//------------------------------// // The Screw-up // Story: Double Vision // by EveningShadows //------------------------------// Twilight groggily wandered the castle halls with a glass of orange juice, "So this is the mythic hangover I've heard so much about," she mumbled to herself. It had taken a concerted effort by Spike to get her out of bed in the first place but he took the whining and moaning in stride. Twilight didn't want to face the princesses alone so she'd decided to get Sunrise up so they could go together. When she got close to her sister's room she heard a scream echo through the halls. "Oh no!" Her juice clattered onto the floor as she ran. "Sunrise!" "Yes! Yes! Right there! No, not there you fucking dolt! Ah!" "S-Sunrise?" Twilight stared at the door to her sister's room. Horror spread through her as her mind slowly began to piece together what was happening. "Hey! Keep that armor on! I don't want to see your face! Ah!" "W-wha?" "But you let me take it off earlier and it's uncomfortable." "Ah! It's supposed to be! It keeps you at attention, and I want you at attention, colt!" "Y-yes miss." "That's Mistress Athena to you, worm!" "Yes Mistress Athena!" "Ah! Oh god!" Twilight's brain began to fizzle and pop. Her hair curled up. She'd had just about enough of this. "Sunrise! What are you doing in there!" "Oh shit." The alicorn heard a continuous stream of muffled swearing. "Get off me, you fuckwit!" There was a clatter and a crash. "Jesus Christ, could you be more useless?" "Sorry, Mistress Athena..." "How long have you been standing out there, Twilight?" "Long enough!" She shouted at the door. "Hold on!" Twilight was treated to the sounds of more muffled swearing and frantic hoofsteps which lead around the room until they stopped at the door. The alicorn heard muffled speaking, but couldn't make out the words. "Okay, Sunrise, no need to panic," she whispered to herself, "No need to be embarrassed or ashamed, just suppress it. Remember, all you need to do to counter shame is to be blase. Pretend it's normal, and eventually, everyone will pretend with you." With her pep talk done, Sunrise opened the door in a robe. "Could you not tell I'm busy?" she said through a strained smile. "Th-there's- it-it's in your h-hair," Twilight stuttered out. Sunrise glanced upwards and saw it. Be blase, she repeated to herself as a mantra, "Well I needed a shower anyway," she said. "W-what are you doing!" Twilight stuttered out. Sunrise took a moment to consider, "Do we, uh, need to have the talk or something?" "You know that's not what I meant!" Twilight's face had turned from being red with embarrassment to being red with anger. Sunrise rolled her eyes. "Er. Well, I was getting laid." "But why?!" Twilight shouted, "You're not even a week old!" "What, do you want me to wait eighteen years? I'll be an old maid by then," Sunrise said before she could stop herself. "You're a week old!" A stallion yelled from inside the room. Sunrise glared at nothing for a moment before turning back to her room to yell, "Shut the buck up, sub, and while you shutting up get me a venti mocha frappuccino with soy, two shots espresso, two shots irish. Stat!" She ruffled a hoof through her hair, the clean side of her hair, and turned back to Twilight, "Want anything, hun?" "Er." She turned back to yell into the room, "Make that two, second with half a shot irish! And use the servants entrance like the slave you are! Oh, and fetch the maids to clean up while I'm in the shower!" She stared at the room for a second. "What are you standing around for?! I gave you an order, soldier!" The sounds of clattering and scrambling echoed out from the room, and then a door slammed shut.* "You really shouldn't treat the guards that way... Or..." She glanced at her hair. "Nah, it's okay. They like it." Twilight looked skeptical. "Really, I promise." Twilight let out a long angry breath. "I just can't believe you'd throw away your virginity like that. How are you going to get married?" "Twi, I didn't throw away--" "That's right! You practically shot it out of a cannon!" Twilight said in exasperation. Sunrise chuckled, "Well, I figured the best way to learn to swim is to jump right in." And I wanted to dive right passed the gender crisis while I was plastered because I just can't handle it right now. Better to just get used to the new equipment without the melodramatics, and drink away the anxiety. "But you could drown!" The mare winked, "Not if you've got a couple lifeguards." "A-a-a couple?!" "I'mma clean up," she laughed, "Give me ten minutes." She closed the door and mumbled to herself, "That went about as well as I could have hoped." *When the guards went through the servant's entrance they found a small crowd of concerned maids and servants. They tried their best to look proud of themselves. When a maid came to give Twilight her coffee she found her sitting on the floor with her head in her hooves. "Are you okay, Princess?" She groaned. "My sister's a slut..." "Now, now, don't say that about your sister. Just drink your fancy coffee, and you'll feel better." And she did, a bit. Twilight ignored the sound of her sister's door opening. "Hey, sweet thing, you okay?" "No," she said, looking at the coffee cup held in her hooves. There was a note of a weird taste she recognized but couldn't put her hoof on it. "You wanna talk?" Sunrise asked with concern plain in her voice. "No," Twilight said sullenly. "Okay, well why don't we head to breakfast?" Sunrise said like she was coaxing a bunny to come out of its burrow. Twilight didn't say anything but followed along anyway. After a while she finally spoke, "Just... why?" Sunrise took some time to consider how she'd get out of this. "Well, sis, why do you think Celestia keeps around such a large royal guard? I mean, they haven't proved very useful in the past, and we have a competent military." "It's the first step on the military career path," Twilight said, entering lecture mode, where she felt safest. "After a pony finishes officer school they gets stationed at the castle as a guard. From there, they'll get assigned to a section in the military. Celestia says she likes to have all the officers bond on assignment here so all the military branches are more cooperative with each other." "Sure, okay, but why not have them bond in school, or on a harder assignment? Why at the castle? All the other countries treat being a royal guard as an honor you obtain after a long period of service, and they have a much better royal guard because of it." "I don't know. Maybe it's because they need a good guard to protect their monarchies, but the princesses don't really need protection." "Wanna know what I think?" Sunrise whispered conspiratorially, "Celestia hasn't had a public relationship for centuries, but she's still a mare. A mare with needs. And with all these young, well trained stallions at her beck and call. Well..." Twilight looked at her twin aghast, "You don't think..." Sunrise giggled, "I think a little bit, maybe." "Golly," Twilight said with a blush. "I really need to teach you how to swear." "I don't care if she's your student's sister! The little hussie is responsible for this somehow, I just know it." "Now Luna..." Twilight's nerves were acting up again. She looked over at her twin and saw a dark smile. She also noticed that she was wearing her hair in a ponytail. I guess she's still trying to differentiate herself, she thought. "Should we..." "No, follow my lead, and remember if we pretend nothing happened, it didn't. And if there's any suspicion it'll be towards me, they'd never suspect you. Most importantly, even if they outright accuse you, just deny it because without proof a denial carries more weight than an accusation." Twilight nodded. Her tightened muscles relaxed a bit. "I'm just not going to stand for it!" Luna yelled. "That's our cue." Sunrise threw open the doors and trotted through with a confident stride, sipping on her coffee. "Good morning, Princesses." "Ah Sunrise, you look well. And Twilight, you look... like you could use some more sleep." Celestia said in her customary morning warmness. "Did you two have a nice night out?" "We did, thank you," Sunrise said while her twin mumbled something to the affirmative. "So we heard," Luna said sardonically. "Oh? Are you implying something, Princess?" Sunrise quirked her eyebrow and held her smile. "In fact we are, take a seat," Luna kept her glare on the mare took as she sat down. "Wonderful, I'm always up for a nice chat. But first, may we order? I'm famished from all the... walking around the city." "Oh, I'm sure you did plenty of getting around," Luna said darkly. "Luna, that's enough," Celestia smiled calmly. She rung a little bell and a waiter come out to take their orders. Twilight got three hayburgers. Sunrise got 'a mocho loco, soy beef patty, let it swim, with soy ham, peas, and carrots in the rice, make sure that's fried rice, the eggs very over easy, and a side of pineapple. Oh and orange juice and coffee, black, breakfast roast.'* At first Twilight had found her sister's habit of making complicated orders without pausing to give the staff time to get all of it down annoying and snooty but she was starting to see it as endearing, though still snooty. She wasn't sure if she was really being snobby about her food or if she was playing some kind of game. Being a mare of simple tastes, she didn't really get it. *She'd had to explain exactly what a mocho loco was after ordering it. "Now then," Luna said with a growl, "we need to have a talk about your behavior." "Alright, say your piece," Sunrise said, girding herself. "It is simply unacceptable for you to be cavorting with the guards in such a manner! How you believe you can demand the title of princess and then behave no better than a common harlot-" "Luna, that's enough," Celestia interrupted. "Quite enough, I'd say," Sunrise jumped in as quick as she could without exposing herself to the accusation of interrupting the highest authority in the land. She tried to summon all the pride she had in her heart.* "I was expecting some, perhaps, harsh words, but I wasn't expecting to be insulted. And especially to be called common, of all things. I thought we'd already agreed I was a mare of high status," she smirked and flicked her ponytail with a hoof, taking an indignant poise. I like the hair flip, she thought, I may have to keep the ponytail. But I need to do something about these nerd bangs. *It was a lot. "Why you little-!" "Luna," Celestia said firmly. "Besides," Sunrise jumped in again before Celestia, who felt like she was rapidly losing control of this conversation, could get any steam, "isn't there something else you'd like to talk about? Or is this all just a delaying tactic?" "Speak plainly, mare," Luna glared at comparatively little mare. "Oh, did you think I forgot our little wager?" Sunrise held herself confident and smug against the imposing alicorn's evil eye. "I heard a rumor from... the staff that a certain form of graffiti was found, yes?" "I know damn well it was you!" Luna shouted as she slammed her hooves on the table top. "Luna!" Celestia cut in trying to wrestle some control. "Watch your language." "But she's the one who vandalized that bridge!" Luna said with a petulance that often creeped into her tone when speaking with her sister, "There's no other possibility. That sort of graffiti has never appeared before but the moment she makes that bet it appears." Sunrise looked to be surreally calm. Twilight was about ready to shake off her seat. "Another explanation is that the staff heard the phrase and it got passed along until some hoodlum heard it and thought it was funny. Furthermore if you're going to make an accusation to besmirch the illustrious reputation," she went for the hair flip again, "of a princess such as myself you'd better have some hard evidence. You wouldn't like to start a precedent, would you?" "Oh, I have evidence," Luna smiled darkly, "Spike confessed." "Luna..." Celestia sighed. Twilight went pale and rigid. Sunrise maintained her calm. "Did he really? A child confessed to an angry alicorn more than four times his size? And without Twilight present? Please, what child wouldn't confess to anything under those circumstances. I could get that confession thrown out in an instant. And I'm sure the tabloids would love to print some exaggerated headline about that detail." She laughed, "As well as the entire incident being bait for the media. Here's what I think happened, when Spike didn't say anything you got emotional and scared the poor drake and he babbled something to appease you." At this point Luna just about had steam coming out of her ears, "How dare you, you little-" "Enough!" Celestia cut in, "I've had just about enough of this and I'm not going to sit here while you two argue over a silly wager. Now speak civilly with each other." "Thank you, Princess." "And stop provoking her, Sunrise, I know what you're doing." "Yes, Princess," the unicorn said in the tone of a scolded child, her control of the conversation over. "Where is Spike, by the way?" Twilight asked. She'd been content to stay silent, or rather, she didn't want to get pulled in, but her concern for Spike was greater than her fear of being trapped in this particular conversation. "I sent him to the kitchen to help with the chefs and to pick out a few gems for dessert after Luna's questioning... became distasteful to me." Celestia let out a long sigh. "Now then, I can see that this is an issue we'll have to deal with in its entirety. What were the terms of this wager?" Luna simply glared. "What I said precisely was, 'I'm willing to bet Twilight's bottom bit that graffiti can be found that says just that,' as we all know, that graffiti was found." "Oh, Luna, you didn't..." Celestia looked disappointed. Luna didn't meet her gaze. "Wait did you say you bet Twilight's bottom bit?" Celestia said, her brain having just parsed the entirety of the sentence. "Yes, that's right. No one disputed that phrasing, particularly Twilight, which, I believe, constitutes consent. However if that's not enough, I believe I can get Twilight's assent now." "Luna, how could you take such a foolish wager?" "I will admit that I rushed into it without doing my due diligence," Luna said through clenched teeth. "Twilight doesn't even have much money," Celestia sighed, "Sunrise, are you going to be pursuing my sister's 'bottom bit.'" "I wouldn't dream of it. Considering that Luna could dispute whether 'Twilight's bottom bit' means as much property as Twilight owns or 'Luna's bottom bit', I'd like to settle. After all we'd have to get a judge and seeing as all the royalty of Equestria would have a conflict of interest we'd have to use the court system. From there it'd look bad to use any court but the highest in the land, not to mention look bad in general, and we really shouldn't be abusing the court's time over a wager." "Well reasoned," Celestia said, "What do you propose?" "Yes," Luna said, "How much do you intend to pillage me of?" "Oh, it's not a matter of how much," Sunrise couldn't help but let a dark smile slip onto her face, "It's a matter of what. I want the bar." "You. Want. What." Luna said through grinding teeth. "You heard me. I want 'The Lunatic' bar and all associated property and business. I know you own it. I looked it up." "Absolutely not. That establishment is precious to me." "And you'll be welcome to visit. But I won't take anything less," Sunrise said firmly. "I refuse." "Then I'll have to purse your 'bottom bit,' regardless of whether or not I want to. You stand to lose a lot more than just the bar," Sunrise finished in a sympathetic tone. Luna growled but she didn't say anything. "I'm sorry, Princess, but I need it and I'm willing to drag you through open court and a media circus to get it," Sunrise said softly. Luna looked stricken. She knew what a being dragged through the papers could do to her still recovering public image. "But... it's special to me... I founded that bar in the Everfree castle and after my banishment Tia transferred it, brick by brick, to Canterlot. I was so happy to see it when I got back..." she said glumly. "I know it's special to you," Sunrise said with a sad smile, "and I'm sorry to take it but I really do need it. And it's not like you'll lose it forever. I'm not immortal after all and I may be able to give it back while I'm still alive." Celestia sighed, "Why do you need the bar, Sunrise." Sunrise took a deep breath and ran through the gist of the speech she'd prepared. "Well, Princess, I've been given a lot and I feel very blessed. I don't want to live idly on my luxury like, well, like Prince Blueblood, I want to do good for Canterlot and for Equestria. But in order to do that I need a power base. That starts with the bar. Forgetting the bits it brings in, it has an established clientele of not just the military but of Canterlot's nobles, and even some of her head bureaucrats. It's the perfect place to establish a network," she took a moment to think. "My sister has been gifted so much by Harmony, well deserved, of course, and she's been able to do good for Equestria without getting involved in the messy business of politics. But Harmony has already given me life itself, I don't expect to be getting any more help without working to deserve it. I want to help Equestria, and to deserve my status, like Twilight." She looked over at her sister, who was starting to get tearful, and smiled warmly. While that was all basically true, sort of, she was really glad she'd taken that political science course in college and the professor had made them read Alinsky (and that she'd been interested enough to read Machiavelli on her own time). Rule 10: you do what you can with what you have and clothe it with moral garments, she reaffirmed to herself. "That's so sweet," Twilight said. She pulled her into a tight hug. Repress the guilt. Repress the guilt. Repress the guilt, Sunrise repeated to herself as she was squished against Twilight's warm body. When the hug was done Celestia gave the unicorn a look. She'd been hopeful about Sunrise's potential to be a virtuous pony, but remained cautious. Now, with that speech, she was confident that the mare was going to be a problem. She knew Twilight was too naive to see through such an obvious attempt at manipulation but surely Luna hadn't been out of the game for so long that she'd forgotten what mares like Sunrise sounded like? She turned to her sister, "Well, Luna? What do you say?" She stared at the table for a long moment. "Alright... You can have the bar." There were only a few times that Celestia could honestly say that she was more disappointed in her sister than now. Sunrise figured it was a good idea to keep the sentimental trend going so she got out of her chair, walked over to Luna, and gave her a big hug. "Thank you, Luna. You have no idea what this means to me." "Now, now," the princess patted the smaller mare on the back awkwardly, "that's enough of that." When Sunrise got back in her seat, Celestia said in a blank tone, "I think the other matter can wait until after we eat." Already a plan was forming in her mind, hopefully Luna would play along. She rang her little bell and the waitstaff came out, almost immediately, with a push cart for each mare, as well as one more on which Spike was standing in an over-sized chef's hat, holding up a mixing spoon like a sword. "Greetingz fair mai-dons, I come viz la geefts," Spike said in a really bad Prench accent, "Ve ave..." He went through all the dishes and when he finished he took a bow. They all applauded his performance. He joined in for the meal with a bowl of gems and shared the light conversation. When they'd finished and the table was cleared Celestia tactfully suggested he go check out the new Maroccan fire iguana that'd been recently added to the garden. "Alright, onto the next piece of business of the morning," Celestia said, "Do you have an explanation for your... indecent behavior?" "Yes... We put a sound proofing spell on the room but it stopped working by the morning..." Sunrise said, poking her hooves together. "And why, pray tell, did you assume it would still be working?" Luna asked. "Well... I mean..." Sunrise took a deep breath to help suppress her emotions. "I don't know much about magic." "I see..." Celestia said, "I was referring to the way you've conducted yourself, not the indiscreet manner in which you did so." "What, uh, what do you mean?" "What she means, Sunrise, is that you can't be fornicating the guards. Or anypony," Luna said bluntly. "Not if you want any position in the nobility," Celestia added firmly. "What!" Sunrise shouted, "What is that supposed to mean?!" "Calm thyself," Luna said in an authoritative tone. She glanced at her sister, about to correct her sister on her severe words but she was silenced by a harsh look from Celestia. Sunrise realized that she was standing up with her hooves pressed down against the table. She sat back down and took a few deep breaths. Twilight placed her hoof on her's in a gesture of sympathy. "What," she said slowly, "exactly do you mean by that?" "I mean that if you want to be a princess then you can't behave like you have and you certainly can't let the public hear about it. I simply cannot allow the reputation of the Equestrian royalty be damaged because the press got wind of your actions. If they print one article, then I'm sorry but you just can't be a princess," Celestia said. Being the consummate chess master, she knew how to set the field so that her opponent would lose no matter what they did. And if worst came to worst a small push is all she'd need to ensure victory. You will not get that crown, mare! Sunrise sat stock still. She's going to make sure I end up working for a living like some filthy peasant. God damn that mare! She stood up and said, "Well then, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of work to do." She gave her goodbyes cordially and walked out of the dining room. I will get that crown! Sunrise paced around her room with her mind spinning out of control. Her emotions were a storm that even she couldn't parse but she knew rage was in there somewhere. After nearly two hours of this she calmed down enough to realize she was getting cabin fever. She figured now was as good a time as any to start that jogging regimen she'd been considering. People did say that running helped you think. She went to the training field where some of the guard were being put through their paces. She got advice on proper form and how to stretch from a drill sergeant, Rock Hoofstrong. Being the sort to never pass up an opportunity to ingratiate herself to someone, she complimented his mustache. She set off onto the track in the gym shorts and t-shirt she'd got a maid to raid from the equipment storage room and set off with a book on social norms, 'The Lady's Guide to High Society,' levitated in front of her. If only I knew what a huge deal the ponies made of sex... she grumbled to herself. She got a few looks from the guards but she ignored them until one of them snickered and said in a voice he probably assumed she couldn't hear, "A little late for that, isn't it?" Sunrise turned to him and smirked, "Oh, honey, I'm just gettin' started."