“Wow, I can’t believed we climbed to the peak of Dragon Mountain, but it was worth it.” Rumble panted in exhaustion. “So are we really gonna go all the way?”
“We went all the way to the peak of Dragon mountain! How far do we have to go already?!?! Can’t we just make out?” Scootaloo angrily waved her flank in Rumble’s face.
“Uh, Scootaloo what are you doing?” Rumble asked awkwardly.
“Stare at my Cutie Mark and think about awesome it is!” Scootaloo commanded.
“Uh… Scootaloo…” Rumble stammered in fear. “What do you think ‘making out’ is?”
“WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS???” Scootaloo screamed at her victim.
For years after that day when questioned on the subject, Rumble would only respond, “Weird”, “Creepy”, and “That was NOT ‘making out’ man!”
-=-=-=-=-
“Scootaloo we want ya to know we’re your friends.” Apple Bloom addressed the assembled Crusaders, including Gabby, but sans Babs and Pip, who had other pressing business at sugar cube corner.. “We’re not here to make fun of ya. And we’re not here to laugh at ya. We got that all out of our systems before the meeting and we are here to help ya.”
“Making out does not involve stabbing with arrows or flank waving.” Sweetie Belle cut in with a stern but authoritarian voice. “It’s just Prench kissing and mane petting and stuff.”
“Wow, that actually kinda make sense, but you’ve gotta go ‘all the way’ to the most awesome place you can find to make it count more!” Scootaloo beamed with newfound knowledge. “It all makes sense! So if I can take Spike all the way to somewhere really awesome and we Prench kiss and he pets my mane then I can still win this! Scootaloo is still in the game!”
“Do you even remember what this was even all about?” Apple Bloom rolled her eyes and heaved a long sigh, knowing what responce to expect. “None of this works how you think it does Scootaloo.”
“THAT'S NOT THE POINT!” Scootaloo screamed. “Still. In. The. Game.”
“I hate to be the one to keep blurting out the obvious, but you kind of sank that ship when you made Spike fall in love with Pinkie Pie.” Sweetie Belle shank back as she delivered the unfortunate truth.
-=-=-=-=-
“Wow Pinkie Pie, you’re the cutest most awesome pony ever” Little heart shapes bubbled in Spike’s eyes.
“It’s a good thing you brought him straight here.” Twilight spoke grimmy. “This is definitely the work of a cursed artifact.:” After a moment of thought she added, “Starlight? I need you to investigate a certain magic shop. Actually take Trixie, it’ll make a good friendship lesson.”
Starlight Glimmer rolled her eyes and walked out of the room.
“Do you think you can snap him out of it?” Pinkie leaned in with concern causing the monitors attached to the dragon's head to practically explode with activity,
“Wow, Pinkie, I can’t believe I never noticed how incredibly cute you are.” Spike sighed in a dreamy voice.
“Yeah I know, right?” Pinkie rolled her eyes, and then turned on Twilight. “But you can fix him?”
“Oh sure reversing the spell should be easy at this point.” Twilight nodded absent before furrowing her brows, “and you say all this started with Scootaloo trying to make out with Spike?”
“Uh huh.” Pinkie nodded. “We had all been playing a little O&O over at the Apple farm and I got twitch so I went back check on Spike.”
“Well it’s good thing you brought him straight here, had you done anything at all to reinforce the enchantment then we could have real problems”
“Weelll, Twilight, it’s kinda like this…” Pinkie absently traced random patterns on the floor with her hoof.
“Pinkamena Diane Pie, what did you do?” Twilight sparkle cast her most annoyed glare on her friend. “You made out with Spike didn’t you?”
“All the back to Ponyville.” Pinkie grinned sheepishly.
“Pinkie Pie! We haven’t even figured out if he counts as an adult pony or a baby dragon yet!” Twilight groaned and face hoofed. “Honestly I don’t know if I’m a really cool big sister or a really horrible mother! We’re in uncharted territory here Pinky Pie! You can’t just make out with Spike!””
“This was never such a big deal when Rarity was fawning over him.” Pinkie Grumped.
“It’s no problem. I’ll just ask Celestia. Making out with Spike probably isn’t a criminal offense. Spike take a… oh right.” Twilight continued he panicked rampage.
“Sweetie Belle told me all about what happened, where’s my little Spikey Wikey?” Rarity burst in the room in a full fit of hysterics.
“Oh, hi Rarity, what’s up?” Spike waved absently from the examination table.
“Oh my! It’s worse than I thought! Twilight, you have to undo this evil enchantment!” Rarity grabbed the princess in her hooves and shook her just for emphasis.
“...and you’re more fun than Rarity, and you’re a better cook than Rarity, and…” Pinkie Pie just grinned while Spike continued to list all the ways she was a better crush than Rarity.
“You CAN fix this right?” Rarity exclaimed.
“Well there’s been a complication…” Twilight rubbed the back of her head.
“It’s just a love arrow darling it’s not that complicated, unless somepony seals the curse with a…” Rarity suddenly stopped dead and shot her pink friend her most evil glare. “Pinkie Pie! You didn’t?!?!?”
“Oh, yeah, and you’re super good at making out!” Spike suddenly added to the list. “I almost forgot about that, thanks Rarity!”
“Spikey Wikey! Do not listen to this brazen pink… hussy!” Rarity stomped her well manicured hoof.
“Hey!” Pinkie Pie glared at her friend. “I didn’t call you any nasty names!”
“But you can’t just ‘make out’ with Spikey Wikey!” Rarity sobbed.
“That’s what I keep trying to tell her!” Twilight fumed in frustration. “I’m not even sure if he’s legally a minor or not!”
“Wait, what now?” Rarity blinked rapidly. “Of course he’s not a minor! We take him with us on life or death missions all the time.”
“Yeah, Dragon Rules, it’s complicated.” Spike shrugged from the examination table.
“What in Tirek’s flank, Pinkie Pie?!?!” Rainbow Dash burst through the door. “You totally plot-blocked Scootaloo! Do you know how messed up that is?”
“Actually, darling, as I was just saying, Spike clearly counts as an adult pony.” Rarity asserted. “It would be, as you put it, ‘messed up’ if Spike were to involve himself with Scootaloo, a filly who is obviously both mentally and emotionally far less mature! What is ‘messed up’ is that Pinkie Pie has stolen my poor Spikey Wikey!”
“Dammit Pinkie Pie, stop making out with Spike! What if you get pregnant!” Twilight suddenly screamed, drawing all attention on the two embarrassed love birds. “And he’s strapped to an examining table for Celestia’s sake.
“I really can’t understand why I couldn’t see before that you liked me like this” Spike grinned stupidly. “I mean the hot air balloon. The burlesque number.”
“So can we fix him?” Pinkie Pie put on her most serious face.
“It would be easier if you would stop making out with Spike.” Twilight grumbled. “Are you booping his nose?”
“What? We were just making out right here!” Pinkie leered. “If anything nose boops are a step down.”
“Pinkie, what if you get pregnant?” Twilight growled.
“Making out and nose boops Twilight.” Pinkie reiterated intensely.
“Where do you think foals come from Pinkie Pie?” Twilight demanded.
“I hate to be the one who answers a question with a question, but where do YOU think foals come from?” Pinkie Pie looked directly in your eyes and whispered. “I don’t think she actually knows.”