//------------------------------// // Alternate Luna Version // Story: April's Fool! // by Ephemeral Memory //------------------------------// “HAAAAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY, YA FOOOOL!” Out peppered the blue paintball pellets to the target in front of me but not before everything suddenly went dark. “What the-” I blinked once. Twice. I looked around frantically.  Where the hell- The ground left my feet, and I felt air brush past my face. A lurch in my stomach was the only warning before a hard surface greeted my backside violently. "OW." I reached to rub my head, except that I couldn't. "KNAVE, HOW DAREST THOU ACCOST US," yelled some angry woman. At this point, somehow some weird voodoo magician had me splayed out, several feet up, pressed against the wall. My paintball gun was somehow floating near - What is that. A horse costume? A glimpse later, my head was turned sideways, pressed against the wall. It looked blue. And some fan was making its weird mane move around. And..the eyes are huuuge. This kinda hur- I heard a brief intake and exhale of air, and in a slightly lower volume, she angrily inquired, "What manner of foul curse hast thou laid upon Us?" There was a brief silence. "And...what. Is this -" Several things were clacking on the ground in place, echoing through the dark. "- this..filth." Whatever was holding my head relaxed, so I faced it back at the costume, which was inspecting itself and gingerly poking the paintball mess on her. Wait..a human can't fit in that. Maybe some amazin' speakers and robot. She made the robot stare at me with what I could've sworn was a venomous glint. "Explain thyself," she growled. Finally. "Uh, well, first off, erm, sorry for messin' up yer costumed ro-." Its head shot back in shock. "COSTUME?" I cringed. Well, tried to. "WHAT DOST THO -" "OKAY! Okay, please for the love of God, stop yelling! Or, at least let me down, so I can cover my ears!" I complained. Her eyes twitched. "Please?" She somehow cut whatever strings had held me, and I fell in an ungraceful heap. "Oww.." "Hark." I looked up warily. "Any suspicious movements, and We will restrain thee again. Now-" "Hey, uh, whoever you are -" The robot's wings flared out. "-can you speak in modern English?" How does she make that horse robot frown so hard? It's kinda funny how scrunched up its face is. She muttered, "English? Is that what it is called these days? Hmm..Nay! We- I am certain Sister mentioned it was still 'Ponish.'" Ponish? Really? "Timeout! Can we stop with this roleplayin' or whatever you're doin'? Again, I'm sorry for messin' up yer robot, and I'd be glad to help ye wash it off. But, uh, I'd like to know how ya brought me here..and where is here." The robot stared at me dumbfoundedly. "Dost thou bethink Us a daw?" I facepalmed, and the robot stepped back with a single front hoof raised. "Look, I just want to l leave. The paint ain't hard to wash out -just use water. Uh..carefully." At this point, the robot was looking me over. "That's weird. Can ye please talk to me in person -or heck, just show me the exit!" "Thou dost not hail from Equestria," she stated, basically ignoring everything I was saying. "Oh, come o-" Its hoof raised in a maybe universal sign of "shut up." I rolled my eyes and looked around. Yup, still pretty dark. As my eyes adjusted, they took in the sheer size of this place. A distinct aroma tickled my nose. Lavenders! "- must be them again. To think a being from another world -" Still roleplaying. Carefully, I began scooting towards the thing that looked like a door. I checked back at the robot. Are there cameras in here? Is this all part of some freakin' prank? "-hath a distinct lack of magic signature. Resembleth no-" Quietly, I shifted onto my knees and began crawling, keeping my shoes away from the ground. Naw, this is a pain. I rolled back onto my butt. “-similar to Twilight Sparkle’s reports of-” Carefully, I slipped my shoes off. And returned to crawling more comfortably. “-mayhaps the being had-” I heard the horse thing sniffing. She choked out, “Wha- This odor offendeth Us!” “Nooooo.” I whispered to myself as I booked it to the door. Should’ve used baking soda! “Desist thy escape, crea- hooman!” My fingers brushed the door just as the strings captured me again. “Oh, come on! Just let me go already! How’d ye even lasso me from there?!” This must be some special string. Can’t feel it. “Must be the Punjab lasso,” I darkly thought. “Worry not, hooman. We can return thee to thy dwelling,” placated the horse robot. I swiveled my head, well, tried to. She turned me around. “Really?” I exclaimed hopefully. She’s done with the actin’ and everything? “Indeed.” A blue flash of light temporarily blinded me. I groaned. “I...don’t feel so good.” We were in a different place now. The robot looked at me with concern. She uttered, “Ah,” as I bent over, clutching my stomach. “Thou art unaccustomed to magic.” “Oh dear Lord, please don’t start roleplayin’ again. Just send me home. I’m beggin’ ya!” “That would be for the best,” agreed the robot, which rolled its eyes. “Thank you!” I proclaimed gratefully. “Now...why are we here?” It was pretty and everything with crystal columns and random antiques everywhere. “The location is of no import. What doth matter is that.” A hoof pointed at a mirror. “Ya high or somethin’?” I asked doubtfully. She answered, “We are, indeed, elevated, but as We said, that is of no import.” “And a mirror is?” “This is no ordinary mirror. It is a gateway to another world -thy world.” My heart sank. She inspected the mirror. “It appeareth to be functioning yet. Go now lest thou stayest for another thirty moons.” I whimpered, “You’re actually roleplayin’ again?” She snorted. “Get thee to the mirror.” I refused to budge and crossed my arms instead. “I ain’t gonna stand by lettin’ ya play me a fool!” The robot facepalmed. Facehoofed? Her strings forcefully tugged me right before the mirror. I raised a brow. It actually grinned. “Upon reflection, thou hast made this night quite interesting.” “Huh?” “Fare thee well.” The robot reared up and shoved me backwards. Suddenly, I was engulfed by bright, rainbow colors. “AHHHHHHH!” I’M GONNA DIE! As soon as it started, it was over, and I faceplanted onto concrete. The same sensation as before overtook me, wrenching at my guts. “Urghh..” At least it’s over. “Woah! You’re from...Equestria. Are you okay?” I heard a gasp. With urgency, she spoke, “Is everything there okay? Why’d they send you here?” It’s...it’s not over. With dawning horror, I slowly raised myself and looked around. No more robots, but all the people had dyed their bodies. Like in a God dang color run. I fainted.