The Mind of the Dragon

by shpoople


Chapter 3

"Hey, Spike?" Twilight asked as she walked into the kitchen while he was eating a hardy breakfast of cereal.

"Wha?" Spike mumbled with his mouth full of food. I don't feel like dealing with your shit this early...

"I was washing your suit last night," She hedged. "and it smelled as if... You urinated yourself?"

The fuck are you sniffing the crotch of my suit anyway? "Dragon sweat." He lied, avoiding eye contact by focusing on his bowl.

"But, it really smells of urine." She continued. "It's only in the one area too. Did you have an accident?"

I almost got raped and or murdered by a psychopath, let's see how you take that. "Dragon. Sweat." He maintained while shoveling more food into his mouth.

"I don't think dragons sweat like that, though." Twilight said skeptically.

"How many dragons do you know?" Spike returned quickly.

"Good point." She admitted. She walked over and sat across from him. "I feel like sometimes you hold back things that your thinking about."

Fuck yea! "What makes you think that?" He asked casually. "When have I ever held back my thoughts when I didn't like something?"

"You're right, you do make it obvious to everypony when you don't want to be somewhere." She reluctantly dropped the subject before bringing up another. "Are you excited about tonight with Rarity?"

Let me eat my damn cereal! "Yeah, I'v got things... planned." He trailed off, thinking over his game plan for the night. "It's going to be a good night!"

"I just don't want you to get hurt if things don't go as you want them to." Twilight cautioned. "You usually don't think right when you're around her."

"Thanks for believing in me, but I'v taken that into consideration and found a way to deal with it." Spike replied confidently.

"What's that?" She asked, curiously.

Expect some things to be missing from your lab... "Mind techniques." He told her. Quite a few things. "Don't worry about it Twilight, It's going to be a good night."

"Alright..." Twilight was still worried about her scaly friend. "Try not to sweat." She remarked. You bitch!

***

I am the element of pure sexiness. Spike thought to himself as he looked into the mirror. He was suited up and ready to meet up with Rarity. He had his sleek, black suit on with his tie to match his scales. He looked as if he was about to go out and smack some hoes around and then attend a business meeting. "Hold up, I'm missing something." Twilight was behind him. He grabbed his fedora and placed it carefully on his head. Then slipped the aviators on to shield his eyes from anything. Swag has been restored! "This suit has made me love Rarity twice as much as before."

"I still don't think that hat and glasses work on you." Twilight disapproved.

"Thanks for the opinion." Spike denied her judgement. "I got to go start things." He started for the door.

"Good luck." Twilight encouraged.

"Don't need it." He smirked as he pivoted out the door. Once outside, he took three vials out his pocket that he made and stashed without Twilight finding out. He popped the first one open, that was previously sealed with a cork, and downed it like a shot of whiskey. Not bad... I might have to make more of it. I'll call it... Redbull. He tossed the empty vial to the side and continued on. The other two were not for his consumption. Rainbow's gift was secure in his jacket pocket, he just needed too find the perfect time to present it.

On his way to Rarity's house he had to make a quick stop. "Snips! Snails! Get over here you two little retards!" He called them over. The two young, dull ponies exchanged a look of confusion, but complied and walked over to him.

"What's retard mean?" Snails asked innocently.

He sighed with hearing their annoying, nasally voices."It means you like pudding." Spike lied with the expression that displayed his contempt for them. They were too young to notice.

"Oh yeah! Then we're full blown retards!" Snips agreed cheerfully.

"Yes. Yes you are." He smirked at his work, then carried on with what he intended to do. "How would you two bright lads like to earn five bits, each?" Spike proposed.

Their eyes lit up. "Sure! We'll do anything for that much money!" Snails accepted, jumping up and down with excitement.

"That's like-" Snips paused for a minuet to do the math. "-That's like ten bits in total!" He joined his friend in jumping up and down. This is why I don't feel guilty at all for doing this.

"Alright, so here's what I need." Spike started, they stopped immediately and focused on him. "I'm going on a date and I need to impress her. So here's what's going to happen." He pulled the other two vials out of his pocket. "These will make you two look like big, strong stallions for the night." He waved it in front of their faces like it was a dog treat. "And when we come out of that new restaurant, you two will just pretend to mug us. You'll tell us to give you all our money, but then I'll pretend to fight you off. Get what I'm saying?" Spike explained.

"Drink vials, then pretend to attack you?" Snips made sure he had it all down.

"Yes." Spike confirmed. "Make sure it's convincing, though. Say something along the lines of :Give us all your fucking money."

"What's fuck mean?" Snails asked.

Spike slapped his face with frustration from hearing their voices. "It's when you tickle someone."

They let out a 'ohhhh' with false understanding, then grinned to each other. "I fuck him all the time!" Snails said happily.

"I bet you do." Spike snickered, they looked confused as to why he was laughing, but they just shrugged passed it. "So you got what you're to do?"

"Yep!" They said in unison. I'm about to stab them just so I never have to hear their voices. He handed them the vials and they quickly drank every drop. Facial hair sprouted and their skin became considerably discolored and darker while growing another four feet. "Awesome!" They looked at each other in awe.

"Good." Spike said in approval. "Now just wait until we come out." He handed them a small pouch that jingled when they took it. They started to bounce up and down again as Spike walked away. That will be extremely fun when it come up.

***

Spike could feel the concoction that he drank flowing through his system as he knocked on Rarity's door. Damn, that stuff is starting kick in! Rarity opened the door to reveal a stunning dress to match his back suit. It draped perfectly over certain parts of her body and left all the right parts exposed. "How do I look?" Rarity asked, knowing what his answer was already going to be.

"You look amazing, Rarity." Spike complimented her. "I'v never seen anything as beautiful as you are now."

"I know, darling. You look handsome, yourself!" Damn straight.She admired her work. "I'm talented. Let's go, we can't be tardy." Spike followed her away from her house, but stayed only a step behind to get a better view. Girl, dat flank!

***

They arrived at the new restaurant a few minuets later. It was high class and as fancy as Spike thought it would be. The matradee recognized Rarity instantly. "Ah, miss Rarity, we have your table ready for you." He showed them to their table with the menus already in position and then quickly left back to his post. Everything in the building seemed expensive, there wasn't a single imperfection in anything.

"Oh, great." Rarity whined. "They didn't light the candles." Spike grinned. "Next time they come around I'll ask for them to-" She was interrupted by the tips of the candles erupting in quiet flames. She looked over to Spike, who blew a subtle fire from his mouth. "That was astonishing, Spike." She was intrigued at his ability to summon fire from his mouth.

"Breathing fire is mundane to me, I would give it up just to spend this night with you." Spike said to her. She was starting to develop a blush. Everything's going good so far. Rarity, you are gonna be my bitch soon. He patted the surprise in his jacket pocket.

She tried to hide her red face by looking away, that's when she saw people she knew. She turned back around. "Spike, com'on, let's go show you off in your new suit." She slid out of her chair and Spike hopped out of his and followed her.

***

He didn't know any of the ponies that she was talking to, but it didn't seem like it was going to be a problem. "-and this is my newest creation." She took a step back and brought Spike in front of her. He wasn't paying any attention until then. He realized it was time so he struck a pose by leaning back with his feet forward, looking off into the distance with a blank expression and having a hand on his hip, displaying his jet-black suit. Swag levels are dangerously high. Cation: Random mares might try to suck your dick. He kept his laughter from going anywhere and just posed so that the five ponies could get a good look.

They scratched their chins, thinking of their opinions. "I like it." One mare said. "I'll would like to purchase it for my store." Oh, so they're fashion sellers or whatever the hell it's called.

"incontestably."

"I concur."

"Indeed."

"Indubitably."

Spike was trying his hardest not to burst out into laughter over the hilarity of their words. I want to record them and make them my ringtone... "Wonderful." Rarity said calmly. "I shall be in touch with you all soon." The two walked away, back to their table. The moment they were out of sight she jumped up into the air with excitement. Spike assumed that she just got a deal. "Oh Spike, thank you so much for this! I will make sure that you are rewarded for this!"

"I don't deserve a reward." He stopped her. "You made this beautiful thing on me right now, and you convinced them to buy it. I didn't do anything, it was all you." This caused another blush to appear on her face. Then another pony trotted over to our table, she seemed different from the others. The others looked fancy and a little snooty, but they were nice people while they were over there. The mare approaching them had a dollar sign as a cutie-mark and always tilted her head up so that she could look down on people. She stopped at the end of our table and rolled her eyes at Spike and smirked over to Rarity. "Hello, Ruby." Rarity scowled in disgust for the ruby-red pony.

"Hello, Rarity. Since when have you become homeless? I would assume so with the rags you're wearing." She scoffed. "And who is this? Your pet lizard in bandages?" Uh-oh, My bitch detector is going crazy!Spike just glared, he looked over and saw that it hurt Rarity more then she was willing to show. A flare of rage ignited in Spike.

"Hey, slut." Spike stood up on his chair to tell her. "Seeing your mark is a dollar sign I assume that your 'special talent' is fucking every male that rings the door bell." She couldn't even comprehend what he just said to her. Obviously no one ever told her anything that she didn't want to hear.

"Excuse me?" She demanded.

"You heard me bitch!" Spike continued with rage. "I would assume so with those ears! Maybe you hit that thing you call head on the headboard of your bed so much that it destroyed what little brain cells you had. I assume that your voice sounds like a banshee raping a horn because you choked on a little too much semen. Do I keep having to make more examples of how your a whore or can you just walk away and let us order our food please!" With that he sat back down and picked up his menu like nothing happened. "And don't you ever insult my swag suit again."

Ruby looked like she was about to say something but then started to tear up and walked away with her head hanging. Spike memorized his order and set his menu down to see Rarity, who was gaping at what just happened. "Spike, that was beautiful." Rarity approved with a devious grin. She leaned over to catch another glimpse of the skank that got knocked the fuck off her thrown. I definitely have to make more Redbull. Makes me feel so much more... confident then I was before.

"Thanks. She insulted you so I wasn't going to let her walk away without her crying." Spike told her. "That bitch deserved it for mocking you."

Her blush returned. "Thank you, Spike." She said to him. "That speech was pretty mature for a baby dragon, though. I'v never heard you talk like that before."

"Dragons age differently from ponies, you know." Spike informed her. "We live longer so it takes a while for our bodies to catch up with our minds. I'm actually around your age, give or take a year." She paused and got lost in her thoughts about that. Her blush deepened as she thought things out. Spike grinned and picked up his menu again. All according to plan...

***

They finished their meal, Spike payed for the dinner like a gentleman and they exited the restaurant. Hundred dollars for a fucking slice of salmon! I just got robbed! "So Spike." Rarity started.

"What?" Spike returned.

"When I got up and went to the mare's room, did I see you watch at my flank?" She questioned with a smirk, predicting that he would spill all over the place and turn into an embarrassed mess.

"I was." He replied casually. She stopped and looked at him with a crimson face. "You have a stunning body." I'm loving this Redbull so much.

"T-Thank you." Rarity stuttered. He turned the tables on her. She was the embarrassed one now. "Your so much different then you normally are." She told him.

"Nah, i'm the same as I normally am. This is the first time we've spent time alone together." Spike stated as he noticed two stallions approaching them from his peripheral vision. Time for some fun.

"Give us your fucking money!" Snips said in a voice that didn't resemble him at all. Rarity gasped and cowered inn fear on the ground. Spike quickly leaped over and grabbed a shovel off the ground and instantly struck Snips against the side of his head. He fell like a bag of rocks with down-syndrome. Before Snails could say anything in protest Spike struck him also. The two were unconscious on the ground in front of the dragon.

"Are you okay?" Spike asked his date.

She looked up to see the two on the ground and Spike throwing away a shovel. "Spike, you did this?"

"Yeah, you didn't see it?" Fuck!

She slowly got up and stared at the baby dragon. "This has been one of the most glorious nights I have ever had. I was expecting a night like this from prince Blueblood. Fighting my battles, flattering compliments, and acts of bravery, but he never did anything like this. You did, though. I never thought of you treating me to a night like this." She told him.

"Brace yourself, because it's about to get better." Spike smirked. He pulled Rainbow's present out from his jacket pocket and pulled off the top and presented it to Rarity on a knee. He could see it's shine in her eyes. Oh, your soooo my bitch now.

"Is- Is that real?" Rarity asked, gaping at the beauty of the gold necklace with a sapphire center.

"You know it is." He said as he took it out of the box carefully. Rarity tilted her head up so that he could put it on her. He pulled away and saw her staring at it. She obviously loved it.

"Spike, this is so beautiful- I can't use words to express my gratitude enough." Her eyes started to tear up.

"It's no big-" He was cut off by her bracing him. He could smell the perfume she always used. She pulled away a little and looked into Spike's eyes. She blushed furiously and then went in to press her lips against his. Then quickly breaking it and tearing up some more, she started to run away.

"I'm sorry, Spike. I have to think some things out." She shouted as she ran away. Spike Just grinned watched her go.

"I love it when things work out as planned." He said to himself as he strolled away. "I need a bad-ass walking cane, the only thing I need to complete this."

***

When Spike left, he didn't return home. Instead, he decided to visit Rainbow. "Yo! Rain-bro!" He called up to her home in the clouds.

Her head popped out of the side moments later. "Hey buddy what do ya want?" She shouted back.

"I brought the good stuff!" He waved a bottle of alcohol in his hand.

"Aw hell yea!" She descended with her wings to pick up her friend. Once she landed by him she knelt down so that he could board. "S'co! Climb on, ya midget!"

Spike complied and straddled her back while she raised them up to her home. Once at the top he hopped off onto the cloud. "I don't like riding you." He cringed. "Feels weird."

"You want to climb up here next time?" She chuckled.

He peaked over the side to the good two hundred foot drop. "Ugh, no thank-you. I'll stick with the awkward straddle."

"How are you able to stand on the clouds anyway?" She asked as they went inside her home. "I thought only pegasi could."

"Dragons fly too." Spike reminded her. "Just so happens god was feeling like a bit of a dick when he made me."

She snickered. "So how did it go? Did you plow that plot?" Rainbow asked.

"Not exactly. It went pretty well, though." Spike told her.

"What happened?" She questioned. "What do you mean not exactly?"

"Well, we went through the night and everything went really good. I gave her that necklace that you gave me. She started to cry from the emotions I was causing her to have and then she ran away after kissing me." He informed her while plopping down on a chair across from Dash on the couch.

"Dude, that sucks." She said glumly. "I know that feel." She tapped her chest.

"What do you mean?" Spike laughed. "Everything went according to plan."

"What do you mean?" She returned. "That sounds bad."

"Not at all." Spike replied. "When I came to her house to day, she thought of me as that little kid. Now she's thinking of me as 'the one' she's suppose to be with. I'm in her head now. In three days, if she hasn't already made a move, I will."

"You sound like you know what you're doing." Rainbow observed.

"Bitch please, I'm pro at this kind of stuff." Spike scoffed. "I'v been waiting this whole time for the perfect setup like the one you gave me. She's going to be my bitch soon, you can count on that. You helped me out a lot with this, Thank you." He popped open the bottle and took a swig and passed it over to Rainbow. "Whoo! That stuff's strong!"

She examined the label. "Applejack Daniels? Applejack owns an alcohol?" She smiled. "That's awesome."

"I'm not sure if she knows about it or not." Spike chuckled. "Tell me, Dash. Who are you hot for?"

"What do you mean?" She asked while downing a mouthful of the alcohol.

"Who are you into?" Spike grinned. "You set me up with my pony, I'll get you set up with yours."

"I don't know..." Rainbow hedged.

"Com'on i'm like fucking Hitch!" Spike asserted. "The only reason it took so long with Rarity was because I had to plan things with her. Everything had to be perfect. You know cherlee and Bigmacintosh? I helped Bigmac plan that date after those three little bastards fixed what they did and they're still together."

"Still though." Rainbow held back.

"Rain-bro! Let me help you! That gift touched me. It really did. I have to help you now." Spike pleaded. "I'll get you as far as you need to get your pony into bed with you. You can decide what to do after."

"Fine." Rainbow caved. She took another gulp of alcohol and slammed the bottle on the coffee table in front of them. Spike stared in anticipation. Rainbow just stared back and glanced over to the bottle. Spike understood.

"Ohhh, that's not shocking, really." Spike chuckled. "You two do compete a lot, I always thought that was why. Let me think about this." He closed his eyes and thought about the best way to approach the task. "Got it."

"Your not surprised at all?" She asked, with a astonished face.

"Surprised at what? Applejack? Not really, I always thought about you two like that. Cute couple, I'll help you start it." He told her.

"Not at that." She stopped him and blushed with embarrassment. "Your not surprised about me... running the other side of the track?"

Spike knew what she was saying, and snickered. "You thought that I didn't know? Why do you think I call you lesbo? You were admiring Rarity's flank the other day! I'm more surprised that you think that I would be surprised! It's one of the reasons I can hang out with you without trying to pork you. Cause we like the same thing: poontang."

"Aw, your an ass." She returned with a smile. "I don't think that she does, though."

"Pfft the population is ninety-percent female." Spike laughed. "I don't think it will be that hard to change her mind."

"But if it doesn't work then it will just be really awkward between us." Rainbow said.

"Are you doubting my swag?" Spike demanded. "Don't you doubt my swag! Applejack has more character then Rarity, you can't win her over with compliments and shiny things. Are you willing to work for her?"

"I'v liked her for a while, I'll do anything." Rainbow responded. "Don't get me wrong, I would love to get her into bed, but I want more then just that." Spike just watched her face for any signs of joking.

"Now that's surprising!" Spike reported. "I pictured you as the one night stand mare. Your whole attitude has changed."

"Yeah, because i'm serious about her." She growled. "You're the same way, I thought your goal was just to nail Rarity and then move on."

"Meh, I set up other ponies mostly." Spike admitted. "Rarity was a challenge. I feel the same way about Rarity the same way you do about Applejack. Maybe a little less intensely, though."

"So what are you thinking about for her?" Rainbow asked.

"As I said, you're going to have to work for her. Applebuck season is coming up and I'm pretty sure Bigmac just might hurt himself again." Spike hinted.

"You're planning on taking out Bigmac?" Rainbow asked, shocked at his suggestion.

"Wha- no you tard! He owes me a favor and he'll just wrap himself in bandages and pretend like he's hurt." Spike continued.

"He's okay with you making his sister a lesbian?" Rainbow cocked an eyebrow.

"Definitely. Rain-bro, you need to learn that, every male on this planet is on the same page when it comes to lesbians." Spike explained. "This isn't just about me helping you out anymore. It's my manhood duty to put you two together now, even if it kills me. If I die while bringing two mares together in this world, then I will have succeeded in my life."

"Nice." Rainbow cackled.

"Alright, so when she's struggling with all the work, then you, and only you, come in to help her with all the work. You and her, side by side, 'bucking' all those trees." Spike told her.

"What then?" She wondered, she was into this plan.

"I don't know i'll have to see how it goes. There's a possibility that it might start something right there on the spot. She might try to 'buck' you there." Spike chuckled.

"Sounds... Better then I thought it would." Rainbow admitted.

"It's just the start." Spike reminded her. "It's just to plant the seed in her mind that you're there for her."

"Yeah, I like it." She agreed. Then her mind switched tracks. "Hey come here, I want to show you this bad-ass thing that we do now." She got up off the couch that she was laying on and motioned for Spike to follow her.

***

"I don't know about this, Rainbow." Spike peeked over the side of the cloud to a lake under them. "This seems incredibly retarded."

"It's awesome, it doesn't hurt at all!" She encouraged. "Come on! You're not even wearing your suit anymore! Just make sure you land in the lake." She warned.

"We are really high up, though." Spike hesitated.

"Look at me." Rainbow ordered. Spike turned around and faced his friend. "Do you know what a trust-fall is?"

"Yeah..." Spike said cautiously.

"Good, because this is nothing like that." She pushed him off the side of the cloud.

As he plummeted straight for the target, he shouted back up to her. "You Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!!"

I love how I don't even have to explain things about my own story. 'Why does Spike cuss?' Ah Because- 'Because little kids usually have a habit of cussing.' I love that you guys answer the questions for me. It soothes my soul.
Hope you guys like the story, thanks for reading.