When it was finally time for the train back to Ponyville to depart, I decided that rather than going aboard like a normal pony, I would ride back in my flying snow blowing machine, which Twilight and I were successfully able to hitch to the train without anypony noticing.
When I told Twilight of my decision to ride in the thing for the return trip, she tried telling me that I would get very cold when traveling through the frozen wasteland, but I assured her that it wouldn't bother me.
This was one of the dumber things I have ever done.
Holy chaos, I have never felt so incredibly cold before! I didn't even know that it was possible to feel this cold. Because I usually keep myself warm when necessary with my magic. Yeah... I can't believe I keep on making this sort of mistake!
I've suddenly reconsidered my fantasy of burying ponies in snow. And it's not really very funny any more. I... I had no idea how miserable it can be.
I almost considered crawling across to the back train car and slipping inside to get out of the cold air, but if I did that, I would end up having to explain to Twilight that I changed my mind, and I didn't want to do that.
Although, that wasn't the only reason I didn't actually do it. If it had been, I would have gone inside anyway. Avoiding the embarrassment of admitting I was wrong wouldn't have been worth it.
The thing that really stopped me was the fact that I was too freakin' cold to even move.
Thank chaos that the train is fast enough to get us out of that frozen wasteland in a decent amount of time, although I still wish it had been faster. After I managed to warm myself up, I had quite a pleasant time watching the country pass by and singing.
When the train finally reached Ponyville, I hopped off and had to run ahead to the actual train station, where I found Twilight waiting, and, strangely enough, Spike and the whole gang of pets. To my disappointment, the critters apparently didn't cause the little dragon any significant trouble at all.
Twilight helped unhitch the machine again soon after. Of course, I wasn't going to make her carry the thing all the way to the library, even though I know that she could, so I convinced her to pedal it back with my help. She was embarrassed about it at first, but by the time we parked the machine behind the library, she seemed to have mostly forgotten about that and treat it like a joyride.
She went inside and came back with a wrench and together we got the magic engine out of the machine and carried it inside and into her laboratory.
And that is what happened that led up to this very moment in time, the moment when Twilight said to me in a very serious voice, "Discord, we need to talk."
I know that tone of voice. That's the 'If you keep listening to what I have to say, you are going to hate it' voice.
Unfortunately for me, I know perfectly well that Twilight is doing me a favor, and can stop helping me at any time.
"Is that statement in the general sense?" I ask, trying to keep the mood light and distract her. "As in, 'we need to talk or our jaws are eventually going to glue themselves shut from disuse'?"
"No, Discord, I'm being serious," she continues. "Before I do anything else, I need you to help me understand the position I have put myself in a little better."
Oh no, there's no getting around this one, is there?
"If we must," I reluctantly agree. "So long as you working on that thing, I'll do whatever you want if it will make it go faster..."
"I have a very important question that I need to know the answer to. Is there an end to this vengeance that you seek?"
This startles me.
"Huh?" I say in confusion. "I don't understand the question."
"What I mean," says Twilight, "is, are you going to try have me help you keep 'getting' back at Princess Celestia for the next thousand years?"
"You mean, do I want to prank Celestia for one-thousand years straight? Good grief, no! Do you know how dreadfully tiresome that would become? What about all of the other fun things that I would want to do?"
"Well, you do sound convincing," says Twilight uncertainly, "but how do I know for sure that you are being honest with me? Because I want to make it clear, I only agreed to help you embarrass the Princess a little bit. I will absolutely not have any part in any attempts to make her miserable or destroy her reputation. Is that what you want?"
I blink at her a few times, and then relax a little. Is this all? Well, I know exactly how I can put Twilight's mind at ease.
"You think that because Princess Celestia imprisoned me for a thousand years that I would want to make her life miserable for a thousand years so that I can get even. But that isn't true. Otherwise, I would have a grudge against her sister too, and I don't. I don't hold grudges. I am a follower of chaos, and chaos is fair. Chaos is not even, it is fair at random, but it certainly doesn't focus on one thing only."
"But how do I know that?" asks Twilight in concern. "Your... dislike for Princess Celestia sure seems like a grudge to me."
"I like or dislike individuals for who they are in the present," I answer. "Even though Princess Celestia did put me in stone for a thousand years, if it wasn't for the fact that she still wants to control my life and turn me into a do-gooder so that she can exploit my powers, I wouldn't be after her at all. As soon as I feel like I've made my point to her, I'll lay off."
"I don't think the Princess wants to exploit your power," says Twilight carefully.
"So you don't think that she would, say, try to make me use my powers to spawn food for ponies?" I say doubtfully. "Because there is no way that I am going to do that. Do you have any idea how much effort that would take? And plus, if I start doing that, I'll never be able to stop ever."
"Princess Celestia expects every pony in Equestria to earn their meals," Twilight argued. "I mean, it's true that the Princess isn't going to let anypony starve to death because they are unable to work or even if it's because they're just too lazy to work, but we don't need your help to provide for our ponies."
"Okay, bad example then," I say. "Suppose that Celestia wants to... build a new wing onto Canterlot Castle. For whatever reason. If she says to me, "Oh Discord, please please magic this new wing into being so that you can save us a lot of hard work!' ... I'm not going to do it!"
"I don't think Princess Celestia would ever do that either. Aside from the fact that I am certain that she would never force you to do anything, hard work is an essential part of Equestria's economy."
"Fine, that was another bad example then!" I say in frustration. "Let's say that something really bad happens and Celestia somehow manages to get herself kidnapped, and she can't possibly get away by herself! And you lot can't help her for some reason. You say that she would never force me to do anything, but I am positive that she would demand that I rescue her if she could!"
Twilight stammers.
"I really hope that that never happens," says Twilight uneasily. "But... no. She wouldn't demand you help her. She would ask for help. She would beg for your help, even! I would beg for your help. If you have a heart at all, and I am convinced that you do, you would know what the right thing to do is."
I sit there in frustration for a bit, searching for some way that Twilight is wrong about this.
But, to my dismay, I can't think of anything that would seriously hold any water.
"Argh!" I scream aloud, and I grab the corners of a nearby table and lean against it.
"You're right!" I admit quite loudly. "Dag-nabbit! I'm so used to assuming that everypony must be like me and secretly is only thinking about personal gain with everything that they do, but that's just not in the nature of most of you ponies, and that's not in Celestia's nature either! There's a million reasons that trying to reform me would be a tactical advantage for her, but she really is under the impression that it would be for my own good, isn't she?!"
I plaster my face into the table.
"But that hardly changes anything," I continue, my voice coming out muffled. "For better or for worse, that mare just simply rubs me wrong! I need to do this! I know you may not understand, but I have to!"
Twilight puts her hoof on my shoulder, and, strangely, I feel a little comforted.
"I understand enough to know that you have to do what you have to do," she whispers to me. "If helping you to do this will help you blow off some steam, then I'm willing to help."
I lift my head back up and look back at her.
"And the fact that I tend to drive everypony around me crazy?"
"You do do that," Twilight admits, and I give her a blank look before she continues on and says, "but... well, you do have quite a knack for having a fun time. Look at what you did with Pinkie Pie! Not only did you have fun playing music, but she had a wonderful time too! I think that has to help make up for at least something."
"You really know how to cheer me up," I answer sarcastically.
"Sorry," Twilight responds quickly. "You've given me an answer that I can live with now, so how about we change the subject?"
"To what?" I ask bitterly. "What could we possibly talk about that will make me forget how miserable and stupid I feel right now?"
"Why don't you explain to me this 'chaos' philosophy of yours?" says Twilight. "It seems obvious that you have a different definition of the word than I do."
I turn around and stare at Twilight.
"You want the spirit of chaos to explain to you the true meaning of chaos?" I say.
"If you want to," says Twilight.
I smile and feel some of the negative feeling drain out of me.
"Yeah, I can do that. But I warn you, this is heavy stuff. You would have to be a genius to keep up."
Twilight's cheeks turn the slightest shade of red, but she gives a small grin anyway.
"I think I might be able to follow along," she says.
"Very well then!" I cry, feeling rather pleased all of the sudden. "The first thing that you should know is, despite most ponies apparently believing chaos to be the exact opposite of harmony, that isn't quite true. It is true that the two are two different sides of a fence, but they aren't exact opposites. If they were, I think the elements of harmony would have just vaporized me instead of turning me into stone."
"But I thought that chaos comes from conflict," says Twilight uncertainly. "And conflict is the opposite of harmony."
"Chaos can come from conflict," I correct her. "But what chaos demands isn't always fighting. Chaos demands fluctuation. Unfortunately, Equestria tends to be a land of constant peace, so that means that it is in constant need of being stirred up."
"Okay..." says Twilight, suddenly producing a quill and writing down notes on a piece of parchment. "I think I got it."
I roll my eyes, but decide to not tease her about this.
"So, here is a question for you. What if every sound that was ever made didn't become quieter and quieter over time until it disappears completely? What if, instead, every sound becomes louder and louder for the rest of eternity?"
"That sounds like it would be... chaos," says Twilight simply. "But that's not how sound works, so I don't see why this is relevant."
"It's not how sounds work," I agree, "But it is relevant because it illustrates how every little disturbance, no matter how small, grows more and more influential as time goes on. And that is something that does happen all around us, with every little thing that happens, ever."
"How?"
"Well, you see, there is this paradox. What would happen if you could go back and time and speak to yourself for even just a few seconds? You would change all sorts of things about the future. Your future would be changed so drastically from a ten second conversation that it would not resemble what your life would have been like otherwise whatsoever!"
"I know," Twilight answers casually. "I tried it."
I stare at her in confusion.
"What?"
Twilight just shrugs at me before saying, "There is a time spell I used."
"... Huh."
I sit there for a few seconds, saying nothing.
"I had no idea that ponies figured that one out," I finally say. "You know, time travel is one of the very few things that I never figured out myself."
"Really? But I thought that you could do... well, pretty much anything! At least, when you have your magic."
"Almost," I say with no small amount of pride. "But I'll tell you about that later. Anyway, the whole point is, the flap of a butterfly's wing in Ponyville can cause tornados in Appleoosa. If you give it enough time."
"I probably shouldn't mention that to Fluttershy," says Twilight in a joking voice. "She would probably misinterpret that."
"Undoubtedly," I agree. "The next thing that you should know is probably even more surprising. Chaos isn't the opposite of order either, at least, not the way that I define it."
Twilight gives me a shocked expression and doesn't even bother writing anything down.
"Wait!" she cries in alarm. "How can that be? Out of everything I thought I knew about chaos, that was the one fact I felt I was absolutely certain of!"
"It's an extremely prevalent misconception," I say. I realize that I am feeling quite pleased with myself that I am actually teaching probably the nerdiest pony on the planet something that she doesn't know.
"Suppose you and I were standing in a field somewhere," I say. "Not a particularly flat one, but not a hill either. If I dump a bucket of water, the water will go all over the place and eventually stop when it finds a low point. Right?"
"Correct..." says Twilight, eagerly waiting for me to further my explanation.
"Now, let's suppose that I try dumping more water again. The water won't spread out in the same way that it did before. It will tend to travel through the same trenches, but no matter how many times I try, it will never travel in the same way as it did the first time."
"Well, of course not," says Twilight. "You don't have precise enough coordination to perform all of the motions of dumping the bucket in exactly the same way. But if you had enough precision-"
"WRONG!" I cry out, startling Twilight.
"Um, excuse me," she says, slightly annoyed. "It's not wrong. It is known as the principle of determinism. The more precisely you measure the input, the more precise the output. That's one of the basic concepts in calculus, the fact that you can approach a number until you are infinitely close and determine the answer."
"I hate to break it to you, Miss Science," I say, earning a scowl, "But it turns out that when math is applied to reality, your principle of determinism just doesn't work. And the best way to prove this to you is through one of my favorite aspects of mathematics: fractals!"
"What? Math? Fractals? I thought you HATED those things!"
"I don't hate them! Why would you assume that?"
"Uh, well... because math is the logic behind reality, and you break reality all the time?"
"I do not break reality!" I respond. "Not any more than you do, at least."
"Okay, I'm sorry, but still, fractals? Really?"
"Yep! You know that some fractals are infinitely complex, right? No matter how much you zoom in on them, it shows self similarity on all levels. You can't ever zoom in enough to the point where the you stop finding more details."
"Yes, of course."
"Alright then. Consider a Mandeltrot fractal. I assume you know what that is, right?"
"It pretty much looks like circles with smaller circles sticking out of them, and smaller circles sticking out of those circles, and so on forever," says Twilight.
"So, let's say you start at the right side of the fractal and go counterclockwise some irrational percentage of the way around the perimeter of the fractal. So, for example, half of the square root of two. What is the slope of the line at that exact spot?"
I go silent and watch Twilight furrow her brow as she starts thinking.
It takes her about thirty seconds to say anything.
"I... I can't figure that out!"
She sounds utterly horrified.
"It's not because there is no answer," I inform her. "Nor is it because there are multiple answers, or that the answer is an unreal number, or anything like that. There is a perfectly normal number for an answer."
"I figured that out!" says Twilight in frustration. "And I was trying to apply calculus to get the answer, but... but..."
"You see? The problem is that if you try to increase the precision in any way whatsoever, you won't get any closer to an answer at all. You can increase your precision to ten decimal places or you can increase it to a hundred quadrillion decimal places, and either way your output will be no closer to finding the real answer to the actual question. The outputs are not random, but they sure don't help you any."
"You're right!" Twilight cries. "Holy ponyfeathers, unless you've tricked me somehow, you're totally right! I need to review this! You do realize that this could change all sorts of things that ponykind thought it knew about reality?"
"Of course I do, but nopony has ever been smart enough or taken me seriously enough to actually listen to me!" I complain.
"Well, I'm listening now!" says Twilight.
"Another example is the three-body-problem," I say. "That's the problem faced by a triple-murderer in hiding the evidence, in case you were wondering. I mean, you can never really be sure whether they're going to get away with it in the end."
Twilight gapes at me, eyes wide open, utterly horrified.
"Discord, what is wrong with you?!"
"Hey! I didn't say I'm actually a murderer!" I defend. "It's just a hypothetical situation for the sake of science!"
"Some questions are better left unasked!"
"Alright, I'm sorry! Anyway though, now that I have convinced you that determinism is flawed and dynamical instability is a reality, we can get back to my original point. Chaos does not mean disordered or random. Many chaotic systems display recognizable patterns, such as the situation where I dump water down a hill. You can't predict exactly where all the water is going to travel, but it will eventually reach the lowest point in the system because of gravity. In that case, gravity is the attractive force responsible for the water ending up at it's final destination. It is the 'attractor' in the system.
"So, basically what this all means, and the way that this all applies to me and my personal philosophy is that I like to look into the infinite depths of possibility and do as many of the things that I like as I can, while avoiding the things that I don't like. Even though I avoid doing some things, I'll still never run out of possibilities because they are infinite anyway. It is an endless search for the very best possible things, and I don't mind the 'pretty good' things too. Sugar is one of the best things, by the way. That's why it's such a recurring theme with me. There are so many ways that sugar as amazing.
"And now I can finally come to the best part. Artificial attractors! That is how my chaos magic works, you see! You unicorns use your magic to force reality to change itself in the way that you desire. There are ways to increase the efficiency of your spells, but the unfortunate truth is that your magic is a terribly energy-hungry process. However, with my magic, all I have to do is merely create an artificial attraction to encourage reality that my idea of the way things should be really is the right way to be, and let nature make it a reality without me having to put much of any effort into it at all!"
"That's... different," Twilight admitted. "That would also explain why you seem to be capable of performing so much magic in such a short amount of time."
"Don't get me wrong," I assure her, "I do have a tremendous amount of magic at my disposal. Well, normally I do. The great thing about it is that I don't need to give terribly precise instructions in my magic, unlike unicorns, who must specify exactly what they want. Usually, I get what I want with little trouble. Sometimes, it doesn't quite work. If the attractor is too vague because I don't know what I'm doing, the magic won't be able to figure it out. But for the most part it's easy. If I want to make a tea pot come alive and pour me chocolate milk, it happens, I create an attractor that specifies that that's what I want. The magic finds the path of least resistance to make it happen. It doesn't matter that I don't have a freakin' clue how the thing actually does it. And, honestly, I don't really care. But, it is obvious that chaos magic is superior to what you ponies have."
"So, why can't you create an attractor that sends you to another point in time?" asks Twilight.
"I'm not entirely sure. I can decide that this thing shouldn't be located in 'this' spot, it should be over there instead, and there you go, teleportation. But if I try to create an attractor that pulls me to another point in time, it can't find a path of least resistance and it kinda gets clogged up with dangerous amounts of magic. Obviously, there must be some sort of way to make it happen, since you ponies apparently figured it out, but I can't figure it out myself."
"I guess that makes sense."
"Well, I think you now understand the basics," I say. "I have to say, it's great to be able to talk to somepony who actually understands some of this stuff. I don't know if you have noticed, but, I adore chaos."
"No, really?" says Twilight sarcastically, and then immediately bursts out laughing.
"Well, um, since you are through with that, and since I still need a little bit longer to figure this engine stuff out, if you don't have any objections, would you tell me what you know about the elements of harmony?"
I feel myself tense up.
"Those things are terrifying," I say quickly. "And not because they conflict with chaos or something. Look, almost every single kind of magic that I know of involves manipulating the physical world. The magic that those elements have? It doesn't. If you had a machine that could record every single detail about the whole entire universe at once and write it down, you would think that reading the thing that it writes down would allow you to eventually learn everything that there is, but that's not true. There are certain things in the world that don't need to exist physically to be real and to have meaning. Good. Evil. Emotions. Friendship. The magic of those elements is completely beyond my understanding, and it doesn't follow the same rules as other kinds of magic. It makes these freaky connections between individuals that I can trace if I try. But the weird thing is that the more connections you have, the stronger the magic gets, and the strength of the whole is greater than the sum of each individual connection. And it... scares me. ... And, I also don't know why I'm telling you all of this. I guess... I trust you."
Twilight stays silent for a moment as she considers how to respond.
"Thank you for telling me. You didn't exactly tell me anything I didn't actually know already, but you have given me a new perspective. Um..."
Twilight falls silent again.
" 'Um'?" I say. "If you have a question, just say it!"
"You said you can sense these friendship connections? Can you feel one... with me?"
Oh, why, why did you have to ask me that...
"Er... Yesssss..." I answer in embarrassment.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about!" insists Twilight. "You specifically agreed you would be friends with me if I helped you!"
"I know. That's not quite it though. I can't control it, and I don't know what to do with it!"
"What do you mean?"
"Look, I can't control friendship, okay? Remember back when you lot went trudging through that maze and I messed with everypony's heads? I did all of that to put you under all pressure, because I can't actually sever friendships, or manipulate them in any other way whatsoever. Even through everything that I put you all through, the friendships don't end until the ponies decide that they've ended. Not when I say so. I don't like not having control of things."
"Oh," says Twilight. "Um, I see. But you're partially wrong about one thing."
"Am I?"
"Well, I suppose you really can't force others to end their friendships. Not just with a command, in any case. But, this friendship between you and me, you do have control over it. If you choose to, you can end it, all by yourself. Not even I would be able to stop you."
I sigh to myself as much as to Twilight.
"I'm not going to do that..." I mutter.
"It's rather like chaos, actually," says Twilight, apparently sounding surprised at her own words. "You don't just force a friendship to happen. Not like how a unicorn forces nature to change. Instead, you... encourage it. You've dug a trench for the water to flow through, and now it just happens for itself."
"It's not quite the same," I argue. "Even if I do have some control, you have fifty percent of the control."
"And I'm using my half of the control to follow along with what you want."
I sigh again.
"That's not very fair is it?"
"I don't mind if it's not fair. I want to help you."
"Remind me to make this up to you later."
"Well, I think I've done the best I can with this engine. I guess it's time to put it to use, huh?"
"Oh, goody!"
"I don't suppose you would reconsider using a different balloon?"
"Okay, I know I just said I'm going to make up to you, but the balloon stays. It's too good."
"Fine... But if Princess Celestia somehow manages to find out about it, I'm telling her that it was all your idea."
"Oh, she'll find out about it sooner or later. Whether or not she can see it right now, I have pictures I want to show her later."