//------------------------------// // Challenges // Story: Order and Chaos // by Tatsurou //------------------------------// Discord smiled across the wide table in front of him at Hermaeus Mora, who was glaring back at him. "So glad you chose to challenge me first," he greeted happily. "It's really going to set the theme for all these challenges...which is why everyone is here watching." He gestured to where the other Daedric Princes and the Nine Divines were gathered to watch the playout of events which would so drastically alter the balance of godly power in Aurbis. Hermaeus Mora, for his part, simply snarled. "Let's just get on with it." He glanced over the deck of cards, the checker board, the chess set, and the bottles and glasses arranged on the table. "So what are we playing? Cards? Checkers? Chess?" He had confidence in those three areas, even if it was a game he wasn't familiar with. There were only so many combinations of rules any of them could be given. "Oh, we'll be using all of them!" Discord countered as he filled the glasses with a brew Peryite had helped him create just for this occasion. It was specifically formulated to intoxicate Daedra. "We're playing Double Cranko!" "...what?" Hermaeus asked uncertainly, not enjoying the fact that Talos, Clavicus, and Sanguine had all burst into laughter while Akatosh, Vivec, and Jyggorath had facepalmed. "What is...Double Cranko?" Discord blinked. "Oh, a newbie to cranking. Alright, we'll do single Cranko for you..." He reached out to remove the checker board. "No!" Hermaeus snapped as he heard boos and hisses from the watchers. "I will not be humiliated by being treated by an amateur! Just explain the rules to me! And make sure I can remember it all." Discord grinned widely. "Of course! Why, I'll even do it...in song!(1)" He quickly set out everything, speaking rhythmically. "First you lay out the cards and set up the chess pieces, using the shot glasses and cups as checkers. Rather straightforward so far but that's where that ends, because now it's time for the new stuff. Show your cards so you can see what you do." As the cards were revealed, Discord continued singing. "Now you've got two faces, which means your hand gives me points, unless you've got a five of another suit for a helping hand. But that only applies if you're playing third edition and it's a Tuesday. Instead drop two cards and add one more, and now you've got three queens. "With the three queens it's time to make a move with the glasses, but you weren't paying attention so you've been jumped on my turn and now you take a shot!" While he waited for Hermaeus to choke down the contents of the glass, Discord began singing. "Cranko! Double Cranko! A game that sounds like it was made by...Wakko! It's so simple, so very simple, That only a child can play it!" As Hermaeus gasped for breath, Discord took his turn. "Now I start with gin, so I add some tonic, giving me three turns on the checker board. But we're playing Wonderland rules since we're in the Isles, but only because it's a full moon. To end my turn and collect my points I need to make the phase change, cause in the waning crescent that's rummy! Now it's your turn and the extra card, and your King's been caught with the wrong three queens which means his queen wants a divorce!" Hermaeus Mora blinked for a time, several of his eyes whirling in different directions as he desperately tried to make sense of what he was being told. "A...divorce? What's a divorce?" Discord patted Mora's cheek condescendingly. "Oh, you poor innocent bastard..." With that, he continued to sing the rules. "So your chess pieces split down the middle as the kids - that's the pawns - go with the Mom and the Knights with the King since he sticks with his boys, but the bishops are arguing the case over who gets the castles and if they meet in the middle they fight each other. So you've got two sides, and it's time to drink again." Unsure what was going on anymore, Hermaeus choked down another shot, gasping for air and starting to get dizzy. "And then it's Thursday so you flip the points on their heads, and then we switch sides and play each other's cards but not the pieces!" With a snap of his talons, Discord swapped places with Mora. "And then you roll the dice and it comes up seven so you take five more shots, and then you king me which gives me your queen since she needs twice the man for her kids. And the checkers are revolting as the second half of the game's played upside down!" As Hermaeus slumped backwards, trying to make his brain work, Discord sung once more. "Cranko! Double Cranko! Where probability might as well be a...ta~co! It's so simple...so very simple... That only a child can play it! Hermaeus stared groggily at the table. "I didn't understand any of that!" he gasped out. With a wide grin, Discord pulled out the cribbage board. "In that case, I think you're ready for Triple Cranko." Hermaeus Mora's face slumped against the table, scattering pieces and glasses. With a groan, he held up a white flag. "Please...no more...just...just stick me in a tutu or something, I give up! I can't make heads or tails of this game." "Well that's your problem!" Discord chided encouragingly. "Coins are First Edition only. We're playing 3.5." "Make it stop!" Hermaeus Mora bellowed despairingly. "Just let me die..." "Oh, you don't die in this game," Discord corrected. "But you did surrender, so I'll take that oath now." (1) The following is set to the tune of 'New Math' by Tom Lehrer.