//------------------------------// // Would It Matter if Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep? // Story: My Little Pony: Friendship is Absurd // by Lord Seth //------------------------------// While there was the sound of hooves galloping in the distance, Luna turned to a blue-ish mist. “Greetings, Tantabus. I am ready. Do your worst.” “Okay!” said the aforementioned Tantabus. “What do you call a fly with no wings?” Luna appeared perplexed. “I’m not sure what that has to do with–” “A walk!” declared Tantabus. “I… huh?” said a confused Luna. “You said to give you my worst. That was one of the worst puns I could think of.” “I meant to do your worst in trying to turn me back into Nightmare Moon,” said Luna. “Wait, you want me to do that?” “No, I don’t!” snapped Luna. “Then why are you asking me to?” asked Tantabus. “I actually would be happy to do so, but you’re being awfully unclear.” “Because… because…” Luna trailed off. “Actually, that’s a good question. I think it’s just a standard expression.” “Fine!” said Tantabus as it left. “Come back when you’ve figured out what you actually want.” “I feel so confused,” said Luna. Just then, the hooves galloping that was mentioned over 10 paragraphs ago resulted in Sunset, Gilda, Flim, Flam, Trixie, Suri, and Lightning Dust arriving into the room. “Sorry we’re late. Did we miss something?” asked Sunset. “Hey!” said Trixie. “Sunset, your line should have been a new paragraph! You’re supposed to do that when the speaker changes!” “That doesn’t even make sense!” said Sunset. “How doesn’t it make sense? It’s a basic rule of dialogue!” “I’m so confused…” muttered Luna to herself. Suddenly, Tantabus came back in. “You know what?” said Tantabus. “I’m tired of waiting for you to make up your mind. I’ll make it up for you!” Tantabus flew into Luna and turned her into Nightmare Moon. “There it goes again!” said Trixie. “It needs to be a new paragraph! Clearly it is your corrupting influence that is causing this blatantly inaccurate grammar, and you therefore must be removed!” Trixie blasted Nightmare Moon with the power of correct grammar. The mist emerged from her and flew off, and Luna returned to normal. There was a pause. “So… was that it?” asked Gilda. “We came all the way here just for that? I thought there was going to be something more interesting. Then again, I guess I can’t complain about my life not getting put in danger.” Luna woke up, revealing the entire previous sequence to be just a dream. “What? My dream ended… happily? That cannot happen!” “It is inaccurate to separate two independent clauses, also known as complete sentences, with just a comma,” read Chrysalis from a book while sitting next to Luna’s bed. “This error is known as a comma splice. You should either use a conjunction such as ‘and’ in addition to the comma or make the comma into a period or semicolon.” “Chrysalis, what are you doing?” asked Luna. “Familiarizing myself with the rules of grammar,” said Chrysalis. “I had just gotten through the part on dialogue and was starting on commas when you woke up. By the way, did you know there is absolutely nothing wrong with ending a sentence with a preposition? The idea that it’s grammatically incorrect to do so is actually a myth.” “No, I mean, why are you doing it next to my bed and reading it out loud?” said Luna in a frustrated tone. “Reading it out loud encourages better retention!” said Chrysalis. “As for why I’m doing it here? It’s because I thought that if you absorbed it while sleeping, you’d become an expert as well. Then we could be Grammar Buddies!” “Grammar Buddies?” said Luna in disbelief. “Grammar Buddies!” confirmed Chrysalis. Luna sighed. Do it for the dental plan, she thought to herself. Do it for the dental plan. “So, why did you call all of us here today?” asked Suri with a yawn. “I… um… actually, I’m so tired I forgot,” said Sunset. She noticed the rest yawning. “Did you guys not sleep well either?” “Yes,” said Suri. “Wait, is that ‘yes’ as in ‘yes, I did not sleep well’ or ‘yes’ as in ‘yes, I did sleep well’?” asked Trixie as she yawned. “I mean that yes, I didn’t sleep well!” snapped Suri. “Just clarifying,” said Trixie. “Okay,” said Gilda, “I submit that we suspend the meeting we can’t even remember the reason for until we’re not so sleepy. It’s weird I’m so tired. Normally I sleep pretty well aside from the fact I instantly jump out of bed and grab my gun if I hear the slightest noise, but I had this nightmare with this cloud of evil smoke that kept me up.” “Wait, you had a dream with a cloud of evil smoke?” asked Lightning Dust. “So did I. What are the odds?” “I also had one like that,” said Suri. “Wait,” said Sunset, “did we all have a nightmare involving a cloud of evil smoke?” Everyone else nodded agreement. “I am so not in the mood for this kind of tomfoolery,” said Sunset. “Isn’t Luna in charge of dreams? Or at least has power over them? Or at least can visit them? Maybe she can help.” “Is ‘tomfoolery’ really the right word?” asked Trixie. “I don’t care!” said Sunset. “Let’s just send her a letter and see if–” Sunset was interrupted by Luna entering. “That’s convenient timing.” “I received your letter!” declared Luna. “And I am–” “Wait, I didn’t even send the letter yet!” said Sunset. “Isn’t Canterlot an hour ahead thanks to being in a different time zone?” asked Trixie. “That could make her get it before you sent it.” “That’s not how time zones work!” “Regardless of how this happened,” said Luna, “I received your letter about putting the castle up for sale. I came to mention I am not particularly interested in purchasing a castle.” “That… wait, what?” asked Sunset. “I didn’t send that letter to you.” “That would explain why it had a name on it different than mine,” said Luna. “I thought you had just forgotten my name. Chrysalis does that sometimes, though probably on purpose.” “It must have gotten delivered incorrectly,” said Sunset. “Darn postal service. But no, the letter we were talking about that I hadn’t even written yet was about these wacky dreams we were having involving a cloud of evil smoke.” Luna did a double take. “Wait, cloud of evil smoke?” “It’s not as weird as the dream I had about evil cream puffs,” said Suri. “Actually, I think I liked that one more. At least I got to eat the cream puffs. And they had zero calories, too!” “So all of you saw a cloud of evil blue-ish smoke?” asked Luna. “Yep,” said Flim. “Do you know something about it?” “The Tantabus is a creature of my nightmares,” said Luna. “It escaped from my slumbers yesterday.” “And it got into ours?” asked Flam. “How does that even work?” “The Tantabus is like a parasite,” said Luna. “My dreams must no longer be enough for it. Now it seeks others to infect and corrupt. It must have learned of you seven from seeing you in my dream.” “Oooh! Oooh!” said Trixie as she waved her hoof around. “What did I do in your dream? Was it something spectacular?” “You mostly complained about my dream violating dialogue rules for paragraphs,” said Luna. “Well, duh,” said Trixie. “Just because something’s a dream doesn’t mean it shouldn’t follow paragraph structure.” Luna rubbed her forehead in annoyance. “That is not the point. The Tantabus is clearly growing more powerful if it could escape my dreams and enter into yours. If its power grows, it might be able to escape into the real world and turn all of Equestria into a living nightmare!” “Couldn’t Discord just snap his fingers and get rid of it if that happened?” asked Sunset. “That just seems like such an obvious solution to such a problem. And it would prevent us from having to presumably go on some crazy adventure that would be highly stressful.” “You may be overestimating Discord’s power, considering he was not able to defeat Tirek by himself,” said Luna. “Also, I believe he is on vacation right now.” Meanwhile… “Ah,” said a sunglass-wearing Discord contently as he laid back on the folding chair, basking in the sun’s warmth. “This is the life. Being on the beach when it’s warm and sunny, but not too sunny. The temperature is perfect too. I suppose there is the downside of me being trapped on this deserted island with anti-teleportation magic while a bunch of sharks prowl the water around it to prevent me from leaving, but sometimes you just have to overlook the minor problems.” Back in the actual plot… “Fine,” said Sunset. “So what do we have to do this time?” “Go to sleep,” said Luna. “Then I will be able to pursue the creature into whichever of your dreams it infests.” “Wait, that’s it?” asked Sunset. “Just go to sleep? That’s all?” “Yes?” said Luna uncertainly. “I’m in!” said Gilda. “Me too!” declared Trixie. “Me four!” said Flam, causing the rest to stare at him. “Oh, sorry. I thought Flim was going to jump in with a ‘me three’ and then I would be the fourth. Sorry about that.” Later, after the group fell asleep… “Oh, Count Whatchamacallit,” said Suri, “you are so handsome. And rich. But so are the rest of the suitors, such as Duke What’s-His-Face and Earl So-And-So.” “I shall win your hand!” declared Count Whatchamacallit. “Because once I reveal the truth, you will never want to be with any of the others!” What will this incredible truth be? Will it be incredibly stupid? The answer will be revealed… right now. “The truth is,” said Count Whatchamacallit, “I’m actually an evil dream-controlling parasite.” “Well, nopony’s perfect,” said Suri. “Though exactly how is that supposed to make me not want to be with the others?” “Because,” said Count Whatchamacallit dramatically, “I will hypnotize you into falling in love with me!” Count Whatchamacallit laughed maniacally as thunder struck outside. “Oh no!” said Suri. “Not again! Why do so many of my love interests want to brainwash me?” Suri started running away, and Count Whatchamacallit gave chase. However, Luna suddenly appeared and blasted Count Whatchamacallit with a blast of magic. “What’s going on?” asked Suri. “That is the Tantabus,” said Luna. “So, are we going to stop it?” “No, please!” said Luna. “I don’t want you or anypony else to suffer any more because of me. I will catch it myself.” Count Whatchamacallit dissolved into Tantabus, then dashed out through a window before causing a bunch of bricks to block the window. “It has jumped into another dream,” said Luna. “I must follow it where you cannot.” Luna blasted through the bricks and flew out. “Darn it,” said Suri, “before the whole dream-controlling parasite thing, I was leaning towards Count Whatchamacallit. Now I have to decide between Duke What’s-His-Face and Earl So-And-So.” “And do you know what the best thing about being rich is?” asked Flim. “No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me,” said Flam in a resigned voice. Flim gestured towards the extremely large amount of gold. “Diving through it like a porpoise! Burrowing through it like a gopher! And tossing it up so it hits me on the head!” “I suppose that is something somepony can do with three cubic acres of money,” muttered Flam. “Oh, you’re just saying that because you’re jealous,” said Flim. “As I’m the rich one and you’re not. By the way, where are Suri, Zuri, and Luri anyway? Those three are usually more happy to go on my crazy shenanigans across the globe to find treasure.” “I wonder if it’s obvious enough this is supposed to be a DuckTales parody,” said Flam. “I guess I’m Donald?” “Wait, what are you talking about?” asked Flim. “Actually,” said Flam with a frown, “he was more prevalent in the original comics. He didn’t show up that much in the cartoon. Am I Beakley? Launchpad?” “Seriously, what are you talking about?” demanded Flim. “How should I know?” said Flam. “I’m just a manifestation of your subconscious.” “Oh, wait, this is a dream?” said Flim. “I think?” said Flam. “I’m pretty sure it’s your dream, at least. I don’t think it’s mine.” “This is a far weirder dream than usual,” said Flim. “Well, might as well enjoy the money while I have it!” Flim jumped into the giant pile of money from the platform he was on… but the money suddenly disappeared in a puff of sinister-looking smoke, causing him to instead fall straight to the bottom of the rather large room and slam into the ground. “Ow,” he muttered. “What happened to all of the money?” “Oh no!” said Flam. “It must have been the Beatle Boys! They’re always after it! Maybe they stole some kind of crazy teleportation invention from that inventor guy to get the money with. I’ll go ask to see if that’s the case!” He ran off. Luna appeared next to Flim. “No, Flim, it must not have been the… whoever that was. It must have been Tantabus.” “Are you sure? Because that whole sequence did seem like something that could happen normally in a dream.” “I know because of the fact it disappeared in sinister-looking smoke,” said Luna. “At any rate, now I will go deal with the Tantabus.” “I’ll say!” declared Flim. “Nopony steals from Flim and gets away with it, even in a dream! Let’s go!” “No, I must do this alone,” said Luna. “Well, fine, but make sure you bring back the money,” said Flim. With a mighty bound that ended up feeling pointless considering she had wings, Luna jumped from the bottom of the giant room to the door and left. “Um… Luna?” called out Flim. “Any chance you could help me get back up there? I just realized the ladder isn’t tall enough to reach down here, so I’m stranded. Luna? Luna?” Meanwhile… “Come back here!” declared Luna as she pursued the cloud of smoke known as Tantabus. Unsurprisingly, this request was not heeded. Instead, Tantabus pulled open a portal in time and flung itself far into the future, where its evil is law. Now Luna sought to follow through the portal and undo the future that is Tantabus. The first part of that awkwardly phrased sentence turned out to be easy, as she simply jumped in. Luna found herself in a plain standing next to Gilda, who was wearing white robes and holding a sword. “Gilda?” she asked. “Luna?” asked Gilda. “What are you doing here? How did you get here?” “This is a dream; I just entered it,” said Luna. “Oh, this is a dream?” said Gilda. “Suddenly a lot of things make sense. Or rather, the fact things don’t make sense makes sense. It was a bit odd everyone called me Jack for some reason.” “Why are you dressed like that?” “Oh, I’m this samurai from the past, but then I went into the future, but evil has taken over in the meantime, so I have to find a way back…” Gilda stopped as she saw Luna staring at her. “Look, I would’ve rather had a continuation of that other dream series I was having! But I don’t get to control it!” “Dream series?” asked Luna in confusion. “My dreams are usually serialized,” said Gilda. “They end with a ‘To Be Continued…’ and then the next dream picks up where it left off, sometimes with a recap in case I forgot what happened. Well, okay, not this particular series we’re in now, as there isn’t really all that much continuity.” “You dream in a series,” said Luna flatly. “Doesn’t everyone?” asked Gilda. “Anyway, my preferred dream series was this one where there are these giant monsters called Neighbors that invade, and everyone uses these things called Triggers to fight them, which let you form weapons and shields to fight…” Gilda trailed off yet again as she noticed the expression on Luna’s face. “Hey, it’s really great once you get past the early parts! Lots of intelligent tactics are involved! A whole lot better than that one with the ninjas. That one was decent at first, but then the guys with the magic eyeballs got way too overpowered.” I should know better than to ask for more information on things like this, thought Luna to herself. “At any rate, we need to find the Tantabus. It should appear as some kind of corrupting influence.” “Not sure how that would happen,” said Gilda. “This dream series already has Achoo, the shapeshifting master of darkness, as the ruler of the world. It’s actually a pretty dark setting if you stop to think about it, but the action tends to cover that up. But maybe if we continue on the episodic quest that’s standard for each episode, we’ll find it anyway!” One epic quest with lots of action but essentially zero character development later… “So, all that and you ended up not actually getting any closer to the goal?” asked Luna. “Oh, that’s fairly typical,” said Gilda. “I have an adventure, but it ends up not mattering, making the whole thing feel like filler. Still, no sign of this Tantabus.” Just then, a stallion wearing a suit walked up to them. “Greetings!” he said. “I’m the network executive. I’m just here to mention that this dream series is being cancelled.” “Wait, what?” asked a confused Luna. “Unfortunately, this dream hasn’t been performing very well in the 6-11 demographic,” he said, “so we’re pulling the plug. Sorry.” “Really?” asked Gilda. “Not even the opportunity to make a conclusion?” He shrugged. “Well, maybe if you had actually been working towards a conclusion rather than wasting time with filler for all this time, you would’ve actually reached it.” “Fair point,” said Gilda. “Oh well, at least I’ve got that one with the triggers.” “Actually,” he said, “that one is getting cancelled also. It was getting a bit too close to catching up to where the source material is, and the ratings weren’t quite high enough to warrant another filler arc to prevent that. But don’t worry! We’ll have hundreds more episodes of that ninja dream series!” “Darn it, all the good dreams end up cancelled,” complained Gilda. “Wait!” said Luna. “That’s it! That is the effect the Tantabus is having! It is canceling the dreams! I am not sure how that even works, but it’s happening!” She blasted the executive with a spell, causing the aforementioned Tantabus to fly out of him and into the sky. It quickly created another portal and flew through it, with Luna following. “So, where does this leave us?” asked Gilda. “Well, if you want, maybe we can try for a revival a few years from now?” suggested the executive. “I don’t care about this one,” said Gilda. “I want that one with the guy who used his nose hairs to attack. That was freaking hilarious.” “And do you know what the best thing about being rich is?” asked Flam. “No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me,” said Flim in a resigned voice. Flam gestured towards the extremely large amount of gold. “Diving through it like a porpoise! Burrowing through it like a gopher! And tossing it up so it hits me on the head!” “I suppose that is something somepony can do with three cubic acres of money,” muttered Flim. “Oh, you’re just saying that because you’re jealous,” said Flam. “As I’m the rich one and you’re not. By the way, where are Suri, Zuri, and Luri anyway? Those three are usually more happy to go on my crazy shenanigans across the globe to find treasure.” “Wait a minute,” said Flim, “do you feel like we’ve gone through this before, just with our spots reversed?” “Not particularly,” said Flam. “I think I would have known if you had ended up with the wealth instead of me.” “Hrm,” said Flim. There was an awkward pause. “What’s the matter?” said Flam. “For some reason, I had the feeling somepony was supposed to show up,” said Flim. “Perhaps they simply overlooked us.” “Halt, evildoer!” declared Mare Do Well. “Your doing of evil ends today! Or at least will be suspended for a length of time equal to the time you spend in prison!” “It’s too late!” said Tirek. “As I absorb the power of–” Tirek found himself interrupted by Mare Do Well smacking him in the face. “Hey! I was in the middle of powering up!” he protested. “Exactly!” said Mare Do Well. “And one of my superpowers is the ability to attack the villain while they are in their transformation or powerup sequence! It’s a surprisingly rare superpower.” This statement was followed by quite a bit of punching Tirek, causing him to fall over. “Admittedly,” said Mare Do Well, “that latter part doesn’t tend to apply much in the comic books itself. But this isn’t part of the comics, so I can get as violent as necessary!” Luna emerged from a portal. “Mare Do Well?” she asked. “Yes, indeed, Mare Do Well!” declared Mare Do Well as she landed next to Luna. “Champion of justice! Defender of the helpless! And–” “Are you Lightning Dust?” asked Luna. “Mare Do Well has no secret identity! She is only Mare Do Well!” declared Mare Do Well. “But, yeah, as this is a dream—I think—I totally am Lightning Dust. You can get away with some crazy stuff when it’s outside of canon. Did you know that in this alternate continuity, my super strength came from being bitten by a radioactive gorilla?” “No,” said Luna bluntly. “However, the important thing is we find the Tantabus, which has apparently escaped into this dream.” “Have no fear!” declared Lightning Dust. “Mare Do Well is here! Evil shall never triumph!” Tirek suddenly got up and smashed Lightning Dust into the ground. “But, you know, there’s an exception to everything, even the claim there’s an exception to everything,” said Lightning Dust with a groan. Lightning Dust got back up and went back to fighting Tirek. After a fight that would have probably been impressive if animated or in live-action but would feel lame if reduced solely to text, she managed to knock him down again. “Ha!” she declared. “Good triumphs yet again!” “And?” said Tirek. “And what?” asked Lightning Dust curiously. “What are you planning to do now? I doubt you can imprison me with the power I currently have, and it’s not like punching me really hard would somehow make me lose all of it. I’ll just get back up and continue on my rampage in short order.” “I…” Lightning Dust trailed off. “Of course,” said Tirek idly, “you could just kill me. But that would be awfully dark, to essentially execute me. That could lead down a path to darkness, possibly culminating into you fighting another hero for contrived reasons that is then resolved by your mothers having the same name.” “Oh no!” said Lightning Dust. “It’s happening! We’re getting darker and edgier!” Another pegasus suddenly flew up to her. “Maybe this is bad timing, but I’m here to notify you that due to a really bad accident, your sidekick has gotten paralyzed and is going to have to go around in a wheelchair permanently. But maybe he can get a spin-off where he fights crime from a computer?” “Noooooo!” screamed Lightning Dust. She paused. “Wait, what’s a computer again?” “Aha!” said Luna. “That is the Tantabus’s effect on your dream! It is making it… well, whatever it was you said. “Darker and edgier,” said Lightning Dust sadly. Luna blasted Tirek into smithereens. “That was kind of violent,” said Lightning Dust. “It is a dream,” pointed out Luna. “It doesn’t matter if it gets ‘darker and edgier.’” “Hrm, good point,” said Lightning Dust. “I guess we can always fix it with a reboot if necessary.” Tantabus emerged from the surprisingly non-bloody remains of Tirek. Luna tried attacking it, but it simply dodged and opened up yet another portal. “This is getting awfully repetitive,” muttered Luna to herself as she followed it. “…though I believe we can fight fire with fire,” said Abacus Cinch. “I’ve seen what your device can do, Sunset. Containing magical energy is fine, but have you considered releasing it?” “Outside of a highly controlled environment to try to prevent mass chaos and destruction? Not particularly,” said a humanoid Sunset. “But you’d like to,” continued Cinch. “And since our opponents have already used it to stay competitive, I see no reason why we shouldn’t do the same. Unless, of course, you have no interest in Everton. Though, honestly, I think there’s more knowledge packed in that little device than any independent study program could offer.” “Well, actually–” started Sunset prior to being cut off by an off screen orchestra starting up. “Why is there a band practicing?” she asked, but further pondering was cut off by Cinch singing: “I realize that you’ve always been an outcast It's not everyone at school who likes to think To find a student that’s like you I've had one or maybe two But the good ones disappear before I blink” Sunset stared blankly at Cinch, then shrugged and pulled out her cell phone. “Whatever,” she muttered to herself as the song continued, “I’m just going to play Angry Birds until you finish.” Part of a song later… “What I’m suggesting’s very simple And since it’s win-win on all–” Cinch and the Shadowbolts (Crystal Prep versions) suddenly stopped their singing when they noticed Sunset was paying absolutely no attention whatsoever to them. “Sunset, I’m talking to you,” said Cinch in an irritated tone. “Yeah, yeah, release the magic to try to help you win,” said Sunset dismissively without looking up from her game. “I spy a number of problems with your brilliant plan. First, there is no guarantee it would even help us at all; it could indeed hurt us. It would be far more intelligent to wait until midway through the next game and only unleash it if we’re losing. In fact, did it really help out the Wondercolts? It seemed more like it just caused a bunch of chaos that didn’t help anyone. And why are you so nonchalant about it? We had giant plants attacking.” “Listen, Sunset,” said Cinch in a deadly voice, “if you don’t do what I say, I will make sure to deny your submission to Everton–” “And that’s another thing I’ve been thinking about,” continued Sunset in a bored tone, still not looking up from her game. “Your claim was that you had all this power due to reputation due to always winning the Friendship Games. But these are held every four years and only occur between two schools. I don’t know how long you’ve been the principal, but even if it’s something like 40 years, winning what amounts to ten games isn’t all that impressive. It’s not like this is some kind of tournament with a lot of schools that happens yearly you’ve continually won. I think you either wholly overestimate your importance or are just making it up.” Frustrated, Cinch grabbed Sunset’s cell phone and threw it to the ground, breaking it. “Hey!” said Sunset. “I was on track to get a new high score!” “What’s going on?” asked Luna (alicorn Luna, not human Luna) as she walked in. “My high score is ruined!” said Sunset. “And I worked really hard on it, too!” “You are aware this is a dream, right?” asked Luna. “Really?” said Sunset. “That would explain how things make even less sense than usual.” The rest of the crowd disappeared. “Why do you and all the rest look so different?” said Luna. “Different body shape, bipedal…” “I think this is all related to these two random adventures I had in this alternate world I visited,” said Sunset. “They all looked like this.” “Actually,” said Luna, “this one does have a few of the hallmarks of a vision. Perhaps something similar to this will happen in the future?” “I sure hope not,” said Sunset. “I do not want to ruin a high score on my game.” “Wait,” said Luna. “Your nightmare was just not getting the high score on a game?” “It was very distressing!” snapped Sunset. Tantabus suddenly emerged from the broken cell phone and flew off. Sunset picked it up. “Hey, it’s working again!” she said. “Even if this is all just a dream, I could still use it as practice for getting that new high score in real life.” Sunset looked up and saw that Luna had taken off after Tantabus and the two went through another portal. “Well, her loss,” said Sunset with a shrug as she returned to the game. Luna emerged from the portal to find Trixie watching Soarin and Lightning Dust make out with each other very vigorously. “Hooray!” said Trixie. “Yet another successful shipping.” “Shipping?” asked Luna. “Well, of course,” said Trixie. “I totally ship SoarinDust. OTP.” “Ship? OTP?” asked Luna, feeling even more confused than she had in all of the previous dreams put together. “OTP is one true pairing,” said Trixie. “Shipping is when you take two people you think would make a great couple and put them together.” “So… does this ‘shipping’ just involve them kissing, or is there more to it?” “Oh, you came in late,” said Trixie. “You missed all of the really great romantic buildup to this moment. Anyway, SoarinDust might be the OTP, but I also totally support Sombralis, Flashimmer, Dislestia, and Lunamac.” “Wait, why is my name in there?” asked Luna. “What is this ‘Lunamac’?” “Oh, that’s you and Big McIntosh.” “Who?” asked Luna, knowing this was all going to lead somewhere painful, but still knowing she had to ask. “Applejack’s brother. I think he works for the government,” said Trixie. “I don’t even know him!” said Luna. “How would I be in a relationship?” “It’s okay,” said Trixie in a kindly tone. “I know the age difference makes it seem awkward to some. But don’t worry. I won’t judge you for that kind of thing.” I am going to have such a headache when this is all over, thought Luna to herself. “Wait,” said Trixie, “why did Lightning Dust just disappear? Why is Rainbow Dash showing up? Oh no! Now Rainbow Dash and Soarin are the ones making out! It’s SoarinDash! This is horrible!” “Why are you describing what’s going on as if I can’t see it for myself?” asked Luna. “What if you spontaneously went blind?” asked Trixie. “Then you’d need to know.” She paused. “Oh no! Now Fluttercord is showing up! Clearly, something is having a sinister effect on this dream to come up with those nonsensical ships! Why would anypony prefer SoarinDash over SoarinDust? Or Fluttercord over Dislestia?” Luna blasted the apparently happy couples with magic, causing them to disappear and making Tantabus reveal itself. “Now we have you, Tantabus!” she declared dramatically. However, Tantabus simply expanded, and… Everyone woke up. “So, did it work?” asked Sunset. “I am sorry,” said Luna, “but I failed. It will be back to infect your dreams the next time you sleep.” “Oh, it infected the dreams?” said Trixie. “Huh.” “How do you not remember that?” asked Luna. “It’s not that easy to remember dreams!” said Trixie. “I can’t remember mine at all. Though for some reason I feel like I should try to set up Fluttershy and Discord on a date. Weird.” “All I remember was there being a lot of gold,” said Flim. “Great minds dream like!” said Flam. “That’s also all I remember!” “I remember my dream,” said Gilda. “I was a samurai in the future and then my dream got cancelled.” Everyone stared blankly at Gilda. “It made more sense in context?” said Gilda. “And you will see bad things like that again and again, every night, until it grows powerful enough to infect the waking world,” said Luna sorrowfully. “After what I did as Nightmare Moon, the fact that I am once again responsible for harming others is more than I can bear.” “You’re just a bundle of laughs, aren’t you?” asked Gilda. “Would it be humorous if I were to take that phrase overly literally?” wondered Trixie out loud. “No,” said Gilda. “I thought so,” said Trixie sadly. “There is still a chance to catch it before it is too late,” said Luna, “but unfortunately it has been made more difficult. Trixie’s dream involved several other ponies, which could lead the Tantabus to entering their dreams as well. Also, Trixie? You should consider seeing a psychologist.” “Okay, I’m considering it,” said Trixie. After a pause, she added, “Nah, I don’t think I need it.” “It gets worse,” said Luna. “Infecting all those dreams gives it more and more power. Soon it will be able to escape into the real world and infect Equestria with a nightmare plague! And it will be even harder now to find, because it could spread to a few more.” “Oh, so like a needle in a haystack?” asked Suri. “No, that would be easy,” said Luna. “A simple metal-finding spell would get it for you.” “Well, just do the same thing with this, and give everypony involved the same dream,” suggested Flam. “How does that relate to a metal-finding spell?” asked Gilda. “I’ll admit,” said Flam with a frown, “I didn’t really think that analogy through very well. But still, wouldn’t that shared dream work, at least if you could do it?” “I could create a shared dream,” said Luna. “But because some of those individuals are a ways away, it would take considerable power. I haven’t done anything like that before…” “Well, it’s worth a try,” said Flim. “I do want to get all that gold back.” “Well, I cannot allow the Tantabus to escape into the real world,” said Luna. “So all of you must now go back to sleep and hope I can create such a dream. First, however, did any of you happen to dream of anypony else besides Trixie? I do not think the weird bipedal creatures that appeared in Sunset’s dream would count, as they were apparently from an alternate universe.” “Chrysalis popped up in my dream,” said Suri. “She was a romantic rival for Duke What’s-His-Face.” Luna groaned. “Well, get back to sleep and let us try again.” One magic spell and several acts of falling asleep later… “Here we are in dream Ponyville!” declared Trixie. “I kind of figured that out,” said Sunset grumpily. “Does it really have to just be about regular Ponyville?” said Suri. “Couldn’t we have a bit more pizzazz and be in a more exciting place?” “The world—which includes us—might be in peril, and you’re complaining about the lack of pizzazz?” asked Sunset. “Well, obviously somepony has to,” said Suri. “Besides, don’t underestimate the importance of pizzazz! It could save your life one day.” “Heh, pizzazz,” said Lightning Dust. “That’s such a weird-sounding word. In fact, I just noticed that if you replace the Z’s with–” “Don’t care,” interrupted Gilda. “Well, let’s find that Tantabus. Get that metal-finding spell ready and take it out.” “The metal-finding spell was part of that needle in a haystack analogy,” said Luna. “It does not mean it will find the Tantabus.” “Well, when we do, at least I’m ready,” said Gilda as she pulled out a rocket launcher. “Best of all, because this is a dream, I’m pretty sure I’ve got unlimited shots on this thing!” “Do we need a tracking spell anyway?” asked Flim. “Don’t we just figure out where the bad warping of the dreams is and go there?” “I say use a metal-finding spell to look for gold!” said Flam. “Obviously Tantabus would steal the gold as part of the nightmare, and we could get it. And if it doesn’t, then we’d have gold! It’s win-win!” “But the gold isn’t real,” said Sunset. “It’s just in your dream.” “I’ll admit,” said Flam, “that dream gold to real gold doesn’t have a particularly effective conversion rate.” “Hello, everypony!” declared Discord as he suddenly popped up out of nowhere. “You’ll never guess what I’ve been doing!” “Relaxing on the beach in great weather, but being trapped on a deserted island with anti-teleportation magic with a bunch of piranhas preventing you from leaving normally?” asked Trixie. “Ha!” said Discord. “You guessed wrong. It was a bunch of sharks, not piranhas!” “Are you sure they were sharks, and not just super giant piranhas?” said Trixie. “Hrm,” said Discord, “maybe I should double check. Hang on a minute.” Discord slapped himself and disappeared. “Wait, where did he go?” asked Flim. “I think he woke himself up to go check on that,” said Lightning Dust. “In the meantime, how about we find that Tantabus?” And so the group went to try to search for Tantabus. But in the dream world, you don’t find Tantabus; Tantabus finds you! And indeed, Tantabus showed up rather suddenly. “So!” said Sunset. “What’s the plan for dealing with it?” “Plan?” asked Luna. “You decided to go and fight it without a plan?” asked Sunset incredulously. “I was in a hurry!” “When in doubt, use brute force!” declared Gilda as she pointed her rocket launcher at the mist and fired. However, Tantabus simply changed its shape to create a large hole in its center that the launcher harmlessly passed through. “Well, okay, maybe brute force isn’t always the answer.” “I will engage it,” said Luna as she and Tantabus entered a battle so epic, so amazing, so spectacular, that words cannot describe it, and thus the prose will not attempt to do so. However, Tantabus also used the opportunity to cause various havoc to occur in the town, which resulted in a not-quite-so-epic, not-quite-so-amazing, and not-quite-so-spectacular battle, which therefore will be transcribed. It began with Tantabus enchanting the houses to come to life and attack! “Oh no!” said Trixie. “It’s enchanted the houses to come to life and attack. Even worse, it’s caused the narration to use awkwardly placed exclamation marks!” No one else understood what Trixie was talking about, but that didn’t matter! The group fought the evil houses and other various threats valiantly using all kinds of crazy dream powers! Lightning Dust turned into Mare Do Well! Flim and Flam gained the ability to suck money out of the enemies, which caused said enemies to turn into diamonds! (it made slightly more sense in context) Trixie copied herself into so many copies that the dream temporarily crashed and had to be rebooted, resetting it to the last saved state, which was the start of this paragraph! No one else understood what Trixie was talking about, but that didn’t matter! The group fought the evil houses and other various threats valiantly using all kinds of crazy dream powers! Lightning Dust turned into Mare Do Well! Flim and Flam gained the ability to suck money out of the enemies, which caused said enemies to turn into diamonds! (it made slightly more sense in context) Trixie was more careful this time around, creating a lower number of copies that did not overclock the system! And other crazy things happened as well! But nothing seemed to actually make progress in the fight because it was all just an excuse to have crazier than usual stuff happen! Then, suddenly, Discord appeared! “Okay, we were both right. Turns out they were half-piranha, half-shark,” he said. “Kind of busy here!” said Trixie. “Oh, I noticed,” said Discord as he gazed absentmindedly on the battle. “It’s actually quite nice chaos. But in the midst of all this chaos, I’d actually be the straight man if I acted like I normally do. So I figured that by acting bored and uninterested in this context, I’d end up being the opposite.” Discord realized that no one was paying attention to his musings. “Darn it, no one appreciates comedy theory,” he muttered to himself. “Fine, I’ll help out.” And so he also joined the battle. However, his addition caused this part of the battle, also, to be so epic it defied anything more than the most general of descriptions. The epicness went on for a while, without any side apparently making much progress. “I do have a question,” said Flam. “There were supposedly more who were in our dreams and thus would be here, like Chrysalis. Do you know where they might be? Maybe they could help.” In response, Tantabus suddenly turned into Chrysalis. “Ha!” she said. “I was Chrysalis all along!” “Chrysalis was always a dream-controlling evil parasite?” said Suri. “Well, I guess that makes some kind of sense.” “Actually,” said Chrysalis as she turned back into Tantabus, “I’m just screwing with you. I have nothing to do with Chrysalis.” “Well, it certainly acts enough like the real thing,” said Gilda. “I cannot hold this dream together much longer,” said Luna in a strained voice as the epic battle continued. “Equestria will fall because of me.” “Huh,” said Flam. “Did Tantabus just get bigger after she said that?” “Aha!” said Trixie. “Clearly, Tantabus is feeding off of depression! Quick, everypony! Get some antidepressants!” “I think it feeding off of guilt is more plausible than depression,” said Sunset. “Ridiculous,” said Trixie. “What do I have to feel guilty for?” “I mean Luna,” said Sunset crossly. “Why would I feel guilty about Luna?” “I’m just going to ignore you,” said Sunset. She turned to Luna. “Is there anything you feel guilty about?” “Hello, loyal subjects!” declared Chrysalis as she suddenly jumped onto the scene while the epic battle continued unabated in the background. “Have no fear! Everyone’s favorite monarch is here!” “Oh no,” said Luna with a groan. “Oh, come now,” said Chrysalis, “you’re almost acting like you’re not happy to see me. And I even brought a gift!” She pulled out a sandwich and gave it to Luna. “Ta-da!” “A sandwich?” asked Luna in disbelief. “Hey, my sandwiches are great!” said Chrysalis. “Anyway, am I correct in my guess that is this some kind of shared dream put together by Luna in order to find an evil smoke monster that’s terrorizing dreams and could, if it gains too much power, escape from dreams and wreak havoc in the real world?” “That’s a… surprisingly accurate guess,” said Suri. “There’s a reason why whenever I played 20 Questions, we had to reduce it down to 10 Questions so that I wouldn’t automatically win every time!” said Chrysalis smugly. “Anyway, what were you saying?” “What I was saying,” said Sunset, “is that I think it was feeding off of Luna’s guilt.” “If that is so,” said Luna, “then perhaps that is how it grew strong enough to escape in the first place!” “Huh?” asked Flim. “I created the Tantabus to give myself the same nightmare every night,” said Luna as she continued her struggle in the fight, “to punish myself for the evil I caused as Nightmare Moon!” There was a brief pause. “Two questions,” said Sunset grumpily. “First, is there any reason you didn’t just tell us this critical piece of information to begin with?” “Now that you mention it,” said Luna, “that probably would have made more sense.” “Second,” said Sunset, “why would you do something like that?” “To make sure I never forgave myself for how much Equestria suffered because of me!” declared Luna. “But it seems I have not learned my lesson, for now I have only made you suffer more!” she added in a forlorn tone. “Fine, whatever,” said Sunset. “You made it, so can’t you stop it? If it gets strong because you feel bad, then just stop feeling bad about it.” “Seems like a great idea!” said Gilda. “I make it a point to never feel bad about anything I do.” “But how can I forgive myself?” asked Luna. “I am no better now than I was then. My creation is about to turn the world into a living nightmare!” “Wait, wait, wait,” said Chrysalis. “So you felt so bad about that whole Nightmare Moon thing that you made this Tantabus creature in order to punish yourself?” “Yes,” said Luna. Chrysalis appeared confused. “Why would you ever do that?” “I just said why,” said Luna. “It was to punish myself.” “No,” said Chrysalis, “I mean, why would you ever think you needed additional punishment? You’re my personal assistant! That should be punishment enough for anyone.” “That’s… a good point,” said Luna in a surprised tone. “Of course,” added Chrysalis, “if you feel it’s not punishment enough, I can cancel your next vacation.” “No, no,” said Luna quickly, “you were right. I don’t need any additional punishment.” “Great!” said Chrysalis as she turned to Tantabus. “You hear that? You can just scurry off now. I can do your job way better than you can.” And so Tantabus was defeated, leaving them all standing around awkwardly. “So… any ideas what to do while we wait for us to all wake up?” asked Suri. Rainbow Dash and Soarin approached the group. “Oh, darn it, did we miss the whole thing?” asked Rainbow Dash. “We ran into Fluttershy, who was here for some reason, and tried to help her out before entering the battle. But it looks like it finished by the time we got here.” “You know, seeing you two together makes me realize something,” said Trixie. “Forget SoarinDust! I don’t know what I was thinking there!” “SoarinDust?” asked Soarin. “Don’t ask,” said Luna wearily. “Clearly, SoarinDash is what I should have been asking for all along!” said Trixie. “I say you two should get together as a romantic couple! You’d be so cute together!” Rainbow Dash and Soarin shared a quick glance. “You should probably know that–” started Rainbow Dash, but because this is not a shipping story, she was interrupted by Chrysalis, leaving it unclear whether she was going to say that they were already in a relationship with each other, that one or both was in a relationship with someone else, that they simply weren’t interested in a romantic relationship with each other for some other reason, or some variation of ‘ooga booga chooga.’ “I’ve got a great idea!” said Chrysalis. “Let’s do a singalong! Because it’s a dream, I can even put up lyrics so you can sing along with me! We can all be Singalong Buddies! Let’s go!” Chrysalis started singing. “This day is going to be perfect The kind of day of which I’ve dreamed since I was small Everypony will gather round, say I look lovely in…” Chrysalis trailed off as she noted everyone else had woken themselves up to get away from her. “Darn it, no one appreciates the art of the singalong anymore,” she said dejectedly. Sunset got up, rubbing her head. “Well, at least that adventure is over.” “Oh, did we win?” asked Trixie. “You were there!” said Sunset. “I can never remember my dreams,” said Trixie. “Did somepony say ‘ooga booga chooga’ in it? I feel like I remember that part.” “No, Trixie, nopony said ‘ooga booga chooga,’” said Sunset. “But you did try to get Soarin and Rainbow Dash together.” “I did? Who are they?” asked Trixie curiously. “You don’t remember them from that time we were trying to qualify Ponyville for the Equestria Games?” said Lightning Dust. “Oh, those two,” said Trixie after thinking for a short while. “Why would I try to get them together, though? I barely know them. Are you sure you’re remembering things correctly?” “Ugh, never mind,” said Sunset. “By the way, did Chrysalis’s song seem familiar to any of you?” Everyone shook their heads. “Odd,” said Sunset, “I thought I had heard it somewhere before. Well, I’m just glad to be done with that. I know our adventures tend to be really stupid, but that was pretty crazy even by our usual standards.” “It did seem to have a rather odd and sudden conclusion,” said Lightning Dust.