I was sitting in my armchair, working on my laptop on yet another stupid tiny change the customer wanted made to their site, when I was startled by a very familiar voice close by.
I looked up, and Discord was sitting there in my library.
"My, my." He looked around at the various stacked boxes on top of furniture, the piles of papers heaped on every available flat surface, and the baskets of laundry everywhere. "For an amateur, you’ve managed to pull off some really nice chaos here."
"Uh... thanks?" I decided not to tell him it wasn’t intentional. "I’m dreaming, right? Any minute now my dead mother will walk in and tell me to clean this room."
"Not at all." He stood up. I knew Discord was tall, I even knew how tall, but I’d never really grasped how tall that tallness was. He had to bend his head to fit in the room without hitting the ceiling. Of course, on the show he does that all the time. "How would you like to travel to Equestria?"
"Is this one of those things where I have to turn into a pony? Because I like being human. I really don’t want to be a pony. Besides, why would you pick me?" I gestured at myself. "I’m an overweight middle-aged human woman whose hair isn’t even red anymore unless I dye it back to its old color. Don’t you usually grab bronies in their 20s or really attractive Mary-Sue-type young women?"
Discord sighed deeply. "I don’t need someone who wants to go to Equestria to romance ponies, and I don’t need someone who thinks chaos is LOL SO RANDOM. To be quite frank, I need a Twilight Sparkle, but one affiliated with chaos, not order. And in your dull, boring, magicless world, young prodigies like Twilight are rare. It’s easier to find someone intelligent and educated enough to match up against Twilight if I look at older people."
"My brother’s as bright as I am and a lot more chaotic."
"No, no, your brother’s a nihilist anarchist. I need someone who loves chaos because they love life and the world and the things in it, not someone who routinely questions why he ever bothered to get born." He smirked at me. "Besides, I know from your fanfic that you’re one of my biggest fans. That certainly doesn’t hurt."
I blushed. Then something he’d said earlier sank in. "You’re talking as if you want me to fight Twilight. Are you reformed Discord or villain Discord?"
"You heard my voice actor." He grinned. "I’m always going to be both, on some level. I do enjoy having Twilight as a friend rather than an enemy... but I need to have someone who can explain to her, with some authority, why it’s a good thing for Equestria that I occasionally unleash some harmless havoc."
Considering how much I hate my job, I was convinced. Of course there wasn’t going to be Internet in Equestria and I was going to have a hard time writing fanfic, but maybe I could go back to original fiction and see if I could tell some stories that ponies would like. "Okay," I said, "you’ve
Scootaloo and Discord were both startled as an overweight middle-aged woman with mostly brown hair that turned red in bright light ran into the room. "You didn’t see that!" she shouted at them. "I am a serious writer and I don’t believe in self insertions!" She grabbed the fanfic before Scootaloo could finish reading it and ran off with it. "This never happened! I was never here!"
Discord looked at Scootaloo.
Scootaloo looked at Discord.
Both of them shrugged.
*fwwwt*