"Well hello my ponies! Discord here to read off the votes you cast for our protagonists love interest! The choices were a fiery OC, Big Booty Celestia, The man horse Centaur, and of course me! Hmmmmmmm... Add that sweet drum roll please! Let's see here you all voted and the results are..."
"..."
"Well you all are really disgusting perverts aren't you? I am truly flattered but as much as I'd love to wrap my prehensile Deep blue Delancie Dragon Dick up in that I must admit that I the god of discord do not swing that way. BUT a multispecies Eiffel Tower is not off the table."
I stared at the creature with growing annoyance. The bastard was off talking to absolutely nobody again and his speaking of three ways and wrapping a... thing.... inside of me was definitely not at all appealing. Dornan's Beard I needed a drink. His eyes popped out of his head and hovered in front of me as he began to laugh so loudly the ground seemed to shake.
"Oh when will my sempai notice me?" He mewled as his arms wrapped around me. For some reason he was wearing a strange schoolgirl outfit and had a pink wig resting on his head.
I had to give it to the guy, his ability to to shapeshift and make clothing pop out of thin air was something that I myself could be jealous of to an extreme degree. Imagine being able to be naked in your own home and if the door bell rings BAM! Magical dragon clothing.
"Discord."
The chaos god turned around and narrowed his eyes for a moment with a hiss. Bishop stood behind me with a incredibly large sword strapped to his side along with a satchel no doubt carrying more of the drug that sent me to paddy hell. I noticed that Bishop was gone for a visibly good reason as he was decked out in some kind of combat garb. His red leather tunic was hidden under a set of battered plate armor that ended right at his front legs. The embroidered cloak that he sported upon our first meeting made a triumphant return as did his steel gaze.
"Oh joy the king of buzz kills has joined the fray." Discord spat as he slithered up to the centaur.
"Well I'm here to tell you that you won't take my dear sempai away from me, the fans have spoken."
Bishop raised an eyebrow and lightly chuckled. That worried me. With a movement that was almost too fast for me to see Discord was tossed carelessly across the expanse of snow and buried under the white powder. Bishop dusted off his hands with a huff and turned to me and Maire.
"Are you two alright? I apologize for my absence from the battle but a few of the hounds got onto the train."
I shook my head and pointed a thumb to Almond.
"This guy busted out some weird Prince of Pop shite and took care of our problems."
Almond bowed deeply and approached Bishop with a wide grin.
"Bishop! I've heard so much about you. You took on a hydra with nothing but your fists and your wit, you stopped a Gryphon rebellion with a single glare! They say that you've bedded enough mares to claim a quarter of the population of Equestria as your children!"
No shit? Jesus This guy is one helluva consort.
Bishop rolled his eyes and ruffled the mane of the stallion.
"Aside from the Hydra none of that is even remotely true. I do however appreciate a fan so to speak." He mumbled as he turned his attention to Discord who was spitting out a small hill of snow.
"You know my good Bishop if you weren't protected from my magic I'd rule 63 your ass.I imagine you'd look fetching in a D or maybe an E cup." He spat with one last ice clump dislodging from his throat.
Wait can he do that?
Bishop snorted with annoyance and turned towards the road leading over a hill. I had this inkling of a feeling that things were about to get messy.
"Let us continue. We have stood here long enough and I fear the village may soon be under attack." Celestia proclaimed as she looked to the horizon.
"Awe yes! Plot Development!"
I smacked my head with a hand and wished that I could just wait on the train. The look on Maires' face however showed me that leaving her alone was a mistake I would come to regret. The troop tied the dogs together as I walked alongside Maire and Bishop towards the village. How in the hell did I get myself into this? One moment I was drinking myself out of a near death depression and the next I almost fecked a horse and was walking next to a guy that wanted me to be his bitch. The thought of going back home was starting to get more and more appealing.
"Hey Killain? Are you alright?" Maire asked quietly as she bumped my leg.
I looked down at the blue maned unicorn and smiled. I suddenly remembered why I was sticking around.
"I'm alright just thinki-" I stopped as my eyes scanned the horizon.
"Oh no."
The village was on fire. Well the remainder of it. The whole front of the entrance was cinder and ash. Houses were toppled over, stalls and wagons destroyed, and ponies running back and forth throwing water on the fires that remained. The scene was the opposite of what I had become accustomed to in the strange land. Devastation was the only word that came to my mind. I had never seen warfare or death before. I had been part of a few rescues like drowning in the harbor or a fire or two but nothing nearly as horrifying as this. Celestia was the first to speak as a gasp escaped her throat.
"We are too late." Celestia whispered as she broke into a full run to the ponies that began to gather as they saw us.
The ponies yelled and cried out as their matriarch tried her best to soothe them. Seeing Celestia like this made me cringe at my earlier treatment of the mare. She addressed each and every pony promising to fix the houses and repay and and all damages out of her own treasury.
"She cares for each and every pony as if they are her own children." Bishop began as I felt his hand on my shoulder. "The Diamond Dogs have never gone as far as to torch an entire settlement. Surely there is something strange afoot here this day."
I felt my blood boil as I witnessed bandaged and broken ponies surrounding Celestia bowing and begging for her aid. Whatever did this would pay and I'd be the one to damn well deliver the first blow. Adults and children huddled together with rags tied around open wounds while others were laid out on cots and were tended by the few ponies that were mostly unharmed.
"Help! Killian over here!"
I turned and saw Almond by a collapsed home waving a hoof at me. I rushed over and tore past him as a small cry came from under the wreckage. My mind flashed back to a fragment of a memory before my hands reached for the smaller bits of debris and cast them away as fast as I could. I would get her out. I would not fail. The beam that was blocking the source of the cries was heavier than I could manage yet I gripped anyway, pulling as hard as my body would allow. As I tried harder and harder to pull the impossibly heavy object up through the rubble I suddenly felt my head pierce with explosive pain and my vision fade to black.
"She's in the house! Please someone save my baby!"
I looked to the burning cottage and gritted my teeth as the explosive flame erupted through the windows with a deafening bang. A gas leak had caught in the home and my father and I had rushed in to Save Marjarine and her husband. The fire had spread faster than anyone could have imagined and looking at the flame filled me with dread.
"Please Cormac! My daughter is in there!" She screamed again fighting against her husband and my father as they held her close.
"Marj it's out of control it's foolish to lose both of you!" My father urged as he watched the fire spiral out of control.
I looked to the fire and felt my blood boil. Jen was a small lass barely ten and I was not about to let a small child go.
"Killian don't you dare!"
It was too late. My feet carried me as I slammed the door and ran headlong into the blistering inferno of the fire. The smoke filled my lungs as my ears strained to hear any sign of the lass. An echoing sob came from up the stairs and without thinking I charged on using my coat as a shield against the desperately licking flames. The beams of the house creaked and debris fell from the ceiling as I entered young Jens' room to see her huddled in the corner with her stuffed bear in her arms. Fear flashed in her eyes as she saw me approach and I extended my arms out to her as I tried to comfort her somehow.
"I got you. I got you. You're okay now."
"Killian!"
I opened my eyes to see Celestia, Maire, and Bishop surrounding me with wide eyes. I was sitting on the ground and felt something twitch in my arms with a soft sob. Looking down I saw a small mare, a child, nestled against my chest covered in soot. Her pink mane curled against my bare arms and her hooves were wrapped around me so tightly it hurt.
"Killian. Are you ok?" Maire asked with a waver in her voice.
"Yeah. Yeah. What just happened?" I asked as I began to pet the small mare with my free hand.
Bishop looked on with a blank expression as he pointed with one hand behind me.
I turned with the child still holding me and saw a large open space where the debris had once been. Pieces of the house including beams ten times my size were scattered all around the place, some of them broken as if by a tremendous force.
"You did that. Almond called you and next thing you were tearing into the house like a man possessed." Celestia explained as she draped a wing around me and the child. "You were chanting that you got her over and over as you ripped parts of the house apart with your bare hands. When you got to the filly you held her and nothing could move you."
I kept petting the whimpering mare and blinked a few times. I had done that? How could a man like myself even lift some of that material let alone tear it apart? None of that mattered. I needed to make sure the filly was alright.
"Hey it's ok. Are you hurt?" I cooed softly.
The filly looked up at me with the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen. Her tiny face shook as she stared at me and pressed her head back into my chest. She was so small I could have carried her in one arm, such a fragile little thing was holding me with strength I'd never have expected from such a small creature. Her fur was soft like a new born ducklings down, her mane was littered with bits of rock and singed wood splinters, and her eyes were filled with tears that could not be contained.
"Her parents..." Maire whispered.
I looked back to the debris and grimaced.
"Are they?"
Bishop pressed a hand to my back and shook his head. His face told me all I needed to know and yet it was a look of pure despair and defeat.
"Gone before we could get here. None of the other villagers could hear her cries."
I grimaced and held the filly tighter. What the hell could have done this? Who could hurt a small child?
Boys this is the president. We're going to war.
"Where are they?" I muttered while cradling the orphan.
I heard the sounds of crunching snow as someone cleared their throat. Looking over I saw Discord wearing a dead serious expression as he looked from the filly to the house to me. The god had an edge to him all of a sudden, the kind of edge a man has on the war path and the sight of such a thing created a respect for the normally joking asshole. He knew what I was thinking and I could tell he was thinking the same thing.
"Mountains east of here. They took all of their possessions, a few of the ponies to work as laborers and I don't imagine they are getting milk and cookies."
He snapped his fingers and rolled his shoulders as a strange amalgam of different pieces of armor adorned his body. Some green leather, some white and gold trimmed gloves, and a wig consisting of long golden hair. He reminded me of a bloody elf cosplayer or something along the lines.
"Discord. You aren't seriously considering going after them are you? I can have guards here within the hour to deal with this." Celestia urged as her eyes began to fill with worry and fear.
I stood with the filly still in my embrace and glared at the princess.
"Not gonna happen. I'm going in to and I'm gonna show those fecks how we deal with terrorists back in my world." I looked to Discord and nodded my head. "You got some weapons there?"
The god smiled too widely for my taste as a quiet laugh began to grow in his throat. With a snap of his fingers a white door appeared next to him as he nodded to it while Maire circled to the front of me with a look of concern and fear. Her eyes watered slightly as she pressed a hoof to my leg.
"I'm going with you."
I got on my knees and stared into her beautiful eyes. Gods above her concern touched my heart more than any persons ever had but this was my fight now. I wasn't gonna let a single one of those creatures walk away after what they had done.
"You have to stay here with the filly. Take care of her and help around the town. Discord and I are gonna dish out some old fashioned punishment here."
Maire scrunched her snout in frustration and hit my leg.
"I won't let you go!"
"Not up to you Maire. I'm going and you're staying."
Her eyes flashed with rage before softening once more. Her voice quivered as she jumped up and hugged me close.
"Come back please."
A chuckle came from my throat as I nuzzled the neck of the mare gently. Her fur still smelled sweet and a bit musky which kicked the deepest parts of my primal instincts into working mode. Maybe I did it intentionally to get myself worked up and ready.
"I'm going to. I might be a bit bruised and tired so a hot bath might be in order." I whispered into her ear with a soft kiss at the base of it.
Her smile widened before a tear rolled down her face.
"Go get them tiger."
Almond approached Discord and hung his head with a scowl.
"So I take it this is where I don't follow right?"
Discord laughed and patted the stallion on the head.
"Help these fools here and I promise you'll get a medal when I get back. First Element of Chaos if I see smiles when I come back."
Almond looked up and smiled faintly.
"You got it boss."
Finally I looked to Bishop who only nodded. I knew he would stay behind to help heal the injured. With any luck I'd come back and things would be a bit better than they currently were. With a small kiss on the fillies head I handed her to Celestia and followed the chaos god through the door.
"Out of all of the dimensions and mirror worlds out there yours has the best movies you know that?" Discord began as we entered a vast white space of nothingness.
"I don't really think now's the time to be critiquing my worlds films." I stated ignoring his apparent knowledge of my world. That would have to come later.
"Oh fine don't let me have my fun." He pouted as he snapped his fingers once more.
Walls of weapons manifested and raced towards us. Everything a fantasy world would have was suddenly all around me. Swords, maces, crossbows, armor, everything. Too bad I couldn't get my hands on a sawed off shotgun.
"Sorry the matrix doesn't run like that. Universal orders and all that."
I rolled my eyes and grabbed a saber testing its weight. As I picked up sword, axe, and hammer nothing felt quite right in my hands. With a frustrated groan I threw an axe to the ground and furrowed at my eyebrows.
"I've never fought anyone to kill before. Why can't you all have a decent gun or just beat everyone with yer fists!" I yelled with a growing thickness to my agitated accent.
"Well you know you tore that place down with your hands so why not..." Discord whispered to me as he snapped his fingers. My hands felt heavier and with a glance down I noticed he had coated my bare hands with a pair of thick gloves. The knuckles had silver raised plates and each was engraved with a letter.
"Muda muda??" I asked with a raised eyebrow to the grinning deity.
"Let me have this. Oh and if you could scream one punch!!! When you take out the head honcho too!" He said with big puppy eyes.
I groaned and shook my head.
"Come on. You'll be able to feel their faces buckle under your fists. Let me have just one. small. bit o' fun and I'll return the favor."
I looked him up and down with a raised eyebrow.
"How?"
The god smiled viciously and wrapped himself around me like a snake.
"You come with me, we raid the dogs hideout and beat them silly, save the ponies and all of that hero stuff. And when we're finished I promise you a whole chapter alone with you and your love interest."
"Chapter?"
He rolled his eyes and seemed to glare at nothing in particular.
"Three hours."
I pondered his offer and felt the heat in my gut grow hotter.
"Deal."
Maire sat with Celestia as ponies ran back and forth distributing supplies that the princess had summoned to them. Her eyes were surveying the delivery of the goods as her wings kept the now sleeping filly on her back.
"Princess?" Maire meekly whispered.
Celestia turned an ear then her whole body with a soft smile.
"What is it Maire?"
Maire felt herself shrink under the gaze of her matriarch. She had met her only a few time sand each was because of Killian. Even the most recent and unorthodox meeting had her hiding herself.
"Why don't you just get the ponies from the dogs and... wipe them out?" She asked even more quietly.
Celestia stopped and stared before closing her eyes and walking to stand in front of Maire.
"I made a vow not to use my powers for war. As much as I want to blow their home into tiny pieces I... I cannot." She began as she sat down and stared at the ground.
"I was not expecting this kind of chaos. Discord told me in his letter that he was close to getting the band away from the homes. But what we weren't aware of was the fact that several tribes banded together to raid this town. Discord was vastly outnumbered and with my commands for him not to unleash his own touch of chaos here he was unable to hold all of them off. He followed a group and was taken away from the town."
She sighed and pressed her wing against the filly.
"Because of me and my pride a little one has lost her family."
Maire stared at the ground and pressed a shaky hoof over Celestias'.
"It's not your fault princess. Sometimes there are things even a princess cannot stop."
Celestia smiled faintly and then frowned once more.
"Now Discord and your friend are on the war path. I knew that Killian had been absorbing magic from creatures around him but I never anticipated him to be able to channel that magic so... effectively." She said as she cast a glance to the ruin where he had torn through.
"That is only the beginning." Came the voice of Bishop as he dropped a sack of oats at the hooves of the princess.
"He has been around not only a unicorn but a god of chaos and an alicorn. I would not be surprised if his power will manifest again in a much more powerful display."
Maire stared at him and felt a twinge of fear inside of her. She had watched as Killian grabbed a piece of the house and tossed it aside one handed as if it was nothing. His face was one of anger and rage yet when his hands touched the filly he had been crying. What was he thinking when he had done that?
"You wonder if he is in control." Bishop stated as he looked down at the occupied mare.
"I... I do. There is still things I don't know about him. There are things that... That I need to ask him when he comes back. What if he doesn't come back?" She asked as she looked up to the centaur.
"I myself am unsure of his abilities. What I do know is that this journey and the things we all do will define him. I worry that this encounter with the Diamond Dogs will harden him more than it should. Being with a god of chaos doesn't help the situation since both of them are on a similar thought process at this current time. That being said I'm sure he will return unscathed."
Maire stared at the snow and closed her eyes.
"I just hope he comes back to me soon."
Celestia wrapped her wing around the mare with a soft smile and nuzzled her.
"He'll be back."
I stood in the blowing wind with Discord at my side. He had been kind enough to outfit me with a thick winter coat with some protective elements included. The steel shoulder pauldrons felt heavy on my thick frame as we pressed forward towards the cave entrance that he claimed held the dogs and their boss. The gloves, though finger-less, kept my hands surprisingly warm in the cold blizzard that neared. With a hood pulled over my head I raised my hand to look to see if any of the dogs were guarding the outside.
"So what's the plan human?" Discord asked as he pulled a comically large telescope from his pocket.
"Go in, beat those bastards, feck some shite up, and take out the guy who killed that kids folks." I muttered with growing anger.
His eyes looked down to me with some primal flash that was barely visible but there nonetheless.
"Take out? Don't tell me you plan to spill blood over this." Came his deep throaty hiss.
I'm gonna do far worse than just spill some blood.
"Guards, three o' clock."
Discord looked over and drew his bow with a creak. Three arrows flew through the sky and a series of "oomphs" and "Agh!" came from the distance. He took an arrow and showed me the small boxing glove on the tip of it with a laugh.
"Sorry, Princess orders."
I rolled my eyes and proceeded to trudge to the entrance. The cave dipped below into a large opening that was lit only by a handful of torches. I looked over a rock and counted the number of dogs down below. A cry attracted my attention as a series of ponies were forced into a cart by a dog much larger than the others.
"Oh that must be the dungeons boss." Discord gleefully whispered as he jumped up and down. "He's a big one too, think your unarmed skill is high enough to take him down?"
I nodded my head and walked around the rock towards the opening down below.
"INTRUDER!"
Not like I was going for the stealthy approach anyways.
A resounding crack echoed through the chamber as my fist collided with the face of the dog that had began running towards me with a spear at the ready. His muzzle crumpled under the weight of my fist and with an incredibly satisfying thump the dog hit the floor like a sack of potatoes.
"Hey asshole!" I yelled down to the growing crowd of hounds.
The largest, some bulldog looking thing, looked to me with red eyes and growled low and loud.
"You're dead." I yelled while smashing my knuckles together.
Discord knocked a series of arrows and laughed beside me.
"Wanna play who's the better fighter?"
I smiled viciously and felt a volatile energy bubble up inside of me.
"Yes."