//------------------------------// // Zulu: Jerkstock // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// The hippy calling himself George Washington led Dan and the others to the base entrance. They waded through group after group of hippies on their way there; the wagons and caravans created a small city in front of the fortress. Filly and colt hippies chased each other through the maze of tents, ponies and other creatures sang and danced, cooked and ate and were merry. It was a society all its own, a nomadic culture with its own traditions and customs. Spike even noticed several interspecies couples muzzle-nuzzling, even a few trios. Was there a dragon and pony nuzzling somewhere among them? He forced those thoughts out of his mind; finding Rarity and the others, surviving these events was paramount at the moment. They came to the large door in front of the base. Originally designed for Enclave supply vehicles, Dan and company were beginning to realize that they actually did need GW to lead them. The hippies had taken it upon themselves to hippify Dan's base; Fort Jerk was covered in various hippy graffiti artwork including paintings of huge flowers and peace signs, countless pot leaves of various shapes and sizes were squeezed in wherever they could fit and more traditional urban gang graffiti that Dan recognized. Phoenix and Dan, both having been raised in Los Angeles(and Kyoto in Phoenix's case) noticed rival gang tags being drawn by the same ponies. Equestria had a strange way of harmonizing conflicting elements from Earth. Of course, some elements that were harmonious on Earth were more conflicted in Equestria. The two planets were sisters in their own way so there was very much a give-and-take relationship among them. Twilight was beginning to understand this but she was the only other one on either world that did. The other, of course, was the Director. George approached the door. There was a security panel on the side that connected with the security station inside. When the base was operational, Enclavers wishing to enter would go through the process of entering a passcode, checking with the on-duty monitor, passing a full biometric scan and then repeating a verbal password that was changed every half hour. The panel itself had been destroyed in the battle and the hippies had drawn over it, meaning it could no longer be used. Instead, the hippies had their own security measure. *Knockknock-knockknockknock-knock-knock* *Knockknockknock...knock-knockknock-knock-knockknock* *Knock* The door opened after the elaborate sequence of secret knocks. "Woah!" And a pile of ponies came tumbling out. Multiple multicolored mares and stallions poured out of the doorway in a massive heap of pone. "Hi," a bright orange mare said. "Oops. Sorry 'bout that, Sunny-Bare." "It's 'k." Fluffle gasped at the sight of all the ponies that had spilled out of the base. "*Gasp!*" which meant, YAY CUDDLE PILE! She dove into the ponies and began snuggling. Dan was less amused. "What... what the *squee* are you doing in my best?! WHY IS THERE AN ORGY IN MY BASE?! WHY IS THERE A HIPPY CONVENTION OUTSIDE?! WHY?!! WHY?!! WHY?!!!!!" "Uh, that's a snug pile, not an orgy," George said. "Pretty sure I know the difference, if ya know what I mean, hahahahaha!" No one laughed with him. After an awkward pause, he added, "The orgy's on the other side of the base." They waited for him to laugh again, to say he was just joking, but he didn't. Because he wasn't. Even Tuxley and Reginald were having difficulty keeping themselves composed. "W-with all due respect to your... personal culture... is there an entrance that is..." he trailed off. "Less crowded?" Reginald finished for him. "Good show, old bean." "It's what I do, sir." "As my compatriot said, we would find a less-crowded avenue of passage most preferable," Tuxley said. To which GW responded with a headshake and a confused "Uh, what?" "Find us a way inside that doesn't have ponies *squee*ing in the doorway," Dan clarified. "Oh," George said, nodding. "Okay yeah, we can get in through the takeout entrance." "There's a takeout entrance?" "Follow me!" he said, leading them to the other side of the base. He stopped the group at a door that looked identical to the one they'd just left. "The hell do you mean identical? It's the same *squee*ing one!" Dan yell-oh crap, it is. He just lead them in a circle around the base! "Look!" Dan said, pointing at the ground. "Those are our footprints! And hoof prints! You just lead us in a circle around the whole base!" GW tapped his chin. "I'm not sure, man. I mean, how do we know they're your footprints?" Dan pointed at a larger set. "You see any other footprints like those? Those are clearly Tuxley's." George examined a large reptile footprint in the sand. "Woah, you're a dinosaur? I had no idea, man, that's far-out." "Actually, those aren't my footprints," Tuxley corrected. He pointed to his feet. "My Oxfords are enduring the sand better than I would've anticipated." "So you just walked us around the base! How is that supposed to help anything?!" Dan yelled. GW tapped his chin again. "Hmmm... well, they're probably done by now. You wanna check?" "I don't want to go into the base now," Chrys said, holding Dan and petting him. "It's okay, honey, I got this. We're gonna burn it all down when we're done." "Yayyy," Chrys said, and she buried her face into Dan's hair and started nomming it affectionately. "Sweetie, I'm gonna need my to move." "Just another moment," she said. Dan nodded. "I'm countin' it down, though." "'kay," she said, continuing to nibble. As she did so, the others watched her. Twilight, Phoenix, Spike, Tuxley, Reginald, except for Fluttershy and Fluffle who had disappeared into the snuggle pile and George Washington who was fascinated with sky again. Dan was watched by all with deep, examining eyes. Dan smiled at all of them and sang merrily, "I have a girlfriend~ I have a girlfriend~" while Chrys' wings buzzed rapidly behind him. "I hate you so much right now," Spike said, shaking his head. The human patted him on the shoulder. "It's okay, romeo. I'll show you my moves so you can finally hook up with the subject of all your "artistic works" in the basement," Dan said, chuckling. But Spike was happy to hear the offer. "Really?" And Chrys transformed into Rarity. "Why, certainly, darling. I might even give you something to practice on," she said, rubbing the underside of his chin, making the little dragon's eyes light up. "I-I'm gonna have to take you up on that." "Absolutely. As soon as we're done saving our butts from certain doom at the hooves of a horde of invading, invincible zebras," Dan said. Instead of performing a secret knock, GW simply knocked once and the door opened. The group was thankful that this time, a pile of hippies did not come tumbling out. This time, there was only Fluffle Puff behind the door and she trotted out to join them. "Fluffle Puff!" Chrys said, changing back into herself and hugging her friend. "Where have you been?" Dan shook his finger at her. "That was very irresponsible, young lady, diving into a pile of strange ponies like that." "Thppth." I go where the cuddles call, man. I'm on a journey, a journey of love. Peace, my peeps. Fluffle Puff's colors had become tie-dye and she now sported hippie attire including a bandana, frilled vest and rectangular-lens glasses. "She's been hippie-fied!" Dan yelled. "The only cure is Slayer! Blast Epidemic to cure this hippie epidemic! We need brutal, death metal right now!" "I got it." And that was when Fluttershy fluttered over to Fluffle Puff, gracefully and delicately. She pulled out her Pondroid, placed a pair of earbuds in Fluffle's ears a boop-started a song playlist. Slowly, Fluffle Puff started head-banging. They all looked at her. "Angel Bunny's the drummer in Braeburn's metal band." "Ahhh," they all said. "That makes sense," Dan said. "Maybe we could get Applepocalypse to play here and get rid of these hippies." "Braeburn's still making supply runs from the outer towns to Ponyville for us. It'll probably be a while before he can get the band together," Phoenix explained. "We're gonna need a lot more metal tracks, then." "So, did you guys need something?" GW asked. "Oh wait, you wanted to see Flower Power. She's this way." He tried to lead them away from the base and back around it again, but they turned him around and back inside. Finally back on track, they followed the hippy stallion into the hippy-occupied military base. If Dan had been disappointed by the state outside the base, the inside only served to infuriate him more. The hippies had covered the gunmetal-gray walls, floor and ceiling with yet more graffiti and even tapestries and quilts. The power was off so scented candles had been placed as torches in certain spots, giving the base an odd medieval atmosphere. They crossed paths with several hippies that offered them various forms of rainbow-colored substances and confections, all of which they declined. The hippy stallion eventually led them to the cafeteria where Dan had fought General Winter. It had been turned into Hippy Central. The tables and chairs had all been removed. In their place, dozens of carpets blanketed the floor in a myriad of colors and shapes and sizes. Candles were placed in the center of some of these blankets, some tall enough that they looked like altars. Circles of hippies sat around them and talked, ate or played drums. GW turned to them. "Okay, I'm gonna take you to FP's drum circle. But there's a few rules first." "Rules?" Dan repeated. "Drum circles have rules?" Twilight asked. He nodded. "Yeah, so like, you can't talk if you don't have the speaking feather. Only the one with the speaking feather is allowed to talk in the circle." "That won't be necessary," a voice said. A pony stood up from one of the circles, a tall mare with a mane that went down to the floor. "I am Flower Power. I've heard you've been looking for me," she said. Equestrian Communal Nomadic Clan Leader Flower Power Head of the Hippy Hipster Hierarchy "Um, yes," Twilight said, slightly nervous. The long-maned mare was adorned with a floral tiara ending in a beautiful yellow blossom. Her coat was a light spring green while her mane and tail were both darker green, almost like the leaves of a tree. She wore no clothes like the other hippies but she did have one other distinct quality that made her all the more intriguing: she was an alicorn. Taller than Cadence, taller than Luna, she was a Celestia-sized alicorn that stood eye-level to Chrys and Phoenix. "Great, so we meet Queen Hippy," Dan said, rolling his eyes. The tall mare giggled a bit at Dan's remark. "There are no leaders here," she said. "The creatures I care for look to me to guide them for my strength." "That kind of sounds like leading," Phoenix said. (And there's something very odd about this alicorn.) She smiled softly at all of them. "I understand our culture is difficult for others to get used to. But it's one we've followed for generations. Together, we have spread beauty and a message of peace and love to all corners of Equestria. Although, it has been more difficult lately to do so." "Yes, we're aware," Twilight said. "Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have been missing for months. Our kingdom is under attack and we must band together to do something about it." "Most certainly," Tuxley added. He removed his top hat and held it humbly. "We're beset upon by dangers from all sides and from within. A malevolent scientist threatens us and our Earthly neighbors with weapons of annihilation, a manipulative creature is maneuvering as a means to a most heinous end and a merciless horde of murderous zealots at our gates. These are dire times indeed, madame." "Ahhh... yes," the mare said, turning towards one of the candle-pillars. "I have heard about your difficulties. There's not much that escapes me through nature's song." "So, then you know we need this base," Dan said. "We need all the help we can get, especially after we got our butts kicked." "Indubitably," Tuxley said. "War has come, madame, and if you could assist us by-" "War?" she interrupted and turned to them. "War only exists when two sides fight. You are at war with the zebras, they are not at war with us." Twilight shook her head. "They're at war with all of us, all of Equestria. The charter states-" "The charter states Equestria renounces war," Flower Power said. "You have gone against the most ancient precepts of harmony by making war with the zebras." "OBJECTION!!" Phoenix yelled. His voice echoed through the room. "Heh, sorry, I get kinda used to doing that. But, the Equestrian Charter actually only states we renounce our capacity to make war. But we maintain the royal guard for defense, including defense against those who would make war on our soil." Flower Power simply turned back to her candles. She brushed her hoof around one, the flame dancing away from her. "It takes two sides to make war. You have always had the capacity to make war- you only needed to go against them. By doing so, you have forsaken our doctrine." "So, what?" Dan asked. "You want us to do nothing? Just LET the zebras come in and wipe us all out?" "No," she shook her head, turning to them again. "I expect you to flee." "Run?" Chrys repeated. "We-we can't. This is our home, our kingdom. We didn't run when the sea ponies invaded, we didn't run when Discord took over and we didn't run when I attacked. And I attacked twice with a bigger army, too and these guys didn't run from shit. They fought me back and... well, now I'm on their side." The mare simply smiled at them. "I wasn't counting civil wars, my child." "Child?" Chrys repeated. "Bitch, I'm twenty-five thousand years old." The mare turned back to the candles. "Then why don't you act like it?" Both Dan and Chrys turned to Twilight simultaneously and said, "Twilight, I'm about to blow this chick up." "Ha," Spike laughed. Fluffle gasped and hugged them. "Oh my goodness, that was adorable," Fluttershy added. Phoenix stepped forward. "Okay, enough. We are going to defend against the zebras, Miss Power. If your... followers don't wish to help us, we won't force them to." "I will!" Dan yelled. "But we do need our base back," Phoenix said. "So, I would like to propose you let us use the base's tactical facilities and defenses while you and your followers use the barracks and support facilities." "That's a very nice offer, Mr. Wright. But I'm afraid we'll have to decline," Flower Power said. "Ugh," they all groaned. Twilight rubbed her temple. "Fine, you can have our base. We'll just go deal with the zebras on our own accord." "What?" Dan asked. "But-but-but... my base!" "I'm sorry, Dan," Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder. "We'll... we'll get you a new base. One the hippies won't get to." "Damn hippies," Dan cursed. "I knew I should've dug a moat with the MY-Wing before we left." They all moved towards the door. But just before they could get through it, c'mon, you saw this coming- it closed right in front of their faces. They spun around. "What? What's the meaning of this?!" Tuxley asked, struggling to get the door open. "Madame, I must insist, your actions are most ungracious!" "Let us out!" Spike yelled. "I'm afraid that's out of the question," Flower Power said. She came towards them, eyes burning like candles. "I have had enough of watching you jackbooted thugs stomp about, destroying the world I KEEP TRYING TO MAKE BEAUTIFUL THROUGH NATURE!" "Wow... we pissed off the hippy queen," Chrys said. "It's kind of like when Fluttershy gets mad. Hey, where'd she go?" Dan asked. "She's in Fluffle Puff," Chrys replied. "She's with Fluffle Puff?" "She's IN Fluffle Puff," Chrys corrected. And sure enough, Fluffle's fluff was shaking. But the fluffy mare had shifted from hippie-mode to full-on metal mode: her fluff was now shiny and reflective, her eyes were red and her hooves were spiked. Fluffle Puff had activated her Metal Mode. "Look, you can't make us just give up on defending Equestria," Twilight said, defiant. "This is our kingdom and we don't have to listen to you or anypony else if we don't want to. Ponies here are free to make their own decisions and we will fight for each other!" Flower Power scowled. "*Squee*ing conservatives. Dealing with you right-wing *squee*holes is why I and my people have to keep moving and can't settle down anywhere!" "The buck are you talking about? You can live wherever you want!" Dan yelled. "Sure we can," she said. She levitated several pairs of drums to her and began beating to them. All at once, the hippies got up and turned to them in one oddly-familiar unified motion. "We just can't live in peace." "Did you... did you just see that?" Phoenix asked. "The way they all-" "GET DOWN!!" One of the cafeteria tables smashed into the door. Dan and company scrambled to get out of the way just before it impacted. The boss battle was joined.