//------------------------------// // II // Story: The Flutterheart Diaries // by lilinuyasha //------------------------------// “Rise and shine!” yelled Trey, bursting into the foal’s rooms. “Just 5 more minutes...” said Anacrusis. “Nope! Breakfast is ready! Mom made your favorite!” “Pancakes with hay?” “...and strawberries?” added Flutterwing. “Abolutely!” said Trey. “Now get out of bed and come eat!” Reluctantly, the two foals dragged themselves out of bed, combing their manes, getting ready for the day. Once done, they joined the breakfast table, where Trey and Fluttershy were preparing the food. “I knew you’d want to have a good meal for your first day of school.” said Fluttershy. “I hope you like it!” “Thanks, Mom! You’re the best!” “Oh...well what about Dad?” said Fluttershy, trying to be diplomatic. “Eh. I’m alright. You’re a lot better, though.” said Trey, nudging Fluttershy a little. Trey took a small bite out of the pancakes, savoring it. Fluttershy was a lot better cook than she let on. She had a lot of hidden talents. Singing, cooking...it all added to the features Trey loved in her. “Done!” said Anacrusis, beaming. Trey glanced over, finding that, indeed, he’d finished. Didn’t he just get his food 30 seconds ago? “Now don’t eat too fast...you don’t want to get a tummy ache!” said Fluttershy. “I’m not, Mommy!” said Flutterwing, who was still half finished. She’d eaten more then Trey and Fluttershy combined at that point. “You foals eat like Pinkie Pie...” noted Fluttershy, almost amused. “They’re going to eat us out of house and home...” said Trey. “But...I like the house...” said Flutterwing. “It’s an expression, Flutterwing.” said Trey. “Besides, shouldn’t we be heading off to school by now?” “But it doesn’t start for another 30 minutes! And it’s only a 5 minute trot!” “It’s always a good idea to be early and punctual.” said Fluttershy. “It works for everything. Trust me.” she added, winking at Trey. “Now, let’s go!” *** “Are these the infamous Bandmaster’s children?” asked Cheerilee, smiling. “Infamous? Oh, they’re not that bad.” said Fluttershy. “Oh, I’m sure they’re perfect. It’s good to see their bright smiling faces!” “Told you she’d like it.” said Trey, nudging Anacrusis. “Now come on, Flutterwing...” said Fluttershy, nudging her along. Flutterwing tried to hide behind her mom, afraid to greet Cheerilee. She clung tightly onto Fluttershy, afraid to let go. “Flutterwing, it’s going to be alright. We’ll be right back here after school. We’re not leaving you.” said Trey, smiling down at her. Flutterwing slowly nodded, hugging Fluttershy even tighter, before slowly letting go to hug Trey. Trey beamed at this, patting her on the back. “Just have fun in there, alright?” Flutterwing looked up at Trey, with her big blue eyes. She had her mother’s eyes. Seems nearly all of Fluttershy’s traits went to her. She smiled. “I love you, Mom. I love you, Dad.” “I love you too.” said Trey and Fluttershy in unison. “Now, go get ‘em, tiger.” Trey said, as Flutterwing galloped off, smiling as she stepped into the classroom. *** Well, life seems to have gotten more interesting and unpredictable. So you know how I said that Celestia had another prize for the winner, aside from the major performance? Yeah, I got notified of it today. Apparently, I get to be Celestia’s personal composer for an undefined amount of time. I have no idea why Celestia has taken a liking to my work, Honestly. They’re not even spectacular compositions. Then again, I always say that about everything I do. Here’s to an undetermined amount of time of being Celestia’s personal musician. She’ll get tired of me soon. But one pony who’s not getting tired of me yet is Fleur Bouquet. After that night I stayed over, she asked to have me over yet again. I told her I’d think about it, seeing as she asked me after lunch. I honestly had to debate it. On one hoof, I think the physical contact could lead to something special. On the other hoof, the physical contact could lead to something special. It’s like two sides to the same same coin. If something special happens, it’s probably a good thing for me. (Let me clarify special means a relationship.) It would probably help develop me as a pony, seeing as my anti-social ways, especially since I don’t understand relationships at all, hinder me from any potential contact. I shut myself off from what I don’t understand. And frankly, I don’t understand Fleur, what she’s doing, what she’s trying to do. So, perhaps this could help me open up and start to understand the world of today, where relationships don’t seem to function like they did 50 years ago. I understand the world of 50 years ago. I can function in that world. Modern days? No. I don’t understand it. Maybe she can help me to do so. But on the other hoof, getting involved in a potential relationship, even though its a little far fetched, is a risk. I don’t know if I’m ready to take risks. I’m 20 years old, I know I should be, but after my past of taking risks...I just can’t afford to. Anyways, There’s always been two parts of my mind to a relationship in general. The part in me that wants one, and the part in me that knows better. Basically, while I so desperately desire some sort of love and affection from a mare, I know a lot better than to bring that upon her. She deserves better, honestly, and I won’t let her settle for me. Anyways, I decided that I’d put it off till the weekend. My roommate will be gone, so I’ll invite her for a movie. Perfectly normal stuff. But then most likely she’ll want to cuddle like she did the other night, and I’ll have to battle with those mixed emotions again. Half of me looks forward to it, half of me doesn’t. That’s the way it works. I can never be so fully agreed on one thing. There’s always a counteraction to the positive things. Counteracting the positive, Trey I’m almost scared to have Fleur come over. I’ve put off thinking about it, but repressed sexual thoughts have taken over again. Sex just sort of...scares me. Just the thought of that kind of contact makes me highly uncomfortable. I know I should be over this, but I’m not. Honestly, I think sex wouldn’t be that big of a deal if there wasn’t a pony on the other side capable of emotion. The times I’ve come into sexual contact, mostly referring to accidental flank contact, I just get so overcome with a sense of guilt and shame that I can hardly stand it. The thought just sort of sticks with me for a while, like some thoughts tend to do. I don’t know...it’s just such a private subject. It should be anyway. I’m such an old soul and this generation seems to treat it with such high regard, almost condoning having it before marriage. It’s all over movies. Hell, even the culture. I always overhear ponies talking about how they’d totally do so and so, how much sex they’ve already had, how they love it so much. Then there’s me, that one male out there who is scared to have it. Scared to try it, scared of the contact, scared of the failure that is typically associated with such relationships. Anyways, Fleur comes over tomorrow night. This is just a little bit of all the multiple thought streams I’ve been having in my head. I’ll never find peace of mind in these matters. Restlessly thinking, Trey Well, Fleur stayed over last night. All in all, it was a relative success. Relative, since I don’t know what our modern society calls a success and if I would be considered having one. It felt like some sort of victory for me personally, anyway. Basically, nothing new happened, for the most part. We put on a movie, cuddled, make out sessions, the usual things that have been happening recently. The only part that stood out, though was when she decided to back up close to my danger zone again. You can probably deduce the disaster that happened. To me, anyway. Basically, her flank somehow managed to nip my danger zone, lightly touching it. I don’t know if she was asleep or not, but I immediately moved my hips back again. It was at this point she muttered “I’m so sorry!” Then an awkward conversation ensued where I tried to reassure her-and myself-that it was just an accident and that it was alright, no hard feelings. Well...yeah. Kinda lied to both her and myself about that. I felt so severely uncomfortable after that I was almost on the verge of tears. Only I would get that emotionally upset. Sigh... On a semi-related note, I’ve been skipping my medication irregularly. Maybe I’m a bit more emotionally volatile because I’m not properly medicated. But yeah, after that incident, the rest of the night went over pretty smoothly. Free weekend. Time for hoofball and composition. No idea what to feel, Trey *** “So, how was the first day of school?” asked Fluttershy as she and the rest of the family trotted home. “It was pretty cool.” said Anacrusis. “It was kinda fun...” said Flutterwing. “Can we go back tomorrow?” Trey and Fluttershy laughed at this for a few minutes, as Flutterwing looked at them with a look of curiosity, wondering what they thought was funny. “Of course you can.” said Fluttershy, smiling down at her. *** “What is wrong with our children?” asked Trey. “What’s wrong? I think they’re fine...” said Fluttershy, pinning her ears back. “No, I’m being silly. They like school. Normal foals never want to go. We have some pretty weird kids.” “Oh. I guess that’s kind of atypical...but I’m proud of them regardless.” “Oh, I couldn’t be happier with them.” said Trey, kissing her cheek. “Now...do you want to hear some more?” “That’d be nice. I never knew some of these things about you.” “You learn something new everyday.” he said, getting his journals again. “Now, where were we?” Weekend went over pretty well. Fleur and I met for lunch. Other than that and the usual competitive sports games, nothing much eventful happened. Guess there’s not really much to write about then. bored, Trey Well life’s interesting yet again. Seems like my life was bland and boring until I got to college, and now all the important stuff is happening. Friends, social activities and circles...relationships... Yeah, Fleur and I are kind of dating. Well I say kind of. We’re all but official. I mean, hell, we’re already kissing, shouldn’t it be a commitment? Apparently, she’s afraid to get in a relationship (Where have I heard that before?) because she wants to make sure things would work out for a while before we got too heavily involved. We’re already making out, I already feel we’re heavily involved, but whatever. I don’t understand the way things work in these matters, so...yeah. Not sure what to think, Trey Apparently Fleur wants to get her friend’s approval before she officially calls it good. She has a thing where her best friend has to give an official seal of approval before she can date me. Is this common amongst mares? Unsure, Trey 1-23-11 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Now on to business. Been a few months since I wrote. I’m going to start dating these things. As of 10-11-10, Fleur and I made it official. She was so impatient she decided to make it official shortly before her friend came into town to visit, to give me the look over. I passed her test regardless. But, the thing is, we’re coming up on 4 months, and I don’t know how our pacing is going. I’m not going to lie...I feel awkward admitting this, but I’ve gone further with her than I could have ever wanted or imagined. We’ve exchanged oral and I’ve even hoofed her. But enough about that. She’s helping me get over my past. I’ve confessed everything (almost) about my past to her and she didn’t run away. She figured out my self-mutilation, my cutting scars, my suicide attempts, and never ran away. That, to me, means more than all of our passionate kiss exchanges. we’re going on 4 months in February. she’s currently sleeping on my bed. I love her so, so very much. We’ve set our minimum dating goal as 2 years...so I’m happy. Yet, I won’t think too far ahead. I’m going to get through this day by day. If she’s mine for another day, I was successful. Maybe thinking like that isn’t healthy, but I can’t help but be cautious. I want Fleur to last. She’s all I’ve ever asked for, well worth the wait. But of course, I’m always worried about screwing it up. She’s so beautiful, inside and out, and I refuse to do anything to hurt her in any fashion. It just wouldn’t be right. So I constantly worry about being a good pony. A good Stallionfriend. I need to be the best. I need to STAY the best for her. She’s the greatest Mare I know...she’s better than me. Smarter, Better, Greater...if I were as good as my Grandfather, I’d be equal with her. That’s saying a lot. She’s out of my league. Far, far out of my paygrade. And she’s taller. (-_-) Whatever. Nothing I can do now or ever, and I’m NOT wearing heels. Proud, determined, bewildered and lucky, Trey