Chapter Eleven: Sit! Stay! Speak! Good Boy!
“No.”
“It's really not your decision to make, love.”
“I do not approve. At. All. Max, do you even realize what Luna's asking of you?”
“I believe she's asking me to use some skills I just happen to have for a good cause. Look, Celestia, if I don't do it, who will? Who else do you know that has a background as... Useful, as mine is?”
“You don't even really know what you're agreeing to! What exactly is she going to have you get? Hmm? Where are you going? You haven't thought this through in the slightest!” Celestia squawked. her voice was fading and the exasperation on her face slowly etched lines of worry deeper into her angelic features.
As little as I liked causing Celestia distress like this, I was determined to follow through, and evidently it showed on my face as well as Celestia's frustration showed on hers. We both set our jaws and looked at each other, wondering how we could bring the other to our mode of thinking.
To properly expound upon what exactly we were arguing about, we're going to have to rewind a bit. See, the previous night whilst I was talking to Luna, she offered me a job of sorts: reclaim an object of relative power that had been taken during a skirmish on the northern Equestrian borders. I still hadn't received all of the details from Luna, and obviously it was going to be a terribly safe or easy task. Luna did tell me that the object in question was pretty much only useful to herself or Celly, but that not having it where it had been was an awfully inconvenient occurrence. No, I didn’t know what I was retrieving, but I did have faith that I was reclaiming rather than stealing. Celestia confirmed that, but she still wasn’t quite happy.
“If I don’t know what I’m going to get or where I’m going, why don’t you tell me? More information could help me make a more informed decision.” I retorted.
Celestia sighed. “It’s the first crown of Equestria, the Diadem of Sovereignty, which has passed through the hands of every one of Equestria’s rulers. Its history is partially obscured since Ponies haven’t always resided within Equestria, but we do know that it’s an ancient crown that’s been around for longer than either Luna or I have been alive.”
“How do you know how old it is if you haven’t always been here? And if the Diadem isn’t from wherever the ponies come from, how do you know who’s had it? I get trying to preserve history, but why is it so important? I see you and Luna with crowns all the time.”
“Due to magical dating, we can tell that the crown is at least ten thousand years old, but we have no clue where exactly it comes from. We assumed it came from Equestria because it was found in a decrepit fortress, which was heavily fortified both magically and physically before time took it's toll. Honestly Max, it may be one of the oldest artifacts in existence with enchantments we still haven’t discovered, though we do know that it somehow recognizes the sovereign ruler of Equestria upon coming within a certain distance. “
“So it’s definitely important. If it’s so important, why wasn’t it better protected in a place like Canterlot?”
Celestia was silent, a blush quickly forming on her face as she muttered something.
“What was that love? I didn’t quite catch that.”
She cleared her throat. “I said ‘I may have forgotten about it. It’s not one of my prouder moments.” Celestia finished somewhat meekly.
I grinned and chuckled as Celestia shook her fist at me with an adorable little pout. I could see how a few centuries might blur someone’s memories.
“So where’s the Diadem at? I didn’t know Equestria had any neighbors, let alone hostile ones.” I asked.
“We don't have any openly hostile neighbors, but the Gryphons to the north tend to be antagonistic in the best of times. While our governing bodies are at peace, our people are not quite as friendly. Tensions rarely escalate past the occasional border ‘pissing contest’ as it were, but the theft of the Diadem wasn’t the only occurrence of the Gryphons raiding smaller Equestrian towns either. In the same museum that held the Diadem, a dagger of unknown origin was stolen a few years ago. We now have reason to believe that the two incidents are connected in a way we did not see previously.”
“What makes the dagger special? Is it also some relic of a bygone era, heavily enchanted, or is it encrusted with rare jewels?”
“None of those, as far as we can tell. The dagger’s just old. How old, we don’t know, but it surfaced around the time of the reign of Discord.”
“Why steal it if it’s just a hunk of junk then?”
“Believe me when I say it’s no ‘hunk of junk’. It’s called ‘The Warbling Blade’, though no one remembers why it’s called that. The blade is quite the piece of workmanship and hasn’t rusted at all despite some less than satisfactory conditions and it’s maintained an edge for a few thousand years. There is little else that makes it stand out, however. It was a rather plain blade, if I recall correctly.”
“So when I go to get the crown thing, you want me to get that too?”
“No! I don't want you to go at all, and I wouldn’t have said anything if I knew you were just going to go anyways!” Celestia cried. Should've seen it coming, love.
“Oh whatever, you know you like talking to me anyways.” I lightly jabbed, trying to change the subject.
Celestia gave me a wry look. She knew precisely what I was doing and she wasn’t having it. I knew she would try to keep me from doing the job by just about any means necessary, but I was set. If I can use the skills I garnered in my shitty past life to do good in my new one, I may as well.
“I may usually enjoy our conversations, but by no means have I enjoyed this one. You’re a stubborn foal, Max, and I don’t think you’re doing this for the right reasons.”
“How so?”
“I think you’re looking for danger to regain that adrenaline rush you once had when you were a thief. If not, why would you put yourself in danger to claim an object that has been gone for months? It’s really not that important to begin with, seeing as how nopony can use it barring myself and Luna.”
“... I’m not looking for cheap thrills, Sunbutt. I want to do some good, get my life turned around further than it already has. This feels like the path to redemption to me.”
She sighed heavily. “Come to my chambers tonight, we’ll continue our talk there.”
With that I left the lavish room we’d been talking in and went back to my room in the castle, grabbing Lupa on my way back. I sat and told her about what was going on for awhile, seeing if she had any input. Not that she could speak, but she did have a way of getting her point across. Lupa jumped on my lap and smothered me. If I hadn’t mentioned it before, Lupa was level with my chest on all fours. In other words, it was a lot of fur and muscle in my lap, seeing as how she was taller than me on two legs. I didn’t know what to make of that if it was a response, so I sat and strroked her fur for awhile, enjoying the soft texture of her jet black coat. All in all, it was a pleasant stress reliever.
Night time rolled around again and I found myself eating dinner between two silent sisters. Luna was calmly chewing while I could see a muscle twitching in Celestia’s jaw as she ate. My best guess was that they had talked further about the mission while I was elsewhere.
“So… Lovely evening we’re having, yeah? I like the way you lowered the sun, Celly, it was awfully pretty.” No response. “And I can’t wait to see what the Moon looks like tonight!”
“There is a New Moon tonight, Maximus. You will not be able to see it.”” Luna replied.
“Oh. Well that sucks.”
“Indeed. Speaking of new moons, We believe it would be of thine interest to leave for Gryphonia sooner rather than later. The darkness will aid thee in the infiltration of a certain somepony’s manor. ‘Celly’ and myself have agreed that thou should have a guide until the border, from there thou shalt be given a map and further instructions. As it stands, thou should know that ye will be disowned if thou art apprehended. Equestria may have power, but we will not have our reputation tarnished. We hope you understand” Luna said rather coldly, as if she had nothing to do with the affair.
“So you’re going to send me off to a foreign land with no backup.” I asked incredulously.
“Is that an issue?” She retorted, daring me to say yes.
I gave her my most winsome smile. “Of course not! I work best alone anyway. When do I leave?”
“Once dinner is finished you’ll be outfitted in the armory, though I rather doubt we much equipment you can even use,” Celestia butted in, “which is one of the many reasons I still think this is a bad idea.”
“Find me some dark clothes and that’ll be all I need, love. I have my own weapons, gloves and boots. All I need is a little more to look the part.” Luna looked triumphant with that and Celestia Gave me a troubled glance before facing her sister. They traded looks and Celestia faced me again.
“Why do you have weapons, Maximus?”
“Knives help pry open windows, slice envelopes and important documents, and make a pretty good handhold if you’re on the side of a wooden building. They’re also quite useful for self-defense if need be.” I said neutrally.
“...May I see them sometime?” Celestia asked.
I pulled my dirk and one of my six throwing knives from my boots. As I handed them to Celestia, her face was painted by shock.
“I can’t believe you carry them with you! Max, you will not come to any harm in my castle, why would you even bring them to dinner with you at that?” She inquired.
I shrugged. “Carried them with me for years, love. Got caught without them too many times for my liking, so I bring them with me wherever I go. Nothing personal, I just don’t trust people to not do stupid shit.”
“You shouldn’t be worried about that here! What made you so unbelievably paranoid?”
“I have my reasons, and they’re not proper for dinner conversation.”
“You know what, Max? Dinner’s over; spill. Now.” Celestia growled.
I was taken aback. Of course I’d seen Celestia upset, but never actively mad. That, however, didn’t impede my ‘Take No Bullshit’ policy.
“I’ll tell you what I want, when I want, Sunbutt. Don’t forget I’m not one of your subjects to be cowed. In fact, I think it would do you well to think about what and how you just said what you have so you can see the level of twat you’re being.”
“This from the impudent stallion that nearly got killed not even two weeks ago? The same stallion who treads on toes like ants in his way? The same bastard who betrayed his only friend just to save himself a little suffering? I don’t want to hear another word from you. In fact, I’m sick of looking at you; Get out. You’re a dangerous, lecherous, hateful being and I frankly can’t believe for a second that I was so foalish as to think there was something to love somewhere in that dark, twisted thing you call a heart.” Celestia rampaged.
I was thunderstruck. If someone had run into the room and slapped me at that time I would’ve never noticed. I slowly stood from my seat and walked out of the room, or at least I had planned to until Luna grabbed my arm.
“Before you leave, you still need to get outfitted in the armory. We will send your possessions to your home in Ponyville while you are gone.” Luna floated my weapons back to me. “You’ve accepted your mission and we expect thee to fulfill thine duties as thou hast said thee would, despite the current circumstances. When thou leave this castle, go to the Canterlot Teleportation Station”
“...Yeah. Yeah, I’ll still do the mission. I’ll leave tonight.” I muttered, still reeling from Celestia’s tirade. I glanced over at her and saw the same muscle in her jaw working like she was being electrocuted. Her beautiful head was buried in her hands and her breathing was belaboured. I decided to take my leave after nodding to Luna, my eyes somewhat unfocused. Luna held me in place and whispered quietly in my ear.
“We will speak to her. Things will be different when you return.”
I shook my head and left, meandering about the castle halls, occasionally bumping into pillars when I was especially lost in thought. I… I never thought that Celestia would say something like that to me. I didn’t think I was even being terribly unfair or obtuse. I knew that I had insulted her and that the past few days had been filled with tumultuous conversation between us, but she was supposed to be different. She was supposed understand and accept me. In my shellshocked state, I never considered that Celestia would have had ample time to examine my character and form an opinion different than the one I thought she had of me. It hurt. It hurt nearly as much as losing the original Max, and having my cowardice thrown in my face when I had trusted her to know why I had abandoned him in his hour of need just made my heart ache more. The pain built until I was physically sick, spewing my dinner out of a window I had opened just in time. As the cooling night air rushed in, my thoughts began to clear and the ache I felt subsided slightly. It was dark and silent; prime conditions to practice my craft and clear my head.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
After stopping by the armory and picking up a fireproof, dark grey cloak, Lupa and I were padding our way through Canterlot, dodging guard patrols, and mapping out the high income areas amongst the spired roofs of Equestria’s capital city. We ran around the spirals sitting atop garish homes, leaping across gaps with relative ease. I should have been more surprised that Lupa was getting around as well as I was considering her quadrupedal form, but I was deep in concentration. The only sound in the night was the occasional clicking of her claws as we took in the city, picking a target. We made our rounds in the fanciest looking district and found our mark: A tall, gaudy monstrosity that promised high value swag.
Now, don’t misunderstand; I wasn’t doing this as revenge against Celestia, (okay, maybe a little bit) but I had to see if my period of inactivity had rendered any of my skills subpar. I tested my lockpicking skills by accessing the back door with a few of the lockpicks that I kept with my knives. I’d sewn straps to my sheaths so I could carry and hide them on my person. I made quick work of the admittedly simple lock, gesturing for Lupa to stay outside in the shadows. She was to be my literal watchdog while I worked my magic.
I tread lightly inside, listening for any movement. I heard someone moving about in the kitchen and took up a position low against a wall, controlling my breathing and shifting my stance so that I could dash if need be. Most people that ply my trade were your average sneaker with little experience in actual infiltration. I had learned early on that if you don’t want to be caught, you had to be ready for the three F’s: Fighting, Fleeing, or Flattering. Back home, fighting was only an option if flattery didn’t confuse the mark and fleeing didn’t get you away. Here, I was betting that flattery might actually work even if fleeing was seldom going to be an option.
I had learned from a footrace with Rainbow and one of her less athletic friends that once ponies got going, there was little you could do to catch up. However, what they possess in raw speed, they lack in agility, and that aspect is one of my strongest qualities. I skulked about, not making a noise, and saw a light blue Stallion with a slightly darker mane drowsily snacking in front of the fridge. I sped around the island in the kitchen and slid into the parlour with the stallion completely unaware. I waited for him to walk upstairs and followed shortly after.. I snuck through the rooms, taking in as much as possible, waiting to find something worth capturing as a prize. I wanted something memorable, but not something that would be sorely missed; maybe a pendant or the like.
Two of the rooms had obviously belonged to the stallion's children at some point in time, though I was betting that they’d grown up and left. One seemed to be a study in pink, purple, and lavender and the other in a more masculine and rather tasteful collection of blues. I didn't find anything worthy of note in the rooms besides a fucking massive, yet organized closet of notes in the daughter's room and a standard rank-and-file looking sword in the son’s. Nothing worth taking. I searched through guest room after guest room, though it was too dark to see much more than vague shadows, unlike the children’s rooms that had been lit by the street lamps outside. I found the master bedroom after a little more snooping; the place was honestly more mansion than just another house and covering ground silently took time.
Softly cracking the door open, I heard two ponies softly snoring away. I guess the stallion from earlier had fallen asleep by now alongside who seemed to be his wife. Making my way around the room, I examined just about everything in sight; nothing worth grabbing. Of course I could steal some jewelry to be resold at a later date, but my earlier thoughts of grabbing a pendant were long gone. Most people would miss jewelry, but most people wouldn’t be too alarmed if someone were to say, nab a cheap looking statuette. It was on a dresser on the far side of the room. In other words, an easy target. I nabbed it quickly and slipped out of the room, realizing as I was about to leave that I could have some fun.
Halfway down the road, I was still chuckling to myself, feeling much better after a bit of foolishness. I’d deigned the statue unworthy of being stolen after I had rearranged every bit and bauble in the lower story of the marks home and made my former keepsake the centerpiece. It had taken me a few hours, but with Lupa by my side, I finally strolled on over to the Teleportation Station Luna had told me about earlier.
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“So you’re the fella Princess Luna was talking about?” A grey pegasus mare with dark slate armor asked.
I had just arrived at the Teleportation Station after packing my cloak into a bag. The Night Guard seemed far more friendly than the stuffy Day Guards I usually dealt with so I answered her with a smile. It also didn't hurt that she was rather attractive. I saw as I walked in that she had a great arse and nice hips.
“Wotcher. I’m the guy, and you are?” I asked turning my charm up a notch.
The night guard grinned and raised an eyebrow at me. “Name’s Velvet Breeze. The Princess said you were supposed heartbroken and distraught or somethin’. I don’t see no heartbroken stallion in that smile o’ yours. Why would the Princess say that if it wasn’t true?”
“Ah, well I had a bit of rough night so far, but I’ve gotten over it for the time being. I can deal with feelings later, I got a job to do now, yeah?” I responded, my smile falling a little. While I had put the incident with Celestia behind me for the time being, I was still feeling some heart ache over it.
“Well, I don’t know what your fillyfriend was thinking, but if you’re not seeing nopony, maybe you’d be interested in a little proposition?” She gave me a half lidded look.
I blushed at the implications and my smile grew once more. “Might take you up on that, Velvet. Once I finish up with this job, why don’t we go grab a drink?”
“Sounds like a party to me.” She wrote something down quickly and handed it off to me before guiding me to a large circular rune on the floor.
“Now, I suggest you keep your knees bent when you teleport. Other than that, come back quick; I haven’t had fun in awhile.” She said with a little pout.
“Trust me, love. I’ll be back soon.”
With a quick salute, I was off to Gryphonia.