//------------------------------// // Chapter Four - Scootaloo For The Win // Story: The Cute One // by No one is home //------------------------------// “Alright, Sugar Cube. Ain’t nopony here to laugh at ya, and ain’t nopony here to make fun of ya.” Applejack smiled at Twilight when Rainbow Dash suddenly interrupted. “We got that out of our system before the meeting,” the cyan pegasus snickered drawing a giggle from Pinkie and a Glare from the orange farm-pony. “I know where foals come from,” the princess of friendship glared around the table, “Foals come from special cuddles. And making out leads to special cuddles. And Pinkie could be in real trouble if it turns out that Spike is underage.” “Pinkamena Diane Pie is in serious trouble for stealing my precious Spikey Wikey!” Rarity pounded the friendship table with a well manicured hoof. “Oh come on, I backed off for, like, forever!” Pinkie Pie protested in annoyance. “After that whole ‘Trenderhoof’ embarrassment, it was pretty safe to assume you weren’t interested.” “What about Scootaloo?” Rainbow Dash Argued angrily at the pink party pony. “She used an enchanted arrow to try win a bet with her friends, and probably isn’t really interested in Spike anyway, and even if she was, Spike is clearly the equivalent of an adult pony because dragon-rules!” Pinkie Pie stopped to inhale giving Applejack the pause she needed. “Ah think Pinkie Pie is right about the first part of that. Scootaloo is clearly NOT the victim here.” The orange mare then turned to Pinkie. “But Ah’m not so sure about the rest of her reasoning. Ah mean, if Spike hatched when we all got our cutie marks, then he’s pretty much gotta be slightly younger than Apple Bloom.” “Honestly, darling,” Rarity rolled her eyes, “We can’t apply pony age to Spikey Wikey. He’s clearly working on a different biological time-scale than the rest of us. After all, we didn’t take our little sisters with us to fight King Sombra.” “That doesn’t necessarily make Spike an adult.” Twilight face hoofed profoundly. “That could just mean that we’re massively irresponsible ponies. Where’s Fluttershy? Maybe she could weigh in on this from some kind of biological perspective.” “Greetings my little ponies!” Discord conveniently stepped out of wormhole carrying the aforementioned yellow Pegasus. “I’m sorry we’re late.” Fluttershy hopped free of the draconequus and fluttered to her seat at the table of friendship. “Our lunch date ran long.” “We went all the way…” Discord winked slyly, drawing a blush and a giggle from Fluttershy. “All the way to the Forbidden Zone!” “No!” Pinkie Pie glared. “That joke has gone far enough!” “We were just having a lovely Picnic with the Queen of the 6th dimension, and lost track of time.” Fluttershy admitted meekly. “I’m sorry that we kept you all waiting.” “We’re trying to determine if Spike counts as an adult or a minor by pony law.” Twilight explained quickly. “Really? You’ve been dragging him into life and death battles for how long, now?” Discord looked at the gathered ponies in disbelief. “What happened? Did Marshmallow Seamstress finally...” “Not me, darling,” Rarity’s voice chilled the room, “Pinkamena took advantage of my poor gentle-drake after he was hit with a stray love arrow.” “Hey!” Pinkie protested. “It’s not like I was the one who enchanted him! And all we did was make out a little.” “Pinkie Pie!” Twilight glared in frustration. “You have to take this seriously! Making out leads to cuddling and cuddling leads to babies!” “Twilight, Ah’m still pretty sure you don’t know how that works.” Applejack scrunched her face up as Discord rolled on the floor laughing. “I was personally educated by Princess Celestia herself!” Twilight banged the table dramatically. “I think I know where babies come from.” -=-=-=-=- -Long Ago- “Princess Celestia! Princess Celestia! The royal beagles are fighting in the garden!” Little Twilight Sparkle ran to her mentor in terror, leading the Princess quickly to the site of the altercation. Upon arrival the princess suppressed a smirk, and spoke soothingly to her student. “It’s quite alright, my little pupil. They are not fighting, they’re just… cuddling. Come on, let's give them some privacy. We can have cake and tea in my study.” “Can we have books and cake and tea?” Twilight asked excitedly, the puzzle of the cuddling beagles forgotten. -=-=-=-=- “And then Miss Fluffy Tum had a litter of puppies, and I asked the Princess where they came from, and she told me it was from when they were cuddling before.” Twilight couldn’t help but notice her friends reactions ranged from eye rolls, to snickers to outright laughter. “Okay, maybe I don’t know every single little detail, but that’s not the point! We have an enchanted dragon and an alpha level friendship problem between Rarity and Pinkie Pie! Our friendship is the basis of our national security! This. Is. Serious. Ponies. I’ve consulted Princess Ember, and I’m waiting for her reply. Hopefully she has some insight as to the question of Spikes maturity. Until then we still have to deal with Spike’s enchantment and resulting friendship problem.” “I don’t see what the big deal is.” Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Rarity wasn’t even interested in Spike until he was interested in me.” “My Spikey Wikey is only, ‘interested’ in you because Scootaloo stabbed him with that dreadful arrow!” Rarity glared. “Sounds like a clear case of Bolts Before Colts to me.” Rainbow scratched her chin with one hoof. “That’s how we’d call it in the Wonderbolts. Which I’m part of. Because I’m awesome.” “Wait.. Bolts before Colts?” Twilight asked. “Yeah.” Dash shrugged. “It’s pretty obvious. If you know someone on your team has their eye on a certain somepony then that pony is off-limits. Because the team comes first, because there’s no ‘me’ in team.” “Congratulations Rainbow Dash!” Discord beamed. “That’s actually the smartest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” “Thanks.” Rainbow grinned then did a doubletake. “Wait… what?” “Alright, I get that.” Pinkie Pie nodded. “But Rarity wasn’t the one interested in Spike. Spike was the one interested in Rarity. I mean, you can’t just set up a friend zone AND be special some ponies! And again, enchanted arrow, not my fault.” A letter appeared before Twilight in a burst of magical fire. “Ah, here’s Ember’s reply now. This should settle whether or not Spike is underage by Dragon Law. This whole thing could just be a silly little tiff over nothing.” “Dear Princess Twilight, Is that really a real question? Seriously? We were going to hand over our entire kingdom to Spike. In fact we did and he was briefly the Dragon Lord. Remember that thing that you were actually there to witness? Spike can make out with ponies if he wants to I guess. Since he likes ponies so much he can marry a pony for all I care. It’s not like I like him or anything. We’re just friends. BAKA! Sincerely, Dragon Lord Ember” “Well some dragon is feeling tsundere today.” Discord rolled his eyes. “I know, right?” Pinkie nodded in agreement. “But like I’ve been saying since I brought Spike back here, can we get him back to normal? It’s kinda fun having him fawn over me all the time, but it’s kinda sad too, because I know it’s just a spell, and when it’s over he’ll just go back to following Rarity around.” “Pinka… Pinkie dear,” Rarity’s voice softened. “I’m so terribly sorry. I’ve been so wrapped up in my jealousy that I never even thought about how hard this must be for you.” “It’s alright,” Pinkie Pie sighed. “Honestly I just want my friend back to normal.” “Well, that’s awkward enough by itself.” Twilight nodded. “If you hadn’t actually kissed Spike it would be pretty straight-forward. As it stands the spell can only be broken by a kiss from the pony who used the arrow in the first place.” “Whoa!” Rainbow objected. “Didn’t we just establish that Spike is an adult? Because Scootaloo is definitely NOT an adult.” “Where is Spike anyway?” Applejack cocked an eyebrow. “I restrained him to stop him from constantly making out with Pinkie Pie and locked him in the north tower until we could figure this out.” Twilight admitted with a heavy sigh. -=-=-=-=- “Okay, Spike, I’ve snuck in the castle and gone All The Way to the top of the north tower.” Scootaloo stared intently at restrained Dragon. “This is how this is gonna go down. I’m going to untie you. We’re going to tongue kiss, and you’re going to pet my mane, maybe grab my flank, and tell me I’m the Cutest Cutie Mark Crusader. Then I’m going to win the bet and prove that I am the most awesome Crusader.” “I thought you were trying to figure out which…” Spike shook his head quickly. “You know what. Never mind. Let’s just get this over with.” -=-=-=-=- A gaggle of adorable Kirin foals sat in a semi circle around an unseen mare as she finished her story. “And that is how your Aunt Scootaloo became the cutest Cutie Mark Crusader.