them whispering to each other, looking at me then suddenly looking away when they caught my gaze. Those stupid little smirks on their faces.
I was red from embarrassment now, and wasted no time in making my exit.
I've never been so humiliated in my life. I was GAWKING at FLANK. I don't like Golden Gem at all, and now everypony thinks she's the apple of my eye.
Why am I having this problem now?
This is Ditzy's fault, isn't it? Back when the silly pegasus hugged me without any thought of gain or promotion.
It felt really, really good.
So now what? The Pandora's Box is open. My body has figured out that mares are there for something other than annoying me. Am I doomed to instinctively look at every female as prospective mating material from now on?
I'll ask Aunt Celly. She'll know what to do.
Yours,
~Prince Blueblood
------
Aunt Celly's amazingly hot and I ran screaming from the room.
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Dear Diary,
Fancy Pants.
The poor bastard, he wants to get married.
As in MARRIED.
And he wants my help. He wants to propose to Fluer De Lis at the next Annual Canterlot Garden Party. He wants it to be super-special, because 'you only get married once' and all that other cheesy romantic stuff.
('Only get married once.' HA! I know a few older stallions who'd have a thing or two to say about that.)
Anyway, one way to make the party more special is to hold it in the palace gardens. That means getting a royal to arrange it for you, and he asked me to do it.
Well, sure. Fluer's not exactly a close friend, but Fancy sure is. If he wants the evening to be perfect, I'll darn well make it perfect. There's gonna be all the works: classy musicians, food prepared by palace chefs, and a cleaning crew that very morning to make sure the garden is sparkling.
Real friends are rare enough that they're worth the effort.
That, and this'll be a good distraction for me.
Yours,
~Prince Blueblood
PS: I wonder if Ditzy would like garden parties? Probably not.
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Dear Diary,
Not too worried about Golden Gem anymore. Now that I've had time to think about it, she's not really all that hot.
Like Fleur, she's tall and very slinky. Both of these are very alicorn-like qualities, and as such are traditionally desirable.
But I find I'm not too interested in that look. I like "cute" above "gorgeous," and "athletic" above "skinny." Somepony who's my size, maybe a little shorter. Also, Gem's coat is an eyesore – so yellow it hurts to look at. Something muter would be best, like grey or something. Her mane is pink, which I find a tacky and childish color. Blonde hair is much more attractive.
You know, like Ditzy's.
And personality counts, too! A mare can't be some stuck-up, grasping little daddy's filly. She needs to be able to laugh at herself and the world around her.
You know. Like Ditzy.
Initially, the thought of sharing a bed with Golden Gem brought with it awkward desire. Now I feel vaguely nauseated by the mental image.
This can only be a good thing.
Yours,
~Prince Blueblood
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Dear Diary,
In thanks for getting things set up for him at the Palace Gardens, Fancy Pants invited me to his reserved section at the Wonderbolts Derby.
I was about to accept when he ~just~so~happened~to~mention that he really wanted me to meet some mare he just made the acquaintance of.
It was incredibly obvious that he was just trying to set me up with a filly-friend. Maybe he's trying to save me from Golden Gem, or maybe he's starting to be embarrassed for my sake.
Well thanks, but no thanks. I can handle Golden Gem. No charity needed.
(She has a brown birthmark on the tip of her nose. Makes her look like a diamond dog.)
I will, however, be meeting up with him at the opening of my cousin's art gallery. Not much love between me and my cousin, but she's got a whole wing devoted to Donkeytello's works. That's certainly worth a look.
Yours,
~Prince Blueblood
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Dear Diary,
Hm. Awkward.
The Donkeytello gallery was nice.
You know what wasn't? Meeting Fancy Pants' new high-society BFF.
It's Rarity.
I swear, I've gotta be under some kind of curse.
She's not trying to stalk and/or kill me anymore, so I guess our relationship has evolved. But it's still pretty tense bumping into a girl who went psycho on you then read your diary. Even if she's deeper than I first thought.
From the look of her, she wasn't exactly thrilled to see me either.
We both had wide, fake smiles plastered on our faces from the moment we registered each other's presence. When Fancy introduced us, we greeted each other through grating teeth, pretending this was the first time.
Fancy and my cousin prattled on, either ignoring or missing the tension in the room. Lingering a little behind them as we walked, Rarity and I managed to hiss a few words at each other. It went basically like this:
Me: "Let's ignore each other. Once we get out of the gallery, we'll never have to see each other again."
Her: "Deal."
Me: "They don't know you're from Ponyville, do they?"
Her: "I said, 'Deal.'"
Although now I'm kind of kicking myself…I should've asked her how Ditzy was doing.
Yours,
~Blueblood
------
In a few minutes I'll be headed over to Noble Heart's auction. His name is accurate – his heart's in the right place. Any time he redecorates or has his house cleaned, boxes of stuff he doesn't want anymore ends up in a charity auction.
Unfortunately, he's not all that popular (he has kind of a begging, wheedling personality), and by the time he sells something it's well out of fashion. A lot of tacky vases and jewelry have been auctioned year after year, with never a buyer.
But he does try really hard, and the money he makes does help a lot of ponies. I always go there and buy something no one else bids on. Maybe I'll get that awful red vase that's been there since Noble's first auction.
Maybe I'll give it to Di
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Dear Diary,
So, bad news and good news.
The bad news is Rarity. Two encounters in one day was not something I was hoping for when I woke up. We were cordial of course, but she still sets me on edge.
The good news is she was mighty good for the auction. Her status as "Fancy Pants' new favorite" has the entitled idiots falling over themselves trying to get her approval. Noble Heart drew a bigger crowd than ever thanks to her presence. Rarity bid often, and whenever she did so a frenzied bidding war commenced. The red vase was ugly as ever, but because Rarity seemed to like it, all of a sudden it was the most desirable thing in the world.
In short, the elite of Canterlot bid idiotic amounts of money for crap just because some newcomer likes it.
I'm trying to be cynical about it, but Noble Heart made a pretty big haul that's going right to charity. I'll file this one under 'two wrongs make a right.'
Anyway, tomorrow I'm attending a launch ceremony for a new royal airship. Normally I get out of meaningless ceremonies, but this one's named for my dad: Regal Blue.
I'm expected, it's a great honor for the family, and yadda yadda yadda.
Yours,
~Blueblood, who thinks they can name the airship "Rock Bottom" for all he cares.
Maybe "Derpy," just to see the looks on their faces.
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Dear Diary,
Aaaaaaaaand yep, Rarity was at the launch ceremony too.
Although it wasn't bad at all. She seems to enjoy being the talk of Canterlot too much to let my presence slow her down. If SHE'S not going to be disturbed by me, then I'm damn well not going to be put off by her.
…That sounded pretty spiteful, didn't it? But does it count as spite if it's for a good cause? You know, putting the past behind you? Forgive and forget? All that good stuff?
We actually started talking a little, but got no further than a few pleasantries before she was whisked away by some nag dragging her to an opera.
I actually kinda wanted to talk more. She's not a bad person, just a little compulsive. Aren't we all, sometimes? She apologized for reading my diary, maybe I should apologize for being a jerk at the Gala.
Yours,
Blueblood
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Dear Diary,
Formal dinner today. Everypony was there: The Good (Rarity and Fancy), The Bad (Me), and the Ugly (Golden Gem).
Golden Gem tried to seduce me some more, and I'm proud to say the weird feeling of disgust hadn't passed. It's like now I couldn't see her as beautiful even if I tried. Her various physical flaws are the only things I can see: the mole on her nose, her gangly legs, that weird part in her hair that makes a spot look bald, and a flank that's probably skinnier than my foreleg.
Let me tell you, it's a heck of a lot easier to be cruel to somepony you perceive as being ugly.
Something held me back from really ripping into her – and believe me, I was ready. I had rehearsed a tirade to wittily point out everything wrong with her personality and appearance. The little witch would've run bawling from the room. And I was so put off by her looks and persistence that I was gonna do it, too.
But…didn't I just get done writing about how I was gonna apologize to Rarity? What would she think of an apology if she just watched me Badblood somepony else? I could feel her and Fancy watching me. I saw Fancy give a bored eye roll, mentally saying, "just Blueblood being Blueblood."
Well, for him…and for Rarity…I could swallow my well-planned verbal assault.
Golden Gem wasn't gonna get rid of herself, though, so maybe this was a bad time to grow a conscience. I suck at adlibbing too, so I just shot off the first excuse that came to mind. Something that would let her know I wasn't buying what she was selling, and that no amount of wheedling could change my mind.
Celly save me, I said I already had a Special Somepony.
Only about a half-dozen overheard, but they stopped whatever they were doing in shock.
This is Canterlot. The news'll be all over town by tomorrow night. Blueblood, the most desired and reviled bachelor of Canterlot, has a mysterious fillyfriend.
Who doesn't actually exist.
I got the Hell out of there before the shock wore off.
~Blueblood
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Dear Diary,
Fortunately, high society doesn't really encouraging asking ponies who they're romantically involved with.
Ponies will be watching me closely for a while. Every time I talk to a mare, somepony will think it's my fillyfriend, imagining I'm giving subtle clues in my face. Rumors will spread, be misinterpreted, and spread again. Every piece of gossip will be seized on as truth, then altered to "make a better story."
Then some scandal will emerge, or somepony's cat will do something weird, and it'll all be gone from memory. Such is society.
This'll be awkward for a while, but it won't be bad at all.
And it won't come with the vague guilt the Badblood routine gives me, either. Why didn't I think of this before?
Heh, maybe I'll drop little details to keep 'em guessing. Maybe it's somepony who's not even a unicorn or something. Or a commoner from the country. Or both! I can make up whatever the heck I want.
Anyway, time to focus on something more important: Fancy Pants' Garden/Marriage Proposal Party. All the arrangements are in place. It's gonna be perfect.
Yours,
Prince Blueblood
------
Not going perfectly. At all.
It was all going fine until this gang of crazy mares showed up. One's Twilight Sparkle, another's that Apple girl from Ponyville. And that pink mare that works for the cakes, and a few others I don't recognize.
These Ponyville hicks are rapidly turning the party into a disaster. Croquet has somehow turned into a full-contact sport, and the noise coming from their record player is giving the musicians an aneurism. One of them started digging up the freshly-polished weeds and asked why no one else was gardening at the garden party.
Really.
The pink one annihilated the cake in one go, blasting Fleur with a spray of frosting. Is it bad that all I can say is, 'better her than me?'
So the nice, calm, refined atmosphere that I've spent hours arranging has gone kaput. One of the pegasi flying around disheveled Fancy's mane, and Fleur is spattered in cake debris. I don't think the proposal's gonna happen today. The mood seems a little off.
Normally I'd laugh at something like this, but the whole "Fancy Pants was really counting on me to make it perfect" thing is kind of a killjoy.
Too late for me to do anything. Think I'm gonna hit the special punch and get too drunk to be properly panicked.
------
"This is terrible! How could this happen? This is the worst..."
"Possible..."
"Thing!"
Two unicorns fretted uselessly by the punch bowel. The male glanced at the other, too agitated to be properly angry. "They're yours, aren't they, Rarity? Why did you bring them here?"
"I didn't bring them anywhere," Rarity hissed back at Blueblood. "They brought themselves!"
"So send them away!"
"What? Why me?" She downed her glass in one go.
Blueblood refilled it for her – they were bickering, but it was more a mutual panic than an argument. "They're your friends!"
"I can't just tell off my friends! YOU do it!"
"Why me?" Blueblood asked. His glass was half-full, but he sloshed it through the bowel for a quick refill.
"Because you're obnoxious and disliked anyway, nopony will think anything of it if you're rude to them! The Canterlot ponies will probably thank you for it!"
Blueblood huffed. "I'm not...well, I'm only sometimes obnoxious. Why are you so panicked, anyway? Are you so embarrassed of your friends?"
That hit a sore spot – Rarity grimaced and hesitated a moment, then didn't even answer the question. "Well, why are YOU so upset?"
"Fancy Pants was gonna propose to Fleur." Blueblood shrugged – maybe he shouldn't've come out with it, but after three glasses of hard punch in as many minutes he didn't have much discretion left. "And he was counting on me to make it perfect."
He shrugged again. The alcohol buzz was kicking in, and this all didn't seem so bad anymore. "Hey…does Ditzy have a colt?"
Distracted by her friends' antics, Rarity answered on auto-pilot. "No, she has a filly."
Both their eyes went wide, registering what the other had said.
"A…filly?" Blueblood asked. The thought that Ditzy was gay brought a lot of nice mental images, but also a sense of disappointment.
"A daughter!" Rarity clarified quickly. "Derpy's single, though. She's…"
Rarity gave Blueblood a very strange look. A more calculated thought process had replaced the panic, and she finished the statement with a tiny smile. "…She's available."
Blueblood unleashed a torrent of words with knee-jerk instinct. "I was just wondering if there was somepony home to take care of her after the fall, that's all!"
The mare opened her mouth to say something else, but Blueblood cut in first. "I say, that appears to be Fancy Pants talking with Twilight Sparkle. Hope your name doesn't come up."
Low way to dodge a conversation, but she'll probably thank me for the warning. Blueblood settled back and poured his fifth glass of punch. Rarity had bolted over and was stammering excuses to Fancy Pants. The conversation was quickly backing her into a corner.
Blueblood shrugged. "Sorry, Rarity. Another Canterlot party blown, but this time you did it to yourself."
------
Dear Diary,
You know, Rarity would've deserved it if she got kicked out of high society with her tail between her legs. She played a double game the whole time she was here – none of the socialites knew she was just some low-born shop owner from the country. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure she didn't tell any of her friends that their presence here was nothing but an embarrassment to her.
But I can admire this: When called to the carpet, she turned her back on high society and admitted to everypony that those noisy hicks were her friends. Without hesitation, she said that they were the most important ponies in the world to her.
The mockery was about to commence when Fancy Pants intervened. Turned out he had a wild good time with the country ponies and was glad they showed up. And because Fancy Pants liked them, everypony else decided they did too.
Lemmings! I'm surrounded by lemmings!
I apologized to him about the whole 'proposal' thing, but he waved me off. Said he reconsidered and wanted to do it privately to spare Fleur any social pressure to accept.
So everything worked out, everypony's happy, and Rarity is loved in Canterlot and Ponyville alike.
There's a lesson here:
Lying. Works.
I suppose I'm happy she was able to weasel her way out of any consequences. "Past is past," and all that. Time to move on with our lives.
Speaking of which, after the party she very pointedly walked by me and called out "Come visit Ponyville sometime!" with an obvious wink.
Yeah, I asked her about Ditzy's health and Rarity got it in her head that I have a crush on the pegasus.
She reads too much into things. I don't have a crush on Ditzy.
Yours,
~Blueblood
I think I have a crush on D