Master of Shadow's Comment
As you scream your entire cart gets covered in black smoke causing you to both to cough.
"Aw Crud! I forgot to wait till 2 to push on the gas!" you yell as your cart stalls, and all the other racers pull ahead, even AJ's slow one, and you hear their laughter at your expense.
You and Nightshade exchange glances at this as the crowd gives you both awkward looks as you sigh and say,
"Well...that could have gone better."
Nightshade just pouts before she says,
"We can look back at this mess-up later Daddy! Let's get this thing GOING!!"
You nod, but as you do, you can't help but notice that another cart has done the same thing you've done. It's pink, and looks like it was professionally built. In it sits Diamond Tiara and her butler Randolph.
"Oh, I gassed it too late!" she wails.
"Hit it now Ma'am," the butler calmly says...and they immediately shoot out of the gates filling your face with black smoke.
Your eyes widening you yell,
"Holy Buck we got some competition!"
You then quickly jumpstart with a shock of your power glove and drive off to catch up.
As you gun it, you mostly stay in the wake of DT's pink bullet, but then you and Nightshade notice that once she reaches the traditional carts in the back, she looks like she is deliberately ramming into them.
Kichi's Comment
Shocked, you shift gear and get along side her cart, only for her to start ramming into your Dragula. Nightshade seems confused by this.
"Diamond Tiara? Cut it out. I thought you weren’t a bully anymore?" she asks as the Butler holds onto his hair piece.
"I'm not doing this on purpose! This cart is too much to handle!” she screams in panic.
“Hey you made it, you can figure it out!” Diamond shouts.
“Actually, Madame Rich had the designs and parts for this cart commissioned weeks ago. I just put them together today,” the Butler says as the pink cart swerves and hits you again.
“Really? Really? She’s gotta show off her money for this competition?” you balk.
“But aren’t we showing off?” Nightshade asks.
“Yes, but we built this out of love and care, her mom had someone else build it and didn’t test it out just for the sole purpose of winning!” you grumble at that mare. Then again she did order this back before you fixed her nose, so she was probably at the height of her snootiness and b!%#@iness.
As if to emphasize that, Diamond accidentally knocks into Snails and causes his cart to start wobbling.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” she yells.
“Don’t worry! I can help you!” you yell.
“Really? How?” asks the pink filly.
You point your glove at the spot where her engine is.
“Would You Kindly have some engine trouble?!” you yell as you send out a bolt of electricity which shorts out whatever professional wiring she has, causing her cart to sound like it’s got a cough. It eventually starts slowing down, cruising along with the others at a way more reasonable speed for a little filly.
“Thank you Mr. Tennant!” she cries out in thanks as her Pink Cart coughs black smoke and looks like it wants to die.
“No problem kid!” you yell as you gun your own engine and leave her behind with all the other slow losers.
“Daddy, was that cheating?” Nightshade asks.
“Nope. We were doing her a service by ensuring her safety, and the safety of others from rich mother negligence,” you say as you cut off a colt and his mother in a creative cart, causing them to hit the brakes hard.
“Uh-huh…” Nightshade says conflicted.
"Don't worry honey, it will all be worth it when we do one thing,” you reassure.
"What?" she asks.
"Winning with style" you say offering a hoof bump to Nightshade as you make your engine growl. This causes her to not look conflicted anymore.
"Yeah!" she yells, bumping your hoof and pulling a pair of shades down over her eyes.
"Wait... Where did you got those sunglasses?" you ask in surprise.
“The Fillyfooler. She left them on her work table.” she responds.
This causes you to both laugh as you finally pull ahead of the back group, made up of traditional and slower creative carts. As you leave them behind in the dust, you shout out,
BrownDog's Comment
And for good measure, you gas out those behind you with your exhaust pipes.
As the competition coughs, you see you still have a bit of a crowd to get through if you're going to take first.
At one point, you even pass Derpy...who is with some young colt that looks like her.
"Hey! I thought you only had a daughter?!" you call out.
This gets her to look to you, "I do. This is my little brother. His name is,"
"Tell us later!" Nightshade yells as you swerve around Derpy who thinks that was awfully rude.
You can't dwell too much on that though, as Nightshade brings something to your attention.
"Hey Dad, the crowd is singing," Nightshade points out. You strain your ears, and even above the roar of your engines, you realize she's right.
The crowd is singing some sort of song, you even catch a glimpse of Cheerileader singing it. It's upbeat and catchy...but it doesn't really fit your War Colt mood.
With a scowl and a wish for something more appropriate, you yell out,
"Mangle!" This causes the robot fox to get out of your bags.
"Hit it!"
She nods, and places her claw on the portable record player like a needle. She then opens her maw as a loud record scratch is heard, causing all the singing ponies to stop their musical number, and even a few of the racers to swerve a bit. Acting as an amplified speaker, Mangle starts playing an awesome tune as you and Nightshade start bobbing your heads and rocking out.
Hearing the tune, all the singing ponies from before get into it's rhythm and start banging their heads as well.
Smirking, you put the petal to the metal as you and Nightshade start singing.
Dead I am the one, exterminating son
Slipping through the trees, strangling the breeze
You pass through another group, gassing them, and causing some to pull over.
Dead I am the sky, watching angels cry
While they slowly turn, conquering the worm
Dig through the ditches
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula!
You then ride dangerously close to a corner, hitting top speed as you pass three carts at once.
Dig through the ditches
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula!
You finally catch up to the lead group, and see Rarity's Swan, which is causing problems. The wings can retract, stalling other cart racers from getting around, including you, Dash and Flash. Grunting, you look to Nightshade.
"Take the wheel honey!" you yell, and she does so.
You then yell, "WITNESS ME!!!" while pulling down your scarf and mask and spraying chrome cake paint onto you teeth, Still rocking out, many of the other racers yell back
"WITNESS!!!"
You then proceed to jump onto the swan with your vice grips.
"What are you doing?" Rarity screeches.
You don't answer as you continue singing
Dead I am the pool, spreading from the fool
Weak and what you need, nowhere as you bleed
Then before hers and Scootaloo's eyes, you disable one of the wings, causing it to fall off, several carts hit it, sending debris everywhere as the other racers cheer. While Rarity screeches in anguish, Nightshade pulls up for you to jump back, as Rainbow and Flash dart ahead.
Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat
Tender is the fur,
You then make the leap, landing on the hood of the Dragula.
Dying as you purr!
Nightshade then guns it.
Dig through the ditches
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula!
You then hear another crash and see that Derpy has barreled right through Rarity's other swan wing.
"SHE'S DESTROYING MY CREATIVITY AGAIN!" Rarity yells.
Snickering at TackyMcStabFlakes misfortune you continue to sing.
Dig through the ditches
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula!
Nightshade shifts gears, and suddenly you are neck in neck with Flash and Dash, who have been chanting your song as well.
"Ride on Doof Warrior!" you call out. He chuckles but then his eyes are drawn to the side lines as he sings,
Do it baby, do it baby
You look to where he's looking and you see Cheerilee...dancing provocatively in her cheerleader outfit (Or rather just a normal cheerleader routine you perv). Either way, you sing along your agreement, causing Rainbow, Nightshade and Applebloom to roll their eyes.
Do it baby, do it baby
Pointing your glove up you let loose a torrent of flame into the air
Burn like an animal
With this flame distraction, Nightshade pulls ahead, giving you two a significant lead.
Your victory is all but achieved...but then.
BONK
"Ow!" you yell as something hard collides with your head, causing you to lose your balance and nearly fall off the side. Luckily, your hoof catches in one of the smoke stacks and you instead hang upside down precariously.
"Daddy!" Nightshade yells as she slows down trying to get you to get back up.
"What hit me?!" you ask as you struggle
Kersey's Comment
Fireheart 1945's Comment
To answer your question, Tank the flying Tortoise whizzes overhead.
"What?" you ask in confusion, when all of a sudden Rainbow and Flash rush past you.
"Good boy Tank!" Rainbow yells as the tortoise returns to her.
"...That clever B!%$# She had her own Blue Turtle Shell!"
"Tank's not Blue," Nightshade points out.
"Not the point, she still knocked us out of the lead. Gun it honey! I'll be fine!" you yell as you still dangle.
"Are you sure?"
"Do it!"
She complies, and you feel the cart lurch forward again. And even though it hurts, dangling from one leg, you see that you have caught back up to the two. They are neck in neck, taking up the whole road as Nightshade rides their bumper. You realize you need to get past them, and you have an idea.
BrownDog's Comment
TheRutherford's Comment
Dead I am the life, dig into the skin
Knuckle crack the bone, twenty one to win
You point your gloved hoof at the ground.
Dead I am the dog, hound of hell you cry
You ready Bucking Bronco.
Devil on your back,
You let it go and you and Nightshade launch over the top of the two speedsters who look up at you in awe.
I can never die!
As you land in front of them, you are jolted back up into sitting position as you start singing again.
Dig through the ditches
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula!
You then see that the finish line is in sight.
Dig through the ditches
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula!
Nightshade looks back at the competition and gloats,
"Don't worry. It's all downhill from there."
As both occupants of the "fast cart," as well as a few other spectators cringe at the bad pun, you look at her with a tear in your eye.
"That was beautiful....
Do it baby, do it baby
You encourage her so she says,
"I guess you could say their flashy dreams have been dashed..." more groans follow this, but you sing in enjoyment.
Do it baby, do it baby
Burn like an animal
You then notice up ahead that the intersection before the last stretch has Applejack's slow as heck cart making a beeline for it, so you hop onto the back of your cart.
Dig through the ditches
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula!
You spin a knob, and suddenly you both rocket forth as the Nitro hits the engine.
Dig through the ditches
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula!
With your added speed, you miss Applejack and Sweetie Belle by inches, and seconds later, you and Nightshade cross the finish line. Hitting the brakes and skidding in triumph, you both declare to the crowd.
Dig through the ditches
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula!
This causes all of the spectators to start whooping and hollering and clapping their hooves as you and Nightshade smile and bow to them...which lasts for about 2 seconds before multiple crashes are heard.
With shocked gasps from the crowd, you and Nightshade look behind you and see that Rainbow and Flash weren't so fortunate in missing Applejack, broadsiding her and causing all the other racers to barrel into them like a painful conga line.
"Oof, that looks painful," Nightshade winces. Luckily, it seems nopony is hurt as the adults and fillies all get out and look at the wreckage.
"Well, at least we got to race our way," Scootaloo shrugs.
"Yeah, we may not have finished, but it was fun," Applebloom agrees.
"Yeah, still it kind of stinks that our carts got smashed," Sweetie muses as Rarity weeps over her destroyed swan and Flash, Dash, and AJ scream to the skies.
Watching this scene unfold you can't help but snicker.
Kersey's Comment
"Sweet Luna, it feels weird seeing a disaster I didn't cause for once," you comment.
True. Although the decision to make the racetrack clover-shaped makes me more surprised there wasn't a crash sooner, the musical number and your barbaric racing maneuvers notwithstanding, Selena adds.
Yeah...Cheerilee kind of dropped the ball on that one. She must have been too focused trying to catch another stallions eye now that she's divorced.
"Well good thing nopony's too hurt," Nightshade says aloud.
"Eyup. And on the bright side we've won Nightshade!" you smirk under your scarf.
"Yeah, we did didn't we?!" she smiles.
"And not only that, our cart is the only one left standing, so It just goes to show how with grit and determination, we can make something sturdy that will last forever!"
As soon as you say that, your cart comedically falls apart on its own. Both you and Nightshade's eyes unfocus at that, before you finally lose it.
"Fury Dragula! WHHHHHYYY!!!" you yell to the heavens on your knees.
"Um, Dad. Did you use duct tape to hold all the insides together?" she asks as she points to the burnt and torn pieces of grey tape all over.
"Yes! Duct Tape fixes everything! It's supposed to have no equaaaallll!!!!" you yell and sob while Nightshade facehooves.
After that, you and Nightshade were in fact given the prizes for all three categories since your cart was the only one to make it over the finish line before falling apart. The prizes...Ribbons. Yup. You all went nuts and rode historic on the Fury Road over three ribbons. Somewhere in Valhalla you think the Immortan may be facehooving.
But anyway, the cart debris was all cleared up, Spoiled Rich half heartedly scolded you for ruining a thousand bits (her breath not smelling of booze surprisingly) and you begged Cheerilee to not dress so sultry while children were around, causing her to roll her eyes.
Later, you and Nightshade went to lunch with the CMC, their sisters, Flash and First Base. While the kids got to know the colt better, the elder siblings forlornly talked about how they still felt guilty about how they didn't listen to their little sisters earlier and nearly ruined the day for them. Since they all switched out partners, they didn't get that special sibling bond, and in the case of Rainbow, Fan bond that would have made the day the best.
You then suggested, "Why not just make it up to them? All of you do something together that will bring you closer as sisters."
They in turn thought that meant as soon as possible, also since this is last weekend Dash knows for certain she'll have off before she goes to Wonderbolts Academy. They also decide that this has to be done as a big group, so they decided that over the weekend they would hike with the girls to Rainbow Falls and camp. And somehow this meant that you and Nightshade had to go along.
Really it was a guilt trip. Mostly from the CMC who wanted Nightshade to come too. Nightshade even brought out the puppy dog eyes, so you relented. She did deserve it after bringing your scarf back to life and her sick driving moves.
As you begrudgingly agreed, the older mares added their two bits.
"Come on Baker, it will be loads of fun. Us together. Under the stars. All peaceful like," AJ says, but as she does her eyelids droop more and more.
"Yeah, plenty of awesome openess where ponies could have any amount of privacy they'd need," Rainbow adds causing you to sweat.
Luckily, you have a shield.
"Flash, You've got to come camping with us man! Bring First Base with you."
"What? But this weekend is the last I'll be here. I got to get back to Canterlot and train some more with the new systems and..."
"Flash, you've got to be a bro here. You CAN'T leave me alone with those three in the middle of the woods. They might try something even with the kids there," you said in a panic.
"Wait, Three? I though only AJ and Rainbow were stalking you?"
"Yeah, well McStabFlank might take this opportunity to finally get rid of me and dump me in a shallow grave for my crimes against fashion."
After a bit of guilt tripping on your behalf, you were able to convince him to come along on the trip, much to the dismay of Rainbow and Applejack. You and him even cemented the agreement with a toast of your pill bottles.
"Oh Luna help me this coming weekend," you grumbled.
The Weekend
It's early in the morning again, and you can't believe how much sleep you've been losing since coming back to Ponyville. When you were bounty hunting, noling got you up early! But now you stand with your usual saddle bags on, and you've even given Nightshade back her own now that you don't need them for hauling prisoners. You are at the edge of the White Tail Woods with all the others (sans Rarity and Sweetie Belle), ready to go hiking then camping.
As if I didn't get enough of this the last year, you grumble.
Eventually McStabFlank and Sweetie arrive and...
"What the buck is she doing with all that luggage?" you say aloud. They are hauling a wagon that is stacked twenty feet tall with designer bags.
"Good morning everypony. Are we ready to begin?" Rarity asks.
"Depends, are we all moving to the woods and I just wasn't notified?" you ask sarcastically.
Rolling her eyes, she starts walking the path, as do the rest of your group, with you sticking close to your bro and his little bro.
"A camping we shall go I guess," you grumble as you trot along.
WHAT DO YOU DO?