//------------------------------// // 8 - Fact Checking (Dash/Twilight Quest Part 1) // Story: Cataclysm // by Meep the Changeling //------------------------------// Twilight - 18th of Megan, 17 EoH EUP Airspace Command, Canterlot - Equestria I had the authorization to be here ever since I’d become a princess, but I hadn’t ever even thought about coming here. Maybe that was a little bit stupid of me. I was a princess, I should at least know what our military bases are like, right? I shook my head slowly. When this whole thing was done, I was going to tour each base within a hundred kilometers of Ponyville. I needed to be more up to speed about what kind of resources were at my disposal in emergencies. For example, the EUP Airspace Command, conveniently located in a large cave just beneath Canterlot’s support structure, had no less than six fire suppression airships on standby at all times. Rarity had loved the base's dock’s design. The whole thing was carved out of the crystal caves, and used the natural crystal spires to form the walkways and support pillars, while the bare stone formed a massively tall arching roof. Naturally everything had been properly decorated by pony standards. You can’t just leave a huge wall blank, or support pillars uncarved. That’s just lazy. The huge fort-like ship hanger also had a bunch of transport ships docked, as well as two large battleships. I honestly didn’t think we’d even have warships anywhere but the borders, but apparently Celestia was just a little bit paranoid after the Canterlot Invasion, and Luna has insisted mundane ‘fire support’ be available for the capital within three minutes. That was a good idea in my opinion. Chrysalis may be dead, but who's to say some other changeling hive wouldn’t attack one day? Their sheer numbers make them more dangerous than anything less than a draconic Legion. I shuddered at the thought of a thousand armored adult dragons ready for war. Guh. Why did I go to Drake? Even friendly dragons are terrifying in that large of a group! “Are you alright, Twilight?” Celestia asked me worriedly from just over my left shoulder. “Yes. My train of thought took me back to Drake. You didn’t warn me clearly enough about their legions,” I grumbled, still a little upset by that even these years later. After all, I had wet myself in front of a foreign dignitary… That’s maximally embarrassing right there. “I’m sorry. I know how scary it can be, I have prey instincts too,” Celestia reminded diplomatically. “It’s hard seeing that many apex predators at once. Nopony blames you.” “I just hope Shy can deal with it better than I did,” I sighed, looking up at one of the four airships which were drifting off into the distance. Fluttershy and Rarity had been given two stealth airships to use. The small, long, dart-shaped craft were almost completely undetectable once they cloaked. We had a need for speed, which meant Fluttershy would be flying over Shorefall, and Rarity would be flying to it. They had established a ‘no fly zone’ for Equestrian airships over their territory. The two black ships shimmered, rippled and vanished as I watched. The advanced thaumaturgy rendering the crafts invisible even to my arcane senses. Not bad, not bad at all. “She’ll be fine,” Celestia said decisively, the tip of her nose visible in the corner of my vision as she nodded. “If our universes are as parallel as they seem to be, her family switched places with the Blackbolt Family. Are you familiar with them?” I searched my memory for a few moments, then shook my head no. “I can’t say that I am,” I answered truthfully. “Nopony is. Not officially. Ask Caramel Bonbon sometime. She knows, and the official records were expunged,” Celestia said almost happily. “Suffice to say, Shy may be frightened of monsters, but they should also be frightened of her.” Ah yes, the famous Equestrian Secret Service. I found it extremely annoying that not even I could know what they were doing, who they were, where they were… Then again, with how easy a simple invisibility charm makes spying on others, perhaps the paranoid conspiracy theorist levels of security were warranted. “There’s also Fluttershy,” I said, changing the topic. “And Rarity too. What did we do to Shorefall? Why are they passively hostile towards us?” “That’s a very old story. It’s also a very long story. In short, I failed to act in time during the Germane War and their palace was destroyed. They lost a good deal of irreplaceable national treasures. Including a room made from solid amber, which had been carefully moved four times throughout their people’s history, originating in their dynasty’s first castle beneath the sea,” Celestia lamented sadly. “While they no longer are mad enough to think about war, I doubt the wound will heal for another few hundred years.” Jade cleared her throat politely. “Those ships will make it through without a problem, right?” “They will. I had one hover over the Emerald hive for a week, and then asked them if they could see it, or had seen it. They had not, but were able to find it once I told them it was there by spotting a ‘gap’ in the air currents. Amber Glass designed an excellent stealth system,” Celestia proclaimed with pride. “Their surprise was a welcome relief. I’m glad to have outpaced them in one area.” “It’s not a competition,” I giggled, shaking my head with a smile. “They are basically a Dutchy of Equestria, and Luna is personal friends with two of their major leaders.” “Yes, but they are not the only people to have discovered precursor ruins,” Celestia said to herself. “It’s not them I’m glad to fool. It’s their technology being beatable which pleases me. Hypothetically, what happens if one day the Kind of Hound discovers some of their ruins? Or the Saddle Arabian Caliphate? Do you think they would decide to use their new technology for industry?” I frowned and shook my head. “Um, well, yes. Good point. Maybe we should strengthen diplomatic ties with those nations. I’m certain that-” “I was going to ask you to do something about Hound this month, actually,” Celestia interrupted. “Unfortunately, this takes priority… And I doubt you would accept the duties. Though come to think of it, your Counterpart might be happy with that particular proposal…” I blinked, turning to look at Celestia, quite confused. As I turned I saw her look at Jade and wink. Jade immediately blushed, the white glow coming from her cheeks just a bright as any candle flame. “Hehehehe! R-really?” Jade giggled, a her face splitting in an ear to ear grin. “Every thought of it,” Celestia replied with a playful smile. “Hey! Telepathy is unfair!” I protested, lips pulling back into an irritated pout. “Especially when you’re talking about me while standing next to me!” Celestia cleared her throat. “Yes, but I don’t want you distracted for your part in the upcoming mission,” she explained diplomatically, giving me a short nod. I was having NONE of that. Giving Celestia my best stink-eye I demanded, “Tell me what it is. The longer I can think about it, the better decision I can make. I’ve got a whole world to search for somepony. I’ll have down time!” Celestia sighed and shook her head slowly. “Alright… If you insist,” she began. “On one condition, we discuss this seriously when you return and the Elements are repaired. Agreed?” I frowned, then nodded. Just how serious was this? “Agreed.” “King Bull’s youngest daughter fancies you, Twilight. So much so that he actually sent a proposal for an arranged marriage,” Celestia answered. I felt one eyebrow raise of it’s own accord while my eyes dilated to different positions. “I, but- wh- I… WHY!?” I demanded. Granted, mares were nice, but that’s not okay to do! The book had been very very clear on what a correct relationship is, and since stallions were also nice- “Flash knows he’s passing on soon, I don’t know if you’d be willing to marry a non-pony, let alone a female, but you should at least court her. You could be friends if nothing else, and that would go a long ways to easing our two nations… Nonexistent friendship,” Celestia soothed, giving me an understanding smile. “But that’s not a problem for now, we can-” “I just don’t get it. According to Rigid Values’ Manual for Proper Adult Relationships, same sex pairings will always experience heightened misery due to failing to fulfill the basic instinctive gender roles within a relationship. Why would anyone choose to date someone of the same sex?” I asked outloud accidently, eeping immediately as I realised I’d spoken those thoughts allowed. Celestia blinked grinned then laughed, shaking her head in genuine amusement. I took a step back, confusion building up as I watched her react as if I’d just told a well thought out joke. “Thanks, Twilight. I needed that. How do you even know about that trash? I could have sworn I successfully had all copies burned decades before you were born. Did you find the destruction order?” Celestia asked curiously. “W-wait, you had them destroyed?” I asked, ears raising in alarm. “WHY!?” “I- what do you mean why?” Celestia asked, eyes flicking wide open in genuine surprise. “Because Rigid Values wrote pseudo-scientific propaganda designed to force social change towards a disharmonious state? Worded specificly to sound like real science to younger pon- Oh buck, you actually read that book!” Celestia groaned, eyes shutting tightly in an immediate grimace, both forehooves reaching up to rub her temples gently. “Um… Yes?” I answered, taking a step back, suddenly eleven years old again, recoiling from my teacher’s ‘anger at a failure. Celestia reached out and grabbed me by both of my shoulders, and looked me directly in the eyes. “Twilight Sparkle, I have failed you. You told me you already knew about relationships when I proposed teaching you sex ed. I believed since you were the most academic filly I’ve ever known that you had found the appropriate materials and educated yourself properly. That was a mistake! Not your mistake, but mine. “Every last word of that text is wrong. All of it. I know that must be hard to believe after fifty years, but that text is not true. Not one page of it. It’s propaganda written by a member of a Stallions First cult and was intended to make a generation of mares easy to subjugate. Hence, why I burned it. It is not a scientific text. It was not peer reviewed. Do you understand?” “But, but that can’t be!” I protested, shaking my head roughly. “He was right! You do pick what sex you like!” Jade facehooved hard enough for the gesture to echo off the hanger’s walls. “Twilight! I- You…” She sputtered. “You’re bi! Anyling you’ve ever talked to can taste that in our emotional signature. You have a choice because you like both. Many ponies don’t get that choice. You are ‘special’ in that respect.” “This… This is a long, long rabbit hole,” Celestia groaned, sitting down and shaking her head in disgust. “Twilight, I should NOT have mentioned anything about this until AFTER the crisis because you and I need to have one more proper lesson. Now I know why you wouldn’t kiss Flash for the wedding photo… Ugh! The minute this is all over, you and I are going to sit down, and I am going to show you why everything in that garbage book is wrong, and we will go over everything properly. Do you understand?” I felt my ears droop during her rant. I hated causing her any distress and I could see that I had but… What did I do wrong? “N-no,” I answered. “I don’t get what I’ve done wrong.” “Nothing. You did nothing wrong. I did something wrong,” Celestia groaned before sighing and standing back up. “I didn’t check on what you were teaching yourself and as a result you hurt yourself. That’s fine. We can fix it, and we will fix it. “But for now… We have a crisis on our hooves. Twilight, you’re a wonderfully smart mare. I know this is a painful moment for you, I can see it in your eyes. I also know that you can focus better than anypony I’ve ever known. I want you to take this whole conversation, put a pin in it, and not even think about it again until this is all over. Focus on finding Megan, and nothing else. Understood?” I bit my lip, and nodded. “I… I think so.” “Can you do it?” Celestia asked looking me in the eyes with a steely seriousness I’d never known she even possessed. This was bad. Really bad. She needed to be able to count on me. And this whole mess had me really emotionally distressed… I took a deep breath, brought my right foreleg to my chest, and exhaled, extending my foreleg slowly with the breath. I could do this. Focus on what was important. My possible mistake could wait for later. I took a deep breath, brought my right foreleg to my chest, and exhaled, extending my foreleg slowly with the breath. What to focus on? The Elements were broken, something had to have been the cause of that. But what? No! Not that, the mission. Focus on the mission, Twilight! I took a deep breath, brought my right foreleg to my chest, and exhaled, extending my foreleg slowly with the breath. Come to think of it, I had no guarantee that magic would work on the other side of the moongate. “Um, Celestia,” I asked with a concerned frown. “It may be possible that magic won't work in Megan’s world, you know, like how it wasn't working in the mirror world pirior to my, um… You know. Messing with the portal. “We should pack enchanted and mundane equipment to help us incase our spells can do nothing. It also may be a good idea to bring clothing, because I’m fairly certain that the portal is what gave me clothing last time. It would also be a good idea to pack some gold, it may also be valuable to those who live on the other side and we may need to buy items or information.” “An excellent Idea, Twilight, I’ll add some money and mundane gear to your mission packs,” Celestia said with a relieved smile. “How the buck did you just do that!?” Jade asked, her mouth agape. “You just shut down your whole limbic system, restarted it, and focused on something else!” I blushed and pawed the floor beneath me. “I um, well my brother says I’m like a god of logic…” Celestia laughed. “Very true. Twilight is a very special mare, miss Jade. She is a lot like if Starswirl and Clover were smooshed into one pony,” Celestia said with a wistful sigh, clearly remembering her past. I wish I had those memories. It would be so neat to see Equestria’s two greatest mages in person! Jade’s eyes widened oddly. “Oh! That’s right,” she exclaimed rapidly. “Twilight! I need to tell you something extremely impor-” “Nope! That’s enough important segways for one day,” I said, raising a hoof in the ‘stop it’ gesture. “We’re finding Megan, then we can deal with other thing. Celestia, did you already include respirator charms? They may have a different Atmosphere. Lyra’s twin said her home had a different atmosphere.” I wasn’t going to let this mission fail. One mistake was too many to have at one time. Rainbow Dash- 18th of Megan, 17 EoH The Broken Lands - The Outbuck Everypony always asks me what it’s like to see the land blur and shoot past like a rocket. That’s not how it works. Not for me. Sure, things blur a little bit as I pick up speed, but as soon as I start to trail, everything slows down. It’s less like I’m going fast, and more like everything else is super slow. I can watch other pegasi wings slowly move, see each feather individually cycling between upstroke and downstroke positions. And I just glide right past them, like they were standing still. I once even spent a little bit looking at a forest fire and watching how the flames moved. They don’t just flicker and twitch, they slide and ripple and flow, just like water! I could easily put my hoof on the flames and trace them as they moved, and then just move away before the fire could even think about burning me. It was totally awesome! Unlike today. Everything about today was the worst. The absolute bucking worst! Stupid Celestia, making me get this dumb stone before finding AJ… I had nothing against the robot Fluttershy but did everypony else seriously think that would work? Yeah right... I may be a pegasus, well, half pegasus, but I still don't have unicorn magic. Even I know that magic is extremely picky about what it lets fly. We NEEDED AJ. Thank goodness I could get this done inside an hour tops. Then I could find her. Who knew what horrible things could be happening. AJ wasn’t as bad as she used to be! She’d gotten way more flexible over the years. She wouldn’t just run off because she placed second or some dumb horse apples like that again. I’d helped her grow. Just like she’d helped me. I wasn’t half as arrogant as I used to be. My ego had deflated a little bit. I had the love and attention I’d always needed. AJ was there to give it to me. I owed her big for that. She wanted to know my family, ironic, since without her I would never have actually gone looking for them. It was thanks to her that I could put my pride away and be not only comfortable being around, but also happy to learn from someone even better than me. Who knew what could be happening to her! A rogue changeling queen could be trying to take Chrysalis title of ‘Evilest Bitch in the Universe’ and have her stuffed full of eggs as a living incubator! Sombra could have returned and brainwashed her to slowly pull herself apart one muscle fiber at a time to the tune of Ode to Joy. I shudder mid air, almost losing altitude from the reflexive shiver. Why the buck did I read that book on the history of the Crystal Empire!? I could NOT afford to think about all the horrible things happening to AJ right now. I would so crash and burn and at this speed I would be out for DAYS. Anything else brain, think of anything else! I walked down the hallway, coming back from Sugarcube Corner's bathroom. Pinkie had thrown a surprisingly quiet party to introduce everypony to her new coltfriend. Sky was okay I guess. I wasn’t really into brown stallions, but meh, whatever throbs her puss. He had great wings though. As I got a few centimeters from the dining room the second bit of a conversation reached my ears. “Well of course Dash is fast,” Sky said in a ‘no shit’ voice. “She’s got that whole ‘Speed Force’ thing going for her. You know, trails at top speed, lightning bolt ‘logo’, makes right angle turns without shedding veloc-” Speed Force, a stupid name, but that was my mom’s name! That’s the only thing my dad knew about her. He couldn’t even remember what she looked like. They’d hooked up ONCE, both drunk. HE TOTALLY KNEW MY MOM! I blazed across the room, almost tackling Sky as I grabbed him by the shoulders. “That’s my mom’s name! Tell me every bucking thing you know about her!” I demanded urgently, eyes burning intensely. “Woah! Shit! Back the fuck off!” Sky protested, trying to wiggle free of my grip. “I was making a joke! It’s an old comic book thing. Not even a pony comic. The Changelings I live with have a huge hoard of old ass media. It’s just a coincidence! … Dammit, I assumed no one was going to get that joke!” Changeling… Oh Celestia! My eyes widened in shock. My mom could have been a changeling! “I don’t care! Tell me everything!” I insisted even more urgently. Pinkie smiled happily, pronking past my left side. “Yay! Dashie’s getting along with Triggie! Dashie’s getting along with Triggie! Dashie’s getting along with Triggie!” Heh. Yeah, figures that’s where my brain would go. Man eight years is such a long time! I still remember his face when it turned out it really wasn’t a coincide- Oh crap! I just flew over a town! I pulled an immelcolt turn, eyes narrowing in concentration as I scanned the tiny ass, literally nothing but old brownish white tent, not really a town more like a hamlet… Settlement? Nomad village? What the buck did you call like, twelve big house-sized tents atop a rocky scrubland hill with no landscaping whatsoever? It couldn’t be a bandit camp, because it had no defenses, or guards, or even a sign reading ‘Bandit lair. Buck off.’ Just tents, some laundry lines of all things, and a few ponies going about their daily business. My eyes locked onto one taller dark orange furred stallion. He looked like somepony who knew the place. And he had a stetson on. That made him better than anypony else here. Cuz AJ wore a stetson. Bucking ponyfeathers, Dash! You pick the one pony here who resembles AJ… I twisted my body, contorting my wings to pull myself to a total stop in that one instant. The stallion yelped, almost tripping as I seemed to just teleport into view with a rush of wind that blew his hat off. “Sorry!” I apologise, racing over to grab his hat and set it back on his head. “I’m looking for a Starstone. Do you know where those are? And what they are? And also how I can get to where they are?” Celestia had told me all of that but I kinda had been too pissed off to listen to her… “Um- Y-yeah!” The stallion stammered in a thick Oatbuck accent, shaking the shock of my appearance out of his eyes. “You wanta togoo just a hair left of north from ‘ere. It’sa big valley, ‘bout three day’s walk from here. You'll know you're there when you see ether the bigass house carved into the crater rim at the far en of the vally, or one o’ them monks that live there. I don't know what the stones are, but that's where they are, the monks guard them.” “Thanks, dude!” I replied turning north and taking off again at my full speed, the sharp crack of my sonicboom thundering through the air three heartbeats later. Good, I hadn’t accidently deafened everypony in that town. Good. Especially since he looked just like a stallion version of AJ. Too bad she was girls only! It would be AWESOME to get him and AJ together for some- NO! Don’t think about her! Mission, think about the mission! Buck I can’t not think about her! Anything else, please brain! Anythin- The tacky thing strapped to my barrel itched like crazy. It hadn’t itched before Sky switched it on, but it did now. The stupid thing was making some crazy weird electric fields. If I made them on a big scale in the air I’d probably make a ball lightning storm. “Okay,” Sky said slowly. “That’s about it. If this works, no doubt about it, you channel Speed Force.” “I still don’t get it…” I mumbled to myself. “Well, in theory, everything up until now could technically be done with Twilight level pegasus magic. You and I believe differently, but this will prove it,” Sky explained with a weary sigh. “The Tachyon Enhancer is built to function as close as I could get to how it’s described in the fiction. If it works, it’s because you had speed force energy that could be absorbed by it to function. “Which could also in theory mean your mom really was from another universe where all of the fiction is real. Which should exist, because multiverse theory.” “No,” I said, rolling my eyes at the dumbest smart pony alive. "Why can't I fly?" "Because, you already travel at hypersonic speeds while flying,” Sky elaborated. “I'm afraid if we might reach escape velocity with this thing going. And seeing as how your suit is not rated for zero atmosphere travel and attitude control... It would be best if you stuck to the ground." Did he really think I could RUN that fast? I was barely faster than Applejack- Well buck you too brain! We’re getting drunk sometime in the future, just because of that. You dick! "But what if I reach that speed galloping?" I asked with a worried grimace. "Won't matter, you could reach the speed of light, and you'd still stick to the ground. That's just how the speed force works. You know, if this is for reals. If not, nothing happens. So it’s cool,” Sky said as he bent down to check a few bits on the Tachyon emitter thingie. “Yeah okay, go-” Go? He said go right? I broke into a run, pushing myself as hard as I could go, needing to go faster, fast as possible, gotta make the stupid thing work! Sky ran up alongside me, then fell behind, then pulled alongside me, wings flapping furiously to- Holy buck! I was running faster than a reasonably quick Pegasi could fly! How in the flying- The world stopped moving. Everything froze in place. I could see Sky’s surprised but delighted face as if it were a photograph. What the hay was going on!? I raced over to Sky, grabbing him by a shoulder to ask what was happening. Maybe if I touched him things would start moving again! Or maybe at least he would- Sky twitched the second I touched him, immediately able to move while everything else stood completely still in the odd blue tinted world. “Woah shit!” Sky yelped as soon as I’d defrozen him. “You’re really-” Everything exploded in a ball of bright blue electric light. The desert around the Phoenix turned into a sterile looking white and chrome sciency-looking place. “OH CRAP!” Sky yelped fearfully. Heh, yeah, an appropriate reaction to breaking the dimensional barrier. Good thing he worked out that portal. Ripping a hole in the fabric of the universe through pure speed and super science mumbo jumbo couldn’t be good for the world. I definitely couldn’t visit my uncle as often as I did. Too bad I only got to meet mom once… Then again she was REALLY hard to catch up to. I think she let me. I mean, i’m fast but I’m not a multiversal spirit of speed. Yet. Two exceptionally large mountains suddenly filled my view. They rose from the jagged, smashed-in-pie-crust-like ground below, all the way up to the natural clouds which obscured their peeks. Like something out of a Daring Doo novel. Daring Doo and the Mountains of Eternity, actually. That’s book fifteen. Come to think of it… It was! Ha! I’d found the mountains used for the cover picture! Sweet! My eyes roamed over the mountainsides as I flew through the valley. They were pretty much the same as the rest of The Broken Lands, but less jagged. Brown and green scrub brush running through big outcroppings of rocks and a few scattered patches of big ass trees. I was fairly certain that they were hayifiknow trees. I could tell by the unknown shape. A flash of white caught my attention. Below me, sitting with rear legs crossed atop a rock, a pegasus! No a unicorn? No definitely a pegasus. She was super white, like, REALLY white. Fresh snow white. Maybe slightly more white than Azur, which I think physics wasn’t quite okay with. Thankfully her super whiteness was broken up by a long flowing reddish brown mane and tail, and also a loose flowing dark yellow-gray and muted orange cloth wrap. Not quite a robe, more like a full body outfit made from a few sashes that flowed together like a robe. I could barely make out her cutiemark through a crack in the sash-robe. I was pretty certain that it was a quill and inkpot. Meditating, robe, special talent involving writing. Yep, that’s a monk. Awesome! I banked left and spiraled down, taking care to slow down in air this time so as not to appear out of bucking nowhere. I wasn’t sure if these monks were kung-fu monks, but I decided to play it safe. Just incase they had some kind of actually undodgeable teeth remover attack they taught at her temple. The monk didn’t even open her eyes as I reached ground level and landed a few steps from her on the same rocky outcrop. She had to know I was here, anypony would have heard that landing thump. I’d made sure to just drop so she’d know! Clearing my throat to announce my presence again I decided to just start talking. “Hey, uh, miss Monk?” I greeted awkwardly. “This is kind of an emergency. I really, really need a Starstone. Can you tell me where to find one, also what they look like. I Um, I kinda didn’t listen to the person who asked me to get one too well and, well, you know how-” “Sit, please,” the monk asked with an eerily beautiful voice. My eyes widened fearfully. What the buck!? That was creepy as hell! Nopony sounds like that unless it’s in a movie or radio drama. “Um, okay,” I said taking a seat as quickly as I could. I blinked, face scrunching. What the buck did I do that for!? Sheesh a mare has a slightly startling voice and you just do what she says? Booo! That’s not you Dash! I mean it’s not like she’s AJ or anything. Ugh! Dammit brain. Stop it! Need to focus on- No, wait, buck this. “Uh, ma’am, please this is really really important. Like, entire nation in danger important,” I pleaded, wishing the mare would open her eyes so I could give her my best Sweetie Belle sadface impression. That normally got things wrapped up quickly. “Shhh,” the monk chided, continuing to just bucking sit there like a god damn dickwaffle! I felt my mouth begin to pinch as my frustration took shape. Who the buck was this mare!? Lives could be lost any bucking minute and this bucking asshole wouldn’t spare two seconds to point to a motehrbucking rock!?! “You could just, you know, POINT to one! They are all over here, right?” I demanded, wings starting to twitch irritably. “Why such urgency?” The monk asked quietly, remaining completely unmoving. I felt a blood vessel in my eye pop. “I told you! A whole nation is in danger! Hundreds of millions of ponies, and dragons, and griffons, and all kinds of other people could all be in grave danger at any moment unless I can bring back one of your Starstones,” I snapped, wings flaring angrily. “That’s sort of you know, as ‘urgent’ as things get!” “Seeking the safety of others is an unending, though noble task,” the monk said cryptically. I blinked, lips pulling into a frown. “What?” I asked tilting my head only seconds away to asking what she’d just smoked this morning before it clicked. “OH! Is this like some kind of worthiness test? Can we do it quickly? Please? Like, the short short version?” “The journey to Equestria will take you many days, there is no reason to end my meditation early. You could wait quietly while I finished the evening’s solitude, and arrive no later than you otherwise would have,” the monk said, clearly irritable despite not sounding remotely irritated. Or opening her motherbucking eyes. “Well, if you’d open your eyes you could see that I’m Rainbow Dash, the fastest mare alive!” I informed with another twitch of my eye. “I’ll be home inside of ten minutes of leaving, and I have to bring this back before looking for my missing wife. Celestia’s orders. So she has time to get a search party together. Dumb, but whatever…” The monk sighed and opened her eyes. Her fucking gorgeous blue eyes. What the buck!? Was this like, the temple of supermodels or some crap?! “That’s the real reason for your urgency. Your heart is screaming. Why do you seek to hide behind half-truths? Is not honesty what you hold dear?” She asked. “No, I’m loyalty. Which is why I’m obeying an order instead of ripping the everfree up with my bare hooves tree by tree until I find whatever has my wife and punch it at relativistic speeds!” I objected. “Yes, you are the Element of Loyalty,” the monk agreed. “Applejack is the Element of Honesty, hence, she is what you hold dear. You would think that by living so close, some of her traits would be given to you.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay, so we’re famous. I can understand how you know our names and relationship status,” I said slowly to the most infuriating mare alive. “My wife is missing, presumably captured by whatever horribleness has broken the Elements of Harmony. She’s probably being tortured. Right now. Badly. “What’s faster to say? This entire several paragraph long winded explanation, or a short blurb? Oh and while we’re at it, what’s the right thing to do when someone's life is in danger? Help as swiftly as possible, or be a motherbucking asshole by blabbering about philosophical nonsense!?” “I can see that your love for her is important to you,” the monk said with a short nod. “Why?” I think my eyes literally bugged out of my head at that one. “What?” I asked, jaw hanging slack. “Why is love so important to you, that you allow yourself to be in this much pain because of it?” The monk asked. “Allow!? ALLOW?!” I stapped, rage completely unleashing itself at that densely compressed block of stupid in dumb robes. “What kind of motherbucking dreck covered featherbrained idiot are you!? Maybe you’ve got the self control born of a lifetime of celibacy and, I dont bucking know, whatever the buck monks do for fun, where you can just switch off your heart and become an engine of perfect logic like Twilight after taking a sleeping potion. “Maybe that’s you, but every other bucking pony on this planet can’t do that. Are you so far removed from everypony that you don't’ understand that most of us ARE our emotions? You take all of my emotions away from me and all I am is a fast mare who is blue. Seriously, what kind of vows do they make you take where you can’t understand that!? How long have you lived here, forever? Have you like, never met any non-monk, ever? “Of course love hurts! Celestia's motherbucking flanks, it hurts worse than anything else ever could hope to hurt you. But it’s also the best damn thing in the world. It’s only the one thing that can make the world go from horrible to great! My whole life I had a need for love that I tried to fill by being adored by everypony, but all I really needed was one pony’s love to feel appreciated and worth a buck. Of course losing that makes you feel horrible. What kind of life do you lead where you haven’t ever felt love’s punches or hugs?” I turned my back on the mare, thoroughly disgusted with that disgusting, immoral, waste of space. I’d find anypony else to help me. Or maybe just fly a buckload of random rocks back to Celestia and ask her which one was the Starstone. Buck dealing with this… This… UGH! “Thank you,” the monk said, her voice now oddly kind sounding. “You’ve shown me what I needed to see here.” I blinked and turned around, chest still heaving from my angry rant. “The BUCK are you talking about?” I demanded, glaring at her angrily. “You are right. I did not know how ponies and their emotions interact. Now I do, thank you. You have helped a great deal,” the monk elaborated with a kind smile. “I am sorry for angering you, but I knew I would get the most suitable answer from you when you were too angry to do anything other than speak plainly. As for your Starstone…” The mare paused and looked up into the evening sky. “Long ago,” she continued. “Those who ruled this land before ponies flew above the heavens in chariots of iron. A great foe slew them in but one month, driving them to extinction. A foe which may at last be close to being unmasked. “Long after their end came, a star fell from the heavens, and knocked one of their long abandoned chariots from the sky. The star melded with the chariot as they fell, and when they struck the ground, they smashed the land into that which you see it before you. Even now, it’s shattered remains preserve the shape of this broken landscape, trying to fix that which no longer exists. “You are not looking for stone, Rainbow Dash. You are looking for metal. Dig a leg’s length into the earth, and you will find a Starstone. When you return home, you will find Applejack. I promise.” For buck’s sake! Was that so mtoherbucking hard to bucking say!?! “Thank-” I started to say only to freeze midword, ears standing completely vertical in alarm. She’d just vanished! No poof of magic. No moment to activate a magical item. Just bucking gone! “AHHH!” Yelped, leaping backwards in fright. My heart began to race. What in tartarus had I been talking to? I didn’t even blink, and even if I did I have enhanced perception. That THING just VANISHED. Like it deleted itself from the universe. Oh right. Discord. Duh. The prick. I sighed in relief and took a few steps up the mountainside towards the nearest patch of dirt. I guess he was just bored and took the opportunity to play a little mean spirited, nonsensical joke on me- I froze mid step. Celestia had said Discord was stone again. The shockwave the Elements released petrified him again! It COULDN’T have been him! What are you!? For the love of Celestia, WHAT ARE YOU!?! Buck it! No, get thing and run, never come back again, report unknown entity to the Princesses. I sprinted to the patch of dirt at top speed and ripped up hoof fulls of dirt fast enough to make a nearly solid line of earth. I dug, and dug, and dug, ripping up half the large earthen patch. I had to get out of here, this want okay, this wasn’t okay this wasn't- My right hoof smashed into something metallic, my shoe scraping along its surface and throwing a shower of sparks into my face. Snapping back into real speed as I sputtered, bits of steel dust having gotten into my mouth. Looking down into the now swimmingpool-like hole, I saw a small silver-blue lump of metal poking out of the dirt. It was vaguely starshaped, with the points cupped back in one direction, a bit like a five pointed jellyfish. You could see how it had been shaped from a liquid blob by the air itself in every single last edge. I picked the hoof-sized lump of metal up, the ‘tip’ was smooth and round. No scratches, no dents. It was too hard to chip or scratch when hitting the ground after falling long enough for the metal to cool like this. I had never seen any material like this before. Sure, I wasn’t a smith or an engineer, but it doesn't take a genius to see that something is at the very least exceptionally uncommon. This was a Starstone. I put the lump of metal into my left side saddlebag and flapped my wings, launching into the air at my top speed once again. Stone acquired. Time to GTBO. Screw this valley of eldritch creatures that go bump in the motherbucking DAY! My stomach gurgled angrily, protesting my having been moving at full speed this long. I winced, dropping a few feet out of the air as my wings cramped up. What the hay!? I’d eaten PLENTY before leaving. I should have had the calories to go full steam there and back ag- The sun! The sun had been in the west. Now it was in the east! And Celestia had not moved it herself. The shadows didn’t slide along the ground. They just jumped from one point the other. Poof. Instant change. If It had been anything less than instant, I would have seen the movement. Just like how that thing vanished! Hungry. Recently eaten. Had not used that much fuel. Sun moving without Celestia. Shadows jumping… My eyes widened in horror. Time had literally just dissolved into thin bucking air! BUCK EVERYTHING! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! I rocketed away from the valley as fast as I could, heart trying to hammer it’s way out of my ribcage. I was NEVER coming back here EVER again! Twilight - 19th of Megan, 17 EoH Canterlot - Equestria It was time. The moon was at it’s zenith. The ancient arcane conditions had been met. I watched as the moongate took shape, sliding up from the ground like a blue glowing knife plunging up through a sheet of paper. The gate was rectangular, no bigger than the average house’s door, and two dimensional. It’s bright blue light sent harsh shadows scattering around the Royal Garden’s meditation field. While the gate was bright, the shadows would have been more appropriate for a welding torch. But I did not have time to ponder the oddity, we had a mission to finish. “Ready, Jade?” I asked turning to look at my friend for support. I must admit that I was nervous going through a primitive portal formed by simply turning a natural rift portable… “I’m ready as I’ll ever be, Twi,” Jade replied, wings twitching nervously. I frowned, reached out and grabbed her hoof as tightly as I could. “Here, this way we can’t be separated,” I said reassuringly. “Good plan,” Jade replied with a relieved smile. “On three?” “On three,” I agreed with a nod. “THREE!” Celestia called urgently. My ears lay flat with annoyance. “Celestia… We’re going,” I grumbled. “It’s perfectly safe, this is the exact same portal that Megan used. We’ve only moved it. Go! Don’t waste time!” She urged with extreme fear behind her words. She knew something more was coming. I could tell. The fear behind her words and her insistence on fixing the Elements… She knew what was happening, and was keeping it from us. Again. No. Not this time. “I refuse to go until you tell me why we need the elements immediately!” I said as adamantly as I could manage. Celestia’s worried eyes met my determined ones. This time, she blinked. Celestia sighed, folding and unfolding her wings for a moment before whispering softly. “My dreams show the gates of tartarus opening.” I blinked. “W-when?” “Soon. No definite time, but soon. Hurry! The army can only do so much here… And say nothing. That goes for you too Jade. Creating a panic is the last thing we need,” Celestia lamented eyes  closing tightly. “Please, go. With luck maybe the Elements will work before we’re attacked by everything I’ve ever sealed in Tartarus at the same bucking time…” “Going now!” I exclaimed, eye wide with worry and ears plastered to my head. Still holding onto Jade’s hoof I rushed towards the portal, dragging her along with our heavy mission packs through the blue glowing gate. “WOAH!” I yelped as my face immediately plunged into hard, leaf covered mossy ground. What the heck!? How did- I blinked, groaning to myself as I realized I’d entered the portal as a quadruped, and exited as a biped, but in the same body position as I had been in as a quadruped. Which meant I was trying to balance on my… Toes? Yes I could feel that I had toes. I was trying to balance on my toes while my waist was bent at ninety degrees and I was moving forwards. No biped I had ever seen could hope to do that. I moved my hands to push myself upright. Thank goodness I had gotten used to walking as a biped in the mirror world. It was a little tricky… And cold. Why was I so cold? Jade’s scream of pain shattered my train of thought. I kept upright and spun to face her direction. Jade had transformed as well. She resembled a human, but with some differences. She was very thin, with longer more slender limbs. Over all more elegant looking than the human bodies I was used too. Most notably her skin was jet black, her ears were long and pointed, like blades of grass, and her eyes! Oh Celestia her eyes were creepy! The whites were glossy black, the color bits were bright white, and the pupils were like two doors into the void! But more horrifyingly her left hand and forearm was blistered beyond words, and she was staggering about in pain, completely naked, from patch of light to patch of light the forest canopy allowed to penetrate, and every time she so much as brushed against the light her skin immediately bubbled, boiled, and blistered! Thinking quickly, I ripped my pack off my back and opened it, throwing some of the contents to one side as I dug out a fleece blanket from the bag. “Hold still! Just hold still!” I yelled urgently and as best as I could threw the blanket over Jade. They gray fleece blanket fall over her, almost on its center, falling over her like a foal’s poor attempt at a ghost costume. Jade immediately began to whimper, and sat down, rocking back and forth on the ground. “Hot oil,” she moaned. “It’s like hot oil… Don’t touch the sun…” I frowned, realising that I too could be in danger and looked around myself to see if I was in sunlight. Seeing that I was and was perfectly fine, aside from being completely naked which I recalled being a nono for bipeds, I walked over to Jade and sat down next to her, dragging my pack over to her. “I’m so sorry. I didn't know that would happen. It’s a good thing I packed some healing potions, I didn’t think we would need the so soon,” I said as soothingly as I could while I took one of the small crystal vials from my bag and poked it under the edge of the blanket. I felt Jade’s fingers brush against mine as she took the bottle from me. “It’s.. Okay… We didn’t know… Sun was evil here,” she gasped between painful sounding breaths. “I’m fine, actually,” I admitted with a sympathetic frown. “Whatever analogue changelings have in this world must burn in the sunlight.” “They have all… My sympathy,” Jade whimpered. I heard the cork pop as Jade opened the bottle and took a second to examine myself again. “Huh… This is the same body I had when I was in the mirror world… I wonder if we’re there again, or if this is just what I look like in worlds where humans exist,” I mused before digging into the backpack to retrieve some clothing. I’d gone back to my castle to pack two changes of human clothing, just incase by some chance I’d ended up like this. Thank goodness the mirrorworld Rarity had insisted on taking me shopping for a few more outfits than that dress the mirror gave me. As I slipped on the blue jeans I frowned, realising that I had forgotten shoes, but more importantly… None of my clothes would fit Jade. Turning around, I saw the portal behind us. Maybe she should go back? “Huh,” Jade said slowly, sounding better, the healing potion must have worked as intended. “What?” I asked curiously. “Do you have your magic?” She asked suspiciously. I closed my eyes and reached into the back of my mind, searching for any link to magic at all. “No,” I replied honestly. “I’m definitely human, and they don’t have magic.” “Well um… I still have my magic,” Jade said sounding a little spooked. I blinked. “Like, your changeling magic?” “Yeah. I um, I’m going to try something,” Jade said turning her head and lifting one corner of the blanket to look at me. I looked back, staring into her creepy eye. Suddenly her eye changed color with a wet squelch! Changing from the scrappy black and white eye into a normal human or pony looking violet eye. The skin around it rippled, the black changing to a light lavender color and- “Oh! You’re copying me?” I asked in surprise. “Yeah…” Jade said in my voice. “I didn’t combust… That’s creepy.” I nodded and Jade poked one finger out from under the blanket into a patch of sunlight. I winced, she inhaled sharply, nothing happened. No blisters, no burning. “Oh thank goodness!” Jade exclaimed in relief, throwing the blanket off herself and standing up with a smile. “I am sooooo happy I won't burn shape changed and- WOW, these poor people must be so cold all the time!” Jade reached back down and picked up the blanket, wrapping it around herself tightly. I felt a pang of disappointment in my heart and swiftly squashed it. Just to be safe. Though at least I now knew that I was very attractive in this body! Perhaps we could use hat to our advantage. “Here, put on these clothes. They fit me so they will fit you,” I said as I passed my spare change of clothing to Jade. “Humans wear clothing on a mandatory, ALWAYS basis. It’s really annoying, and stupid, but if we don't we could be arrested.” “For being undressed?” Jade exclaimed incredulously. “That’s stupid!” “HEY!” A loud male voice bellowed. “I heard those screams! You leave that girl alone! I’m coming over there! I’m armed! If I see your face it’s getting blown clean off, you hear?!” Jade and my eyes widened in sudden fear. I reached over to the moongate, dug my hand beneath the dirt and scooped the stone out of place. The gate immediately collapsed, falling into the stone once more. If Jade could use her magic here we could reopen the gate later. But if someone saw magic and freaked out and they were armed… Humans have some VERY cruel weapons! Brush rustled and crackled as a thin, extremely old looking man dressed in what had to be a historic costume burst into the clearing we had arrived in. He had pale red skin, dark black hair, had on a dark blue long coat which did not match anything I’d seen fashion wise, and was holding a weapon I recognised as a pump shotgun, the kind human police had. He was also most definitely exceptionally old. His face was weathered and wrinkled, and he moved with the stiffness of somepony with arthritis. Despite this he moved with an energy unlike anything I’d seen that was most definitely born of righteous fury. His eyes passed over the two of us briefly before politely looking up and then around the clearing. “Where’d he go!?” The old man demanded. “I’ll send a few slugs after him. Ain’t nobody going to do this to two young girls on my property!” I blinked, confused as to what he could be talking about. Jade on the other hoof, pointed to our left. “He ran that way, sir!” The old man spun and raised his weapon, firing three shots. The shotguns blast roared more loudly than anything I had heard recently, including the truck crashing through my house! After firing the third round, the old man lowered the gun and smirked. “That'll learn ‘m,” he chuckled darkly. “Don’t tell him I’ve only got blanks in this old girl. I don’t want to actually have to kill someone. Too much legal trouble at my age… Are you two okay? How far did he get? Do you need an ambulance?” Oh my Celestia! He thought we were being raped! What kind of a world is this where a scream has THAT of all things be the first thing to pop into your mind? “No! No you got here just in time! Thank you,” Jade exclaimed with a convincing grateful sob. “Y-yeah!” I added fearfully, still shaken from the gunfire. “No problem. When I opened this old ranch up to campers I never thought about scum like him calling it a smorgasbord… I keep telling the sheriff they need to get a ranger for this place. Too many bad folks in these parts today,” the old man sighed. “Where are my manners? I’m Pine, Pine Williams. I doubt you girls want to be alone right now. How about I turn ‘round and you get your clothes back on, then we go back over to my set? “I was filming an episode of my cooking show just now. Twenty yards away. I’d just wrapped up. We got a nice eighteenth century cheese curd fritter fresh off the fire. I’ll watch over you two while we get a call out to the police and you can stay the night in my guest room if you want to. Sound like a plan? Or is being around a man the last thing you girls want right now?” Thankfully, Jade took the lead again. “That would be wonderful, thank you so much for your kindness! But we don’t have to call the police. I’m sure you scared him off,” she said as convincingly as she could. Bringing a changeling along was definitely the right choice to make. Thank you, brain! To my surprise, Pine cracked a grin. “Let me guess, you ladies came out here to smoke some Mary Jane in peace? Well… Alright. No police this time. I won't get them involved. I know how it is to be college age. Even if the memories are fuzzy. You go ahead and get dressed. I’ll keep an ear out for that scumbag incase he has less brains than an owl pellet.” I quickly pulled on my shirt, and then turned to help Jade slip into her clothing, since her confused ‘help me!’ look told me that she REALLY needed help due to having no idea. While helping Jade get dressed I decided to strike up a conversation to alleviate the awkward silence. “Thanks for the help, Mister,” I said as I showed Jade how zippers worked via pantomime. Jade gave me a grateful nod, quickly figuring out the rest on her own. “What am I supposed to do, let some young jackass have his way with a pair of twins? Not on my watch! You could have been my granddaughter… W-well if she weren't locked up,” he sighed sadly. “Locked up?” Jade asked sympathetically while I showed her how to button the pale blue blouse. “I’m sorry I- Oh… Did she get in trouble for smoking? Is that why we get a pass from you, sir?” “No, no…” He sighed sadly, looking down at the ground for a moment. “She had some… Mental issues. Held onto her child’s imagination until she was fifteen, absolutely insisted there was a whole magical kingdom in these woods behind my ranch. “My son is… Not the best he could be. I definitely could have raised him better. He decided to have her committed. Poor Megan, she might have been a bit slow to grow up but she didn’t deserve that.” “I-I’m so sorry! That’s horrible,” Jade said walking forward to hug Mister Williams tig- Williams! Megan Williams! Holy buck that was motherbucking eas- Of course a child would find a portal to another world close to where they lived. Children don’t exactly go far from their homes! We needed confirmation. If this was where we had to be... “Um, y-you know, it would be nice to hear about a little fil- Girl’s stories about these woods after, um, that,” I said frowning as I worried my stumble would make him suspicious. “I- I mean if it’s not too painful to talk about!” “And we're dressed now,” Jade added simply before her eyes widened in realization. “I don’t mind talking about her,” Mister Williams said nodding as he looked over his shoulder at us. “I haven’t been allowed to visit her since… I miss her. She loved my old timey cooking. Why don’t you two grab your packs, I’ll dish up a bowl each, and we'll share some silly stories, miss um… What’s your names?” “Twilight Sparkle,” I said reflexively, giving him a smile. Oh no! He thought we were twins and Jade would have a different family name and- “Jade Sparkle,” Jade said smoothly. “And thanks again!” “Don’t mention it and… And that bastard stole your shoes!” Pine said with a glower as he noticed our bear feet. “I kind of wish I had put real bullets down range at him now… Bah, at least no one got hurt. Come on, let’s turn this into a good day for you two. Ain’t nothing bad happening on this ranch that I can’t prevent. Not again at least. Poor Megan was lost for a whole year in these woods when I lost track of her during the worst thunderstorm of the decade and- “And let's save this for the food and fire. Come on, this way.” As Pine shuffled off through the brush Jade and I shared a quick look of worry. How were we going to break someone out of an asylum?