//------------------------------// // Embittered // Story: Grief is the Price We Pay // by Scyphi //------------------------------// It had been the last time he and Twilight had privately conversed in depth before he and Thorax were cast out of the Crystal Empire. Twilight had to spend several minutes pacing in the adjacent corridor where she thought she couldn’t be seen before she finally came to stand before the prison cell in the Crystal Castle’s dungeons. Sitting cross-legged on the floor with his arms folded inside the cell, Spike looked back at her with a look that was part sullen and part cross. There was a lot he could say, but he waited for the clearly concerned alicorn to speak first. Frazzled and upset, Twilight ran a hoof through her mane, trying to find a way to voice her thoughts. “I—I don’t even know where to begin,” she admitted finally, almost in defeat. Spike ignored her statement. “Where’s Thorax?” he asked. Twilight frowned. “Never you mind where the changeling’s at.” Spike’s eyes narrowed slightly, showing he wasn’t going to accept that answer. “Twilight…please.” Twilight was silent for a moment longer, but finally her resolve caved. “He’s being kept somewhere separate for now,” she explained simply. “I can’t tell you where, though…” she bit her lip. “…for fear of what you might try and do now if you did.” Spike didn’t respond, but nonetheless satisfied with that answer he sighed and looked down at the floor. Twilight, however, was still trying to figure out where to begin, shaking her head with worry and fear as she pressed one hoof to her lips in concern. “I really can’t believe it, Spike,” she stated. “You’ve stunned everyone with this. Starlight’s floored…Cadance is upset…Shining’s beside himself…and I’m…” She continued to shake her head, feeling tears starting to prickle in her eyes. “…why did you do it, Spike?” Spike heaved a mighty sigh. “Because I had to,” he stated plainly. “Because you had to?” “Fine, because I felt I needed to,” Spike amended. “That’s not much better, Spike!” Twilight declared. “Do you even realize what it is that you’ve done? You broke a convicted enemy out of jail, attempted to aide him in his escape behind our backs, and you assaulted three of the royal guards in the process! Spike, those are criminal charges!” “Hey, I only knocked out one guard, the one guarding Thorax’s cell!” Spike objected. “The one that had been watching over me I simply tricked and locked into a room and Shining Armor caught me before I could really do anything to the third one!” “Spike!” Twilight exclaimed. “This is serious! You realize this has worsened every single thing about this situation, and it’s thrown you right into the thick of it!” “I know!” Spike hollered back, rising to his feet suddenly. “But I wish I hadn’t felt like I didn’t have a choice but to do it! I’m sorry ponies were hurt because of it and it probably was stupid and reckless of me to do and has only made things worse, but Twilight, what did you expect me to do? You were threatening to kick him out into the frozen wastes with nothing and I…” his tone dropped suddenly, turning soft and apologetic. “…I panicked. Twilight, I just wanted to make sure Thorax stayed safe…that’s all.” “And you thought all of this was the way to do it?!” Twilight exclaimed, ludicrous now. “Why is that changeling so important to you anyway that you’ll put his well-being before everypony else’s?” “Because he’s my friend, and right now everypony else isn’t even bothering to give him the same courtesy,” Spike responded strongly, resolute. “And because he’s a good changeling. But I’m done arguing with you about it because it’s clear you just won’t listen! And I wish I knew why, but we’ve spent all day arguing about this going nowhere but in circles and I’m tired of it! So I’m not doing this anymore! Just…whatever it is you want to say, stop beating about and just say it and get it over with already!” Twilight was silent for a long moment, before taking a deep breath and relenting. “Spike, there’s no such thing as a good changeling,” she stated plainly, evenly, and above all, firmly. “You’re trying to sympathize with something that can only mean to do us all harm.” Spike’s expression turned sad at this, and he slowly approached the row of metal bars that divided him from her. “I’m sorry then Twilight,” he said. “But you’re wrong. I wish I could get you to see that…but I’ve run out of ideas on how to do it.” He voice cracked as his emotions started to surface. “Nothing else has worked.” He sank to the floor, turning distraught. Twilight looked at him sadly. “Spike, please,” she pleaded. “End this. Let the changeling go…before more harm is done…before you end up doing something you’ll really regret.” Spike folded his arms around his knees and rested his head atop them, sniffling. “…I can’t Twi. It wouldn’t be right. And as hard as it’d be…I gotta stand up for the moral high ground here.” He took a deep breath. “Right now…all I have left to hope for is that the rest of you will do something to stop before you’re the ones to end up doing something you’ll regret…if you haven’t done it already, that is.” Tears were starting to seep out of the corners of Twilight’s eyes. “Please Spike…” she pleaded again, desperate. “You’re starting to go down a path I just can’t follow you on…not this time. And if you continue down it…” she trailed off, unable to bring herself to say it. Spike made a weak chuckle. “You know, despite everything Twilight…” he began, looking back up at her with a small grin. “…I just know you’re smart enough to not let that happen.” Twilight merely looked back at him, trying to keep a calm face but gradually failing. “Spike, I need to know,” she said. A flicker of fear flashed in her eyes but she otherwise looked Spike hard in the eye. “If you had to pick, right now…whose side are you ultimately with? Our side…or the side of the changeling?” Spike stared back at her. “The right side.” “Which is?” “…please don’t make me do this, Twilight…” “Which side, Spike?” “Since you’re not going to listen to me or give me much alternative, I don’t really have a choice!” “Which side, Sp—” “THORAX’S SIDE!” A long moment of bitter silence fell. “…the changeling’s side?” Twilight repeated slowly, softly, wanting to be sure but fearing the answer. Spike sighed, and sadly nodded his head. “I have to, Twilight.” “…why, Spike?” “Because like I said, I’m trying to defend a friend I’ve made.” He looked her forlornly but seriously in the eye. “Like you taught me to. And if that really means I have to make an enemy of you to do it, even if I don’t want to…then I’ll do it. Because it’s still the right thing to do. Otherwise I’d just be abandoning that friend. And changeling or not…that’s wrong. Especially when I know he’s done nothing wrong to deserve it.” Twilight was silent for a long moment, looking unsure what to say. She swallowed uncomfortably. “There’s nothing I can say that’s going to sway you from that…is there?” Spike looked at her sadly for a long moment as he gave the question some serious thought. But he still nodded his head in the end. “Yeah.” Twilight closed her eyes for a long moment. She nodded her head slowly. “Okay,” she said in a sorrowful whisper. “Twilight…” Spike then went on after a momentary pause. “…whatever happens next…promise me that you’ll keep it from ending badly…that whatever you do…you’ll still do what you’ve got to know, deep down, is the right thing to do.” Now openly crying, Twilight placed one hoof on the bars of Spike’s cell. “Yes Spike…” she agreed between sobs. “…whatever I do…it’ll be the right thing to do.” This cheered Spike greatly. “I’m glad to hear that,” he said softly. Twilight, however, was biting her lip as she finally turned to go, saying one final thing that puzzled Spike. “…don’t thank me yet.” At least it puzzled Spike then at that time. But now, mere days later as Spike lay on his back staring up at the ceiling of the abandoned warehouse while reflecting back on the memory of this event, sleep lost on him, the unspoken meaning behind Twilight’s words was suddenly clear to him. Sitting up as if in a daze, he glanced around the empty warehouse, only faintly lit as it was still some time before sunrise, and confirmed that Thorax, curled up in a ball with his cloak still wrapped around him nearby, appeared to be asleep still. Finding no will to try and go back to sleep himself though, Spike rose and wandered over to where the large crate sitting next to the warehouse windows was. As the crate was taller than he was, it took some work to get up on top of it, but he eventually succeeded and once there, he simply sat there and stared out the windows at the dim view of the Vanhoover cityscape, dwelling on his misgivings, and occasionally being driven to tears. He wasn’t sitting there for terribly long, however, when he heard the drone of Thorax’s wings approaching. “What’s wrong, Spike?” the changeling asked, clearly not as asleep as first thought as he flew up and landed on the crate with Spike. “Oh nothing,” Spike remarked, quickly wiping his eyes and standing, turning to face his fellow exile with a forced smile on his face. “Just couldn’t sleep. Sorry if I woke you up.” He moved to the edge of the crate so to begin climbing down. “But since we’re both up now, we might as well…” But Thorax abruptly stopped him, blocking the dragon with one hoof and looked the dragon seriously in the eye. “Spike,” he said repeated firmly. “What’s wrong?” Spike bit his lip and hesitated to respond, avoiding eye contact. “I know I said last night that being a changeling didn’t guarantee me reliably knowing what you’re feeling all the time,” Thorax continued. “But right now you’re giving off waves of sadness in droves.” Spike closed his eyes and made a sorrowful sigh. “I realized why she let me go and join you in banishment, Thorax,” he finally confessed. It occurred to him that he hadn’t given Thorax any frame of reference of whom he was speaking of, but the changeling seemed to know anyway. “Why?” he asked simply, prompting the dragon to keep going. Spike squeezed his closed eyes tighter. “Because from her point of view…I had made myself seem like a lost cause. She wasn’t going to let herself trust you or see you as anything but an enemy, and thought that if I kept siding myself with you…I was only going to become an enemy in the end too. She didn’t want that, of course, and she tried valiantly to talk me out of it. But what I didn’t notice then was that she saw what looked to her as me going down a dark path, and she couldn’t bring herself to follow me…and she’s a princess…she knows she has the safety of Equestria to look after…so when I made it clear I wouldn’t abandon you Thorax she…she let herself be talked into believing letting me go with you was the safest thing to do…or else I was just going to be a threat.” He snorted suddenly, his sorrow suddenly turning into anger. “She was being blinded though, why couldn’t she JUST—” Spike cut himself short and shook his head, pulling away from Thorax as he worked to stuff the storm of emotions back down within him. “Sorry, I-I don’t mean to vent, and we don’t have time for that, not when we…” But Thorax suddenly cut him short by putting a hoof to the dragon’s mouth, shaking his head slowly. “Bottling it up won’t change it either,” he stated seriously. He then picked up the surprised dragon in his hooves and flew him back to the center of the warehouse, gently placing him down on the floor, before walking around the puzzled dragon to face him again. “I’m going out to relieve myself,” he announced in an almost unnecessarily formal manner. “I’ll have to leave you alone in here for a few minutes while I do that…okay?” Spike gaped at him, not entirely sure he was following the changeling’s intent behind all of this. “Oh…kay?” Satisfied with that, Thorax nodded his head and turned and walked matter-of-factly towards the warehouse exit. Opening the door to slip out, he paused once to look back at the dragon with an almost sorrowful look, before vanishing outside, the door closing behind him, leaving Spike alone inside, and left to his own devices. Thorax actually did have a genuine need to relieve himself, and took the time upon exiting the warehouse to wander over to a nearby empty lot, overgrown with all sorts of wild plant life that offered plenty of privacy, to do his business. He did so while undisguised, as he couldn’t relieve himself while also maintaining a disguise, but it was still early enough and dark enough that he had little fear of being noticed, and disguised himself properly as soon as he was done. It didn’t take long for him to finish, but he was in no hurry to return straight to the warehouse afterwards. Instead, he milled about outside for several minutes, waiting on up to a half-hour, keeping an eye on the warehouse from afar in hopes Spike would take advantage of the moment as he hoped. He saw little activity or noise come from the warehouse though, and so when he finally returned to the warehouse, he feared he would find Spike had done little to enact upon the opportunity. Instead, though, he reentered the warehouse to find things in disarray, one of the old tarps Thorax had found their first night having been dragged out and, with apparent fury, violently whipped about before finally getting aggressively ripped to shreds, the tattered remains being left strewn everywhere. Sitting in the middle of the mess was Spike, kneeling on the floor. His eyes were tear-streaked, and his claws were scuffed from his display of fury, but now the little dragon, fully vented of his pent-up frustrations, just sat there calmly and forlornly staring at the mess he had made in stunned shame. Thorax trotted up to him and quietly laid down onto his belly beside him. “Feeling better?” he asked softly. Spike nodded his head slowly. He snuffled and wiped his nose with the back of his claws quickly. “How did you know?” he asked quietly. Thorax gazed down at the ruined tarp strung about them. “It’s been pretty obvious for a while now,” he said. He looked back at Spike. “I’ve told you that changelings feed on positive emotions. But we’re also capable of feeding on negative emotions like anger, rage, and hatred too…it’s just not healthy to do so.” He nudged his way a little closer to the dragon. “We call changelings that do this Irritati, or the Embittered, because feeding on such negative emotions sort of…poisons them over time. They become addicted to it, and are viable to become more unstable both emotionally and mentally as well as becoming very irrationally aggressive or violent. They end up only hurting themselves in the end, in addition to changelings around them.” He put a holed hoof on Spike’s chest. “You’re not a changeling…but bottling up your own anger and hatred like that was poisoning you too, and if you keep doing it, you’re going to end up hurting yourself too…in ways far more painful than any physical injury.” Spike nodded to himself. “Well, in that case…I’m deciding something,” he said simply. “What?” Spike looked at Thorax. “I’m moving on. Whatever happened when we were banished…it’s already happened, done, and in the past. We can’t do anything to change it now…so there’s not much point in dwelling on it. It’s obviously not doing me any favors at least. So I’m no longer looking back. That chapter of my life is over. All that matters now is where we’re going to go from here on, and work at making a good future for ourselves, whatever that entails of us.” Thorax grinned slightly and patted the dragon on the back as he stood. “Shall we go get started then?” Spike grinned himself and stood as well, feeling free from his bitter emotions of old. “Yeah, let’s do that.”