A few days later, you were wallowing in self pity whilst mourning for your lost human life in your world when a knock on your front door interrupts, sending you sprawling onto the floor from your couch.
"This had better be good," you grumble, heading over towards the door. You stop when you notice a small letter has been slipped under the door. You stoop and pick it up, flipping it over and reading the bubbly message on the other side.
Dear Anon,
Join my party tonight! It's to celebrate your being here for us as a good friend and your belated birthday! Don't miss out on all the goodies I've prepared for you. See you later, alligator!
XOXOXOXOXO, Pinkie Pie
Oh wonderful. Another reason to leave your house without being in a body bag.
You search the page for a time, but see nothing. How could she tell you it's tonight and not tell you a time? Probably a way to get you to come early. Sneaky as hell.
You sigh and toss the letter in the trash. You have to go to this party soon. It's already after four. Chances are, the party would be starting around sunset, in just a few hours. Better go finish what you were doing before you have to get ready.
Tonight would likely be interesting.
Half-past seven that evening, you head over to Sugarcube Corner. This was the premier place for goodies and such whenever anyone needed them. At least, for those here in Ponyville. And it served its purpose well.
Many times you've been here to pick yourself up some sugary cakes and cookies. If you felt like getting fat, you knew where to go. It's not like there was anything else to do, anyway.
The warm, summer air felt pretty good on your skin as you passed an open field, allowing a breeze to hit you full on. Still better than your hometown, which was cold and boring and crowded.
You approach Sugarcube Corner with confidence. It'd been pretty quiet lately. You needed a little bit of crazy to stay sane. And Pinkie knew just how to help with that.
You walk briskly up to the open doorway and slip inside, greeted immediately by the tantalizing aroma of some pastries baking. You stop in the middle of the room, seeing no one. "Mmmmm... Something smells great. Wonder what it is...?" you say aloud.
You hear Pinkie call out from the kitchen and come rushing into the room with you. "Anon! You made it! And you're early this time. Sweet!" She rushes up and hugs you.
You squirm uncomfortably. "Yeah..." Pinkie was a bit touchy. Not that you didn't mind. But you did.
She peels herself off you and smiles gleefully, unblinking. Scary.
"Watcha cookin', good lookin'?" You hope that compliment settles well.
It does.
She snickers. "Ooh, come see! It's only the best pastry in all of pastries!" She bolts off into the kitchen, and you trail far behind, following her towards the smell.
As she pulls out a pan from the oven, you discover that it's one of your favorites. "Hey, I love danishes. Looks and smells delicious, Pinkie. Well done."
She sets the pan on the counter and shuts the oven. "I knew that, silly! That's why I made it!"
Wait, what? "How'd you know that was my favorite? I never told you that," you ask warily. Pinkie had a habit of knowing things you never told her, or anyone, for that matter.
She gives a little laugh. "Oh, Anon. So silly. I always ask you stuff when you've had a bit too much to drink."
Damn you, pink menace. "Great. Now tell me--where's everyone else?" You walk back to the living room, with pink pone on your tail. "Shouldn't they be here by now, if I'm 'early'?"
Again, Pinkie gives a disturbing giggle. "Nope. I invited you only." She hops back into the kitchen. "Danish?"
Starting to get frustrated, you follow her, and yes, take some danish. Only a fool would pass up a danish. "Uh, you wanna tell me why?"
"Are you sure you wanna know?" She annihilates a small portion of the danish as you nibble chunks of a piece she cut for you.
"Yes. I'm certain. You never invite just me."
She places her plate in the sink, rinsing it before turning back to you. "Isn't the danish just amazing?"
You nod and finish your last bite, and she retrieves the plate from you. "You're deviating from the question, Pinkie. Why did you invite only me?" You take a step closer to her, trying to appear as serious as possible. It was literally the only way to get her to be the same.
She cleans your plate and sighs. "Okay, I'll tell you..." she says resignedly. "But only if you don't hate me and think I'm creepy afterwards, okay? You have to Pinkie Promise." She pouts at you.
Gummy falls down from the ceiling onto your head, which inspires you to do the Michael Jackson around the room until he hops off onto Pinkie. Regaining your composure, you finally reply. "Uh, I find you a bit creepy already, but in a good way. I think. But sure, cross my heart hope to eye, stick a cupcake in my die. Yada, yada. Tell me please."
She takes your hand, much to your surprise, and leads you into the front room, where she sits you down at the table and then sits across from you. She looks serious now. "Anon, I think you should know... That I think you're an amazing, fleshy, bipedal funny guy. I'm not sure how to say this but..."
You see where this is going, and, remembering your plans, you decide to interrupt her. "Pinkie... I know what you mean." You place your hand on the back of her hoof, and she stares up at you, looking pretty astonished. "So, if you'd like to make this a date, then it's a date."
She seems a bit sad still. You find out why with the next thing she says. "Thank you, Anon. That means a lot to me. I've been feeling a bit lonely lately... And I saw you with Twilight last week, and I felt a little jealous..." She looks away, embarrassed.
Wow. This was definitely not how you expected this party to turn out. A trip down Feels Lane. "Pinkie... I'm not saying Twilight. I mean, I did, but we're not a couple. I'm free. So, if you're feeling lonely, I can probably agree with that. I'm pretty lonely as well. So, once again, how about we make tonight date night?"
Slowly but surely, you see the corners of her lips turn up in a smile. "Really? You'd do that for me...?"
You now realize just how good it felt to be nice to these ponies. It was much more filling than leaving a flaming bag of their own crap on their front porch. "Yeah, I'm okay with it." You smile and wink.
She now seems to be her normal, perky, silly self. She leaps back into the kitchen and comes back with punch and cupcakes. "Want some?"
You give in, nodding and smiling. "Yeah, hit me up." You grab a nearby cup and tap it on the table. She fills it up for you and hands you a cupcake that, upon entering your mouth, literally melts into sugar. Around Pinkie, don't expect to keep your teeth. Though those were one of the things you liked about yourself... You had some pearly whites.
She sits across from you again, tearing apart a few cupcakes herself.
You sip your punch and set the cup on the table, folding your hands. "So, Pinkie... What's the plan for tonight, now that we're 'dating'?"
She shrugs, in the middle of chewing. After she swallows, she say, "I dunno. Like card games?"
As a matter of fact, you don't. "Yeah," you reply, lying out the ass.
"Sweet! Let's do some stuff!" She demolishes a final cupcake, guzzles a cup full of punch, and takes your hand, dragging you upstairs to her room.
"Uno!" Pinkie cries out excitedly after she tosses a card down on the pile.
You scratch your head. "How? It's only been three turns since you dealt."
"I'm just that good." She giggles and waits for you to go. However, you had every reason to just quit. But you still go.
Laying down a yellow five, you eye her suspiciously. "Hmm. What's you last card, Pinkie?"
She places a wild card on top of your last play and smirks.
"Of course." You throw your cards in the air and stand up from the floor. "Well, it's after midnight. I've had a lot of fun, but it's time for me to run along." You and her had already played Rummy, Go fish, 21, and finally Uno. You hadn't won a thing.
She hops up and stretches. "Awww. Really? Darn. I guess it's bed time." She follows you down the stairs.
Down at the bottom, you stop and face her. She looks pretty bummed out that you're leaving. "Pinkie--it really has been a great night. Seriously. I had a better time with you tonight than Rarity or Twilight."
She cocks her head to the side and knits her eyebrows. "Rarity? You dated Rarity too?"
"Don't have time to explain. Anyways, see you around pink stuff." You walk to the door and open it, preparing to slip out into the night.
But Pinkie isn't finished with you, apparently. She grabs your hand and yanks you back in, planting a fat, wet kiss on your lips.
At first, you shove her away, disgusted. But then you realize... She tastes like cotton candy. "Huh." You lick your lips. "That's odd." You decide to make out with her for a few minutes before you leave. It'd probably help her sleep better tonight. Didn't hurt you to do it, either.
You bid her a farewell moments later, and head back to your house. About halfway there, you're ambushed by Twilight.
The purple mare stands before you, looking very suspicious. "What were you doing at Pinkie's this late at night?"
Jealousy, you guess. "Probably not what you think. We played cards and ate until we developed diabetes," you reply casually, inching away from her.
She doesn't seem too convinced, but nods in approval. "Alright. Carry on then." She turns and flies off, presumably to her house.
What the hell was that? Hopefully she hasn't caught on to your plan. Not that it would matter. You weren't doing anything wrong.
You shrug and jog back to your place, hitting the shower and finally the hay. All in all, tonight was a great night for you. And you still had three mares to go.