A Journey Beyond Sanity

by Darkwing Dust


Chapter Ninety-One: Traders of the Heart

You're focusing too much on the hooves! Concentrate on the energy behind your moves.

For once, heeding the tyrant's advice, I did as instructed. Or at least, tried to. It wasn't this difficult back when I was training to stop Queen Syphilis and her minions, not when there's another demanding voice screaming down your ear.

Raise your stance a little. Relying on being too tense will make it difficult to dodge incoming attacks.

My posture straightened as ordered, doing my best not to disappoint the two instructors expecting rather too much of me. They reminded me of Dad, except one was more patient and wise, while the other was more commanding and yelled a lot.

Hell, Sombra sounded invested in my training here.

Do not relent; your opponent should be allowed no breathing space.

While the King expressed about offense, Specter's advice was the complete opposite.

When provided even a brief moment, use that pocket of time to reinforce your shields.

One advising the importance of being patient and defensive in battle, whereas the other points out the need to catch the foe off-guard with every oppotune moment. It was as if I was being taught by the very forces of light and dark themselves. Even so, my body was beginning to feel drained by all this; the training has gone on for over an hour now. But neither seem to notice nor care of my growing exhaustion.

Waking up early - Again - didn't help matters.

Slacking will only get you killed.

Balance relies on precision and patience.

Your opponent must be felled without hesitation.

The safety of those around you are of greater significance, defend them should this scenario occur.

"Hi Stardust!"

Okay, that I wasn't expecting.

The sudden energetic voice caused me to whirl around after a roundhouse kick, face to face with the bright features of Pinkie. "Someday, I wish you'd stop sneaking up on me like that," I commented lightly, only slightly annoyed by the interruption, standing on four legs once again.

Alright, pause for a moment guys.

Sombra sniffed, and I imagined Specter nodded in assent. Pinkie smiled widely. "Were you training again? Oh, can I help?!"

"Maybe another time," I replied humouredly, trying to calm this excited mare down. I doubt I'd hear the end of Sombra whining over Pinkie's willing assistance. Said King only growled in my mind, hearing that comment. I smiled in turn. "What brings you here Pinkie?"

"Umm..." The energetic Earth Pony pondered that question for a moment, as though trying to recall her reason for visiting me on this hill. "...Oh Right!" Followed by an enthusiastic grin. "Twilight wanted me to come get you; we're about to head off to the Traders Exchange! Y'know, where we trade off something important to use for something just as important from other ponies around Equestria? It'll be fun!"

Oh yeah. Twilight did mention that this morning, and I said I'd be back in time to go with everyone.

"Well then, let's not keep the others waiting-"

Pinkie needed to hear nothing more; the mare was already pulling me down the hill at an impossible speed. Though this time, I was more fondly exasperated than frightened by how fast Pinkie was moving us towards the town.


This place was just as beautiful as Winsome Falls. It could be mistaken for the exact same location.

So, this fair, as I understood from what the mares described during the ride, was an event at Rainbow Falls - Which was as beautiful to behold since the last time we were here for the tryouts - where ponies from all over Equestria gathered to give away something precious to them in exchange for something just as precious from another. They explained that the whole thing was more or less a gesture of friendship between all pony kind. From Ponyville to the Crystal Empire, everyone who had something they'd like to exchange attended this bustling event, ready to give away something of sentimental value to them.

Shame I had nothing to give away.

From the corner of my eye, Twilight managed to prevent Spike's own sealed comic book from landing in some mud, prompting my smile. Still, this entire event sounded like fun, as Pinkie excessively stated over and over again while we on the train to Rainbow Falls, and I looked forward to simply observing.

Additionally, making certain one particular creature doesn't make an appearance here-

A cluster of excited voice drew my attention, ponies left and right centering on one alicorn.

Oh boy. Where was all this focus on Twilight during our time at Manehattan?!

Twilight, meanwhile, looked less than flattered by all the attention, hiding behind her wings in shy embarrassment, proceeding to run past us. "I guess a pony who's here on official Princess business, have to expect a little fussin'." Applejack commented lightly, following the alicorn towards her own stand.

"But all I'm suppose to do is settle agreements over when a trade is fair or not." Twilight replied, "And since the rule is that a trade is fair as long as ponies get what they want, there's never been a disagreement. So there's really no reason for anypony to treat me as anything special."

Yet one small filly disagreed with that sentiment.

"Hi! Can I help you?" The small pegasus answered Twilight's friendly question by pulling out a picture of the alicorn. Aww. But Twilight only sighed, signing her autograph for the excited little filly.

"She's just a little kid, Twilight," I said humouredly, watching as said kid grinned gratefully and happily and proceeded to ran off, more than enthusiastic over her idol signing her picture like that. Adorable. "Nothing wrong with a filly wanting an autograph from her Princess."

"I know." Twilight regarded me with a small smile, while the others mare discussed something else from behind us. "I just hope not everypony will focus on getting me to sign anything for them instead of the Traders Exchange."

Fair enough.

While Twilight proceeded to place her box of books on the stand, Rainbow and Fluttershy flew off somewhere, and Applejack decided to depart next. "Welp, I'm off to take a gander at the vintage stalls." Alright, see ya Applejack.

"Did you say vintage?" Equipping her own bags on, Rarity followed after the farmer.

Now, what do I do...?

"Need any help Twilight?"

The alicorn beamed at the offer, but shook her head in response. "No thanks, but you can take a wander around with Spike, if you'd like. He can show you around the exchange while he's looking to trade his comic book."

The dragon nodded. "Great idea Twilight! Come on bro, let's go see what they have to offer."

Well, alright. Smiling in turn, I nodded in farewell to Twilight and Pinkie. "I'll see you both later." They waved in response, and both Spike and I merrily began travelling around the event, seeing ponies left and right talk and exchange goods with smiles on their faces. Not a shred of annoyance or sadness at their own valuable items lost to them.

Spike had already found a stand he was interested in viewing, and I stood back as he looked. He didn't need me to handhold him everywhere; I'd say that dragon was far more dependent than I am. Instead, my gaze wandered around the area, watching all the proceedings with interest. It's rather fascination, how much trust these strangers put in one another. While Twilight was officially here as a precaution, no one seemed to be having any trouble yet.

It's absolutely ridiculous.

Oh boy, should've known you'd start complaining about this entire concept.

Sombra continued as if my inward reply wasn't heard, All this trust, this certainty that they would not be cheated of their valuables. With what little measly treasures they possess, they should be grateful they have anything of significance to begin with, which is to say, very little.

Uh-huh, whatever you say.

Trust is a fundamental aspect in pony society, Specter objected calmly, This Traders Exchange has expanded for many years now, and little wrongdoing has been made since its foundation. It is fitting for Princess Sparkle to be here; friendship, a core element of pony kind and Equestria at large, shines through this fair and attracts all from across the lands. We should enjoy ourselves while we're here.

Very true, very true indeed.

As Spike returned, gesturing for me to follow after finding nothing he wanted from the stand, Sombra let out a noise of discontent. For a man who claims his allegiance to the in-between of light and dark, you seem to side with the former at an unfair percentage.

Well... Blame the girls and Spike for that.

And therein lies the heart of my concern. Say what now? If you must eventually choose to banish either side of chaos or harmony for good, what good will balance do against the influence from these ponies? You once sided with Discord during his brief rein, would you choose to do so again when Tirek arises; countless years of chaos to balance out the countless years of harmony?

...What are you trying to say, Sombra?

That, if you are so loyal to the concept of 'balance,' He said that word as if it were blasphemy. Which would you inevitably side with; your friends, or your cause?

...I...

I can't believe I'm actually thinking about that...

"Stardust?"

Spike's voice brought me back to reality, where the dragon and I stopped by another stocked stand. With my nod to his expression that I was alright, Spike only shrugged and smiled, once again looking through the goods the pony had to offer.

Thankfully, he will never have to face such a reality as of yet. Specter pointed out reassuringly. For now, let us enjoy the festivities, and discuss such hypothetical possibilities at a later date.

Thanks Specter...

Hm... You've grown all the more foolish over time, old one.

Some would call it a positive outlook, old friend.

Wha...?

"Hey Stardust, check this out?" Spike pointed at a colourful slingy spring. "What do you think?"


Swore for a fact I saw the pony versions of the Lutece Twins...

So far, the exploration through the fair wasn't too successful; Spike had yet to find anyone willing to trade his mint-condition Power Ponies comic. Upon hearing exactly what it was, the dragon was quick to reassure me that it wasn't the same magical comic which transported us into its world a while back.

A slight shame; I wouldn't have minded becoming a Power Ranger again.

On the plus side, neither of us weren't growing dull wandering around the place. Spike in particular was loving every second of it, not seeming all too frustrated. Excellent. If there's no need to reassure an upset Spike, then I can ponder on the fact that Specter and Sombra seem to be very familiar with one another-

"Hey look!" Hm? My eyes followed where Spike was now pointing at, the pair of us arriving at another stand filled with valuable goods. A seemingly-glittering bookmark with a picture of a tall white pony with a insane long beard. Dumbledore anyone? "Isn't that a Starswirl the Bearded edition bookmark?"

"That's right my friend!" The pony behind the stand, a grey Earth Pony stallion with huge glasses, approached from the other side, gesturing proudly to the display, "And only eight of these rare bookmarks exist. Very fragile, but very useful. Are you interested?"

That's Starswirl the Bearded?

...Huh.

Not overly impressed?

I was expecting like a Yoda-sized unicorn with a ridiculous long-arse beard. Seems I was only right about the latter. Maybe the picture of the pony was an exaggeration.

"Hmm..." Spike hummed, rubbing his chin with a finger. "I think Twilight once mentioned about always wanting one of them." Oh? Is that so? "What do you think Star?"

My gaze focused on the gleaming freshly-cleaned bookmark, appearing in very mint condition. If Twilight really wanted one then... "For trading, you say?" The stallion beamed in answer, nodding in satisfaction, and now I was rubbing my own chin. I was considering this now.

"You're going to trade something for it?"

My eyes looked at Spike. "That's just it; I didn't bring anything of value with me here." Though I had very little to begin with. Probably the closest thing I had to a treasure was that framed picture of myself and my friends back home, but I'd rather die than give that away.

You could request for the dragon to hand over his item in exchange for it.

No. It's Spike choice to trade it for something he wants to have.

The Earth Pony then spoke up again, pointing at something. "What about that cape of yours?" What? "I can do with something like that for my next Nightmare Night costume party."

"My cape...?" My eyes gazed over to the dark blue fabric in question, covering my atrocious excuse for a cutie mark and giving me some decency. My cape? For a bookmark? A bookmark that Twilight really desired...?

But... I've been through so much with this cape. This was the cape I wore ever since acquiring it from Rarity long ago. It's been through thick and thin. The very idea of losing such a sentimental piece now felt rather alien.

Was I really going to give away this thing that had been through a lot with me, in exchange for seeing the brilliant smile on Twilight's face...?

"I don't have all day, friend."

"...Deal."

Spike blinked in surprise, whereas the stallion grinned in glee. "Splendid!" As I took out a few things from the cape which belonged to me after reluctantly taking it off, the Earth Pony held out the shiny bookmark with a pleased expression. "You won't regret this trade; a Starswirl the Bearded bookmark isn't something you can easily obtain."

God I feel naked without that cape...

Not wanting to stick around after any longer, the goods were exchanged, and I spoke to Spike with a forced grin. "You carry on without me. I have a bookmark to give to someone." And immediately departed without awaiting a response, vainly trying to swallow down the lump in my throat.

Unlike ponies, humans weren't too use to giving something precious of theirs away like that...


Ah wonderful, a crowd.

A crowd almost blocking Twilight from my line of sight. Clearly both she and Pinkie were busy appeasing an audience, although why was the latter adorning a Flim Flam outfit?

Regardless, maybe I should come back later...

"-I'm not better than anypony else!" I heard Twilight say when I joined the crowd, deciding whether or not to return later during the day. Wouldn't want to disrupt Twilight from giving her own books away; never disrupt the mare when she's busy. I learnt that the hard way long ago.

"Did I mention that Princess Twilight got these books from Princess Celestia?" Not that that's something worth bragging about, Pinkie. Yet the excited crowd said otherwise. While walking through the crowd to reach the two mares - Maybe they might need some help here with these amount of ponies gathered now - Pinkie answered a Crystal Mare's question, "Oh that's right!" Putting a much fancier crown atop the one she wore for more advertisement. "Double Princeeeeess!"

And Twilight facepalmed. Rightfully so.

"Twilight." This gave me the best opportunity now, gently pushing past numerous exclaiming ponies to reach my girlfriend. "Twilight!"

Recognizing that voice calling to her, the mare turned in surprise relief, the necklace I gave her swaying below her neck. "Jack?"

"Everything alright?"

The alicorn gestured in exasperation. "Well, Pinkie's drawn in a crowd, but not entirely for the right reasons."

"I gathered."

Twilight sighed, shaking her head. "I just want to make more space for the library. Is that really too much to ask?"

"Who's got something valuable enough to trade for Princess Twilight's Princess books that she got from Princess Celestia? Did I say 'Princess?'"

"That answers my question..." Twilight muttered. No kidding, Pinkie was really hammering it in.

"You want me to stop her?" No doubt this was dealing a blow to Twilight's humility.

The alicorn threw me a small grin while the crowd offered their own valuable goods, "I'd appreciate the help." Before noticing the bookmark I was carefully grasping. "What's that, and what happened to your cape?"

I couldn't resist grinning. "Your-"

"Oh come on!" Oh please, not now Pinkie. The exaggerate mare gestured towards the piles of literature on the table. "These are the books that a Princess would sit up with all night. To ready by with the delight of her own horn. Oooh now that looks fun! But not fun enough! These are the books that made Twilight the Princess she is!"

No they're not! They certainly helped, but Twilight became a rightful Princess by learning about friendship. Dammit Pinkie! Just let me have this moment will you? Yet Twilight's smile at Pinkie's words told me otherwise. Huh?

"So who's got what it takes to trade for them?"

After a brief pause, a stallion spoke up. "Oh when you put it like that..." Followed by a disappointed dispersing crowd. Finally!

"Wait! No! Come back! These books aren't that great, heheh..."

"Oh yes they are!" Twilight spoke up happily. ...Alright, I'll give it another moment.

"But I thought you wanted to get rid of them!" Pinkie exclaimed in confusion.

"None of those ponies had anything valuable enough to trade for my books. Not because they belong to a Princess, but because they help make me who I am. Just like you said." Twilight picked one up by magic for emphasis. "This was the one I was so absorbed the day Spike decided he owed Applejack a life debt." Then another. "And this one reminds me of the day I got it; which was the the day I met you two. I may not ever need to read these again, but that doesn't mean they don't have value. I realize that now."

...Huh.

The limb holding the thin bookmark lowered at that. Shows what I knew...

"Thanks to you Pinkie."

Pinkie was ecstatic by the gratitude. "I told you I'd take care of everything!"

But before I could even smile at that, something rather unexpected occurred. A strong gust of wing made by Rainbow's arrival, landing on top of Twilight with a panicking expression.

And causing the bookmark to fly directly out of my hoof.

"No!" While they were preoccupied, I chased after the flying mark hurriedly, which hovered across the trade fair as though taunting me. God dammit Rainbow! If anything happened to this gift for Twilight I swear I'll-

And I literally felt my own heart shattered at what happened next. A misplaced leap over the landing bookmark as it harmlessly floated into a small pile of mud below, the wind from my jump causing it to fall faster. [BEEP]! Rolling around after landing, ignoring stunned looks form pony passerbys, my shocked gaze settled on the now-filthy bookmark.

No... No! No!

Hm, I believe the appropriate term here is "That sucks..."

Shut up Sombra!

Slowly approaching the mud, I pulled the ruined item out hesitantly, not wanting to damaged it further. Was... Was this my punishment for trading away my cape just to indulge my girlfriend's happiness...?

This time, my grip was too soft enough for a speeding Rainbow, Twilight and Pinkie running by to flow the bookmark from my grip, and I watched with wide-eyed horror as the thing inconveniently flew right inside a metal fan, and I had every urge to vomit for just allowing that to happen.

Well... That answers my question...

"Star! There you are! I couldn't find anyone who wanted my mint-condition Power Ponies yet, so... Stardust...?" Spike's approaching voice changed from casual to curious, and then worry, upon seeing my frozen expression. "What's wrong... Oh..."

'Oh' indeed...

"Twilight's present... Ruined..." I mumbled, the pair of us watching the last shredded bits of the formerly rare bookmark fall to the ground. By sheer coincidence one would only face in a cartoon, my day turned completely upside down.

Clearly, God hated me...

A soft hand was placed on my side for comfort, "It's okay bro, I'm sure Twilight will understand-" But I tuned those attempts of reassuring words out. There was nothing the young dragon could say or do to cheer me up now. I lost another chance to express my affections for Twilight much further, and a cape which was probably my first real friend since arriving in Equestria.

All for nothing...

I barely acknowledged Spike's pitying expression as I turned to leave. Welp, time to wallow in my own sorrow again...


Huh, almost forgot what it was like to do this...

Far from the fair, over a cliff watching countless rainbows feel like waterfalls below against the setting sun, I found the most suitable spot to berate and scold myself for what happened earlier before. I knew I should've handed Twilight the bookmark when I had the chance! Now, I blew it.

Remind me while I'm even tolerating observing this pathetic moment of self-loathing. I imagined the disgruntled Sombra rolled his eyes. The alicorn was none the wiser, so why indulge your negative emotions so?

Yeah... There's a point. Twilight knew nothing about the gift, so thankfully I didn't disappoint her yet...

Despite what occurred then, it was a thoughtful gesture, Specter tried to console. I'm certain the Princess would be flattered to learn what you did in the first place, precisely for her.

Thoughtful, yet unnecessary.

Nothing is ever unnecessary in contribution to love.

"There you are." Twilight's soothing voice from behind caused me to stiffen, eyes focusing on the landscape below, feigning interest. Dammit, couldn't even bring myself to meet her eyes after that display. The mare spoke beside me, observing the falling rainbow waters herself, "Reminds me of our time together at Winsome Falls, remember?"

"Hm, I'll never forget..."

"Neither will I." Twilight sounded truly content, as if the memory brought her bliss, and I felt gratified for that. If she noticed my own somber tone, the mare made no indication of acknowledging it. Twilight let out an exhale of tiredness. "Whoo! Earlier was tediously hectic, don't you agree? First Pinkie drawing in a crowd, and just then we almost lost Fluttershy."

Yeah... Wait what?

My gaze snapped at her questionably. "We almost lost Fluttershy?"

Twilight gave me an exasperated smile, "Yeah. Almost to a trade. It's been resolved now, don't worry." She added reassuringly upon my look. Oh thank God. Losing one of my best friends to a trade was the last thing I needed right now. Nodding slowly, I glanced back to the view, Twilight then asking after a moment's pause, "So, where is your cape? I know how much you despise seeing your own cutie mark. Did you misplace it?"

...I could only sigh.

"We can look for it first." A small smile rose on my muzzle at the kind offer, but I shook my head. No, it was traded fair and square. "Why not?"

Jesus... What to say...

The truth, you coward?

The Princess won't judge you for what happened.

"Twilight... I..."

"Stardust! Twilight!"

The sudden hurried voice prompted to look over behind us, where a Spike was rushing over with-

Hold on... Was that...?!

Spike took a moment to breathe after stopping before us, and true enough, what was being held in his hand was the very same cape I wore since the beginning. Seeing my look, the baby dragon grinned, offering the fabric to me. "Got your cape back."

But... How...?

My hoofs softly took the clothing, the familiar feeling of it bringing a sense of nostalgia, relief and joy, grinning myself like a madman. But that wasn't the end of surprises. Looking at a smiling Twilight, Spike reached out from behind as if to pull something out of nowhere. "Also, held onto your gift for Twilight here, just like you asked."

I blinked at the item, whereas Twilight gasped, voice barely containing excitement. "Is that a Starswirl the Bearded edition bookend?!" Sure enough, the object used to hold up a book was painted with the legendary pony himself. "Only four of those exist!" Without warning, Twilight magically lifted the item out of Spike's grasp, examining it in blissful awe.

"Yep, Star here traded his own cape for it to give to you. Thought you might like it."

"He did?"

"I did?"

Spike gave me a look that said 'Roll with it,' yet Twilight didn't seem to hear my own question, sparkling eyes focused intently on the rare bookend. "This is... You..." This time I wasn't entirely surprised by the tight embrace, Twilight nuzzling her muzzle into my own fur, and the sensation washed away all negative feelings from earlier.

Just like that, she always manages to cheer me up...

A peck was then placed on my pony cheek, prompting my stupid smile. "To say I appreciate this is an understatement, Jack." Twilight's features radiated in elation with her flattered voice, motioning for us to follow her back towards the fair, floating bookend in tow while calling out eagerly. "Come on, I can't wait to place one of my favourite books on it!"

Though Spike and I lingered for a moment, watching Twilight merrily trot away with an angelic smile and melodious hum, myself desiring to express all the gratitude in the world to the young dragon. "She's happy." Spike noted casually.

Yes, but... "How did you-?"

"Get the gift?" The dragon grinned quite proudly at me. "Traded my Power Ponies comic for it."

Wha... You...

"Found a bear whistle lying on the ground, traded that to get your cape back." Spike shrugged at my flabbergasted expression. "Anything to help a bro out."

"Spike..." I honestly had no idea what to say...

"Ah, it's nothing." Spike waved dismissively with a pleased smile after noticing I was too stunned to express gratitude. "You and Twilight belong together. And I hate seeing either of you upset. I can always buy a new comic book elsewhere."

At those words, I finally realized how I could return the favour.

"You know what?" Spike glanced up at me curious, and blinked as I gave him my own almost bone-crushing hug, having my own energetic grin. "Tomorrow, let's go to Canterlot, just the both of us, and get you some more comics. And then, how about a camping trip sometime soon?"

The answer was a brightened expression, tone betraying his eagerness at the idea while he hugged me back eagerly, beaming in bliss. "You're the best Stardust!"

"No Spike... You're the best little brother one could ever have."

As the dragon blushed at the sincere praise, Specter commented with a content voice, Not even you are exempt from happiness, Jack.