I thought about throwing my alarm clock across the room. I should have gotten a digital one at that back to school sale, but this little analog one had lasted me since I came to this world. More or less, since it was a while before I had a place to call mine. Now it’s ticking mocked me.
This wasn’t the first time since the Fall Formal that I had laid awake deep into the night. It’s hard to shut down your mind sometimes. First, in my first few weeks, it was missing my mom and sisters. Months later, it was full of plots and schemes, ways to climb the social ladder.
Now, they were filled with doubts and fear.
I had just gotten back from Equestria and my mother’s funeral. I had gone there and patched up a lot of bruised relationships, with my sisters, with Princess Celestia…
Twilight.
She was nestled next to me at the moment, having fallen asleep during our impromptu movie marathon. I had taken her glasses off and put them on the nightstand when I had noticed, smiling at her childlike smile.
Four hours later, I was still up, mind awhirl. Everything from that trip back to Equestria, every statement, every show of affection, every supposed bit of redemption flashed through my mind. That little voice in the back of my mind was laughing at me for feeling better about myself.
The voice matched what the girls had told me I sounded like when transformed by the Element of Harmony. Deep, echoing, and dripping with evil, the voice was sardonic in everything it said.
They don’t really forgive you, you know.
I squeezed my eyes shut, a single tear leaking past. Shut up.
Celestia doesn't trust you at all. She probably told the guards to bar your entry after you left. You did tend to flaunt her authority in the past
A sob broke free from the tight control I had on my emotions.
Twilight Sparkle didn't even consider you a friend. She only let you stay because she felt sorry for you when you told her your mom was dead. To her, it was just a royal act of compassion, all for show.
“No, it wasn’t,” I whispered, tears fighting to break free. “She isn’t like that.”
And this pretty little thing next to you will eventually realize you aren’t worthy of her time. She’ll find out all the things you’ve done, the horrible acts you committed to gain the power you had at CHS.
Anger flared within me. You’re wrong. I’m not that person anymore, and my friends all know that. Especially Twilight.
Do they, though? They were all willing to believe you were Anon-A-Miss last year. How quickly they turned on you.
That stabbed deep. They had all apologized for the incident since then, but the swath of gossip that had cropped up over jealousy from the little sisters of Applejack and Rarity had driven a temporary wedge between me and the girls. I had been cleared in the end, but that sting was still fresh enough that my self-doubt had no qualms about picking that particular scab.
The voice fell silent as I relived the accusations and the nights I spent alone, the quiet allowing the voice to ring loudly. I no longer received berating over my flight from Equestria. I had come to terms with that particular action and it no longer caused me pain. But I had plenty of other chinks in my armor to pry at.
She probably doesn’t truly care about you, Sunset. She just feels sorry for you.
My wall fell, crushing me. “No,” I whispered, fighting back tears. "I know that's not true."
“Sunny,” Twilight murmured sleepily.
I looked down, but she was still asleep, that same silly smile on her face as she snuggled tighter into me. She sighed contentedly and murmured my name again in her sleep.
I couldn’t help the smile and flash of warmth I felt. Even without the pendant on, we could still sense each other’s emotions when they were in sync. I felt a flash of love through that bond and knew it was real. I smiled and leaned down, kissing the crown of her head before sliding down slightly, moving her from nestled against my waist to nestled under my arm.
The voice laughed as silence returned. I felt a tear slip free as I looked down, landing on her forehead.
“I love you, Sunny,” Twilight breathed in her sleep.
And the voice vanished.
“I love you too, Sunshine.”
I had woken to the sound of a sob and listened as Sunset seemed to be arguing with someone. I cracked an eye open, glancing up at her to see what was going on. She was staring at the ceiling, tears streaking down her face. “No,” she whispered. "I know that's not true."
Her pain echoed off mine. I recognized the situation, psychologically speaking. She had just gone through a loss that she was still grieving over and had a lot of things change in a relatively short time. Her heart was broken, trying to heal, and self-doubt had likely crept in. Impulsively, I snuggled deeper into her side and whispered her name as though I was still sleeping.
“Sunny.”
She froze for a second, the sobs breaking off. I shifted slightly and kept the smile on my face as I said her name again. I felt the pain ebb slightly and I brought up the love I felt for her, knowing that she would feel it if nothing could block it. She kissed the top of my head and shifted, pulling me in closer. I relaxed until I felt a hitching breath and she tensed again.
I mentally took a deep breath. Logically, this was an important decision, a turning point that I hadn't decided on, yet I had almost made it instinctively. A tear fell on my forehead.
I threw logic to the wind, she needed to hear this. Still softly, as though I was asleep, “I love you, Sunny.”
She gasped but then relaxed. The way her arms wrapped around me were like a lost child. I was prepared to drift back to sleep when I heard Sunset whisper, thinking I wasn’t awake to hear it.
“I love you too, Sunshine.”
I had to keep ahold of my emotions. My heart always flip-flopped when she used that nickname. I had given it to her as a way to determine which Twilight she was speaking to while we were in Equestria - though the pony version of Pinkie Pie had suggested SciTwi.
Wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
But since we had returned a week ago, it had become her pet name for me, only used in private.
But never with those words attached. I may have said them first in an attempt to help silence her inner demons, but she had returned them without hesitation. To whom she thought was asleep and wouldn't hear but without hesitation.
There was a warm glow in my heart as I drifted back to sleep
When I woke up, I had a mass of purple hair in my face, the daytime sunlight tinged indigo.
Twilight had apparently turned in her sleep and probably flipped her hair behind her in reflex. Her tresses were splayed across my face and smelled faintly of strawberries and lavender. I reached up and brushed it away, turning and cuddling spoonwise to the bookworm. I rested my face on her shoulder, eyes and nose peeking over. I felt her stir as my arm slipped over her waist.
“Morning,” she slurred.
“Morning,” I returned. “You were talking in your sleep last night.”
“Did I say anything embarrassing?”
I smiled. “No, but I found it very reassuring.”
She glanced back at me, a knowing smile on her face. “I’m glad,” she said. "It was tough to say one particular phrase."
I stared at her for a second before giving her a little push. “You little minx!” I laughed. “You were awake the whole time?”
She rolled over, cupping my chin with her small hand, thumb brushing a cheek as though to wipe away a tear. “You were crying,” she said as if that was all the explanation it needed. “I could feel your pain, and I just wanted to make sure you knew someone cared about you, and I just…”
“I love you, Twilight Sparkle,” I stated firmly, silencing her rambling apologetic explanation by momentarily laying a finger across her lips.
The warm flush on her face mirrored mine.
“I love you, Sunset.” She kissed me lightly before pulling me into a hug. “Don’t ever forget that. And please, don’t let your demons win. You’ve already beaten them once.”
I hugged her tightly, a giggle slipping out along with a stray tear or two.
“I may need help with that, from time to time.” I chucked a bit ruefully. “Sometimes it’s hard to forget what you’ve done. Sometimes, at night, all you have is your memories, and not all of mine I want to relive.”
“That’s not all you have, Sunny,” she said, touching her forehead to mine, a move so similar to what we had done on the other side of the mirror, touching horns. “You have me and our friends, too. And you and I can make new memories to replace the bad ones.”
“Thanks, Sunshine,” I whispered, moving forward and nuzzling her cheek. It was an unusual movement in human form, but I knew she’d understand the import.
“Anytime,” she responded. “Now, since we don’t have anywhere to be until the afternoon, I think a little laziness is called for.” She turned away and laid back down, pulling my arm around her and scooting back spoonwise with me again.
I rested my head slightly above hers, brushing her hair so it wouldn’t get in my face. That lingering smell of berries and flowers was unmistakably that of Twilight.
“Sure,” I said. “But later, waffles?”
Her excited squeal was so adorable I couldn’t help but laugh.