//------------------------------// // 13) Peach vs. Equestria // Story: The Adventures of a Human Peach // by AppleTank //------------------------------// The Peach’s “face” mashed into the grass below him. He groaned and clutched his head, his balance wobbling after flying through a kaleidoscope of colors and a warbling kazoo noise. It took him a few minutes before he felt able to focus enough to look around him. There were hills and forests and grassland but .... “Where the library go? Hell, where did everything go?” In fact, with a bit of effort, you could vaguely see the same hills and mountains he could’ve seen from Ponyville, though the forest was a lot denser and closer. He stood up and shambled a bit to get a better look, and to his surprise found that Canterlot wasn’t there. He stared blankly at the missing patch of color that had being a persistent reminder of his trouble for so long, his mental cores literally banging together to make sense of it. “Two possibilities,” he said to himself. “One, far future, everything got blown back to the stone age. Yay, because everything is probably dead, unless they managed to become post-apocalyptic survivors. That would be very bad. Two, distant past, in which they weren’t born yet.” A look of dawning realization passed over him. “Can I ... alter my fate?” Well, only one way to find out, he decided, and so began sprinting in a random direction. With his rather poor sense of direction, and the lack of population, it took him several days before he began noticing anything. Most notably the swirling clouds of pink. “Huh. Reminds me of Chaos.” He didn’t interact with the Chaos God much, he seemed to be overly snarky and even more bullshit than the rest of the ponies, and was the unfortunate victim of random ‘pranks’ one too many times. Which was zero. He felt he was lucky he managed to avoid his attention entirely. He shrugged and kept on running until he sees a small farming town in the distance. He hid behind a hill, squinting, and was delighted to see everything look ... “medival” for lack of a better term. “Yes, I’m back in time. And with no damned Sun Pony to stop me.” Peach cores floated to the top of his ‘skin, and began orbiting like a chainsaw. “Perfect.” “Fweeeee.” Peach wiped a bit of blood off his face. “Haven’t been able to let loose in ages. Hmm?” He noticed flashing lasers blasting into the skies above him. He looked down, and saw an equally noticeable cloud of dust and explosions below it. “Huh. I wonder if that’s those two’s battle.” It took him half an hour to walk over there, carefully hidden in the shadows, of the vast forests that still existed on the planet. His guess was correct, and he spotted a flowing yellow and blue speck flitting about a larger brown object with blasts of chaotic magic. Having absolutely zero care about the ponies of Equestria, the Peach sauntered over, occasionally popping off a branch to nibble on. “Hmm. They seem to be doing well.” Like the historical records he had unintentionally memorized, Discord was exhausted, and decided to let them go, claiming he had a “Plan.” Years into the future, according to Fluttershy, there really wasn’t any sort of plan, besides waiting to break free. Also, from conversation with Twilight that he never really wanted to participate in, but apparently using the Elements felt great for the first few seconds, then became incredibly draining. “Opportunity~~” he sang, going into a loping run. As he neared, he could see the glow of the Elements charging. He leapt into the air behind them. “HA! Gotcha!” He threw a peach core hard at Celestia. The distracted Alicorn could do nothing as it bounced off her head, which gave quite a satisfying “clonk.” Peach fell from the apex of his jump, an arm pulled back and cores spinning at full speed. He never noticed the beam from her shuddering, nor how it started to turn orange when the core passed through it. Right before he hit her head, he heard a loud, but clear, Snap Time froze. Peach’s eyes bulged. Mentally, anyways. No. No no no no. It was perfect. What is it now!? Slowly, he began to move backwards. Time was still frozen. He went back through the forest, phasing straight through the trees at increasing velocity. Then he went through the towns he rampaged through, and he stared in disbelief and horror, because the matchsticks he left the place with now rising up again and becoming recognizable houses. Bloodstains and smears coalesced into ponies, looking completely carefree. Fires birthed out fresh wood and submerged houses dried. Noooooooooo Still he was constantly accelerating backwards. Within minutes he was back where he started. He hovered in the air for a split second, then came crashing down into the Earth. There was a sound of thunder. He then faceplanted onto cobblestone road. When the echoing in his mind faded, he realized that the ‘thunder’ was just a really loud and distorted finger snap. He blearily raised his head and stared crosseyed and the talons in front of him. Discord smiled sweetly at him. “Oh, thank you, so, so much for setting the events in motion that would create the Equestria today!” “....what?” “Oh, you know. Our ponies wouldn’t be nigh indestructible if it wasn’t for you showing me the Magic of Friendship so early on.” Peach stared at the draconequus for a few moments, his gut starting to churn at the distinctly wrong way Discord was acting. He took a deep breath. “FUUUUUUUUUUU--”