//------------------------------// // Princess Celestia, Princess Cadence, and Princess Luna // Story: The Platonic Pony Petting Café // by FrontSevens //------------------------------// “See?” Twilight said. “Wasn’t this worth coming through the portal?” Judy smiled as she rubbed Cadence’s neck. Cadence tried to smile back, though the smile couldn’t hide the wrinkles under her eyes, and it disappeared once Cadence covered her mouth to yawn. She blinked, looking down at her empty cup. “How many more of these coffees do I need until they wake me up?” “Well,” Zach said as he stroked Twilight’s wings, glancing at the pile of coffee cups accumulating at the edge of the table. “Do you drink a lot of coffee, normally?” Cadence shrugged. “Nope. First time.” “Well,” Zach said, “That, um, that’s probably good, then.” “Why are you so tired?” Judy asked. Cadence rubbed her eyes. “My baby just wouldn’t stop crying. We fed her. We changed her diaper. We rocked her to sleep. We dumped sacks of flour over ourselves. Nothing worked.” Twilight nudged Cadence in the shoulder. “But hey! You’re here now in our new petting café. Isn’t this great?” Twilight pointed to Judy’s hand, which was now petting her shoulder. “You were worried establishing strong human-pony relations would be all diplomatic. Nobles and treaties and all that. Isn’t this so much better?” Cadence tilted her head from side to side, but eventually nodded. “Yeah, it’s better.” She rested her head on the table. “I’m just worried about Flurry Heart, I guess.” “Oh, they’ll be fine,” Twilight said. “Shining can handle her. And Starburst is there, too! I’m sure they can handle a baby for a few days.” “I know exactly what they’re up to,” Cadence muttered. “I saw an Ogres & Oubliettes book poking out of Sunburst’s satchell. Those campaigns go on for hours, you know.” “Oh,” Twilight said, rubbing her chin. “Yeah, Flurry Heart may be doomed. Spike hates it when his game is disturbed.” “Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Judy said, chuckling as she scratched behind Cadence’s ear. She looked at Zach. “My husband takes great care of the house when I’m gone.” “Sure, the house may be fine. It’s the baby I’m worried about.” Cadence looked between Judy and Zach. “Do you two have children?” Judy placed a hand on her stomach and smiled. “Our first is on the way.” Cadence looked down at Judy’s stomach, then back up to Judy, her eyes widening. She reached out and placed her hooves on Judy’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry,” she said, frowning and shaking her head. “I’m so, so sorry.” Judy laughed nervously, glancing at her husband, but sweat was starting to break out on his forehead. Judy looked back into Cadence’s grief-stricken eyes. “But… children are a blessing. Miracle of childbirth. Right?” Cadence patted Judy on the shoulder, still shaking her head. “You poor, poor soul. When that baby comes, hon, miracles are getting five hours of undisturbed sleep.” Zach dabbed his forehead with a napkin. “Oh God.” ~ ~ ~ “I’m glad we came,” Celestia said. She levitated her tea cup and sipped as Jonathan petted her back. “I think it’s safe to say it’s precisely as ‘awesome’ as Rainbow Dash advertised.” “Mhm,” Luna said, taking a hoofful of hay from the bale next to her and munching. “Dearest Clyde,” she said. “Could you scratch behind Our ears?” Clyde perked up. “Both of your guys’ ears? Yeah, sure.” Luna squinted for a moment, only to chuckle and shake her head. “I apologize. I meant ‘my’. It’s an old habit of mine that I mean to break.” “Eh, don’t worry about it,” Clyde said, reaching up to Luna’s ear. “Got it. Just yours.” Celestia leaned in. “Though if you find yourself so inclined, dear Clyde, you could in fact scratch behind both my ear and my sister’s. I certainly wouldn’t mind.” “Don’t mind if I do,” Clyde said, standing up and moving his chair in between the royal sisters. He sat down and carried out Celestia’s royal order. “Ooh,” Luna said, taking in a sip of her lemon-lime soft drink. “That’s nice.” “Mhm,” Celestia said. She let her neck relax out of her tall and proud princess posture. She looked around the café, only about twenty other people in both her line and her sister’s. “It seems the lines are much shorter than Twilight had told us. I suppose she does have a habit of exaggerating when she’s excited.” Luna shook her head. “I spoke with all her friends. They concur that the lines were much longer when they were here. Perhaps the novelty has been lost on the humans?” Luna looked to Twilight and Princess Cadence, the only other ponies in the café that day. “Maybe the café was a fad and we don’t need to look for petting volunteers in Equestria after all.” Clyde spoke up. “The lines are short because there’s free online booking now. No need to physically wait in line anymore until your time slot,” he said. “And Luna is booked three days straight. I was one of the first online when booking opened.” “Three days straight?” Celestia raised her eyebrows. “And how long am I booked for?” “A day and a half.” “Ha!” Luna said, poking Celestia in the shoulder. “I have the longer line!” She sat back and grinned, her ear twitching at Clyde’s fingers. “In your face, Tia.” Celestia cast a sideways glance at her sister. “I’m still the oldest, Loony.” “Phooey.” Luna stuck out her tongue. Jonathan gave Celestia a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “That’s just people who’ve booked now. I’m sure more people will sign up later today and tomorrow.” “Oh, don’t worry, I’m not jealous in the slightest.” Celestia smiled, placing her hoof on Luna’s. “In fact, I’m elated Luna is getting all the adoration she gets, even if it’s more than me. She deserves it after being away for so long.” “Aw, sister, you are much too kind.” Luna placed her other hoof on her sister’s and smiled. Then, she leaned forward and whispered to Jonathan, “She is jealous in the slightest. It fills me with delight.” “If there is anything I am jealous of, it is that tomorrow you get to spend your afternoon here and I have to meet with Earth ambassadors.” Celestia turned to Jonathan. “Not that that’s a bad thing, mind you. It’s just that political affairs tend to bore me in my world, so my hopes aren’t high for your world. And I have doubts any of these ambassadors would elect to pet me.” “Mind your cynicism, dear sister,” Luna said. “I have no doubt they would pet you if you offer them the opportunity.” Celestia smirked. “I’ll see if I can negotiate an ear-scritch or two.” “About that,” Jonathan said. “I’m curious. What are you going to meet with the ambassadors about? If you’re allowed to tell me, that is.” Celestia’s jaw tightened. “I was hoping you wouldn’t press me about it,” Celestia whispered, her eyes shifting to scan the other patrons in the café. “Would you really like to know?” Jonathan, too, glanced around the café. “Um, sure.” Celestia motioned for Jonathan to move closer, continuing to eye any onlookers. Jonathan scooted his chair forward and turned his ear towards Celestia. Celestia whispered, “Butts.” Jonathan squinted. His mouth slowly opened, but no words came out. He looked at Clyde, but he simply shrugged. Luna tried to hold a laugh back with her hoof. “Say that again?” Jonathan said. “Butts,” Celestia said. “Many of us ponies don’t wear clothes and are therefore leaving our posteriors exposed. Humans have raised concerns about us walking around in public in the nude.” Jonathan curled his fingers around his chin. “Yeah, okay, I guess I could see that. I never thought it was much of a problem, you know, since horses in our world—” “Bwa ha ha!” Luna covered her face, tipping back against the back of her chair. “Ohhh by the stars. The look on your face—you were so befuddled!” Jonathan blushed, rubbing his neck. “Don’t worry about it, dear Jonathan,” Celestia said, smiling. “As Luna knows, I have had many years to practice pranking.” She took a sip of tea. “To answer your question, I am under the impression it is simply a first contact sort of thing. I’m sure your Earth ambassadors want to ensure we are peaceful and don’t intend to harm them. I suppose we want to ensure that about humans, too, but after coming to this café, I have few reservations.” Luna smirked. “Certainly fewer than mine.” Celestia gently shoved Luna and grinned. “At least I’m best pony.” “Ha, you wish,” Luna downed the last of her soft drink. Clyde raised his eyebrows. “Say, it sounds like you guys aware—” “That we are, yes,” Celestia said. “Are you a fan of the show?” Clyde nodded. “You bet.” “And you, Jonathan?” “I’ve heard of it before,” he said, “but I thought it was a cartoon show—as in, you know, a fake show, not real. So did you guys make the show, or what?” Celestia shook her head. “I’ve discussed this extensively with Twilight. As far as I can tell, you humans either invented or discovered some form of primitive portal technology and saw into our world. Since in all my years I’ve never seen a human, I’m going to assume all you had was a window and not a door.” Celestia shrugged. “And strangely enough, someone decided to make a show about it for television.” Luna nodded. “We performed a binge-watching of the show. I am disappointed in the lack of episodes involving me. Or my sister, quite frankly.” “Yes,” Celestia said, “because humans would love to watch me bicker with nobles over policy. Or sit in countless meetings. That’d be wildly entertaining.” “I would watch it, dearest sister,” Luna said, brushing her muzzle up against Celestia’s cheek. Celestia smiled and nuzzled her sister back. “Aw,” Clyde said, pulling his hands back to let them share the moment. “We didn’t say stop, Clyde,” Celestia said. Clyde resumed petting. “Fair enough.” “May we take Clyde back with us?” Luna said. “I’d like to appoint him the official Royal Ear Scratcher. He is doing a marvelous job.” Celestia smirked. “I’ll consider it. But first, I think we should worry about finding volunteers to come over here. This café isn’t getting any less busy, after all.”