//------------------------------//
// Lily Lunacy 
// Story: Equestria is a Silly Place 
// by Bootsy Slickmane 
//------------------------------//

	Princess Luna's gaze ran down the paper lazily, like syrup down pancakes. Her mind wandered elsewhere, only registering a few words here and there that seemed important. She was pretty sure the paper was about new local zoning laws in Manehattan, and nothing jumped out as being particularly strange. She cleared her throat before speaking.

"Approved." She mechanically lifted her hoof from the circular, ink-soaked pad next to her floor pillow and stamped her seal of approval onto the paper. She passed it down to the white-coated unicorn standing nearby, her eyes now staring blankly at where the paper had been. A sigh escaped her nostrils. "Is that all for today, Sheen?"

Winter Sheen shook his head. "Not quite, no. You have a petition that has just come in from Ponyville."

Her ears twitched, and Princess Luna perked up. She glanced at her aide. "Oh? Ponyville? Well, send it in, then."

With a blue flash of his horn, Winter pulled open a door on the other side of the office. "Miss Valley? The Princess will see you now."

A short squeak came from beyond the doorway, followed by the sounds of papers shuffling against one another and hooves shuffling on marble. A pink muzzle at last slid into view, followed by a big pair of pale, golden eyes under an amber mane. "I can come in?" the mare asked.

"Yes, I just said she would see you now." Winter waved a hoof, beckoning her onward.

The mare disappeared, only to reappear with a manila envelope clenched between her teeth. She made her way into the room slowly, eyes darting this way and that, until she was a foot from Luna's desk. She slid the folder silently onto the desktop and stepped back, still watching the room as though it were about to collapse on her.

The Princess of the Night slid the papers out without even lifting the envelope, wrapping them in her magic and holding them up before her face. After turning them over once, she began to read silently. Her brow furrowed and her nose twitched. One brow sank lower while the other rose up, and she tilted the papers aside to look at the pink mare. She simply stared back at Luna with a blank expression, and only a few seconds passed before Luna continued reading.

After another minute and another shuffling of pages, Luna gently placed the petition down on the desk. She looked back at the mare. "Miss Lily Valley, was it?" The mare nodded, and Luna continued, "I am afraid that I do not understand. It says here that you want me to shrink the moon?"

Miss Lily Valley nodded once.

"Because it's too big."

Lily nodded again.

"And it is freaking you out."

Lily nodded yet again.

Winter shifted a little, looking from Lily to the princess. "Sounds like you've got it down, Princess."

Luna cleared her throat again. "Yes, I understand what the petition is asking. What I do not understand is why."

"Because it's freaking me out," Lily said.

"Yes, I understood that part. Can you explain any less vaguely?"

One of Lily's hooves pawed at the marble flooring. "Well, when I look up at it, it's just so... big and... and looks so heavy. I'm afraid it's going to fall on me and smash me, and my house, and my roommates that live in my house."

"I can assure you that it is not going to fall out of the sky and smash you. Or your house." Lily simply stared at Princess Luna, who continued, "Or the roommates that live in your house. And besides, how would making it smaller help?"

"It might not cause as much damage if it's not as big and heavy. If it falls, it might only crush me and not my whole house."

Winter Sheen clicked his tongue once. "She's got a point, there. But last I checked, the moon is a lot bigger than that. It would crush all of Ponyville if it were to fall." Lily gasped, and Princess Luna shot him a glare. He quickly added, "But it's not going to do that, nope. It's very securely anchored up there. Space superglue. Very strong."

"And even if it were to fall," Princess Luna said, turning back to Lily, "I would surely be able to stop it."

"Or make it crash in a desolate area, at the very least."

"So you have nothing to worry about." Luna took in a breath. "Now—"

"But what about the tides?" Lily cut in.

Luna's muzzle pitched downward ever so slightly. "What about them?"

"Well, I have a friend who got buried in the sand at the beach, and when the tide came in, she almost drowned! If the moon were smaller, the tides would be weaker, and it would be less dangerous for ponies stuck in the sand."

"Hmm. A point there, too," said Winter.

Luna's gaze moved to the ceiling as she slowly said, "Well, yes, it would do that, and buried ponies would be safer." Her tongue rolled about in her mouth for a few seconds before she looked to Lily again. "But the tides are an important part of our ecosystem on the shores."

Winter chimed in, "Certainly is. Without our tides, many creatures would probably die out. Do you want their fishy blood on your hooves, Miss Valley?"

Lily's hooves flew to cover her mouth, and she rapidly shook her head. "Never!"

Winter nodded, saying, "I thought not. Besides, drowning due to being buried in the sand when the tide comes in is very rare. Less than four cases a year."

Luna's eyes widened slightly, and she turned to her aide. "We keep track of that?"

The stallion nodded in the princess's direction, though he mouthed the word "no" as he did so.

Luna's head swiveled back to face Lily. "Well, is that all, or do you have any other reasons?"

One of Lily's forehooves rubbed against the carpet, then came up to scratch at her own mane. "Umm, no, I guess that's all."

"Hmm. In that case, I must reject your petition on the grounds that there is not reasonable cause to shrink the moon. It is also worthy of note that this petition only bears seven signatures, and one of them appears to in fact be somepony's autograph." Luna squinted at the list of names, saying, "'May the wubs be with you', it reads beside the name."

"Oh..." Lily hung her head, her nose almost reaching the floor.

Winter Sheen's horn lit, and the petition tucked itself back into the envelope. "Sorry to disappoint you, Miss Valley. You may go, now."

"Alright," Lily sighed. "Thank you for seeing me." She shuffled out silently, and Winter shut the door behind her.

"Was that the last of it, then?" Luna asked. With a nod from her aide, she got to her hooves.

As the two ponies made their way around the desk, Winter commented, "The petitions from Ponyville are always strange."

"Oh?"

"I remember one from a few years ago. About half the town wanted us to move Saddle Lake further from the town. Something about increasing the available waterfront property." He shook his head briefly, reopening the office door. "I think they live too close to Everfree, like the madness of that place leeches into their brains."

Luna stopped just outside the office, her eyes locked on the stallion. "Has anypony ever looked into the possibility?"

"I think there was an independent study some decades back." He shrugged. "Came up inconclusive."

"I see." Luna continued on her way, turning and heading down the hall. "Well, seeing as our business is done for the day, I shall bid you farewell for the time."

"See you around."

And with that, the two parted ways for the day.