//------------------------------//
// Strange Bedfellows 
// Story: The Day the Sky Changed 
// by Midnightshadow 
//------------------------------//

Conversion Bureau Tails


Strange Bedfellows


an MLP:FiM Alternate Universe fanfic by Midnight Shadow set in the Conversion Bureau Alternate Universe originally by Blaze

Note: Rated T for Teen and for Titilation

Note: This is a VERY tongue-in-cheek piece that you should probably not read. Primarily because it's not finished, but also because of the subject matter, which is very risque (it's designed to be silly ONLY, though, it just needs a LOT more work). I've only put it up here and published it because I wanted something to try the new gdocs uploader, which really is rather spiffy. Fimfiction is now a bonafide better platform than ff.net.

***

        “Do you need a little help with the brush, darling?” Erik asked his wife.
        “No, no, but you can hold the mirror for me,” replied Cindy. As her husband adjusted the standing table-mirror, she stared intently at her reflection as she maneuvered the wooden-handled brush through her long flowing blonde locks. She frowned at her reflection, “Does it suit me?”
        “Darling, you’re more beautiful than the day I met you,” said Erik, as he bent down and kissed his wife on her forehead, before replacing the mirror in it’s usual spot.
        “Oh you’re just saying tha- oh my, is that the time? We’re going to be late!” the hairbrush fell to the floor as Cindy stood up in a rush, all but forgetting about it as she glanced at the old grandfather clock calmly ticking away in the corner of the dressing room.
        “Calm down, honey, we’ll be fashionably late at most! You just need to help me get my saddle and bridle on, I’ve tried! I really have, but I just... can’t...” Erik spun in place as he attempted to do up the straps.
        Cindy laughed to herself, “Love,  I don’t know why you’re wearing that ridiculous getup!”
        Erik huffed, “Do you know what I went through to get this? It’s not like I can afford to purchase a Rarity Original, all the way from Equestria, the normal way! This is real leather, donated by one of the old matriarchs of Ambassador Applejack’s cow herd after her death.”
        “It smells awful.”
        “It smells like leather. Expensive leather. It’s how leather is supposed to smell, not like that synth-leather crap the recombinators spit out.”
        “Well you do look handsome in it. The hackamores are a real nice touch, who’d have thought that a saddle and bridle could look so... so... sexy, on a human?”
        “One of us had to get dressed up for tonight!” laughed Erik, kissing his wife on her nose.
        “Ponies don’t generally wear clothes, you know.”
        “They do on special occasions!”
        “Like I can afford something as classy as a Rarity Original,” sniffed Cindy. “I’d rather go naked than wear a fake.”
        “Her new range is humans only, dearest, not newfoals. It’s all the rage - but I have promised you that Chauvin newfoal-line neck-strap bag for our anniversary. I’m still saving up, but I promise you!”

He bent down and hugged his ponified wife around her broad neck and kissed her on the mane before looking into her eyes and nose-rubbing. He stood up as she motioned for him to do so. Erik stood perfectly still whilst his unicorn wife exerted her magic to do up the saddle and bridle. As the light blonde-yellow glow faded he regarded himself in the mirror. Somehow, and he had to give it to Ambassador Rarity, her designs just blended perfectly with a tuxedo and tails.
There was a chime and the pair looked at each other before scrambling into motion. The taxi had arrived, pony-capable had cost quite a bit extra but the bi-annual Cross-Species Support Group dinner promised real alcohol and whilst he’d been lucky with the Rarity Original, he’d had to give up his self-drive van when new charges to cope with the extra software to handle the increase in newfoal pedestrian traffic had been deemed beyond the scope of the warranty. Mostly he didn’t miss it, but it would’ve saved them the taxi-fare.
“Ready, my love?” he asked Cindy.
“I would have asked you to hold my arm and escort me properly, honey, but... no arms. Only legs.” Cindy laughed.
“I believe the newfoal-human etiquette is for me to place my right hand on your left front shoulder.” said Erik.
“Ever the gentleman.” replied Cindy as her husband did so. Together, they exited their flat and stepped into the taxi. It sped off smoothly into the darkening streets.

***

        Pulling up outside the convention centre, Erik stepped out of the taxi first and held his wife’s left forehoof gently as she stepped down off the power-lifter. Erik adjusted his outfit and paid off the driver with a wave of his hand. His wife had to carry a shoulder-bag for cash when she needed any, as the credit-chip implants wouldn’t last more than a week in a pony body. Tonight, Erik would be paying.
They walked together towards the building, nodding to the bouncers. In keeping with the night’s theme, one was human and the other a pony. Both looked like they’d rather be inside since it was getting chilly. Inside was almost stifling hot, even though the air conditioning was on full blast, not that anybody could tell. The music was so loud it completely drowned out everything but the loudest talking. Erik straightened his ensemble as the couple walked nervously into the limelight.. He was almost disappointed when his bridle got appreciative looks from human and pony alike. It was surprisingly comfortable, if a touch hot, but he had really expected it to be more... controversial somehow.
“Oh. My. Gosh!” bubbled an overly enthusiastic voice as an light purple earth pony cantered up and pranced around Erik and his wife. “It is! It is you! Cindy! I’d recognize you anywhere! It’s me! Penny! Only I go by the name Panpipes now! I’m with John, hey John!”
Erik looked vaguely and politely off in the direction Panpipes had waved a hoof at and raised a glass of punch he’d already scored and half-drained. He had no idea who this John was... some friend of Cindy’s, probably. Maybe from her work? Panpipes was still babbling on, he turned back to at least pretend to listen. There might be a test afterwards.
“...Oh yes, and I got my cutiemark almost the first night! I had trouble sleeping and pulled out my panpipes - tshah! Go figure, huh? - and was struggling to play them for hours until...”
Erik drained his glass of punch and snagged two more. The first he downed in one, the second he gave a mortal wounding. It was nice to know that ‘mutual’ friends still had the same effect on him as before his wife had been bitten by the pony bug, not that it changed the need for some Dutch Courage to smooth things over. He didn’t know how she did it, Cindy was murmuring noncommittally and the highly enthusiastic earth pony still hadn’t stopped prancing. He was getting dizzy.
“And that’s how Equestria was made! I’m going to go mingle, John so does get lonesome without me!”
“I bet,” snorted Erik, snagging a fourth drink. “Friend from work?” he asked as the four-hoofed prancing terror disappeared into the crowd.
“Yup,” replied Cindy, “good at what she does.”
“Need a drink?”
“Yup.”

Erik sauntered away to the drinks stand to fill up on a gin and fruitjuice mixer. Just as he lifted the heavenly brew to his lips, there was an ear-splitting shriek that made him jump even over the sound of the pounding bass. He spun around to find his wife in the arms of another woman. He vaguely remembered her from one of the meetings. She had a husband...
“Erik. Stealing my wife away as usual.”
“Darren! I didn’t recognize you there!” Erik exclaimed. He had turned around to see an imposing earth-pony stallion trotting up next to him.
“I go by Thunder Hooves now.”
Erik laughed, choking and coughing on the drink he was trying to imbibe, “Really?” he asked, wheezing. He punched himself on the chest, trying to clear his airways and hide the laughter.
“I... well okay, so it needs work. Pony names are hard to come by!”
“Yeah, tell me about it. Cindy’s been thinking about her pony name ever since she woke up on that table. Meadowflower, last week. Drink?” Erik snagged a larger, rounder pony-suitable cup and filled it with punch. He proffered it to ‘Thunder Hooves’ who took it gratefully and downed it in one. The stallion hiccuped and Erik caught the cup expertly before refilling it. They meandered back towards Cindy.
“So, still no hooves, huh? How’s life treating you?”
“Same old same old,” Erik replied, “sometimes it’s difficult.”
“How about,” the stallion lowered his voice, “in bed?”
Erik choked on his drink again, “I, er, we... we cuddle and, er...”
The stallion laughed, “I think I see why it’s difficult. Believe me, Erik, you just gotta get over it. You’re a person, she’s a person...”
“But she’s a pony.”
“Not an ‘Earth pony’, she’s an earth pony. It’s different.” Darren managed, with one hoof, to airquote.
“Are you telling me that you and...”
“Emmy.”
“Emmy are... intimate?”
‘Thunder Hooves’ had the biggest grin, “Well, you know how there’re those jocks always going on about ‘hung like a horse’? Well... sometimes it’s more like hung like a human.”
Erik drained his glass and, for good measure, drained Cindy’s. “How does that even..?”
“Practice. Lots and lots of practice.”
Erik reached for another set of drinks.

They danced. The music was loud and thumping. Two humans, two ponies. The dance-floor was full but that didn’t matter. The drinks were cheap, the food free, the music flowing.
“Alllllll righty ladies and gentlecolts! It’s time to pair off! Switch partners, everypony!” called the DJ, and he deftly switched to a slower tune, a love-song.
Erik looked around for Emmy, but his wife Cindy had her hooves around the human already. “Hey! That’s... that’s not what...”
“He said pair off, sweetums, so that’s what I’m doin’!”
Erik watched nonplussed as the pony put her head over the human’s shoulder. Standing like that had to be awkward, but somehow, drunk as they were, they managed it.
“Well fuck. Now who’m I gonna dance with?”
“Fancy a walk on the wild side, tiger?”
Erik looked down at the stallion. He sighed deeply.

***

        Erik laughed. The world spun pleasantly. Here he was, ensconced in a darkened, plush-filled privacy cooling-off room. “Oh god am I smashed.”
        “Same thing here,” Thunder Hooves belched. Erik followed suit.
        “Sho... so... ahem... so... you and Emmy...”
        “Uh huh?”
        “You really..?”
        “Oh yeah. I mean, not a lot... it’s kinda... special occasions, you know?”
        “How special?”
        “Like... tonight. Tonight we were gonna... but... but she’s off banging with some other bastard’s wife.”
        Erik, thinking for a few seconds, “Hey! That bastard is me! I mean, uh... really think they’re gonna?”
        “Emmy? I... I guess so. She does kinda like mares.”
        “Lucky bitch.”
        “Well I was gonna... but now...”
        The two lay there, a little too hot, a lot too drunk, and they looked at each other.
        “Do you think..?”
        “Oh yeah, I do know a pair...”
        “I’m gonna regret this in the morning.”
        “I won’t.”
        “Help me get the rest of theshe damn shtraps off...”
        With great difficulty, and a lot of huffing and puffing, and a lot more removal of clothing than he originally intended, Erik allowed himself finally to stretch. His roving hands met fur. His fingers were numb, he could barely see, and he found he didn’t care. He hadn’t had any in quite a long time... he rolled closer to the pony, who lipped him softly. He nuzzled back, it was whiskery!
        “You sure you wanna?” Thunder Hooves asked.
        “Yeah, yeah I think I do.”
        “Good, roll over.”
        “Wait, what?”
        Thunder Hooves grinned in the darkness.

***

        Erik woke up. He wished he hadn’t. The world was pain. He pulled himself off the equine shape next to him. “Ooh, Cindy, you’re heavy... oh god, I gotta get to the... oh no...”
        Erik scrambled, half-blind, dragging a blanket around himself as he fled down the corridor.
        
        Several minutes and several mouthwashes later, Erik looked at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t remember much from the previous night. There’d been music, drinks, more music, even more drinks, yet more drinks...
        “Ohhhh god, why do I do it. What’s Cindy gonna...”
        Erik stopped. He carefully rinsed his mouth out one more time, and then headed back to the privacy booth that he’d slept in the night before. The pony within it, which he’d so recently been cuddling up to, couldn’t be less Cindy if he’d tried.
        “Mornin’ E, could ya get me a drink of water? That or climb back in here, I feel like a repeat performance might clear the head.”
        “Oh god, what am I gonna tell Cindy?”
        “Well, you could start with you took it like a man. Also, that you’re over your fear of intimacy.” Thunder Hooves grinned.
        “How the hell did you talk me into it?”
        “I guess it’s my talent. Sorry.”
        Erik folded down into the pile and facepalmed.
        “Yeah, like that. Now, how about round two?”

***

        Cindy was in bed. It was a large bed. She had rollers in her mane and tail and she sat propped up on her back, with a book floating in front of her. Erik flipped up his side of the bed and clambered in next to her. Cindy was so startled she dropped the book.
        “Honey?”
        “I’ve been thinking...” said Erik.
        “Yes?”
        “Well, I’ll book a time for that ponification, but... there’s no need to rush things out there, and... I think it’s time for things in here to change, just a bit, okay?”
        “What were you thinking? I’ve just done my hair so...”
        “I think you may have to redo it.”
        “Oh my... oh! Oh! Ohhh myyyyyy..!”