Caverns & Cutie Marks

by TheColtTrio


Chapter 89: They Come From a Land Down Under!

“Blasted git,” Purple Heart grumbled. “Just when I thought I’d get that two-legged meatbag off my back, he gets called to assist in defending the castle. AND there’s the fact that Light isn’t here yet. Of course, I haven’t seen Wits either, so I guess I shouldn’t judge. Yet.”
“Are you well, sah?” one of the Hare Sergeants inquired, jogging easily beside the cantering purple earth pony.
“I’m fine,” Purple Heart replied shortly, eyes scanning the empty streets for any threats or aggressors. “Just being tetchy about grey things. Both four-legged and two.”
“Ah,” the hare hummed. “Roight.”
“Any word of Light Patch’s or Wits End’s arrival?” the Purple Barbarian asked.
“None about Light Patch, sah,” the hare responded. “However, there is word of a host of winged unicorns from a land unknown.”
Purple Heart’s forward advancement ceased abruptly and he turned to the sergeant. “Alicorns?”
“Aye, that’s what they’re called. Alicorns,” the hare corrected himself. “A host of Alicorn warriors appeared from a tall blue box near Lord Discord’s location.”
“Any word of a minty colored stallion with them? He’s a unicorn with an attitude.”
“Aye. Small unicorn leading a pink mare and two alicorn mares,” the sergeant said. “One of the alicorns seemed very taken with Master Wits.”
“...wat?”
“Technically, it’s two!” A pink party pony dropped from above, landing between Purple Heart and the hares in a perfect three-point pose. Pinkie Pie grinned. “Hi, Heartburn!”
Above the ponies and hares hovered a pair of armor-clad Alicorns; one carrying the shape of a smaller pony. “Huzzah! The waifus have been doub- Uh oh.” Wits End, having lost his balance on the back of the Alicorn thanks to his dramatic pose, slipped from his perch and landed face-first in an abandoned wagon of hay.
The unicorn’s straw-covered head poked out from the haystack. “Just one dramatic entrance,” he grumbled. “That’s all I ask.”
Purple Heart shivered, shaking off his surprise at the mention of more waifus for Wits and their sudden appearance. “You entered with Alicorns,” he pointed out. “And Pinkie Pie did her jumping entrance. You’ve tapped out your ‘Dramatic Entrance’ mana. Now, get out of the hay bale cart. You’re not an assassin.”
“Requiescat in Pace, my drama mana.” Wits hopped out of the hay, shaking himself like a cat to dislodge the pieces still stuck. “I brought some friends,” he said, waving to the alicorns as they landed nearby. “Hope you don’t mind. How goes ze var?”
“Well enough,” Purple Heart answered. “Captured the north guardhouse and gate, traded words with Bael, and watched as Bael retreated because Holdfast needs help at the castle. I also got a bit of a surprise when I heard you added more Waifus to your harem. So yeh, war’s going okay.”
“Hey, you got a queen, Patchy got a queen, I figure I should get at least a couple of princesses.” Wits glanced around, as if looking for something. “On a completely unrelated subject to waifus, where’s Fluttershy?” The unicorn’s eyes narrowed at Purple Heart. “You do know you had one job, right?”
“She scampered off to help Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity at the castle,” Purple Heart replied. He rolled his eyes at the tightening of Wits’ face. “She’s fine. She had some of the best Fighting Hares escorting her. Besides, being with me isn’t exactly the safest of places to be, savvy?”
“Great. You sent her through an army of soulless suits of armor-”
“Armoroids,” Pinkie corrected.
“Arm-” Wits looked back at Pinkie Pie. “How would you even know- Never mind.” He turned back to the purple barbarian. “You sent her through an army of Armoroids protected by the finest and most deadly adorable little bunnies. You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t put my utmost faith in the Mounted Python Aerial Circus corps.”
Purple Heart snorted. “Be mad all you want, it’ll only get worse,” he said. He grinned at Wits’ frown. “I may or may not have mentioned waifus around Fluttershy. And I may or may not have suggested that she ask you what the word means.”
Wits End’s face slowly drained of color from the top down. “You have no soul,” he muttered.
“Hey, where’s Patchjob?” Pinkie asked, interrupting the mint-colored pony’s life flashing before his eyes.
“Huh?” Wits blinked. “Oh yeah, good question. Where is Patchy, anyway?”
“Haven’t the foggiest,” Purple Heart shrugged. “We should make our way towards the castle though. We might run into him along the way.” He paused for a moment and blinked at the alicorns. Switching his gaze to Wits, he jerked his head towards the tall ponies. “Could you explain how that happened on the way, please?”
Wits shrugged and started trotting towards the castle. “Something something mommy alicorn and daddy alicorn, something something Hasbro will never tell us. Basically, I bet the princess in charge I could reform her sister to the side of good, and I won.”
“Well, the chance for revenge helped,” Pinkie cut in.
“Revenge is magic,” Wits replied.
“And Minty is is apparently both Brightest Day and Darkest Night’s type.”
“I’m kawaii as gosh dang.”
“Huh,” Purple Heart mused. “Welp, shall we? We’ve got a castle to save.”

* * *

“I hope you’ve got a plan Twilight, because there isn’t anywhere else we can fall back to,” Rainbow Dash called, knocking a helmet of an advancing armoroid.
Twilight frowned but was too busy casting magic to respond. After the villains had breached the castle gate, they’d been slowly pushed back from the castle entrance. Once Bael had entered the fray, however, their army was swept out of the castle and forced into the catacombs beneath. While it made defence easier by limiting the attacker’s number advantage, it left them with nowhere else to flee.
“I do believe the plan now is to simply hold until reinforcements arrive,” Rarity chimed in as she used her magic to puppeteer a fallen armoroid into attacking others and also clear it from her allies’ footing.
Twilight nodded and fired a bolt of lightning to clear one of the corridors of enemies to allow for the tired guards to switch out with less exhausted replacements. “With any luck, the colts will be assaulting the castle and forcing the enemy to pull some forces away from attacking us-” She was interrupted as she ducked under a spear and used her magic to catch it and throw it back, “-to focus on holding them back.”
“Well, it’d better happen soon!” Amber yelled from where she was fighting. “Because we won’t be able to hold out much longer!”
“Twilight, look out!” Rainbow shouted, causing Twilight to spot an Armoroid that had managed to break through the defensive line. She tried to jump away from it, but found her legs tangled up in another fallen Armoroid. She fell to the ground, causing its first attack to miss and looked up in time to see it readying a second. Before it could stab the fallen alicorn, twin sabers swung from the ceiling, slicing the suit into thirds before they were drawn back to the shadows. Flashes of silver showed the event playing out all over as hundreds of weapons fell from the ceiling to attack their enemies, only to be drawn back to the shadows like magic; only the faintest glints of silver revealing the strings holding the weapons.
Two more of the Armoroids turned to advance on Twilight, but were cut down by a ghost white lizard that hadn’t been there seconds before. It fought its way to close the gap at the front lines, seemingly signaling the next unexpected wave of help as hundreds of squeaks heralded a swarm of bats sweeping through, striking at their grounded enemies. The holes the bats opened were then filled as hundreds of spider-like beings dropped from the ceilings.
Familiar grey and orange hoofs filled her vision. “You might wanna close your mouth, Twilight. A spider might crawl in it,” Light Patch said as he and Applejack helped Twilight back to her hooves.
“Applejack?” Rainbow Dash landed next to the group of ponies. “How did you get under the catacombs?” She looked over at Light Patch with less excitement. “Oh, and hi to you too, Light.”
“Your enthusiasm in seeing me once more needs to be put in check, madam,” Light Patch dead panned. “As for how, thank Orb. He knew of a place where the catacombs went too deep and connected to the caverns.”
“Ah, adventurer Dash. It is good to meet you again. Shame that once more it is under poor conditions,” Silk trap said, joining the little gathering and earning a nod from Rainbow Dash. “It would appear that we’ve arrived at just the right time to assist you your majesty,” the Ararchcolsid queen said to Amber.
Amber bowed her head. “It seems I’m in your debt.” She turned to Twilight. “And it seems that your friends have each brought us an army.”
“I guess they did manage to pull through.” Twilight said eyeing the pegasus stallion. “In any case, we should get ready to push our way back into the castle now that we’ve got the support to do it.”
“Agreed. Let us seize your web from the enemies,” Silk Trap replied.
“Your majesties, the enemy is weakening. The armies of our allies must be assaulting the castle now,” a guard shouted, prompting a cheer.
“Well, that does sound like our cue, doesn’t it? I’ll take the high road and you take the low road,” Light Patch said to Applejack.
“Ah bet we’ll get there first,” the farm pony returned with a grin.
“Then I do believe it is on,” Silk Trap replied, her mandibles twitching in excitement.

* * *

Light Patch slammed through the door, throwing a mix of demon ponies and Armoroids out of his way, allowing the mares and the armies following them through the gap back into the castle proper. “Top floor: Demon ponies, Armoroids, Shoe polish, Brooms, and Oxford Commas. Watch your step, please.”
“You know, one of these days yer gonna have to explain some of these references you’re making,” Applejack grunted as she used her rope to lasso an enemy and swing it around like a giant flail.
“Probably,” Light Patch replied, throwing out a couple of sonic burst shots before stopping to heal those around him. “So what's the plan, your majesties?”
Amber’s brow furrowed as she stepped back from the front to consider the question, rubbing at her chest as she thought. “I say we try to meet up with Wits End’s, Purple He-”
“Just say Phinkwitcord, it’s faster,” Light Patch shouted from his end.
Amber blinked at the grey pegasus in confusion. “Huh?” she asked eloquently.
“I think he’s trying to combine the names of our comrades,” Rarity offered.
“...Oh...” Amber paused. “No.”
“It does lack finesse,” Silk Trap called out from the web the Arachcolsid were stringing above the corridor as they fought along.
“It’s a work in progress!” he shouted back.
Twilight shook her head. “In any case, what were you going to say, Amber?”
The Queen inclined her head to the alicorn in thanks. “I was saying,” she glared, at where Light Patch was, “that we should try to join forces with the allied army.”
“We could also try to bottleneck Holdfast so that we could come at him from two sides,” Rainbow Dash chimed in from near the roof where she, along with the bats, were dealing with the flying demon ponies.
“How would we signal Wits and Purple Heart then?” Fluttershy asked softly, tending to a couple of wounded. The blue pegasus opened her mouth to reply, but stopped short.
“Um...”
“We bottleneck Holdfast in a room that has to be entered from the main entrance,” Rarity spoke up. “No signalling required, and no potential miscommunication.”
“What if they enter through a different part of the castle?” Twilight pointed out.
Rarity glared at Twilight. “Since when have we become doom’n’gloomers?” she sniffed. The alicorn winced.
“Just pointing out a possible factor to miscommunication,” she murmured.
“In her defense, recent twists and turns do seem to warrant less optimism and a little more prepping for the worst,” Light Patch chimed in as he healed Rainbow Dash. “In any case, though, I’d head for the main entrance from what you mares told me. The enemy basically made a massive hole, tore up all of the barricades, and, I’m assuming, won’t have the time to properly refortify the position. I figure that’d be where Witty would wanna assault.”
“A sound plan,” Amber agreed. “I suppose we should make our way to the main gate to meet up with our allies, yes?” A chorus of agreeing responses went up around the group. “Let’s get moving then. Light Patch, would you be so kind as to lead the way?” She smiled at the grey pegasus, eyes flashing with a challenging light.
“Aye, Milady Admiral!” the colt shouted before turning back to the enemy. “Milady wants to get through, so would you all just kindly step aside and make a hole.” He punctuated the end of his sentence by swinging his hammer. The colt battered a few more enemies out of the way before Amber quietly cleared her throat.
“Sir Light Patch, the main hall is the other way,” she said regally.
“Oh, well then.” Light Patch used his bramble thorn spell to fill that end of the hallway with thorns, then turned to lead in the other direction. As the army ground its way through to the main entrance, Light Patch continued to seal up branching paths with his thorns spell. The group’s forward motion was halted when they all heard a cry of something from the courtyard visible through the windows.
“SOOOOOOOOPPEEEEEEEER~! Fear my Purple Justice! I- OWCH!”
“As if having that as your notification tone was irritating enough,” a voice snarled. “And now they’re all staring at us.”
“Don’t condemn the Franky, my minty friend,” another voice replied.
“Pinkie, if you wouldn’t mind.”
“I don’t! Pinkie Kick!”
The group within the castle blinked in surprise as they heard and then saw Purple Heart screaming through the air and through a stained glass window. Shattering the window as he passed violently through it, Purple Heart landed square on his face at Light Patch’s hooves.
Acting quickly, Light Patch dragged the stallion away from the front line and then held him close as he put on puppy dog eyes while looking at Twilight, “I found a walking bruise and it followed me home. Can I keep it? Please?”
Twilight’s eye twitched as she scrutinized Light’s face. That expression had absolutely no business what-so-freaking-ever being on his mug. She gave a heavy, put-upon sigh and rubbed her brow with a hoof. “Fine, but it’s your responsibility,” she allowed. “You need to comb him, bathe him, make sure he uses the newspaper, and has proper hygienic treatment. And get him neutered. Though, I think Amber might be a bit disappointed.” The golden mare spluttered in surprise and a red flush rose to her cheeks as Light Patch responded.
“Wow, that was surprisingly catty of you, Twilight. I’m so proud,” Light Patch said as he healed Purple Heart. “My friends and I are rubbing off on you,” he continued, pretending to wipe away a tear. “We’ll have you needling your friends and arm-punching like a pro in no time.”
“Good, good,” Wits said, picking his way through the colorful broken glass. “Give in to your snark.” He came to a stop next to the other two colts, laying a hoof on the Purple Bruise’s head. “Pat pat, good tank. Taking all of the hits for us squishier adventurers.”
“Including the hits we hit him with!” Pinkie chimed in, suddenly walking in from the opposite side of the room from the window.
“Exactly.” Wits’ sat down with a wry smile. “Sooooo? How we doin’?”
“Well enough,” Twilight replied. “Little bit of a fiasco deciding what to do. It seems Holdfast has managed to take the throne room. I suspect he, along with his two cohorts, are there.”
“Most likely,” Purple Heart groaned, rubbing at his neck. “I had a short spar with Bael on the wall before he was summoned back to the castle. We’re getting close to the final boss battle.”
“Question,” Rainbow Dash piped up. “Do all of us have to fight them? Or do just you three have to?” She pointed at the three colts in question.
Wits shrugged. “Depends on how much of the game is still under Discord’s original plan. If these fights are gonna be how Discord set them up, this will probably be something the captain’s gotta do for himself.”
“An’ if it ain’t?” Applejack asked.
“Then we go full gank squad on them.”
“I’d like to request fighting Bael alone,” Purple Heart said. “It seems that he will only fall if I’m the one to do it, seeing as Discord put some rather constricting conditions on him.”
“Why are they talking about me like I’m not here?” Discord asked Fluttershy. “I could answer their questions instead of letting them theorize.” The yellow pegasus shrugged.
“What kind of constraints?” Twilight asked, ignoring the Draconequus entirely.
“Bael was created to antagonize me alone and incur personal growth,” the purple earth pony explained. “So it stands to reason that through magical shenanigans, you all attacking him will just make things crowded.”
“Unless this is a ‘no colt can kill me’ moment,” Wits interjected.
“If that were the case, Discord would’ve genderbent me from the start,” Purple Heart retorted. He immediately blanched. “Eugh… I don’t even want to imagine that.” The mares all looked suitably sickened, thought Amber looked a touch pleased.
“We’d probably have to start calling you Pink Heart then.” Light Patch chimed in from where he’d returned fighting. “Also, Grade A fighting effort guys; really appreciate you big darn heroes pulling your weight in this big ultimate battle.”
The ponies blinked and turned to where Light Patch was fending off wave after wave of Armoroids and daemon ponies.
“Huh,” Applejack hummed. “Ah completely forgot ‘bout them.”
“Admit it,” Discord smirked, “you all were perfectly fine letting him fight alone.”
“Yes,” the ponies chorused together, save Fluttershy.
Discord blinked. “Wow. No sympathy whatsoever.”
“If experience points still mattered, I’d be farming the carp outta that mess,” Purple Heart replied. “And he has the unusual habit of claiming responsibility as bulwark even after I said I’d do it. But noooooooo, he has to use his Monkeylords and impressive defenses and hijacked Fatboys.” Purple Heart’s rambling continued, though under his breath and muttered as he threw himself into combat to help the grey pegasus.
“I hope you lot are good at not getting hit because I’m not healing any of you anymore! ’Cept for Fluttershy! She, like the Mongols, are the exception!” Light Patch shouted, his forelegs wrapped around the helmet of a particularly large Armoroid.
Wits End sighed as he stood back up. “Fiiiiine. At least I can try using this again.” With his horn glowing a deep forest green, a wooden wolf mask appeared in his forehoof.
“Are you sure you wanna do that?” Pinkie asked. “It didn’t work out so well last time.”
“Yeah, but that was with a tyrannical alicorn set on destroying the world as we know it.” Wits shrugged. “Besides, we’ve got Fluttershy here.” He placed the mask over his face, bark and brambles growing like armor over his body as his muzzle grew thorny sharp teeth. The faux-Timberwolf howled and charged the Armoroids, sending helmets and gauntlets flying.
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “That’s new.”
“Okay, he’s re-earned rights to being healed,” Light Patch said, standing next to Rainbow Dash.
“You’re only saying that because you're afraid of what he might do if you don’t,” the mare said accusingly.
“Absolutely.”