//------------------------------// // Chapter One Discussions // Story: Equestrian Fanfiction // by Lise //------------------------------// I started reading Mistmount Chronicles. So far have only gone through the first two chapters, but i have some issues I'd like to address. Is the spoiler filter working, or do I need to post in the Rumors section? PaintDrop Hello PaintDrop, Unfortunately, I haven't finished poking the code. CodeFilly has been a lot of help, but we decided to scrap the old approach for something that would allow us greater flexibility for future updates. We're aiming to implement it tonight. Until then, I leave it to your discretion. The TechNightling @all: Check out the new fancy Mod command CodeFilly made for me? :P On a serious note, PrinceEric and Candle are the only ones that haven't read the start of Mistmount Chronicles, so it's up to them to say. I'm fine with whatever (as long as you respect the safe work principle) LyraHands I'm don't care. i'll know what to look for while reading :D @LyraHands: is it okay for you to still send me the first series? I'll be going to Canterlot on a one week exchange program, so can grab them there. PrinceEric This might be fun. Maybe we can have a separate section for full analysis and reviews? It's somewhat spoilery, but could be cool. I know There are a few things I want to say about Brush and Candle's stories. @RRBB: sorry, but I just can't read your stuff. I really tried, but your Danny Saga is not my bowl of oats. Sorry, kiddo. CEOWitch @PaintDrop: I don't mind. @CEOWitch: I'm not sure. I'm still uncomfortable talking about my work. :( Candle Candle, Sorry, I forgot to mention that I finished reading your stories. I definitely think you have potential. I'll go into more detail in private, but I just want to openly say that you should have more self-esteem. Your greatest problem, I think, stems from your fear of consequences. Let me the first to tell you that, it is no longer possible for anypony to find your identity unless you tell them (which I strongly advise anyone against). I would also like to ask you to send me a draft of your work before editing, so I can see your flow then. Cheers, The TechNightling Very well. I'll start my rant. If anyone feels there are too many spoilers, just tell me and I'll delete the post. So, starting with the beginning. We are introduced to a small town (city?) called Mistmount located, incidentally, next to a mountain of the same name. The main character (Danny) is an ordinary human who lives with his two sisters (Megan and Molly), suddenly receives a calling in the form of a pegasus who flies from Equestria to tell him he must save two worlds. I'll forgive the basic "unwilling hero" cliche, since the story was written rather well considering it's a foal's book. Yet, the whole concept is so unbelievable. I understand that humans are probably different, but what parent would leave their children alone like that? We only know he has parents thanks to a two sentence description of the family picture in the living room. No offense to anypony, but only a colt would fall for that. Danny, by my estimates, is somewhere in high school. Molly his older sister is working as an intern in a corporation, and his younger sister Megan is said to be too young to work. I'll say that she is about cutie mark age. How does someone just go on a crazy adventure like that without thinking of any consequences? Sure, they are children (they are written like grown up foals), but still there could be a bit more realism. They never work and yet they always have money! This is precisely why I avoid colt fiction in general. They provide some grand adventure and don't bother with the small details. I swear to the stars, Brush's stories are ten times better! Moving on. Danny learns that his dreams are actually the only means for him to talk to Zeus, who is an ancient deity who everyone's forgotten about, yet at the same time information could be found in the first public library! I'm amazed they didn't find out through an aethernet search. Danny gathers five random people, who he's hardly met before, and makes them enter an abandoned mine in the mountain. The total trust thing I can understand. It’s also a nice touch that Zeus is imprisoned there and can only reach out to people in the city. But, why are the magic corps letting it play out without interfering? It's almost as if they don't care. I don't know, girls. I'm not sure I can go on. :( PaintDrop @PaintDrop: read chapters 5, 11, 10, and 4. In that order. Brush @PaintDrop: you mixed up the sisters :P Megan is the older one. Molly is the kid with a crush on Bellucio. And for the most part you are right. The guest serious is notorious for missing out "life details." For the most part it's the world and the characters who pulled me in. To make any real sense of things, you have to read them in the order Brush suggested, then continue chronologically. If you still don't like it, maybe MC is not for you. The problem (well, it isn't exactly a problem) is again the target audience. Colts, especially that age, don't care about mundane details. They just want adventure, action, fights, and sexy mares when they get older. Think of their minds as a checklist. Stallions like checking things off. They can't stand the idea that there's something connecting everything so the lack of connection doesn't bother them. MixaMax @PaintDrop: no offense, but you're a kid. Just because something exists doesn't mean it has to be explained. What MixaMax said could pass, but there's one other thing: minimum load. In the military there are two things that are key: fly light and only have the essentials. If everything is described the stories will become boring (as Mixa said) and also each chapter will be the size of a small book. Not many readers will pick it up, even if they could afford the price. Here's an example. If I ask "how do I get to Canterlot?" you don't start describing wind currents, airspeed velocity, training paths, and such; you just say "fly over X, make a turn at Y, and you'll see it atop the mountain." Same thing in MC. There's enough plausibility not to bother with the small stuff. We know the great eight have parents, we know that money isn't an issue for most of them, we assume they intake and exhale... CEOWitch @MixaMax Think of their minds as a checklist. Stallions like checking things off. They can't stand the idea that there's something connecting everything so the lack of connection doesn't bother them. Life makes so much more sense now. @CEOWitch: and you sound like a bitchy stallion. Are you sure you didn't typo your username? PaintDrop @PaintDrop: a Brush can dream... Brush