//------------------------------// // Chapter 4b // Story: My Little Pwny: Fragouts Are Magic // by ANTIcarrot //------------------------------// My Little Pawny: Fragouts Are Magic By ANTIcarrot Based on Friendship is Magic, created by Lauren Faust And My Little Pony, created by Bonnie Zacherle Render Unto Hasbro That Which Is Hasbro’s... Chapter Four (part II) “You’re sure this ‘expert’ of yours lives around here?” “Pretty sure,” Twilight said as they walked through Ponyville’s outskirts. “Why?” Both were taking their time. Twilight because of her saddlebags. Fields because of his age. “Crypto-zoologists tend to be egotistical blowhards, who compensate for the gaps in their so called research, by either shouting louder than everyone else, or pandering to idiots who don’t know any better. As a rule they are tend to be rude and outspoken and unable to cooperate with others. They don't tend to be quiet and anonymous." “Um... That’s not very diplomatic.” Professor Fields looked down at the Element of Magic. “Twilight, do you know what ‘cryto-zoology’ means?” “An expertise in exotic animals?” “No. An expert in exotic animals is called a zoologist. A cryto-zoologist is someone who specialises in animals that don’t exist. Animals that either cannot be proven to exist, or which have been proven not to exist.” Twilight frowned, then sniggered. “You shouldn’t be so sceptical Professor. There are more things in Equestria than we know of. I learned that lesson the hard way.” “Surely so Miss Sparkle, but that doesn’t give us leave to let our imaginations run riot, or ignore the basic tenants of rationality.” “What about things that have no rational explanation?” “Nonsense! There is always an explanation. It may be difficult to find, or it may have been lost, like burning the last page of a book, or it may be unpleasant, like the cold equations of random chance, but there is always an explanation. Anyone who claims otherwise is a charlatan, or a fool that’s been tricked by a charlatan.” Twilight just smiled. “We’ll see what you say after your party. I’m sure Pinkie will be happy to tell you all about her Pinkie Sense.” “The party I shall not be attending you mean,” Fields said. “And ‘Pinkie Sense’?” “And we’re here!” Twilight ignored his question as she turned to walk up a garden path, and knocked her hoof on the door. Fields joined her, and after a moment a pale cream pony answered it. “Hi Bon Bon!” “Oh, hi Twilight! Who’s your friend?” “This is Professor Fields. He’s a military historian from Manehatten University.” “Delighted,” Fields said with a smile and formal bow. Bon Bon raised an eyebrow at that, but then smiled when she saw Twilight roll her eyes. “Nice to meet you too." Bon Bon frowned. "Wait, you’re new aren’t you? Has Twilight warned you about Pinkie yet?” The professor’s expression dropped a bit. “Miss Sparkle did mention her in passing, yes. After I meet her. I’m told I have a party due.” “Oh dear! Well, my commiserations. Pinkie can be a bit overwhelming. But she does throw the best parties!” Bon Bon’s eyes suddenly widened and she turned to Twilight in excitement. “Wait, if you meet Pinkie today does that mean...?” “Mrs Cake asked if you were free,” Twilight answered. “She has an extra half day of overtime if you want it?” “Oh thank you Twilight! Yes I would! Oh but I wasn’t expecting to work today! I’ve got to check my mane and hooves, and...” Twilight quickly interrupted. “We were also hoping to speak to Lyra. Is she home?” “Hmm? Oh sure.” Bon Bon turned around and shouted. “Lyra! Visitors for you!” She turned back and added, “Come in, come in. I need to get ready for work, but Lyra will be with you in a moment. Nice to see you again Twilight! And nice to meet you Professor!” “You too Bon Bon.” “Ma’am.” They waited silently in the living room, before turning at the familiar sound of hoof steps. A lime green unicorn walked into the room, then jerked to a stop when she saw the professor. For his part Fields' jaw dropped, and he raised a hoof to stab in Lyra’s direction. “Jessica Summers?!” “You!” “Wait? What?” Twilight asked, as she looked back and forth between them. “Who’s Jessica Summers?” “That it!” Fields growled as he continued to point at a very annoyed looking Lyra. “She is!” “Professor that’s Lyra Heartstrings, not Shessica Summers.” “It’s JESS-ica,” Lyra corrected with a frown. “Ha!” Fields grinned manically. “I knew it! So this is where you’ve been hiding all this time!” “Wait,” Twilight started, “how can you be Lyra Heartstrings and Jessica Summers? Why would a pony need two names? Isn’t that just needlessly complicated?” Lyra just glared at Twilight. Then proudly raised her head and turned away towards a bookshelf. “Jessica Summers is my ánthrōpos name.” Professor fields just started laughing loudly and brashly at that. “Your what?!” Twilight asked. “My pen name, if you want a more formal name for it. I write journal articles sometimes, and I use a pen name to avoid it interfering with my professional career.” She turned to glare at a still giggling Fields, while her horn moved two books down from the shelves. “And to avoid being bothered by arrogant blowhards who can’t change their mind and won’t change the subject.” Fields had been calming down but that just set him off again, laughing so hard he actually fell onto the couch. Unable to properly glare at someone who was ignoring her, Lyra turned on Twilight instead. “Oh thank you so much for letting him know where I live!” “Um... I...” Twilight looked back and forth between Fields and Lyra. “I'm sorry. Even though I'm not entirely sure why. He’s usually not like this.” Lyra tensed up and opened her mouth to say something, before closing her eyes and breathing out slow and deep. “Why did you come here Twilight?” “We wanted to ask you a few questions. About The Patch? The alien landscape that appeared in the Everfree. We found some things there that, well, look like the kind of things you talk about sometimes.” Lyra glanced across at her. “Things? Like animals?” “More like artefacts.” “Artefacts?” “Well, things like this.” Twilight’s horn light up and her saddlebag opened. An object floated out and she held it up for Lyra to see. It looked like four metal rings, joined together like the toes of a paw, with a arch of metal joining the end rings together to form the pad. It even had little claw stubs. It had been the most bizarre and useless thing Twilight could find. She hoped it would be a good litmus test of how useful Lyra’s knowledge would be. “Do you know what this is?” Twilight let go as Lyra’s horn started to glow, and she felt the other unicorn take ahold of the strange object. Professor Fields had stopped laughing now, and both he and Twilight watched to see what would happen. Lyra hovered it just above the end of her muzzle. Looking at it from both sides, turning it upside down, examining the edge, before finally turning her hoof upside down and resting the object there. Then her face light up, and she turned the object around. “I’ve got it! It’s a knuckle duster!” “Knuckle duster?” Fields asked. “As in monkey or diamond dog?” “Oh!” Twilight suddenly remembered that word. “I get it! So it’s some kind of fetlock cleaner?” “Um... No. Look, wait here. I’ll go change into my hands and then I’ll show you.” Twilight yelped when Lyra dropped the ‘knuckle duster’ onto a coffee table. “Lyra! Careful! It’s irreplaceable! You might break it!” “It’s cast steel Twilight. You could drop it off Canterlot Castle and barely scratch it. Now I’ll be back in a minute. Just don’t let Muddy here do anything stupid!” With that Lyra vanished, though they could still hear her moving around, and follow her hooves upstairs. Fields got up off the couch and came over to stand next to Twilight. “Thank you so much for bringing me here. I haven’t laughed this hard in years!” She glared at him. “You are not helping!” He ignored her. “I haven’t felt this young in years either! I shall cherish this moment until the day I die!” “Oh... Shut up.” Twilight ignored him and bent to examine the ‘duster for damage. Seeing what she was doing, some of the professor’s characteristic seriousness returned to his expression and he leaned down to join her. “She’s quite right about the material, and its durability. You don’t need to worry. I’ve known Miss Summers to be foolish in many ways, but physical clumsiness is not one of them.” “Miss Heartstrings. You know her real name. You should use it. Speaking of which... Muddy?” What little humour remained instantly left his face. “Let’s just say it’s a long story.” “Well I’m sure Lyra will be happy to tell me all about it. Muddy.” “I am sure she will.” They looked up as they heard Lyra coming down the stairs again. “Speaking of which, bet you 50 bits she mentions humans before we do.” “What?” “You’ll see. And pay attention. This next part is always fun.” Lyra walked back into the room just then, not carrying anything, to Twilight's surprise, but on her front legs... Twilight’s jaw dropped, then half closed as she started to speak, before her expression settled on confused. “What are those?” Lyra smiled and walked over before holding up a foreleg for Twilight’s inspection. Strapped around each cannon was a ratchet joint, which held a short pole, on the other end of which was... Well Twilight wasn’t quite sure what it was, except that it looked like a lot of bones held together with thread, springs, and hinges. She stepped back when it began to glow with Lyra’s magic, and the rod clattered around until it was holding the wooden bones just in front of Lyra’s hoof. Then the bones came to life, and waved at her. “That... That looks really weird.” “They’re my hands,” Lyra said. “Yeah. Very nice. Why are you showing them to us again?” “I think I can see where this is going,” Fields said as he picked the duster up in his teeth. He walked over and held it out for Lyra, who threaded a finger through each hold, and then formed a fist. All three ponies stared at the combination in wonder. “Remarkable. You seem to have gotten the proportions correct in their entirety. The fit’s a bit loose, but that’s only to be expected since you only have the bones here.” “Well it’s about five years too late, but I accept your apology.” “Now hold your hippogriffs there, young lady. Getting one fact right does not mean you’re correct about everything else.” Lyra turned to Twilight. “See what I mean about being unable to change his mind?” “What are you two talking about?” “Humans Twilight,” Lyra said brightly. “These are model human hands. This is a human knuckle duster. You’ve found evidence of humans somewhere.” The green unicorn learned uncomfortably close to Twilight, with a borderline manic expression. “And I want to see it!” “Told you,” Fields said. “I win.”